Kitty who was in the room when my husband passed away last year will not come back in the house.

[lakeriedog]

My husband of 29 years passed away in our bedroom last August.  Our oldest cat, Tiny slept in the bed with us every night was in the bedroom while I gave CPR, and while the medics were with him.  After the men from funeral home took him away, she shot out of the bedroom and ran to the back door.  I let her out as she and all of our kitties are indoor/outdoor types.  

Since that night, she has not let me pet her once, and has not come back in the house for nearly a year.  When it got cold this last winter I thought she would come in, but she did not.  I live in CA so the winters here are not that harsh...even so she is 14 years old and I want her back in at least at night.  She spends all of her time in the backyard and does eat from the bowl I set our for her.  I ended up making her a cat shelter with straw because I just couldn't stand seeing her crouching on the picnic table.

The other three kitties never showed any type of stress or grief, even the one who favored him the most;  Holly who greeted him at the door of his pickup truck every day after work.  They do seem to give me more attention than they did before, especially if it is a down day for me or they see me crying.  My husband had numerous low blood sugar emergencies in the middle of the night, he was a brittle type one diabetic, and so all of the kitties had witnessed various levels of rescue (glucose by mouth, glucagon shot, and fire/ambulance/medics) in our home over the years. 

I have tried coaxing her with tuna, catnip, and treats....nothing seems to work at all and she walks away when I come near her.  I have even considered getting an animal psychic in to talk to her...and have a friend who tried doing some Reiki techniques.  

Has anyone had any experience with something like this?  What did you do?  Any advice appreciated.

 

[sivyaleah]

I'm so incredibly sorry to read this.

I'm not sure I have any ideas, other than to ask if you've taken her to the vet since you husband passed away to rule out anything other than her grieving for him. Being she's 14 years old, so many things could potentially be bothering her other than her emotions.

One more thing is are there still items in the bedroom which belonged to your husband? Perhaps the scent of him there, without him literally being there is confusing to her?  

 

[pegleg]

I'm sorry for your loss.

We had two cats, brothers, and one died, some type of brain haemorrhage or stroke - I can't remember exactly but he was bleeding out his ears. My mum found him as she was first home and had to rush him to the vets in an absolute state but he didn't last the night. The surviving brother was in the room at home with him and obviously devastated about his companion. It took a good couple of years for him to be back to how he was before and he was always somewhat clingy afterwards.

We all just carried on as normal and let him take his time. It was almost opposite behaviour to yours but it did take a lot longer than expected.

I would recommend asking your vet for recommendations for cat behaviour specialists.

 

[lakeriedog]

Thanks, there are a lot of his things still in the room  I went through his clothes, and gave a good bit to the salvation army, but I kept a lot of his things. She hasn't been back in the house though, so I am not sure that is it.    I have not been able to get near her, but I do think taking her to the vet is a good idea, If I can't get her to come to me, I may have to trap her.  

 

[catsknowme]

 Condolences on your sad loss. My dad passed away suddenly in our yard 5 years ago & several of his animals really grieved. His semi-feral Linda, and his TNR (who moved onto our land from the pack station), refuse to allow me to pet them. Occasionally Linda lets me get in a sly touch when she is eating canned food but that has only been during the past year or so. Before he died, Linda would allow me to groom her. His SiameseX began biting my mom & eventually disappeared - she also used to be very affectionate with me but became aloof, refusing to stay inside (would pee all over unless allowed outside, and the vet gave her a clean bill of health and recommended letting her go outside because sometimes cats who are forced to stay in against their will, become sickly), so I understand your frustration....I have tried the common techniques which are very successful with his other cats, especially play - few cats can resist a toy squeak mouse on the end of an old fishing pole or a laser toy.

I agree that a vet check (yes, trapping if necessary) is a good idea, just to make sure that the cat is in good health. Once you have that answer, you will have a better idea on how to proceed. You might also try researching tips from Jackson Galaxy - his ideas seem to be very effective. Maybe you can try having "heart to heart" talks with the cat (just make sure the neighbors don't hear 

) and let her know your thoughts and how much you want her to be a fully functioning member of the family. 

Sending prayers and vibes that your kitty chooses to come inside again 

 

[lakeriedog]

Thanks...I will try and trap her this weekend and will also try the talks.

 

[lakeriedog]

Thanks to everyone who replied!  In early December I booked a session with an animal communicator and two weeks later was able to get Tiny into the house.  At first she walked around the kitchen yowling, but within five minutes she was in the living room rubbing all over me and purring as if the past year and a half had never happened.   Tiny spent the night in bed with me that same night and has resumed spending most of her time in my room. She spent a good deal of time in there before my husband passed, and so that is not anything new.  I have kept her inside for the past month rather than let her go back to the old habit of indoor outdoor kitty and I am trying to coax the other two little by little into the same habit.  We've had a lot of cold rainy weather which helps!  

 

[lakeriedog]

tiny on bed.jpg

• lakeriedog
• Jan 14, 2017