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- Oct 30, 2023
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I’m so sorry that this is long and all over the place. Basically just word vomiting.
Two males cats. Both neutered. Opposite personalities but both act like my little shadows.
10 year old - Cat 1. Gray and white cat in picture.Got him in 2017. We were told that he was a stray that had been rescued and was in a house full of other cats. Must have been neutered after he was more grown though since he’s got more of the tomcat cheeks. Not scared of anything. Very very hard to get engaged with play but sometimes has bouts of high energy where he runs around and plays with a crunchy play mat thing we have and a tunnel or a cat tree.
9 year old - Cat 2. Black and white cat in picture. Got him in 2019. He was a shy and hiding in the corner of the cat room at the shelter. Super sweet but scared of everything. Very very easy to play with and loves toys.
3 litter boxes. Multiple cat trees. Two floor house but we spend most of our time upstairs in a loft like area.
We’ve had these two for four years now and I’m just not sure what to do. They’ve never properly gotten along. I don’t need them to be the best of friends, grooming each other and sleeping together. I just want a peaceful coexistence.
The biggest setback in their relationship is probably my fear. They’re the only cats I’ve ever had so I was always terrified of cat fights and the possibility of Cat 2 being seriously hurt by Cat 1. Because of this, other than stints where I would let them both out while I was getting their food, they weren’t ever really out with each other because Cat 1 would sometimes go after Cat 2 and I didn’t know how to predict it. So, they were swapped every twelve hours with access to the whole house (previously apartment as we moved over two years ago) or a closed off room.
After reading about someone doing a “3 min rule” with their aggressor cat (if he went after the other cat, they’d put him up for no longer than 3 min. I believe it was supposed to be just long enough to calm down and disengage), I recently (within that last few weeks consistently) began to implement that. And having a better ish understanding of their body language. When I’m home and can supervise, I let them both out.
For the most part, Cat 1 shows indifference. He’ll walk past (sometimes in a wide arc to seemingly “avoid”) Cat 2. He has no problem eating around Cat 2. Once when he was eatingCat 2 got in Cat 1’s face and all he did was swat at him to go away and went back to eating.
They have even laid/slept near each other a couple of times (they’re actually doing it now while I type this). Both times, Cat 2 was already up on the couch with me. Cat 1 came up and did not attack Cat 2, nor did Cat 2 run away.
Cat 2 sometimes has no “sense” of personal space (if that’s the correct phrase for cats). Even though he gets scared af when Cat 1 goes after him, he has, on occasion, essentially stuck his nose in Cat 1’s face or back to sniff him.
Now, the attacks. So like I mentioned, I have a hard time getting Cat 1 to play. He likes little peek a boo type games with certain toys but even that is hard to keep him engaged for more than a couple of min. So burning any pent up energy feels almost impossible? I think it’s when he has this energy that he likes to attack Cat 2. I say attacks but sometimes it feels like he just wants to play but is too aggressive with it? Stalks a bit, does the wiggle butt, then chases.
Cat 2 immediately goes on the defensive. Hissing, growling, swatting. Once this starts, Cat 1 is always sitting up tall in a dominant posturing position and is very focused on Cat 2. Most of the time I go over with a blanket and separate their vision (and this is when I do the time out). A couple of times I’ve actually been able to get Cat 1’s attention and he walks away towards me.
Once I put Cat 1 up, Cat 2 acts like nothing happened. He’ll start walking around, not acting scared. Once he went and just started eating. I let Cat 1 back out a couple min later and it’s usually all fine. Back to indifference.
When Cat 1 is chasing Cat 2, they don’t usually engage in a legitimate fight. As in, usually no fur flying. BUT, you would think they are with the way Cat 2 sounds with the hissing and growling and once I heard him yowl even though Cat 1 didn’t touch him in that moment.
Cat 2 has never once chased Cat 1 back in any form of normal play. There is zero back and forth between them.
I think I just need to get more energy out of Cat 1 so he’s less interested in chasing Cat 2 but I’m not sure if that’s the only thing I should be trying? I simply am just wishing for a little less stress that they’ll kill each other when I’m not there.
This was a mind dump but just trying to give as much context and knowledge as possible. Thank you so so much in advance if you read all of this.
Two males cats. Both neutered. Opposite personalities but both act like my little shadows.
10 year old - Cat 1. Gray and white cat in picture.Got him in 2017. We were told that he was a stray that had been rescued and was in a house full of other cats. Must have been neutered after he was more grown though since he’s got more of the tomcat cheeks. Not scared of anything. Very very hard to get engaged with play but sometimes has bouts of high energy where he runs around and plays with a crunchy play mat thing we have and a tunnel or a cat tree.
9 year old - Cat 2. Black and white cat in picture. Got him in 2019. He was a shy and hiding in the corner of the cat room at the shelter. Super sweet but scared of everything. Very very easy to play with and loves toys.
3 litter boxes. Multiple cat trees. Two floor house but we spend most of our time upstairs in a loft like area.
We’ve had these two for four years now and I’m just not sure what to do. They’ve never properly gotten along. I don’t need them to be the best of friends, grooming each other and sleeping together. I just want a peaceful coexistence.
The biggest setback in their relationship is probably my fear. They’re the only cats I’ve ever had so I was always terrified of cat fights and the possibility of Cat 2 being seriously hurt by Cat 1. Because of this, other than stints where I would let them both out while I was getting their food, they weren’t ever really out with each other because Cat 1 would sometimes go after Cat 2 and I didn’t know how to predict it. So, they were swapped every twelve hours with access to the whole house (previously apartment as we moved over two years ago) or a closed off room.
After reading about someone doing a “3 min rule” with their aggressor cat (if he went after the other cat, they’d put him up for no longer than 3 min. I believe it was supposed to be just long enough to calm down and disengage), I recently (within that last few weeks consistently) began to implement that. And having a better ish understanding of their body language. When I’m home and can supervise, I let them both out.
For the most part, Cat 1 shows indifference. He’ll walk past (sometimes in a wide arc to seemingly “avoid”) Cat 2. He has no problem eating around Cat 2. Once when he was eatingCat 2 got in Cat 1’s face and all he did was swat at him to go away and went back to eating.
They have even laid/slept near each other a couple of times (they’re actually doing it now while I type this). Both times, Cat 2 was already up on the couch with me. Cat 1 came up and did not attack Cat 2, nor did Cat 2 run away.
Cat 2 sometimes has no “sense” of personal space (if that’s the correct phrase for cats). Even though he gets scared af when Cat 1 goes after him, he has, on occasion, essentially stuck his nose in Cat 1’s face or back to sniff him.
Now, the attacks. So like I mentioned, I have a hard time getting Cat 1 to play. He likes little peek a boo type games with certain toys but even that is hard to keep him engaged for more than a couple of min. So burning any pent up energy feels almost impossible? I think it’s when he has this energy that he likes to attack Cat 2. I say attacks but sometimes it feels like he just wants to play but is too aggressive with it? Stalks a bit, does the wiggle butt, then chases.
Cat 2 immediately goes on the defensive. Hissing, growling, swatting. Once this starts, Cat 1 is always sitting up tall in a dominant posturing position and is very focused on Cat 2. Most of the time I go over with a blanket and separate their vision (and this is when I do the time out). A couple of times I’ve actually been able to get Cat 1’s attention and he walks away towards me.
Once I put Cat 1 up, Cat 2 acts like nothing happened. He’ll start walking around, not acting scared. Once he went and just started eating. I let Cat 1 back out a couple min later and it’s usually all fine. Back to indifference.
When Cat 1 is chasing Cat 2, they don’t usually engage in a legitimate fight. As in, usually no fur flying. BUT, you would think they are with the way Cat 2 sounds with the hissing and growling and once I heard him yowl even though Cat 1 didn’t touch him in that moment.
Cat 2 has never once chased Cat 1 back in any form of normal play. There is zero back and forth between them.
I think I just need to get more energy out of Cat 1 so he’s less interested in chasing Cat 2 but I’m not sure if that’s the only thing I should be trying? I simply am just wishing for a little less stress that they’ll kill each other when I’m not there.
This was a mind dump but just trying to give as much context and knowledge as possible. Thank you so so much in advance if you read all of this.
