Kitten vs Cat - is it playing if their ears are pinned back?

[minihart]

I know, I know...the age-old question of playing vs. fighting. My gut tells me that everything is okay, but I get mixed messages sometimes.

We've been slowly integrating our new 3-month old kitten to our 2-year old cat. They're at the point where there is barely any hissing or growling, and most of the time they seem to get along. They chase each other, bunny kick, bite, pounce...well, kitten always initiates that.

When kitten chases our cat Lily, Lily's tail sometimes gets super-poofy. I think she's just excited, because her pupils are dilated and she doesn't make angry noises. But when they really go at it - rolling around on the floor, bunny kicking, biting, etc, both of their ears are usually flat back. Does this mean they're not having a good time? If I break it up, Lily usually just sits there and kitten pounces. They're usually pretty silent too, but I'm wondering if there are any less obvious signs of frustration or stress. (I should add that Lily has recently peed on our bed AND on the couch recently - seems like stress or anger to me).

I'm not sure if I'm just being too careful, but most times when they seem to be playing together well, their ears get pinned back and I second guess myself.

Thanks guys

 

[ducman69]

Buttercup always tosses her ears back, but Wesley doesn't, and they are the biggest love bugs and hardly ever have issues except when Wesley wakes up Buttercup by pouncing on her wanting to play.

They don't poof up at each other tail wise, but I recall when smaller they would do the big arched back bouncy butt sideways walk, just for fun though. So in and of itself, I wouldn't worry about it. Kitties tend to vocalize when they really mean it.

 

[kat013]

My usual metric for differentiating play from a fight is the absence or presence of screaming. Cats who are playing may yip and even make sustained utterances, but only hostile cats scream, in my experience. I have also seen plenty of playing that involved ears pinned back and dilated pupils.

If Lily is peeing places she shouldn't, first step is to take her to the vet and check for a UTI or other health problems. If she's clear, then maybe make some adjustments like:
Giving her catnip whenever her and the kitten go at it.
Feeding both of them wet food / treats in the vicinity of each other.
Giving Lily some alone time in her favorite parts of the house by kenneling the kitten or locking kitten in a room.
Building, acquiring, or arranging existing furniture (cat and/or human) such that Lily has places she can jump up to where the kitten can't reach, so she can remove herself from the kitten's attentions at will.
Making sure there are plenty of toys for the kitten so that Lily is not kitten's only source of play.