Is anyone else out there so blatantly NOT the favored child in the family? How do you deal with the jealousy and the hurt?
I am the oldest & the only female, the responsible one, the one who always cleaned up the messes, smoothed things over, cared for my 2 younger brothers, etc. I have posted on here before about my often strenuous relationship with my mother. Sometimes we can get along pretty well, but are often at odds, and this usually stems from the fact that she always portrays ME as the "black sheep" while my brothers can do no wrong. The youngest I can understand. He has Down Syndrome. I get that.
So let's talk about the other brother, Tyler. Love him to death. He's the one who is a tattoo artist and we get along a lot better now than we did growing up. That being said though, when it comes to mom, he is ONLY around when he wants something, and he often wants something. Tyler says jump, mom says how high. I seriously call him Prince Tyler because of the way mom worships him. Even growing up, he was always in trouble, often with the law, and it wasn't until he became a father that he really grew up. He has an on again/off again relationship with his current gf, and even his job as a tattoo artist isn't incredibly stable. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of money she's given him...
Then there is me, in a very stable relationship (4 years now), with a stable, reliable career (almost 7 years), always the responsible one, the one always doing things for HER. On the rare occasion I HAVE asked mom for help, it has been minimal, and never financial. Even then though all she does is moan and complain about how I am inconveniencing her, how she has better things to do, etc.
A few months back, Mom co-signed on some beautiful furniture for my brother and his gf because he has no credit. (He works for himself so he has no real proof of income.) Dana and I never really bought new furniture because of the cats. Our last set though was getting really wrote off so we purchased a used set online and they delivered. The ad said it was in perfect condition. Not so, it was stained and there were some tears they did not mention at all. NOT IMPRESSED. So, it was then Dana and I decided just to go ahead and purchase new. We COULD save up for a few months and just pay cash, but the local place has a great deal with no interest or payments for 2 years. Dana and I both make decent money but due to bad relationships in our younger years, we are both in the process of repairing our credit, so I brought it up to mom to see if she could co-sign for us as well.
The first time I brought it up, she changed the subject. Then she tried to say they wouldn't let her because she had already co-signed for Tyler. THEN when I called the company to verify this was NOT true, she hummed and hawed and went on about how she didn't have time anytime soon, and didn't really want to, blah, blah, blah...
Maybe I sound childish, maybe I am overreacting, but after YEARS of dealing with the favoritism and doing nothing to deserve it, I just don't get it. If she said no because she wasn't in the position to do so, fine, but WHY would she do so for my brother and not me? It's hurtful and upsetting. I'm not even so upset about her not co-signing, as I am about the fact that she did so for Tyler, and would do so again in a heart beat. I certainly don't ask my mom for much and I would never take advantage of her but I sit back and watch my brother do so all the time. Just needed to vent guys, sorry. It hurts my heart terribly...
I am the oldest & the only female, the responsible one, the one who always cleaned up the messes, smoothed things over, cared for my 2 younger brothers, etc. I have posted on here before about my often strenuous relationship with my mother. Sometimes we can get along pretty well, but are often at odds, and this usually stems from the fact that she always portrays ME as the "black sheep" while my brothers can do no wrong. The youngest I can understand. He has Down Syndrome. I get that.
So let's talk about the other brother, Tyler. Love him to death. He's the one who is a tattoo artist and we get along a lot better now than we did growing up. That being said though, when it comes to mom, he is ONLY around when he wants something, and he often wants something. Tyler says jump, mom says how high. I seriously call him Prince Tyler because of the way mom worships him. Even growing up, he was always in trouble, often with the law, and it wasn't until he became a father that he really grew up. He has an on again/off again relationship with his current gf, and even his job as a tattoo artist isn't incredibly stable. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of money she's given him...
Then there is me, in a very stable relationship (4 years now), with a stable, reliable career (almost 7 years), always the responsible one, the one always doing things for HER. On the rare occasion I HAVE asked mom for help, it has been minimal, and never financial. Even then though all she does is moan and complain about how I am inconveniencing her, how she has better things to do, etc.
A few months back, Mom co-signed on some beautiful furniture for my brother and his gf because he has no credit. (He works for himself so he has no real proof of income.) Dana and I never really bought new furniture because of the cats. Our last set though was getting really wrote off so we purchased a used set online and they delivered. The ad said it was in perfect condition. Not so, it was stained and there were some tears they did not mention at all. NOT IMPRESSED. So, it was then Dana and I decided just to go ahead and purchase new. We COULD save up for a few months and just pay cash, but the local place has a great deal with no interest or payments for 2 years. Dana and I both make decent money but due to bad relationships in our younger years, we are both in the process of repairing our credit, so I brought it up to mom to see if she could co-sign for us as well.
The first time I brought it up, she changed the subject. Then she tried to say they wouldn't let her because she had already co-signed for Tyler. THEN when I called the company to verify this was NOT true, she hummed and hawed and went on about how she didn't have time anytime soon, and didn't really want to, blah, blah, blah...
Maybe I sound childish, maybe I am overreacting, but after YEARS of dealing with the favoritism and doing nothing to deserve it, I just don't get it. If she said no because she wasn't in the position to do so, fine, but WHY would she do so for my brother and not me? It's hurtful and upsetting. I'm not even so upset about her not co-signing, as I am about the fact that she did so for Tyler, and would do so again in a heart beat. I certainly don't ask my mom for much and I would never take advantage of her but I sit back and watch my brother do so all the time. Just needed to vent guys, sorry. It hurts my heart terribly...