"Losing" my little girl . . .

[dconnell]

     Not in the sense of missing, don't worry about that.

   Anyway, I have a 6 year old grey female named Chara, lots of attitude but also very affectionate. She used to sleep with me every night, want constant attention, sleep for hours on my chest as I watched TV.

   A couple years back my mom and I consolidated homes due to financial reasons (I was out of work). Chara took a while to warm up to Mom, but they get along quite well now. In fact, it feels more like Chara is my mom's cat than mine. She rarely sleeps with me anymore, snuggles up with Mom more than me, follows Mom around. Mom attributes this to her being home all the time (retired), while I work. I frequently come home to find that Mom has fed Chara dinner already, despite my instructions that she hold off til I get home (This was to get Chara used to a consistant mealtime so she'd stop asking for wet food constantly.) Mom says that naturally Chara gravitates to the person who is around more. Mom doesn't seem to notice that this bothers me, and I don't want to seem petty, so I don't say anything. But I feel like my heart is breaking. I know I'm being selfish and jealous, but I miss daddy's little girl. I want her to snuggle with me like she used to. I almost feel like moving out so I can have my cat back!

 

[p3 and the king]

I know it'll be hard on you to ask your mom, but tell her you want to be the one to feed Chara from now on.  Tell her why.  Chara sees your mom as her "mom" because she is the primary caregiver, in her eyes.  So, you start feeding her again and playing with her (if she likes to play) and maybe you can take her into your room at night and give her plenty of affection so she knows you are "daddy" and grandma is just grandma!!

 

[callista]

How very frustrating! At least she's still friendly to you; that shows that she still likes you, and that she hasn't somehow become scared. I think it's her style to attach to one person, and she's just transferred that. See if you can get her to expand to being a two-person cat, so she likes you both. Perhaps you're the one who always gives her her favorite treats, or the one who serves the wet food. Find something she likes that she can only get from you, and hopefully she will be able to expand her social circle to include both you and your mom.

 

[p3 and the king]

I would just have a calm and nice talk with your mom and tell her for the next few weeks or so, you want the cat to be fed by you only and stay with you only... Then you both can go to switching nights.  Tell her why.  Just be clear with her that you want a relationship with YOUR CAT again. 

 

[callista]

I dunno--I think it would be best for everyone, and the cat, if you were to first try getting the cat to recognize both of you as friends, instead of trying to get her to detach from your mom. I say this because it's a good thing for a cat to be able to learn to form new relationships, and have more than one person to trust. Think of what you might do, for example, if your child was very fond of another family member; you wouldn't try to break up that relationship, but try to join into their group, right? So maybe, if you play your cards right, your cat could have two human friends.

Taking over feeding is a good idea. It's a pretty big, "Hey kitty, I like you!" signal.

 

[stephanietx]

You need to be the primary feeder.  Cats love who feeds them!!  We were having this problem because my husband is here all day and I work.  As a result, I'm the main feeder in the evenings.  Also, work on a routine for the kitties after you get home where you are the only one dishing out the treats, food, playtime, and grooming.

 

[dconnell]

    I asked Mom to hold off on feeding Chara so I can do it, and have been giving her a little more attention. She's back to being "Daddy's Little Girl" again! She was with me constantly when I was sick last week, slept with me for the last several nights, and even kept me company when I had insomnia last night. And she's still keeping Mom company during the day.

  Thank you all for the advice!



On her "balcony" - the top of the kitchen cabinet.

 

[stephanietx]

Hooray!  Sorry you weren't feeling well, but so glad your little "nurse" was there to comfort you.
 

 

[dconnell]

She's very good at playing "get-well cat"