It feels like I have lost my soulmate 💔

[pepsiandmax]

Last sunday my heart broke. My sweet dear Max is gone. He acted like himself, ate a whole pack of vet food, used the toilet, wanted to cuddle. On the sofa while cuddling, I noticed he had very laboured breathing. I took him to the ER vet. And I got the devastating news that he had an extreme bad infection. Very thick fluid in his chest. I honestly don’t remember all they said, but cancer was a possibillity. And I made the hardest decition I have ever made, to let him go. They could have tried to treat him over the next few days, chest drain and heavy doses of antibiotics, with very poor prognosis, so I let him go. I have been crying ever since. I still have his brother Pepsi with me, but my sweet dear Max is gone, 6,5 years old I feel guilty for not trying everything, and at the same time I did not want to put him through hell, for that is what it would have been. With only a slight chance of survival.

I am honestly not sure how to stop being sad. It really feels like I have lost my soulmate. We had a special bond. A bond I don’t have with Pepsi even with how much I love him. I have spent ~6 years on the sofa with him on my arm, purring. He made me the comic pictures of the girl looking at her cat, starting to cry because she loves the cat so much.

Pepsi is being showered with love, but he is not Max. He likes his cuddles in 5 min portions. I get a lot of them, I love every minute of them, but its not the same. Its more intense and not as relaxing and chill.

I can focus on other things, «be normal» around people, but thinking about Max, about the life we had together, I just cry because I miss him so much. It really feels like he has taken a piece of me with him, and I will never be whole again.

I have had cats before who have died or dissapeared, and I have cried and been sad. Evem to this day 10+ years later I can cry about them. But non of them can evem measure up to the bond I had with Max. I know life will get better. Tomorrow marks the 1 week for him being gone, so its still fresh. But even if it will get better, I really don’t know if I will ever be 100% ever again.

 

[Natalusky29]

Losing a close one is never easy...
Just keep in mind that once they’re not here with us,they’re inside our hearts and soul
I’m sure your cat will watch you from above and will take care of you forever

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Max, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Darlin, you did the right thing. You let him go while he still had something besides pain and misery in his life. My rule for my own babies (just one baby right now) is, "Never on their worst day." There is this to know about cats...they do not fear death. Not at all. They live in an eternal "Now." What is now is all there is. You did not let his Now slowly become worse and worse. I can tell you that Max lived, breathed and had his being in your love, and that he carried that love with him when he passed through that Gate between This Adventure and his Next Great Adventure. Now, in That Place Where All Things Are Known, he blesses you for your love and kindness, and he sends his own love for you, translated and purified into Love, to walk beside you down through all your days. When you are not so overwhelmed with grief, it will be there. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Sending virtual hugs in one of the most difficult times of your life.

 

[di and bob]

My heart goes out to you. You had a piece of your heart ripped from your body when Max left, but in time he will continue to send you his love to try to fill that gaping hole. Pepsi is there for you, someone to hold close when you are sad, even if for a short while. To be forced to care for him in this time of sadness will keep you focused on the now, instead of the past. you could not let Max suffer. If the prognosis is poor, and I'm sure it was because the vets have seen much, you could not prolong the suffering. Try not to dwell on his end, though I know that is impossible right now, it brings nothing but pain and misery and changes nothing. No matter how much we want it to change. Grief is all-consuming in the beginning. It will try to run your life. Somehow we must find the strength to wall it up. It will always be there, ready to pounce, when we let our defences crumble, but in time we can hold it up and the pain begins to fade because our soul just cannot sustain such pain forever. Being alive means being in the present. We cannot change the past or foresee the future. Going through these times of pain and sorrow help make any future joys in our life that much sweeter. Sometimes you have to almost die before you truly begin to live.
That boy was in your life for a reason. To have never met him at all would have avoided this pain, but at what cost? He brought you much. Yes, it hurts so much to lose him, but there were so many more times of love and joy. One day your memories will bring you joy once again, but right now they are drowning in tears,
There is truly nothing that can be said to bring you comfort, just the fact that there are so many out there that can share your pain. Each person's grief is unique to that person, it was you that loved that sweet boy as much as you do. It is you that suffers. That is why we feel so alone, so abandoned, so completely devastated. We are here to tell you that you will survive. Somehow that love that brings you so much pain eventually guides you through this. Max's love will always be a part of your soul, it is spiritual, so eternal. It will always be a part of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, please know we will pray for your little one. i know he is at peace because of the love you shared with him, bless you for loving him so much......RIP dear Max. you will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.

 

[Xetzly]

I'm very sorry for your loss i cannot image how you feel right now keep your head up and remember that you did provide the best life you could for your little max.

 

[les26]

I am so sorry for your loss, it hurts like hell and takes such a long time to come to terms with, the grief has ahold of you right now and will for awhile, you just have to let it run it's course and it will be VERY painful at times, but that is the only way to have it lessen with time, if you try to fight it it will just take longer to get over. I know how you feel, many here do, time will help, cry if you must as that helps cleanse you, maybe try Holy Basil to deal with the stress or Ignatia Amara for the intense grief and heart ache, but the only sure way to get better is to deal with it the best that you can, head on, and time will help lessen the sting.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I am so sorry for your loss of your little friend, and I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[betsygee]

I'm so sorry. Diagnoses like that are devastating, and it's the hardest thing in the world to try to put your own heartbreak aside to do what's best for them. My heart goes out to you.

Rest in peace, little Max.