Looking For Reassurance...

[D.E.B.]

Hello...I just found this site and I am so glad to know that there are so many loving "cat" people in the world. I have had many, many kitties over the years and have loved them all...and lost them all mostly due to old age except for my Allie cat (a stray living in an alley that I had to trap to capture, thus her name). Anyway, several weeks ago I found out that a stray mama kitty was living under a porch beside our house. I didn't know she had kittens at first but when I found out, she immediately recognized my interest in them and moved them the very next day. I was heartbroken...I had been working on getting mama used to me when I set out the food but she was not going to allow me to get close to her babies. I initially thought she was probably a stray and not truly "feral" but now I am not sure. So, here is the rest of the story...after considerable trial and error and unflagging determination, I finally trapped mama and 2 adorable kittens 3 weeks ago today. I had a small bedroom ready with everything kitties would need, including a hiding place because I knew that they would need a "den" to call their own while they acclimated. And their hearing is EXCEPTIONAL so they head for their den as soon as they hear any movement close to their room. After several days without any sightings (they were eating, drinking, and using the litter box), I could not stand the fact that I wasn't able to see them to make sure they were OK and I didn't want to invade their safe place. So, I bought a baby monitor and now I can watch them and I feel that they are healthy. The 2 babies (probably about 10 weeks old) play A LOT, especially at night, and they play very hard...running, jumping, attacking one another and playing with their numerous toys. Mama kitty, however, still seems restless...there is a window that she can sit in and watch but I think that she wants out so bad that looking out the window increases her anxiety to escape. I understand that some people recommend "caging" the kitties in order to socialize them but I thought giving them more freedom and keeping them together would be less stressful. My dilemma now is worrying that they will NEVER accept me as long as they can hide. Would anyone care to offer me your insights into this concern? I do have the time to allow them to proceed slowly IF I know that eventually they will come around (and I do talk to them every time I go into the room and I try and sit in the room and talk to them whenever I can). I am committed to keeping all 3 and I have asked my vet if I could hold off bringing them in for a check up and neutering, which the vet thought would be all right. So, now it is just my concern that I may have to come up with a Plan B if the kitties will never make progress in getting used to me when they can remain in hiding. Also, if anyone has any thoughts on whether mama is feral or a stray, I would love to hear your opinion.

 

[catsknowme]

Welcome to TCS, D.E.B and kitty crew!! Thank you for taking in that little family. Your mama kitty seems to have had at least a fair bit of socializing so only the Good Lord knows her story - she may have become stray because she fled a bad situation or in her wanderings has had bad encounters with people (we all know how cruel cat-haters can be). Or perhaps she has Siamese in her background - my daughter's Siamese X was extremely protective of her kittens, even from family members and her former-buddy, our little dog Mia.
For now, I would cover the window as it is likely to add more area that mama kitty feels that she must patrol; like all exceptionally good mother cats, she is vigilant about outside threats and dangers in addition to inside ones. Right now, she needs to be able to concentrate on reconnaissance of the new room; studying the sights, sounds scents and schedules of the household are necessary in order for her to establish territory
I would also offer the best of treats only when you are present in the room. Definitely leave kibble and water available but bring in aromatic delights with you while you read or play videogames or craft in their room; you can place the treats on a plate behind a box or screen so they can feel hidden from view if they come out to investigate.
I will tag a few members for you, especially Jcatbird whose success with socializing ferals is legendary and Sarthur2 whose advice with kittens has proved beyond valuable to me when dealing with my more challenging feral cases. Also, war&wisdom , FeebysOwner , Furballsmom , @tabbytom , @Kflowers , @Maria Bayote , @Mamanyt1953 @golondrina ....there are many more and together, this community sees amazing things happen.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!

This may help with the one question ;

A Feral Cat Or A Stray Cat? How To Tell The Difference

 

[Kieka]

Welcome and thank you for helping this little family.

I think I would block off some of the hiding spaces in the room. Not everything but anything that can hide completely in. If you can't see them, I would block it. Still give them cave type places where they can feel hidden or hide their faces (like boxes with one side cut off or play tunnels they can go in) but under beds or deep closets I'd block.

Then start going in there and reading to them. Read them a story or newspaper. Something to get them used to the sound of your voice and presence. If they come out glance their direction (don't look in the eye yet) and say hi before continuing. If they approach don't try to pet just put a hand down and let them decide to approach you further. I did that with my girl and it was a slow and steady approach.

The other approach is to smother them in love. Bundle the kittens up and walk around with them. That's the approach I've seen rescues use for quick socialization. Check out Kitten Lady for her tips on the from hisses to kisses approach.

 

[D.E.B.]

THANK you so much for your support and advice, Furballsmom and catsknowme. I reread the article on feral vs. stray and I did pick up what may be the best clue...mama kitty was/is scared but has never hissed or reacted with any aggression, even throughout the scary trapping experience. That gives me hope that she is just a shy kitty that needs to learn to trust people again (or maybe trust for the very first time if her previous owner was so callous as to "discard" her while pregnant).

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[D.E.B.]

Thank you, Keika. I have all the hiding places blocked except for their "den." I could pull that box out of the corner to get to them but do not want to invade their privacy. During the times that I do sit in the room, there is NO indication that they will come out of that hiding place. That is my concern...that they will stay hidden from me because they can and they really do not have any incentive to come out while I am there.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. How is it going with the mom? Are you getting her acclimated to you? I would work on her too. The more at ease she is around you, the more the kittens will watch the two of you interact and want to 'be part of it'. This will be more applicable if the kittens still seem to rely on mom somewhat.

My neighbor had a stray and a young kitten in her backyard. The stray was very leery at first, but came around fairly well. But, the young kitten would run at the sight of my neighbor. She worked hard to get the stray cat to accept her, and slowly but surely the kitten would watch them interact from afar and stop running away.

The kitten finally was letting my neighbor place her fingers up to her nose for smells, and even let her touch her a couple of times. Sadly, the stray turned out to be pregnant and we had to trap them before the kitten was totally accustomed to my neighbor. However, the kitten has since been adopted and is in a loving home. The mom is still awaiting adoption, along with 2 of her 6 kittens.

It can be done!!

 

[Kieka]

Thank you, Keika. I have all the hiding places blocked except for their "den." I could pull that box out of the corner to get to them but do not want to invade their privacy. During the times that I do sit in the room, there is NO indication that they will come out of that hiding place. That is my concern...that they will stay hidden from me because they can and they really do not have any incentive to come out while I am there.

Put a dish of really stinky wet food a few feet from you and slowly move it closer to you over several days while you read. It does take them a little while for curiosity to overcome caution. Especially with cats who were living a tougher life before. But curiosity (along with stinky food) usually wind out.

Stinky food would be any cat food you open the can and go "whoa boy" with. You could also do water packed no salt added tuna or anchovies in the dish. Human meat baby food (no garlic or onion) is a good one to have on hand for sick cats but doesn't really work in the super stinky food.

Edit: I would agree that if they have just one safe space to leave it. Ideally, I’d try to get the kittens into another room of the house for a few hours a day for some socialization away from mom

 

[D.E.B.]

Thank you, FeebysOwner...mama kitty is the problem...she wants nothing to do with me at this point. The kitten's personalities are already starting to emerge...one is very bold and I think would already be my friend if mama wasn't showing him that I shouldn't be trusted (I'll bet he is a male and his name will be Milo) and the other kitten is very shy (she will be female, I'll predict, and her name will be Mopsy).

 

[Jcatbird]

I agree with all the above. If it helps any, I have socialized both feral and strays of all ages and fear levels. It’s a matter of taking your time and working your way into their circle of trust. I love that you got baby monitors. I use those too and they help a lot!
Food is one of our best tools for gaining trust. I like to lay on the floor with the kitties during feeding time. I start out being very still. The kittens may become curious over time and investigate you. I just become part of the furniture and let them climb all over me until they are comfortable doing that. I may even put a food dish on my tummy. You can hold treats in your hand so that they approach it on their own. That often gives me a chance to give a gentle rub. Winning over the kittens can encourage the Mom to trust.
If they will eat with you present, slowly move closer to the food dish. Work your way in. As you get closer, you may get a chance to touch Mom and kittens. All meat baby food is something I give as a treat to encourage them to come close. Anything they really love can work.
If you can get close, a wand toy may help a lot. Kittens love to play and if they grab the toy, you can begin to stroke them with the stick. A hairbrush is another tool for stroking. They may run against it and it feels good! Then you can begin to maneuver the brush as a petting tool.
Sometimes it is easier to work with the kitties late at night. When they are outside they often use the cover of early morning or late night as a time to come out for food or play. These are the quiet times of the world and they feel safer.
Just hang in there,it takes a bit of patience but they will make progress. You are fantastic for rescuing them! I’m so glad you came here to share your story with us! Welcome! Please keep us posted.

 

[D.E.B.]

Put a dish of really stinky wet food a few feet from you and slowly move it closer to you over several days while you read. It does take them a little while for curiosity to overcome caution. Especially with cats who were living a tougher life before. But curiosity (along with stinky food) usually wind out.

Stinky food would be any cat food you open the can and go "whoa boy" with. You could also do water packed no salt added tuna or anchovies in the dish. Human meat baby food (no garlic or onion) is a good one to have on hand for sick cats but doesn't really work in the super stinky food.

HA!!!! I feed them all the crunchy kitten food they can eat and several cans of Fancy Feast each day. To start, they gobbled up anything I put out...but not any more. Today they had a can of Turkey pate and Roasted Beef in gravy...both plates of food still have quite a bit left on them...the Turkey does seem like the preferred but trust me when I say "they are ALREADY showing their true cat's nature - BE FINICKY until they give you what you want." And believe it or not, when I was trying to trap them, the stinky tuna didn't seem to really be that great for them and the fried chicken leg I hung in the trap did not work either. So, I am prepared...finicky cats all 3!!! I know I could withhold food for a little bit to see if they would come out if they were hungry, but I hope that will be a last resort.

 

[Jcatbird]

They are usually very eager to eat when they first come in. As they realize that food is supplied regularly they are less worried about the food supply ending. They can slow down a little. This is good because it shows a tiny dign that they feel a little bit more secure. First step established! Cats struggling to survive are less finicky that indoor kitties. I never had luck with Fried chicken either. Lol I had good results with canned chicken breast , baby food and oddly, a kind of ham sandwich meat called Carl Buddig ham. I don’t know why the ham worked so well but whatever lures them in! I do not give it to them as a long term food though.

 

[D.E.B.]

They are usually very eager to eat when they first come in. As they realize that food is supplied regularly they are less worried about the food supply ending. They can slow down a little. This is good because it shows a tiny dign that they feel a little bit more secure. First step established! Cats struggling to survive are less finicky that indoor kitties. I never had luck with Fried chicken either. Lol I had good results with canned chicken breast , baby food and oddly, a kind of ham sandwich meat called Carl Buddig ham. I don’t know why the ham worked so well but whatever lures them in! I do not give it to them as a long term food though.

Yes, hungry strays are certainly not picky. I like the point that NOT eating everything is a sign that they are feeling more secure. I am looking at the baby monitor and Milo is curled up in a kitty bed near the window and he sure looks like he is feeling very secure...at least until he hears me coming and then he will jump down and go into his den. Oh well, I WILL get them to trust me, no matter how long it takes.

Thanks for your support!

 

[D.E.B.]

I agree with all the above. If it helps any, I have socialized both feral and strays of all ages and fear levels. It’s a matter of taking your time and working your way into their circle of trust. I love that you got baby monitors. I use those too and they help a lot!
Food is one of our best tools for gaining trust. I like to lay on the floor with the kitties during feeding time. I start out being very still. The kittens may become curious over time and investigate you. I just become part of the furniture and let them climb all over me until they are comfortable doing that. I may even put a food dish on my tummy. You can hold treats in your hand so that they approach it on their own. That often gives me a chance to give a gentle rub. Winning over the kittens can encourage the Mom to trust.
If they will eat with you present, slowly move closer to the food dish. Work your way in. As you get closer, you may get a chance to touch Mom and kittens. All meat baby food is something I give as a treat to encourage them to come close. Anything they really love can work.
If you can get close, a wand toy may help a lot. Kittens love to play and if they grab the toy, you can begin to stroke them with the stick. A hairbrush is another tool for stroking. They may run against it and it feels good! Then you can begin to maneuver the brush as a petting tool.
Sometimes it is easier to work with the kitties late at night. When they are outside they often use the cover of early morning or late night as a time to come out for food or play. These are the quiet times of the world and they feel safer.
Just hang in there,it takes a bit of patience but they will make progress. You are fantastic for rescuing them! I’m so glad you came here to share your story with us! Welcome! Please keep us posted.

Thank you so much, Jcatbird...I too am so glad I found you all...TRUE cat lovers are the only ones that really GET this stuff!!!

 

[war&wisdom]

Have you tried sitting in the kitty room for a while (like an hour or more) doing something quietly, like reading? You could even read aloud quietly, but if you haven't been in the room for extended periods basically minding your own business, that's a good place to start.

I also recommend a laser pointer for the kittens. Giving them a couple treats/a meal after a play session increases their positive associations with the activity and decreases the risk of frustration from not being able to catch the laser.

 

[Furballsmom]

TRUE cat lovers are the only ones that really GET this stuff!!!

 

[Sarthur2]

Is mama kitty spayed yet? If not, she needs to be. This will calm her tremendously over time. In fact, the kittens should be fixed now too.

 

[catsknowme]

Is mama kitty spayed yet? If not, she needs to be. This will calm her tremendously over time. In fact, the kittens should be fixed now too.

AHA!! You are so right, Sarthur2, spaying calmed my daughter's cat as well.

 

[zed xyzed]

Thank you for saving the little family. Here is the best video I have seen on socializing kittens