JJ had another stroke- I think this is the end of the line

[trianglekitty]

JJ (Jonas) is my 15 year old hospice cat. He was being treated for lymphoma, but he recently started having diarrhea and stopped eating and we learned his chemo was no longer working. It was becoming apparent that something neurological was happening as well. We were able to get him eating again with increased prednisone, but even on high dose steroids he was still having diarrhea. Having talking with all of his doctors I decided to treat him with palliative care. So I knew this was coming, but somehow I still thought I'd have more time.

A few months back JJ had a stroke and did recover fairly well. Today he had a good morning...he ate well and wanted to come downstairs for the day. He was in his bed like usual and then got up and started to walk around the living room. Except he was trying to walk *through* the furniture like it wasn't there and circling. He was also leaning to one side and stumbling. I immediately thought stroke and called his vet. Taking him in I fully expected to be euthanizing then. I actually think I should have. The only reason I didn't was because my father went with me and he kept questioning if I was really sure and if we could give him some time. Also, at the vet JJ did actually seem a little better. He was very quiet (which isn't like him), but he seemed a little steadier and when he bumped a wall could back up and change direction, something he wasn't doing at home. His blood pressure was actually normal. Still, everything I saw at home was the same as the last stroke. And I kept thinking yeah, he recovered last time and maybe he could again...but do I want to put the blind terminal cat through weeks of stroke recovery only to lose him weeks or *maybe* months later?

I ended up caving to my dad and brought him home. But just watching him tonight has been so, so hard. He can't navigate. He can't steady his head to eat. He is sleeping now, thankfully, but he keeps waking up to try and pace and stumbling/circling.

He doesn't seem in overt distress, and if he does I'm taking him to the emergency hospital. Otherwise, unless some absolute miracle happens, I'll be taking him to his regular vet as soon as they open. I'm angry at myself for caving and at my dad for making this process harder. I'm even angrier that he *knows* I'll probably be taking him in the morning and he's still keeping an appointment to get blood donated. Because that's more important then supporting me. On the other hand, I'm okay with going alone because at least I won't have him making me second guess myself. Dad has actually been weird throughout all of this. Every time I've mentioned how JJ was doing over the months and said anything about him doing poorly he wouldn't respond like he hadn't even heard me. And mostly I'm just sick and sad and not at all ready and I don't want to do this.

 

[susanm9006]

I am sorry. It is always a difficult decision to make, regardless of the circumstances.

 

[waddle]

it sounds like you are making the right decision for him

 

[fionasmom]

I was going to say that the first description of the episode seemed like a seizure that one of my cats had years ago...the walking through and circling, but as I read I have to agree with your assessment. You are facing this very bravely despite how hard it is.

The cat that I just mentioned did not survive very long BUT I was talked out of putting him to sleep by the vet herself because of reasons just like your dad gave. It was the wrong decision, of course, and I had to take him back a second time once he was even worse.

You are making the right decision and I am sorry that you got hit with a double whammy when you tried to do the right thing in the beginning.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

We can prepare all we want, but we are never "ready." Never. But when our babies no longer have any joy in life, we do what we must. My heart with yours, and sending you all the strength I have.