Jealousy?

[Minxrat]

Some of you may have seen my threads about Poppy (10 months) and Milo (4 months).

I've done some digging and worked out that she hasn't really played since Milo arrived; she doesn't make eye contact at close quarters with me; she goes under the bed and drawers more; she doesn't tend to "play" as such with him, they just have wrestles. She sometimes tries to groom him but he bats her off. Trouble is, he likes to snuggle on me and I see her eyeing him with distaste. She will just stare at me and not interact. I've shut her and I out on the landing and played with the only toy she likes (mousey) every evening but she's constantly listening for him; she doesn't eat as much wet food - I think he pushed her out of the way a lot when he arrived. She was on her own for nearly 6 months before he arrived and I was at work during the day - ironically I got him for company for her but it may be backfiring?

So, what to do? Is she jealous? I hope she knows I love them both but the only time she approaches for affection is in the middle of the night when I'm allowed to pet her loads until she's had enough.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - I'm not an expert but I don't think jealousy is the operative word, at least not exactly (not helpful, I know!). I'm seeing some positive things in your post that make me think that if you keep doing what you're doing, time may work things smoother. However if you can, try and separate her during feeding, or separate her specifically at other times with the intent of getting her to eat more wet food. In any case, hopefully someone with more knowledge will chime in and give you some/more/better ideas.

 

[Timmer]

Backfiring is when they don't get along and beat each other up. This is just observation, to me. I don't believe cats need other cats and I found that out the hard way when I forced two incompatible cats to live together, but it's nice to have two in the house.
Have you tried playing with them together? Get a super cool feather toy, like a da bird. Cats usually love those. Create a play time session, and then give equal amount of treats to each kitty when it's over. They might start to see this as a positive experience being together and it will bond the three of you.
Does each kitty have their own food dish? Maybe try feeding them in different rooms for awhile to make sure she's getting what she needs. Just a thought.

 

[Minxrat]

Poppy has always been a slow feeder - when she was on her own of course it was fine. He inhales food. I've tried feeding one up on the side, one on the floor but she's not interested in finishing her food. She has lots of dry though, as he's not too fussed about that. I sometimes hand feed wet food - how gross is that They both have their own dish but have been known to share, which is good.

We don't live in the biggest house so there's not a lot of room to split them. I only got him (but I adored him) because Poppy is an indoor cat and so therefore spent all her time on her own when I'm at work. I felt I couldn't go out as she was vocalising a lot and then the staring started.

If I try to play with them together, he takes over and she just lets him! That's the problem with everything - she just lets him.

We had additional problems yesterday as he was neutered and came back in a foul mood. Of course he smelt of vets even though I wrapped him in my scarf, and Poppy didn't like that. So he terrorised her all evening, she hid most of the afternoon/evening until I rescued her at 11.30pm at which point she went on the rampage downstairs. I didn't get my overnight cuddles from her which is sad for me as that's her only voluntary interaction physically. I should come to terms with the fact she just doesn't like physical contact - or me maybe.

 

[Timmer]

Cats are like people, and have different personalities. Usually with two cats in a household one emerges as the alpha cat and that might be this new cat. Doesn't matter what the age is or who was first. Some people get lucky and the cats cuddle and sleep together. I was never that lucky with two cats in the house but most of the time they tolerated each other, though. The last two cats I've had had to be separated at all times for the past 8 years. I built a door at the top of my second floor landing so one cat lived upstairs and one downstairs. It was not a good way to do things, but the best solution because i was not willing to re-home one of them. I loved them both. Timmer passed away about 10 days ago and I still miss him.

I think the fact that you have two relatively young cats with no maturity level is an issue that you just have to work through if you want to keep them both. As long as Poppy doesn't start peeing and pooping around the house because she's upset, you are probably fine. She will probably come back to cuddling with you but for now she's bothered. And she may not like being cuddled or held. Does she let you hold her? Some cats don't like that. They say kittens should be held a lot or handled by a lot of people when they are very young, and that way they learn to like being held and cuddled. Otherwise, they won't like it. Not every cat likes being held. I had two female cats who I got when they were like 2 and 3 years old and they couldn't stand being held and never sat on my lap. That's just how it is, but when we pick out a cat a lot of times we aren't thinking about that, we just assume they will want to cuddle.

If you just got this little one neutered he will settle down a little bit more eventually. I am talking months tho, not days.

 

[Minxrat]

First of all I'm really sorry for your loss Timmer ; I've not lost a cat yet but I suspect it's very hard.

Secondly, she's not a fan of being picking up and she weighs 10.5lb so it's hard work anyway! She got held and cuddled loads and loads as I got her at 8 weeks old. She came from a busy house and was quiet and snuggly when I went to view her (of course she was a boy back then....). As I say, she only likes interaction on her terms (anytime from midnight to 5am!). I just think I'm too boring for them.

They run around and wrestle (he usually starts it by dropping on her head) but it's on his terms so I think you're right, he's now in charge. He, to me, is a "proper" kitten with "proper" kitten ways. She has always been quiet and snuggly and contemplative. But the lack of interaction now just bothers me and I worry she's sad. They have snuggled together and he usually wants to but she doesn't always want to know. Of course, I have no idea what happens when I'm at work but when I get home, she's mostly downstairs and he's upstairs

What do people think about herbal remedies to chill her out a bit? And him?

 

[Timmer]

Thank you. Timmer and I were soul mates and my heart is broken.

She's only 10 months old and already weighs 10 lbs.? LOL She's been spayed, right? They usually put on some weight after being "fixed." Since he was just recently neutered, I think he will slow down a little bit in time. Yes, he sounds like a proper kitten. She probably sleeps most of the day since you are at work. I have a girl cat left in the house who is a night owl and up in the night. That's how she is but I think they are bored a lot of times. Nothing you can do about that. I read somewhere that adult cats sleep something like 18 hours a day.
Truly, I think you are reading too much into this and worrying way too much, or perhaps of some preconceived notions of what this would be like to have two. Like I said, cats are their own people and these are the two you have chosen. You have to let them be who they want to be.

My experience with herbal remedies is that they are a waste of money. I can't tell you all the money I spent in garbage like that. That's my experience. She already sounds chilled out.

 

[Minxrat]

Yep she's been spayed. She's got Maine Coon traits (my profile picture) so am guessing that's it! She has the oblong body and diddy legs lol.

I am a worrier; I worry if she was an outdoors cat she would go and find somewhere else to live! I think she's too chilled lol. Maybe I need the herbal remedies eh.

She goes to sleep when I do (around 10 cos I'm shattered lol) and has had enough by 5am, with a food break around 2.30-3, which is when he comes a-purring for a snuggle and a duvet suck!! She's awake and waiting when I get home.

I just see her lying on the floor in that horrible legs tucked under but paws poking out position and a sad look on her feline face and I just wonder........

 

[Timmer]

You sound like a good cat parent and I think your kitties are happy.

 

[Minxrat]

I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that Poppy doesn't like being touched unless it's on her terms - which is a shame as she's soooo floofy. Milo makes up for it in the affection stakes (for now) but I will try and ensure I don't rub her face in it, so to speak.

 

[maggiedemi]

Beautiful cat, she looks so huggable! My female cat is like that too. I just want to hug her all the time, but she has other stuff to do.

 

[Timmer]

Yeah, just love up the one who wants it. I think in time you will all work out a balance. She might come around. She's still young. Do you brush or comb her? She might like that. That's a nice way to bond with your cat.

I know what you mean. When my one cat passed away years ago I went to the shelter and got two girls and was surprised to get them home and find that they didn't want to be held, never sat on my lap, and really didn't want to be touched too much. Then one of the girls passed away from kidney failure. I got a boy cat (Timmer) who was so affectionate. Now he's gone and I still have Lupita who doesn't want to be held. She snuggles in bed with me so at least I have that.

 

[Minxrat]

Beautiful cat, she looks so huggable! My female cat is like that too. I just want to hug her all the time, but she has other stuff to do.

She's stunningly beautiful, big girl too!

 

[Minxrat]

Yeah, just love up the one who wants it. I think in time you will all work out a balance. She might come around. She's still young. Do you brush or comb her? She might like that. That's a nice way to bond with your cat.

I know what you mean. When my one cat passed away years ago I went to the shelter and got two girls and was surprised to get them home and find that they didn't want to be held, never sat on my lap, and really didn't want to be touched too much. Then one of the girls passed away from kidney failure. I got a boy cat (Timmer) who was so affectionate. Now he's gone and I still have Lupita who doesn't want to be held. She snuggles in bed with me so at least I have that.

Yes I'm allowed to brush quickly but not her bum area!! I'm hoping if I stop touching her and she stops thinking I'm going to (she bloody runs away sometimes!) we might get somewhere.

Also cut the amount of treats down as she just expects them all the time.

She sleeps with me and I don't settle until she's on the bed. He does too but he's a big purring fidget arse!!!