Is It Time To Let Them Sort Things Out?

[KatKnapper]

Read some of the first responses, but sorry had to scroll through the rest. Has anyone mentioned cat trees or high perches for Kly? She needs accessible lofty places to make her own safe zones. The little guy brings to mind a snow plow after the first winter's snowfall, where everything in its path gets plowed under...including cars. If I recall, Jackson Galaxy has a youtube video addressing your situation. Sorry so brief. GTG

 

[TnK]

Read some of the first responses, but sorry had to scroll through the rest. Has anyone mentioned cat trees or high perches for Kly? She needs accessible lofty places to make her own safe zones. The little guy brings to mind a snow plow after the first winter's snowfall, where everything in its path gets plowed under...including cars. If I recall, Jackson Galaxy has a youtube video addressing your situation. Sorry so brief. GTG

I find it difficult to create safe places for kly because the little guy is getting big and can access too. I also installed some cat shelves in my bedroom hoping kly will go up but ended up TJ runs and jumps up there.

I watched quite some Jackson's video but only recall he helped a family to add cat shelves for a cat who likes to stay high to avoid chasing by another cat. Any keywords for me to search on YouTube? Thanks in advance!

 

[TnK]

I watched jackson's video again. I think Cailey (Kly) is a cave/beach dweller not bush dweller. When she's scared, she will hide under the bed. She sometimes like to climb to the top of bookshelves or cupboard etc but just for exploring and won't stay.

 

[Elfilou]

I do think it is important for them to be interacting, but start that as soon as you come home maybe? Don't break up every social interaction between them either, I would say. Don't over-referee. You're doing a great job though. Lots of people do not have the patience

Shelving and places for them to run around and either play or as escape from one another is probably always a good idea.

And I'm really glad to hear you're establishing a playtime routine with her. I hope you'll see differences in her behavior/attitude towards the male soon if you keep it up. Play can be powerful

Anyway I'd say yes keep them separated until you don't have to referee (as much)? How long do you work?

If you're worried about one of them being locked away for too long I definitely get your concern. Maybe pick a room for them that has a perch with a window to look out of, and have a quick play session before you leave for work? Or leave a puzzle ball with dry food? Maybe a room with a TV for some "cat TV" (you can find hours of bird footage labeled as cat TV on youtube).

I mean ideally you'd make progress with them every day and hope that you don't have to keep them separate for long

 

[TnK]

start that as soon as you come home maybe

I had been doing that before letting out 24/7 but i still can't watch them constantly because I will leave my bedroom (where they like to stay) for dinner or to do other things. If letting him out when I'm not at home or around, my concern and worry is that he will act out more knowing that I'm not around to referee.

Maybe pick a room for them that has a perch with a window to look out of, and have a quick play session before you leave for work? Or leave a puzzle ball with dry food?

I'm actually doing all of these suggestions. They are already staying in the same room (my bedroom) most of the time that has a perch to look out. That's also why they both claim my bedroom as their safe room. I wake up earlier everyday now to play with him before going to work. I bought 2 puzzle balls for both cats but they still don't know how to get the food out. I also bought electronic toys for TJ but it can only occupy him a while because if i let it run the whole time, he will ignore after some time. I tried to play the cat video on an iPad (maybe screen is too small), TJ was interested at the beginning and tried to touch it but after a while he walked away. I notice that they sleep most of the time during the day but I hope to find ways to avoid him to harass Kly when he's bored.

One thing I still don't know what to do because he will follow kly when she goes to the litter box, stalk on her when she goes to drink and eat. I feel helpless because she will usually walk away. I have already put 3 litter boxes in 3 different rooms, multiple locations with water and food bowls.

Yes, I hope to see progress after playing more with kly.

 

[TnK]

Anyway I'd say yes keep them separated until you don't have to referee (as much)? How long do you work?

I work full time so it's exhausting mentally and physically to be honest, either separate or not separate them. I have been spending most of my time on them in hoping to work things out.

 

[Elfilou]

I can definitely understand it's very exhausting. And I do hope you can just leave them by themselves all the time. It's best for them too of course, to just interact when you aren't home. But unfortunately you ended up with two cats that are quite different in age and activity levels, which on paper is not a good match. That's going to make it harder for them to live peacefully. I think you said it yourself, if TJ wasn't "so crazy" you were sure they'd be friends. If you had more time I would suggest doing the "getting a kitten for a kitten" thing, where you keep two energetic cats busy with eachother so they leave the older one alone - but that again is probably very stressful.

Either way, what you want to work on here is getting them on the same energy level. Exhaust him vs. make her more athletic and playful. Keep us updated on any progress. Fingers crossed

 

[TnK]

If you had more time I would suggest doing the "getting a kitten for a kitten" thing, where you keep two energetic cats busy with eachother so they leave the older one alone - but that again is probably very stressful.

Yes, I'm already very stressful and have the time. No one can guarantee if all 3 will get along and the 2 kittens will leave the older cat alone.

 

[TnK]

I think I should provide an update as it's been a while and I was out of town for four days last week. I did ask for advice in another post about what arrangement is best for both kitties during those days Ill be away but no conclusion.

My friend has a 10-year-old female cat and adopted a 15 months male young cat in May. She offers to foster TJ while I'm away and thinks that TJ can be a playmate for her male young cat because she's in the same situation that the young cat wants to play but older cat doesn't so he keeps annoying the older cat. I originally don't like the idea and don't think it will work because I know the cats will be stressed. I may even need to re-introduce TJ and kly again when I bring him home.

Long story short, I did let TJ stay at my friend's home before my trip because I was very exhausted and really didn't know what is best. My friend didn't even need to do the separation and introduction and just let them interact. Two days later, both cats have started to interact and play chase. They seems getting along very well so I was thinking if my friend can keep TJ (I know she loves him too) it maybe best for TJ because he has a bigger brother to play with him. If my friend cannot add another cat, I was seriously thinking to adopt another young cat to play with TJ because Cailey can't be his playmate even though I can build up her confidence by playing with her regularly.

After discussion, my friend is happy to keep TJ and also happy that her young cat now has a playmate and won't bother her another 10 year old cat. They both are already buddies now and close together even less than 2 weeks.

Although I still miss TJ, this seems a better solution for both families and all of the cats. I will still visit him and play with him. My friend also keeps sending me updates, videos and photos of the two little buddies playing wrestle, hide and seek and chasing each other.

As for Cailey, don't know why she's more vocal now after we were away for 4 days, (my friend came visit her every day and even stayed overnight for two nights), I'm not sure if she remembers TJ or it's separation anxiety?

I have also continued to play with her everyday and she seems happy and more energetic. She will even chase the laser pointer. Although I won't be able to prove whether these play sessions will help the situation if I bring TJ home, I want to thank everyone for your advises and encouragements.

 

[Animal Freak]

It sounds like it all worked out for the best then. I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but at least you can visit and he has a good home. It seems like it's going well for the two of you. I'm glad to hear that she's playing and getting more energetic.

 

[Jen1607]

My cats are like this. I have a 10 week old female and 7 year old male. He will allow her to eat from his plate, they will play wrestle and also chase eachother around the house. BUT since hes older sometimes he just wants to rest. She is so hyper sometimes...she will run up to him, pounce on him, try and grab his tail etc. Really does seem like bullying. If he is not in the mood he will growl at her, swat at her (no claws) and hiss. I always feel like he's being mean to her, but I know it's just his way of telling her "leave me alone, im not in the mood".
When they play wrestle it can be alarming too as there is a lot of meowing and squeaking. But the good people here on this site assured me as long as there is no blood or fur flying and neither cat seems scared or hurt its ok.

So for the most part I leave them be. Sometimes I will distract the little one so the older cat can have a break though

 

[TnK]

My cats are like this. I have a 10 week old female and 7 year old male. He will allow her to eat from his plate, they will play wrestle and also chase eachother around the house. BUT since hes older sometimes he just wants to rest. She is so hyper sometimes...she will run up to him, pounce on him, try and grab his tail etc. Really does seem like bullying. If he is not in the mood he will growl at her, swat at her (no claws) and hiss. I always feel like he's being mean to her, but I know it's just his way of telling her "leave me alone, im not in the mood".
When they play wrestle it can be alarming too as there is a lot of meowing and squeaking. But the good people here on this site assured me as long as there is no blood or fur flying and neither cat seems scared or hurt its ok.

So for the most part I leave them be. Sometimes I will distract the little one so the older cat can have a break though

It's good that it works out for your cats because your older male cat will play wrestle and chase with the female kitten.

For my case, although they get along, can share food and water bowls etc, since the older female cat is timid, quiet and sensitive, she doesn't play wrestle and chase with the male kitten. She will just lay on the floor so it's even more attractive to TJ. Also it seems that he will be a bigger size cat so he's already almost as big as Cailey the older female even though he's just 7 months old. When he wanted to play with her, he will jump on her, grab her back and nib her neck, so Cailey can't move and escape.

I know the situation may get better as he grows older but I saw the difference when there is a playmate who can play with him. Now, I'm so glad that he's happy staying at my friend home because he gets along with my friend's 1 year old male. They play wrestle, chase each other and sleep together sometimes.

I visited him last Sunday. He will come to me and jump on my lap. When his buddy came out after nap, he turned to him and played wrestle etc. Here is the photo of TJ (right) with his buddy sleeping together in less than 2 weeks.

 

[susanm9006]

I think you made a good decision. I have been in the position in the past where one cat made another miserable. To this day I feel badly that the last years of a beloved pets life was spent in fear and being bullied by a younger cat. Once the elder cat passed away, the remaining two cats got along just fine, so I can't blame the younger cat nor the older. Sometimes the mix of personalities just doesn't work.