Licking the butter

[sibohan2005]

Jasper is now 6 years old, he has recently become a, well for lack of a better description a "little shit" when it comes to my kitchen cabinets.

At night he proceeds to open the cabinets knock whatever doesn't interested him to the ground, including but not limited to, tea, coffee, chips, granola bars and has broken a few glasses and launches salt and pepper across the kitchen. (Kyra, our dog is really enjoying Jasper's new hobby BTW)

This morning I don't know how, he got the lid off the butter dish and proceeded to lick it and roll in it until both He and my kitchen looked like a greased pig had escaped. I tried to get most of the butter off him (a wet cloth and a grumpy cat)  and between him and Audrey grooming him vigorously he is semi cleaned up.

Needless to say I am going to buy cabinet latches today.

I think my cat is broken, anyone else?

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

 
Jasper is now 6 years old, he has recently become a, well for lack of a better description a "little shit" when it comes to my kitchen cabinets.

At night he proceeds to open the cabinets knock whatever doesn't interested him to the ground, including but not limited to, tea, coffee, chips, granola bars and has broken a few glasses and launches salt and pepper across the kitchen. (Kyra, our dog is really enjoying Jasper's new hobby BTW)

This morning I don't know how, he got the lid off the butter dish and proceeded to lick it and roll in it until both He and my kitchen looked like a greased pig had escaped. I tried to get most of the butter off him (a wet cloth and a grumpy cat)  and between him and Audrey grooming him vigorously he is semi cleaned up.

Needless to say I am going to buy cabinet latches today.

I think my cat is broken, anyone else?

They're not broken; it's just poor quality control at the cat factory.  I have a Snowshoe

<pause while readers sigh and make commiserative sounds>

who's caused me to install latches on every door, and to basically "baby-proof" the entire place.  In times A.P. (Ante Pessuli) there were bouts of Salt Shaker Hockey which certainly must have gone into overtime, and I'd often find her curled up asleep in a cabinet, having usurped the place of cookware which had been summarily pushed onto the floor.  Butter?  Left out of the refrigerator?  Good Lord no.  Knowing that butter doesn't actually "spoil" if left out, mine - like yours - would certainly have found some manner in which to spoil it.

(I'm trying not to laugh at your situation, but to be perfectly frank, in examining the visual which your story paints so vividly in buttery yellow I'm really not having much luck with the containment of that laughter.)

With so much having been hidden away, she's now showing her imagination and innovative abilities.  Sink Strainer Shuffleboard can break out at any time, but is usually scheduled for the wee hours.  She also has Feline Rapunzel Syndrome - the ability to scale any surface to the pinnacle regardless of height or the sheerness of vertical surface, but without the forethought of being able to manage getting down without help, which leads to your humble author dazedly stumbling downstairs in the middle of the night, drawn by what - in a cat-free environment - could only be the sound of evil mythical warriors tormenting a dozen babies, to find her perched atop a cabinet or a bookcase, screeching in her Siamesest voice - and of course, retrieving her brings every other cat running, hoping for treats or a midnight snack.

I seldom cook on the stove top these days, which can necessitate learning how to make a grilled cheese sandwich on a charcoal grill in sub-zero temperatures (the trick, of course, is in shielding the top of the sandwich with your body from blowing, drifting snow without getting so close that your clothing actually catches fire).

Light switches?  These are simply toys to a captive Snowshoe.  My neighbours have remarked that it's like living next door to the Amityville Horror House, with lights flickering on and off at odd hours through the night, and the eerie, far-off, blood-curdling Siamese screams.

No, they're not "broken" in the way that you intended the definition - they're defective right from the factory.  Somewhere in the far east, there's a factory running three shifts, churning out cats as fast as they can - tens of thousands of workers, toiling to keep up with the worldwide demand for cats - and at the end of the assembly line, there's a single inspector, headphones clamped tightly over his ears, blaring the strains of some band you've never heard of, like Mungo Joogie And The All-Night Smoot, eating Doritos non-stop, and staring intently at his SmartPhone, texting his BFF - absolutely oblivious to the cats which sail past him on the conveyor belt, and the ghastly, dreadfully shoddy quality of their workmanship.

.

 

[basscat]

Mine has now figured out how to:  Lift a toilet bowl lid just far enough to get into the toilet bowl.  Not to drink, pee, or poop though. Oh NO, nothing like that.
He just wants to swim!!!
Upon exit the bathroom looks like I took a shower without closing the shower door, forgot my towel and decided the best way to dry off would be to roll myself down the carpeted hallway.

Hey, at least I no longer have to scrub the toilet bowl.

 

[margd]

 
Jasper is now 6 years old, he has recently become a, well for lack of a better description a "little shit" when it comes to my kitchen cabinets.

At night he proceeds to open the cabinets knock whatever doesn't interested him to the ground, including but not limited to, tea, coffee, chips, granola bars and has broken a few glasses and launches salt and pepper across the kitchen. (Kyra, our dog is really enjoying Jasper's new hobby BTW)

This morning I don't know how, he got the lid off the butter dish and proceeded to lick it and roll in it until both He and my kitchen looked like a greased pig had escaped. I tried to get most of the butter off him (a wet cloth and a grumpy cat)  and between him and Audrey grooming him vigorously he is semi cleaned up.

Needless to say I am going to buy cabinet latches today.

I think my cat is broken, anyone else?

I disagree with you and @1CatOverTheLine that your cat is broken.  Your cat is evolving.   Thousands of years of carefully observing our opposable thumbs and practicing are finally paying off.  Their cerebral cortexes have developed more neural connections and their thumbs have slowly begun to wiggle both ways.  They have developed clear vocal signals that communicate their needs to their human, a far cry from the original generic "meow".  Already you can tell that their eyes have developed startling new abilities - just take a flash photo of your cat in the dark to illuminate the powerful eye beams they keep hidden most of the time.   Now is the time to be on your guard as Jasper begins to blossom into his new evolutionary state.  Where once he might pee in your shoes, now he will gaslight you by putting one shoe in the refrigerator and the other one under your pillow.  Those sudden urges you get in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen?  That's not your stomach talking.  That's his.  He's working on his telepathic skills.  

It's important to know that no matter how fast cats speed past us on the evolutionary ladder, they will always need us.  Who else will devote their lives to ensuring a cat is comfortable, healthy and well fed?  Who else will take to the uncomfortable guest room bed when the cats decide they need to spread out on the $5000 mattress?  And who else will snuggle and cuddle them and adore them beyond all reason?  Don't worry.  We can never be replaced. 

 

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

Jasper is now 6 years old, he has recently become a, well for lack of a better description a "little shit" when it comes to my kitchen cabinets.

At night he proceeds to open the cabinets knock whatever doesn't interested him to the ground, including but not limited to, tea, coffee, chips, granola bars and has broken a few glasses and launches salt and pepper across the kitchen. (Kyra, our dog is really enjoying Jasper's new hobby BTW)

This morning I don't know how, he got the lid off the butter dish and proceeded to lick it and roll in it until both He and my kitchen looked like a greased pig had escaped. I tried to get most of the butter off him (a wet cloth and a grumpy cat) and between him and Audrey grooming him vigorously he is semi cleaned up.

Needless to say I am going to buy cabinet latches today.

I think my cat is broken, anyone else?

I know this an old thread, but...
LOL!!!!!
Yes, SO broken! Hahaha! I’m so sorry, but this is just hilarious, and please put a trip cam up for next time!
(Also for when you are catching “the greased pig), I’ve never seen that at a fair, but I’ve always wanted to!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

I disagree with you and @1CatOverTheLine that your cat is broken. Your cat is evolving. Thousands of years of carefully observing our opposable thumbs and practicing are finally paying off. Their cerebral cortexes have developed more neural connections and their thumbs have slowly begun to wiggle both ways. They have developed clear vocal signals that communicate their needs to their human, a far cry from the original generic "meow". Already you can tell that their eyes have developed startling new abilities - just take a flash photo of your cat in the dark to illuminate the powerful eye beams they keep hidden most of the time. Now is the time to be on your guard as Jasper begins to blossom into his new evolutionary state. Where once he might pee in your shoes, now he will gaslight you by putting one shoe in the refrigerator and the other one under your pillow. Those sudden urges you get in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen? That's not your stomach talking. That's his. He's working on his telepathic skills.

It's important to know that no matter how fast cats speed past us on the evolutionary ladder, they will always need us. Who else will devote their lives to ensuring a cat is comfortable, healthy and well fed? Who else will take to the uncomfortable guest room bed when the cats decide they need to spread out on the $5000 mattress? And who else will snuggle and cuddle them and adore them beyond all reason? Don't worry. We can never be replaced.

I’m going to wake up with nightmares...
And the cat taking up the king size mattress.

 

[catlover73]

Thankfully my cats do not get in my butter dish or swim in my toilet. My black cat Casey will lick the butter off my toast if I do not eat it fast enough. Casey will also try to stick his paw in the coffee frappes I make myself at home on my days off. He does not like the taste and will not actually drink them. I guess he thinks his fur belongs in my coffee. I have had to wipe his paw off a few times when he was successful.

My senior gal Starbuck had a serious fetish with my cereal bowl when she was a 6 week old baby kitten. I had to eat cereal standing up unless I wanted to eat it with a baby kitten sitting in the bowl. She never tried to eat the cereal or drink the milk and only wanted to sit in it. She only did this to me. My hubby could eat cereal sitting down without having a kitten climb in it. Thankfully she outgrew this behavior quickly. I have no idea why she wanted to swim in my cereal. We had to by cat safe wipes to clean up with.

If you eat cereal in Apollo's presence he must be allowed to lick the empty bowl or you get yelled at. He followed me around curse meowing at me Monday night when I had chocolate cereal and would not let him have the bowl before it went into the dishwasher.

Sonny will destroy shoe laces on anyone's gym shoes if they are not hidden from him. My hubby's friend that was staying with us a few weeks ago left his gym shoes in an open suit case. I found pieces of shoe lace all down my hall in the morning when I went to go to work on Sunday. He knows he supposed to close the suit case if his gym shoes are in there. Hubby's friend does like our cats so he just bought new shoe laces and kept his suit case closed. He figured out how to open hubby's bed room closet. Hubby's gym shoes have been relocated to a storage unit with a lid. The storage unit is a piece of furniture with a cushion on top of it. Casey uses it as his bed when we go to bed.

 

[LeiLana80]

This is all hilarious. I love it!!!

When I was a little kid we used to have a Somoli who would "bite grab" an ear of corn OUT OF THE BOILING POT OF WATER and run through the house with his prize. He was nuts. He did that many times in his 19 year life, lol.


Additional note: We have to keep our butter in one of these, due to our youngest kitty being a self nominated butter taster.

 

[vince]

Mine insist on "washing" the dishes after I eat. I try not to let them do it, but either I have to wash the dishes and put them in the dish rack right after I eat, or I'll have two four-footed "dishwashers" in the kitchen sink!

 

[DreamerRose]

Lily loves to wash my dishes, too, but she is very polite about it. I eat in the living room as I live alone and like to watch TV while I eat, so she perches on my footstool and calmly waits until I finish and give her the dishes. If Mingo sees this, being the bully he is, he will hop up on her to chase her away, then smell the dishes and scratch over the footstool like he's trying to cover them up with litter. If Lilly has it, Mingo has to have it. But the only kind of people food he likes is meat and french fries.

 

[JazzysMom]

This is one of the funniest things I have read in ages. Hubby had to ask me what was wrong...I was laughing out loud.

 

[silkenpaw]

When I put my hair up, Armani has to jump up on the vanity to steal my hair tie. It doesn’t matter where in the house he is, as soon as I stand up in front of the bathroom mirror, he’s there. These days, I hide the hair ties in the drawer at night and put them in my pocket while I’m combing my hair. I gave him an old, stretched out one to play with but he just looked insulted.

 

[JazzysMom]

When I put my hair up, Armani has to jump up on the vanity to steal my hair tie. It doesn’t matter where in the house he is, as soon as I stand up in front of the bathroom mirror, he’s there. These days, I hide the hair ties in the drawer at night and put them in my pocket while I’m combing my hair. I gave him an old, stretched out one to play with but he just looked insulted.

What is it with hair ties? Jazzy believed they must die, and it triggers his feisty.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

What is it with hair ties? Jazzy believed they must die, and it triggers his feisty.

Oh my goodness lol! This is how I talk to my ShihTzu
So fierce these two!
Master of all he surveys.....
From his booster seat

 

[JazzysMom]

Oh my goodness lol! This is how I talk to my ShihTzu
So fierce these two!
Master of all he surveys.....
From his booster seat

He may be small, but his eyes are those of a conqueror, LOL. He's gorgeous.