Kitten hates everyone

[thecatsiteuser]

My kitten is either 5 or 6 months old (her vet paperwork and her adoption paperwork have different birth dates on them), and was a rescue kitten. I adopted her from a shelter, who found her left for dead in a dumpster at three weeks old. When I first got her, it was just me and her for a month because my husband was away on business. When he got back she was a little wary of him, but soon warmed to him. Then they had an accident when he was playing with her (thankfully she's absolutely fine) and things have never really been the same since.

She's always been a little scared of men, even before the accident, so it's not all my husband's fault. But now, when men come to the house she either runs away and hides or hisses when they get near her. Even men she's 'met' several times get hissed at. We explain that she's just scared, and everyone understands, but we don't want her to be scared anymore. She never gets aggressive with anyone, so we think the hissing is purely to look tough, but we want it to stop.

Worst of all is how she is with my husband. She's completely unpredictable. Sometimes she comes to him, rubbing up against his leg or even jumping onto his lap. Sometimes he gives her treats and she takes them from his fingers. But usually, she runs out of the room the moment he enters it; hisses at him when he tries to pet her; refuses to take treats from his hand; and if he puts a treat on the floor for her she smells it and runs away (if anyone else does that, she smells it then eats it: so I'm guessing she's smelling that it came from him and wants nothing to do with it). Here's what makes it worse: he doesn't like cats. This kitten is absolutely 'my' pet and he was fine with the concept of not really having anything to do with her, but now I'm pregnant and can't clean out her litterbox. So he comes home from work every day and cleans out her litterbox, and she 'repays' him with that kind of behavior. He's been trying lately to be super-friendly with her, in the hope that she'll warm to him, but after eleven weeks of that, nothing has changed. The fact that sometimes she's so friendly to him almost makes it worse, because it makes him want to not just give up and accept that she'll never like him. So he tries and tries, and nothing happens.

It's now at the point where, if he's had a bad day at work, he talks about getting rid of her. That will not happen, and he doesn't really mean it, so please don't go thinking we're horrible people who will just discard a cat because she's being inconvenient. But that's how much this bothers him. Sometimes he refuses to clean her litterbox and tells me she needs to just use the bathroom outside like every cat his family ever had (I don't want her to go outside because we're by a busy road). This situation is making him miserable and making me very stressed. One of two things needs to happen here. Either she needs to warm to him, and fast; or we need to train her to use the bathroom outside on a leash like a dog (does anyone know if that is even possible?). Again, this is not "something needs to happen or she's out", this is "something needs to happen because this is bad for all concerned".

Can anyone help?

 

[p3 and the king]

What happened in the accident?  Are you absolutely positive she is OK?  Did you have her checked and cleared by your vet?  I ask because cats are super at hiding injuries and they remember how they were injured too... So she has misdirected the "play" as aggression on his part toward her.  A lot of kittens are naturally afraid of men.  They are larger and they have a deeper more severe sounding voice.   So she has trouble distinguishing between his harsh and nice tones.  Does that make sense to you? 

Him not liking cats doesn't help.  I know he doesn't want to hear this but if he is putting her off as "your pet" your problem.... He is only contributing to the issue.  He is more than likely hurt by her rejections... But too manly to say so.  You say he is being nice to her, that is probably very true.  However, men tend to play rougher.  She probably is still little?  And she may see his attempts at play as this.  She is saying to him "Enough!  That hurts and is not fun!" 

Here is what I suggest.... He needs to sit on the floor and let her come to him.  He can tempt her with treats or something tasty.  NO PLAYING or rough housing.  He needs to put out his hand and offer it to her.... Let her come to him, sniff it and decide what to do.  She might rub against it.  This means "It's OK to pet me"  He can pet her.  She may not trust him right away and believe he's going to hurt her again.  Make it clear he needs to establish her trusts and become her buddy again.  If they do play, have it be with Da Bird or the laser chaser.  Something fun but non evasive.  But he needs to build her trusts first. Tell him to let her come to him in this position.  Do not grab her and force her to let him pet her or whatever.  And getting on the floor, her level,  is very important.  When she does come to him and allow him to pet her, he needs to praise her.  Praise is also very important. 

I hope this helps.  Once trusts is re established, they should be OK... Which means less stress for you in this time!

 

[rad65]

Can you have your husband feed the cat as well, if he isn't already? Feeding time is usually when cats bond the most with their owners because that's when they make the connection between you and food. If he regularly feeds her, she will start to trust him more. I know she won't take a treat from his hand, but food will smell less like your husband, and she will be too hungry at meal times to stick her nose up just because your husabnd served it.

 

[pokeythecat]

I think your cat got off to a bad start and isnt that confident with people. She was rescued for sure but she might also have had a feral or semi feral upbringing. To me I'd just see her behaviour as character but I possibly have a slightly different point of view. I have four cats and they're all have very different personalities. Cat personalities seem to be allocated on a pretty random basis probably because they're essentially independent in outlook. One of mine hisses and I inherited her when her owner left the area I live in so I suppose you could say shes not really my cat, more a cat  who lives in the woodshed and who gets fed. She's approachable to a point but likes to keep her distance nonetheless. The other three have been with me from the start and confine their hissing to each other and are affectionate to varying degrees. Pokey  waits for me just inside the gate to get home from work and the others appear from nowhere in the ten or so minutes it takes me to get out of my work clothes and get their feed ready. Fatso is a  buck cat and he's out the door as soon as he gulps his food and back on patrol neutering having done nothing to diminish his paranoia that every other cat is out to get his territory. Uglybugly is  dangerously affectionate with no developed idea of cause and effect and one day will cause me to break my deck by tripping me on the stairs.  Pokey doesn't accept that Uglybugly should be in the house at all which is big of her considering that she's her mother. She's big on me though and demands at least ten minutes of being held and hugged once she's had her dinner.   None of them are too keen on Shane's cat who they see as an interloper. For me the pleasure of cats is the affection they give and the fun I get from observing their antics.   I think with cats you have to give them space and dare I say it be a little bit utilitarian in your outlook to them. I'm probably like that because I live in the country and have a bit of a farming background. In addition to being pets the cats keep the yard and garden vermin free.  You have no idea how many rats and mice make a bee line for a house in the country once the weather turns for winter. I do because on early winter evenings and mornings I get to bin the dead ones the cats leave on my doorstop, a service that I am both appalled by and appreciative of. Anyway I'm rambling, all I can say about your cat is give her space and take pleasure and amusement in equal measure from her affection and her idiosyncracies.