Like all of you, I have made many sacrifices for my animals over the years, and I have done it willingly and don't regret anything I've done to try to help them. I've paid thousands and thousands of dollars for their care, and I've gone without nice furniture, clothes, and vacations just to ensure their health and well being. I'm in debt because when my teacher pay did not cover expenses, I'd get a credit card of borrow money so that I could pay for vet bills.
I am not patting myself on the back here. I am not thinking what a great pet owner I am.
Let me tell you the story of my sweet orange and white tabby cat Jasper, who was one of the greatest cats I've ever had. When I first saw his sweet little smudgy white face under my holly bush that summer evening all those years ago, I wanted to love and protect him forever. His mom had given birth to him and his three siblings under my house, and within a short time, all of the kittens were inside where they would stay until they died. (I still have two of them now along with mama Amber, who came inside about a year and a half after they were born)
Eleven years later, as I process my grief over losing him last week, I feel guilty and ashamed and wish so much that I had handled things differently.
I wish I could remember every little thing about Jasper. I have dozens of pictures of him, and I'm so grateful I do, but with as many animals as I have had and still have, it's hard to give them 100% attention, and I admit that I have been a foster failure because I get too attached. I was going to place Jasper and his siblings with the vet's office to be put up for adoptions, but I couldn't do it. This I don't regret at all because they gave me laughter, unconditional love, and many hours of entertainment over the years!
I don't remember when Jasper's ear problems started, but they would get dirty, and sometimes, I'd put off cleaning them. This I hugely regret. I had no idea what kinds of problems might result from inflammation. I hate myself for this. I should have known.
Many times, I'd take him to the vet's for ear cleanings, and sometimes, I would do it myself, and I'm afraid I cleaned them a little too hard. I didn't think I was hurting him, but I wanted to make sure I got the debris out, and I was probably too rough in my cleaning.
Jasper was a healthy cat, and other than the medicines for his ears if he had infections, I don't remember any other health concerns, and this was not a constant problem for him. In recent years, he had two dentals and a few extractions and did fine. He was actually due for one soon, but we wanted to wait until the ear polyp was removed and he had recovered from that.
Last December, I took him in for a check up because his third eyelid was showing and he was not himself. The vet saw the ear polyp. I hadn't heard of this before in cats or even in dogs. I was shocked. Within a few days and for the next two months, Jasper did well with treatment, and I was hoping to continue him on the ear drops to manage the polyp, but that didn't happen. He started having some problems, and I knew surgery was the only option. For the most part, he did great until last Wednesday night. He was eating, snuggling with me, and he seemed to be enjoying life. That changed two days after his surgery, and I'm waiting on final reports from the vet's biopsy, etc. I don't know why he suddenly got ill two days after the polyp removal. My vet thinks it's possible something else was going on. I want answers, but at the same time, I feel horrible that sometimes, I'd put off cleaning his ears. Now when I take the animals to the vet, I get ear cytologies done. I don't want to ever go through this again. As much as I loved and tried to care for Jasper, I feel like I failed him, and I am gutted.
I am not patting myself on the back here. I am not thinking what a great pet owner I am.
Let me tell you the story of my sweet orange and white tabby cat Jasper, who was one of the greatest cats I've ever had. When I first saw his sweet little smudgy white face under my holly bush that summer evening all those years ago, I wanted to love and protect him forever. His mom had given birth to him and his three siblings under my house, and within a short time, all of the kittens were inside where they would stay until they died. (I still have two of them now along with mama Amber, who came inside about a year and a half after they were born)
Eleven years later, as I process my grief over losing him last week, I feel guilty and ashamed and wish so much that I had handled things differently.
I wish I could remember every little thing about Jasper. I have dozens of pictures of him, and I'm so grateful I do, but with as many animals as I have had and still have, it's hard to give them 100% attention, and I admit that I have been a foster failure because I get too attached. I was going to place Jasper and his siblings with the vet's office to be put up for adoptions, but I couldn't do it. This I don't regret at all because they gave me laughter, unconditional love, and many hours of entertainment over the years!
I don't remember when Jasper's ear problems started, but they would get dirty, and sometimes, I'd put off cleaning them. This I hugely regret. I had no idea what kinds of problems might result from inflammation. I hate myself for this. I should have known.
Many times, I'd take him to the vet's for ear cleanings, and sometimes, I would do it myself, and I'm afraid I cleaned them a little too hard. I didn't think I was hurting him, but I wanted to make sure I got the debris out, and I was probably too rough in my cleaning.
Jasper was a healthy cat, and other than the medicines for his ears if he had infections, I don't remember any other health concerns, and this was not a constant problem for him. In recent years, he had two dentals and a few extractions and did fine. He was actually due for one soon, but we wanted to wait until the ear polyp was removed and he had recovered from that.
Last December, I took him in for a check up because his third eyelid was showing and he was not himself. The vet saw the ear polyp. I hadn't heard of this before in cats or even in dogs. I was shocked. Within a few days and for the next two months, Jasper did well with treatment, and I was hoping to continue him on the ear drops to manage the polyp, but that didn't happen. He started having some problems, and I knew surgery was the only option. For the most part, he did great until last Wednesday night. He was eating, snuggling with me, and he seemed to be enjoying life. That changed two days after his surgery, and I'm waiting on final reports from the vet's biopsy, etc. I don't know why he suddenly got ill two days after the polyp removal. My vet thinks it's possible something else was going on. I want answers, but at the same time, I feel horrible that sometimes, I'd put off cleaning his ears. Now when I take the animals to the vet, I get ear cytologies done. I don't want to ever go through this again. As much as I loved and tried to care for Jasper, I feel like I failed him, and I am gutted.
Rest in peace, little Jasper. 
