Large Cell Lymphoma Fiv+ Senior Kitty

[snobud]

For the last few days I keep finding myself back on these forums reading stories of hope and loss and lots of tears. Before I get into my story I will share the symptoms I noticed in Cody. It started with him eating and begging for more food at a constantly increasing rate and no matter how much I fed him he was still losing weight (hyperthyroid). The next set of symptoms were weight loss and vomiting dark brown liquid for 3-4 days and a drastic increase in water consumption and urine output and as things progressed he stopped eating and was hiding in closets and that is where we are currently.

Last year I made a huge mistake by not paying close enough attention to Goober, my 14 year old princess, and I left for two weeks to get married. I came home to find Goober had died in my bedroom alone and my pet sitter admitted that she hadn’t seen Goober the entire time we were gone. There were signs that she wasn’t feeling well but I was too wrapped up in our wedding plans to do anything about it. I don’t know when she died and I am horrified that I left her to die alone.

Eight months later I found out that my other fur baby Cody, who we guess is over 12 years old, is FIV+ and was suffering from hyperthyroidism. So in December we underwent the Iodine 131 radiation and he got better for four months. Then last week, no thanks to my vet who brushed off all of my concerns all this time, we found the originating culprit of that thyroid tumor to be large cell Lymphoma that has spread to his liver, spleen, and right kidney. I made the decision to do chemotherapy for Cody because he has always been so strong and such a fighter and I want to fight for him. He stopped eating over the weekend for four days and so we had a feeding tube placed hoping we could rally him back. He has already had his first chemo treatment of vincristine and has been home for 9 hours.

I read so many veterinarian articles and stories about cats not having many side effects with the chemo treatment and I hoped that he could be so lucky. Here I am now 24 hours after his first chemo with my heart ripped out because I see how affected he is. He can’t even drink his water and is hiding in different closets. He just keeps sleeping and I am so scared that I am hurting him. If this is what chemo is then I can’t put him through this. I am trying so hard to do what is best for him no matter how much it hurts me. I am so scared to leave him and have him die while I am gone and I am also terrified to euthanize him too early before he is ready.

I only have three weeks before I leave on a three week medical mission through Asia and if he dies while I am gone I could never forgive myself. I understand that he is in his senior/geriatric years and that there is no hope of remission with this chemo treatment. I acknowledge that I started the chemo treatment with the hope that I can give him a few more good months of him enjoying spring time in the yard and sleeping next to me while I work on the garden. I am starting to realize that this may have been a mistake and that he doesn’t want to fight anymore. I already drew up an advanced directive clearly outlining my end of life care plan for him. I am coordinating the possibility of hospice care and in home euthanasia that moment comes. I have already selected a crematorium but none of this takes any of the pain or guilt away.

I read someone’s post on here that said their kitty developed blisters in the mouth and to try ice cream and someone else chimed in who works as a technician at a oncologist veterinarian office and described the horrible conditions and symptoms kitties go through when undergoing chemo just to squeeze out a few more weeks or months and that it really isn’t quality of living as much as quantity of life that is squeezed out of the chemo.

Can anyone else share with me what types of side effects they saw in their kitties or advice.

 

[di and bob]

I think the end is very near when the feeding tube is placed. Your sweet baby is over 12 years old, FIV positive, and has cancer. He is trying to tell you he is done fighting, he is ready to give up the pain and suffering. When there is no cure, when the pain is evident, it is time to end that suffering. Watch him closely, is he enjoying life, or is he hiding away from it? Is he eating/drinking at all? Or is he just existing, one day at a time. Unless he rallys well in the next two weeks, I would strongly recommend ending his pain. I think the stress of having you gone for that long would be a huge stressor that is unnecessary and cruel at the end of his life. He needs you, he loves you. He is trying to tell you something. Please consult a couple of vets and explain exactly what you posted here. Ask for their advise. I know this is hard, it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do.But you have tried, you have gone beyond what most would do. Now you must ask him what he wants. He thanks you for your concern, for your love, and for the wonderful care and home you have given him.
The bond of love you are sharing can never be taken from you, will never be broken. My heart breaks for you, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, I'll pray that that sweet boy goes quietly into the night while he sleeps. But the will to live is strong, and even in pain they fight. It is up to us to find the strength through our love to end that pain when all hope is gone. Take care my friend, you are not alone in your grief, please keep in touch.

 

[duckpond]

I think Di and bob said it all.

I am so sorry that Cody, and you are going through this. Sending you guys my best thoughts and prayers. Keep us updated on how everything is going. Hugs!

 

[Timmer]

I agree with di and bob.
Sometimes the life care plan that WE have is not what the cat wants. Your cat has multiple issues.

I had Timmer on leukeran for a short period of time (2 and a half weeks) and he never responded to the drug at all. He had no side effects that I knew of or could see, but we really do not know how they feel, do we? I had to ask myself, if I had cancer would I take chemo? My answer was probably not. So why was I making my cat take it? I used to cry everytime I gave it to him. It was so upsetting to me.

If your kitty needs a feeding tube and is hiding, has all those problems, then your vision of enjoying the spring is probably not going to happen just as you picture it.

I am so sorry. Saying good bye is never easy. We do the best we can for them and you are a good and loving mom. My heart goes out to you completely. I know what you are going through, all the hopes. You are doing what you can.

 

[Kitten70]

I know too well this devastating disease, as our Kitty had exactly the same symptoms you describe. We caught it late too, and decided not to go with chemo because it would have made his life more miserable, and now looking back I am very glad we didn't. It would not have made any difference, he was gone shortly 3 weeks after his diagnosis. Luckily for us, he chose when to go, his wild spirit in him was still there, he knew when it was his time. The same way he appeared in our lifes, he decided to leave when it was time.
You have done everything you could do, do not blame yourself or have regrets. It is not easy to know what would have happened if... things go the way they go sometimes, they follow a path that often we cannot change, we are not always in charge. Your cat is hiding (so was ours) and that means they do not feel well. Try to hang on to the good memories, watch him closely, understand his pain and weigh on the possibilities. And most importantly: know that he knows you love him. Cats know these things, he appreciates all you are doing for him, no doubt.
You are in my thoughts.

 

[snobud]

I appreciate the positive reinforcement. I can’t imagine being someone’s medical power of attorney and making this kind of decision. Cody was still active and participating in daily activities and socializing up until the day we took him for chemo. After his chemo he became reclusive and is still hiding today. I managed to give him up to 25mL of tube feeding from 15mL yesterday. We have decided to keep tube feeding as long as possible. We will be paying very close attention to him and if he continues to show this deteriorating behavior then we will be discontinuing the chemo and arrange for hospice, pain management, and in home euthanasia before we leave on our trip.

The treating DVM called me today to check on Cody and indicated that his excessive sleeping is normal after chemo. She also gave me cerenia as an anti nausea preventative and I didn’t give it to him today. I was worried after reading the potential side effects of lethargy, depression, and loss of appetite of which he is already experiencing some issues with. He is showing slight signs of increased strength but I am still going to mover forward with all available options for in home hospice and have a hospice evaluation done.

 

[snobud]

For what it is worth I noticed on Thursday, 2 days after espophogastric tube feeding placed and first chemo treatment, a horrible smell coming from Cody’s neck. Friday to the vet and antibiotics started. By Monday it was abscesses, open, and oozing so back to the vet. By Tuesday he was at the vets for and I&D and a nasogastric tube was place. The tissue around the esophogeal tube became necrotic and sloughed away.

He is in much better spirits and both his primary veterinarian and his specialist are both encouraging us to continue his chemo treatment as long as he continues showing signs of stability and improvment. His overall demeanor has improved slowly and returned to his pre chemo baseline, granted he was sick before chemo but he is getting himself around the house and finally started showing love and affection with his late night feeding session.

 

[snobud]

We are now three weeks into chemo and Cody is sleeping next to me outside in the yard. We have been taking him outside for a little bit each day but today he initiated coming out and this is the longest he has been outside in three or four weeks. His esophogastric tube is back in place, the infection is gone, and we are successfully managing three feeding sessions a day with his cooperation and are feeling much more confidant about leaving him for three weeks with our pet sitter.

Sadly the chemo vet is an hour drive away but our sitter has agreed to take him in our absence. Cody is getting Clinicare three times a day and I have ordered Nich Quick-Start to supplement with 5mL twice a day for a total of 60 calories each day and reducing his volume intake to 60mL per day.