Is it possible to get a cat to sleep apart from me (but in the same room)

UnoMama

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I know I know .... cats will sleep where they want. But I'm wondering if this is at all possible??? Here's what's going on:

I got Uno 2 weeks ago and he's a sweetheart. Being a stray (possibly abandoned?) makes him ...well... slightly clingy. This is fine and I love the bonding time and all the purring in my lap. He's great, really. EXCEPT sleeping habits (or lack thereof!)

The first few days he seemed to need to curl up in bed with me - and him being very new to the environment and in need of constant affection, it seemed ... ok. He curled up between my pillow and the headboard, and we managed some slightly disturbed but ok nights. He then moved to the window seat (bright red, on the right in the picture) and seemed to like sleeping apart, but at a close distance where he could see me. This seemed pretty ideal. I was quite happy at the newfound independence and it seemed a sign of him needing me a little less and being comfortable in the house.

Now he's back on the bed and wants to sleep in his old spot above my pillow. I moved him to his window seat spot yesterday before going to bed, only to have him jump in bed with me an hour later. He wasn't looking to wake me up or disturb me, just wanted to sleep in his old spot again. Except that we did have a rather disturbed night, because of course he got up to pee/poop and brushed against my hand. I'm a light sleeper and his movement is so close to my face that of course I'm going to be woken up.

I don't have any issues with him sleeping in the same ROOM (I've a small studio it's not going to be possible to remove him to a separate area), just ... not on the same BED?
Is there any way to get him sleeping in his window seat spot again? It did seem to be something he liked and was getting comfortable with ....


Much thanks for any advice....

#sleepdeprivedandcranky
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UnoMama

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Additional info - another reason this is a concern for me is that he currently has a fungal infection, and his grooming right by my head, face, hands is giving me ... a rash of sorts. And of course he’s chewing on the pillows which isn’t great either.

I swear I want to be a good mom but this doesn’t feel sustainable :(


pic of exact sleeping position right nowTried moving him to the side of the bed but no go.... sigh...
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rubysmama

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Is there any way to get him sleeping in his window seat spot again? It did seem to be something he liked and was getting comfortable with ....
The only thing I can think of, would be to do something to make that spot more appealing that lying right next to his Mama. So maybe a little cat bed, that he can curl up in. Or maybe something like a Snuggle Kitty.

Oh, just saw your 2nd post. He's really tiny. How old is he?
 
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UnoMama

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The only thing I can think of, would be to do something to make that spot more appealing that lying right next to his Mama. So maybe a little cat bed, that he can curl up in. Or maybe something like a Snuggle Kitty.

Oh, just saw your 2nd post. He's really tiny. How old is he?
He’s pushing 7 weeks (or so) right now. I found him alone and neglected and dirty on my morning walk and he started rubbing up against my legs and well ... I did try waiting to see if there was a mama cat around but it seemed not. He’s taken to his new home fabulously... no feral behaviour... he’s perfectly comfortable ...It’s just me losing sleep right now! 😂😒

kitty beds (multiple!) are on their way ... I’m hoping that helps too. Else I have an adorable but fidgety bedmate.
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FeebysOwner

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Hi. Is it cold where you are located? Maybe he prefers the bed because it is away from the window that might feel cold to him? I would check that aspect out. He seems to like lying against the headboard but close to a pillow. If the cat beds you bought don't work, you could try using one or more of those pillows (if they have your scent on them, don't wash them first) on the window seat blocking part of the window pane in case it is just a bit too chilly for him. The Snuggle Kitty, or something like it, that rubysmama rubysmama suggested might just be the key!

It is highly likely that as more time passes, some of the fidgetiness will subside. Although, keep in mind, he's got a lot of months to go through the crazy kitty stages!
 
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UnoMama

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Hmmm .... I’m actually in a tropical country, and I don’t use air conditioning often, so I doubt he’s very cold? But we do have a fan that might be blowing air directly onto him on the window seat.

he clearly likes to snuggle and likes covered/surrounded spaces ... so the pillows seem like a good idea.... one of the beds is kinda like a snuggle kitty too .... here’s hoping one of these works!
 

di and bob

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Kittens have a hard time adjusting their body temp. Even in a tropical climate, I would get a heated cat mat, I have used K&H from amazon for years, they only use about the same electricity as a 40-watt bulb. Cats absolutely LOVE them and usually sleep where you put them. I even put them under one small towel on my bed to keep the cats in that spot. If you get the pad only and it does not have a cover, make sure you cover it with a small hand towel. They work great!
 

rubysmama

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He’s pushing 7 weeks (or so) right now. I found him alone and neglected and dirty on my morning walk and he started rubbing up against my legs and well ... I did try waiting to see if there was a mama cat around but it seemed not. He’s taken to his new home fabulously... no feral behaviour... he’s perfectly comfortable ...It’s just me losing sleep right now! 😂😒
Seven weeks is still a baby! The current recommendation is not to adopt out kittens till they're at least 12 weeks old, so in a purr-fect world, he'd still be with his mom and siblings. Of course, that isn't always possible, and in Uno's case, you've now taken on the role of being his mama. So do expect he'll be clingy for a while yet.

Because of his young age, he might really appreciate something like a Snuggle Kitty, as it has a heat source, as well as a "heartbeat", both of which could comfort him and remind him of his missing mom.
 
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UnoMama

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Seven weeks is still a baby! The current recommendation is not to adopt out kittens till they're at least 12 weeks old, so in a purr-fect world, he'd still be with his mom and siblings. Of course, that isn't always possible, and in Uno's case, you've now taken on the role of being his mama. So do expect he'll be clingy for a while yet.

Because of his young age, he might really appreciate something like a Snuggle Kitty, as it has a heat source, as well as a "heartbeat", both of which could comfort him and remind him of his missing mom.
Completely agree - and I'm quite overwhelmed with how young he is sometimes too. Trust me it wasn't a planned adoption in any way ... his condition when I found him suggested that he didn't have a mom around (mites, lice, fleas, fungal infection, no grooming ...the works) .... and he was clearly hungry. I still wonder if I accidentally separated him? But then the alternative was leaving him on the pavement of a busy road with traffic, and many dogs (of course he was trying to hiss at 'em! :D). Oh well. he's here now and mostly pleased with new mommy except when I'm wiping his butt!

All we need (eventually) is slightly better sleeping arrangements! I'll update this thread if any of the kitty beds work ...and in the meantime I leave you with this picture of the little baby. Tired after some very exciting escape attempts onto the (now cat proofed) ledge.
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rubysmama

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He's simply adorable. Good luck with him. Keep us posted. :catlove:
 

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If that doesn't work, have you tried a simple pile of soft blankets? My one kitty refuses to sleep anywhere he can't bury himself into. So maybe just a comfy pile of blankets could work, even better if they smell like you.
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One trick I used to get Delilah to use her cat beds on my bed is to use it like a pillow myself and get my smell on it. Of course when she thinks it's mine, it's now hers. Now I put the cat bed on my bed (at the foot) and she goes right to it. She doesn't spend the night in my room though (I can't do more than quick naps with her in the room). The last time in 2 months I saw her on my pillows was when, while I was at work, she had knocked the cat bed off my bed. Also Delilah has a weird quirk with cat beds. She won't go on one with high sides
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Caspers Human

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Sometimes you've just gotta' set the rules, expect that they be followed and accept nothing else.

For starters, I have never been one who is comfortable having animals sleep in bed with me.
I grew up with dogs...several of them...but, as a kid, I was never allowed to let them in bed. Consequently, I'm just not used to it.

Casper's Girl-Human is the opposite. She has always been allowed to have her cat sleep with her. She's used to it and she likes it.

So, the two of us are at opposite ends of the scale and we need to find a compromise.

I feel comfortable letting the cat sleep at the foot of the bed. She's okay with that and Casper seems okay with it but, still, he'll sneak up and snuggle close to her in the middle of the night. I'm okay with that as long as Casper does it on her side of the bed. So far, so good. Right?

The problem comes when Girl-Human goes to bed before I do. Casper goes up to sleep with her and, when I come to bed, I'll find him on my side of the bed. I can't sleep with him there, like that. What do I do? I can't exactly kick him out of bed because we have already established that he's allowed to be there. Neither can I sleep with a cat in bed.

It took a while but Casper and I eventually figured things out.

When I come to bed and Casper is in my spot, I will sit on the edge of the bed and pet him. After a minute, I gently pat him on the bum and say, "Time to move." After several repetitions of this, Casper started to jump down from the bed. Then, after I get settled in, he comes back and finds a spot. He usually ends up laying in the middle, between us, somewhere down by my waist.

Compromise reached! :D

There are still some times when Casper gets stubborn and won't move. Especially in the winter when it's cold. Can you blame him for being stubborn when it's cold? ;)

When Casper is being stubborn and won't move, I just climb in bed and sort of lay right on top of him. No! I don't squash him. I just move right in and kind of brush him aside. He gets the message pretty quick! ;)

The rules are: "Cats can sleep in the bed but not when they bother the humans or else they get pushed aside."

It's my suggestion, if you want to let your cat sleep in bed with you but she makes you uncomfortable, just push her aside to a place where you think it's okay. After enough repetitions, she'll learn where she's allowed to sleep and where she's not.

Sometimes, it takes a while but stick to your guns and your rules will eventually take hold.
 
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UnoMama

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If that doesn't work, have you tried a simple pile of soft blankets? My one kitty refuses to sleep anywhere he can't bury himself into. So maybe just a comfy pile of blankets could work, even better if they smell like you.
This has crossed my mind too. It's been such few days since I got him, I'm still figuring out what he does and doesn't like (as I think is he) ...
Ordering more cat beds and rugs of all kinds does seem to be a foreseeable part of my next few months though :D
 
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UnoMama

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It's my suggestion, if you want to let your cat sleep in bed with you but she makes you uncomfortable, just push her aside to a place where you think it's okay. After enough repetitions, she'll learn where she's allowed to sleep and where she's not.
YES!! I'm so glad to see that this works. It's started happening for me because Uno likes to sleep just above my pillow, and that is exactly where I'd put my hands if he wasn't hogging the spot. So we've been duelling a little the last two nights with me pushing him aside, sometimes a few times a night. Here's hoping he does get the message.

I'm not terribly keen on having him in the same bed (I'm on your side of the spectrum - we don't sleep with any pets in the bed in my family) - and I'd love for him to find another spot (that window seat area was so right!) ... but I can deal with him in the bed if push comes to shove .... as long as he's not disturbing me.
 

Bananna4444

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I had a cat that somehow used to shove me out of the way in the middle of the night so I woke up in a weird position with him in the middle of the bed, I think he had a bad start to his life so had issues, he would get stressed out and self harm if I kicked him out the room. My anti-migraine tablets helped me (knocked me out). Maybe put something that smells of you where you want him to go, and cats seem to love fluffy blankets and being a bit higher up than whatever is next to them.
 

Caspers Human

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I don't think that cats give much thought to pushing one another around in bed.

Newborn kittens sleep together in a pile, with their mother, for warmth and protection. When one of them moves or rolls over onto another, they'll just push back. They think nothing of it.

When a cat sleeps with a human, they do the same. They'll snuggle up to their human for warmth and protection. They'll roll over or poke the human in the ribs, just as they would have done when they were kittens. Some grown cats sleep together and they do the same things to each other.

I think that the problem comes because most humans don't sleep the same way. If a sleeping human gets poked, they'll move away or wake up. The cat, who doesn't think twice about it, ends up pushing the human out of bed.

If you want to let your cat sleep in your bed, you're going to have to set the rules or else get pushed out of bed.
The human tells the cat where it's all right to sleep. Not by written or spoken rule. It's done by action.
If the cat sleeps in a place that bothers the human, it gets pushed away or even banished from the bed. It's the same thing that would have happened when the cat was still a kitten.

Maybe put something that smells of you where you want him to go, and cats seem to love fluffy blankets and being a bit higher up than whatever is next to them.
I think that's a great idea! :)
Make a spot for the cat to sleep, especially for him. I agree. Cats like soft, fluffy things to sleep on. Casper does! :)

Get a fluffy pillow or blanket for your cat to sleep on and put it in the bed where you think it's okay for him to sleep.
If he sleeps where you want him to, he gets petted, snuggled and praised. If he sleeps in a place that bugs you, just push him away.

Bottom line: Set the rule... "Sleep on the bed where I say or don't sleep on the bed at all."

So we've been duelling a little the last two nights with me pushing him aside, sometimes a few times a night. Here's hoping he does get the message.
It'll probably take a bit more dueling but keep at it. Your rules will eventually take hold.

It took many repetitions of petting Casper and patting him on the bum to make him move before he got used to the idea. Now, when I stand by the bed, put my things on the night stand and check my alarm clock, Casper knows that I'm coming to bed and he'll automatically get up and move. He knows that, if he doesn't, he'll get pushed out of bed.

Keep it up! Your kitten will eventually learn your rules. :)
 
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UnoMama

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Thanks Caspers Human Caspers Human and Bananna4444 Bananna4444 ... we’re... getting there. slowly.

Truth is he does like the window seat (pictured in my original post) ... last night after a solid play session and feeding he did sit and groom there, and eventually fell asleep. Only of course he jumped in bed later. Got kicked out of bed for nibbling on my hand.

this is going to be a long road I can see!
 
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UnoMama

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It's been a while so I thought I'd update on kitten sleeping situation (and kitten in general)

We're .....learning to sleep through the night. Kind of.
Uno's still young (3 months) and insists on being in my general vicinity at all times, so he comes and sleeps by my pillow at least for a bit. If he's being too frisky he gets kicked out (I do NOT want the bed becoming a playground!) - he's welcome to come and sleep but NOT if he insists on fighting with the pillows, blanket or my limbs!

He's also found a few more favourite spots to snooze in - a part of a marble countertop that's just behind his cat tree, my work table, the window seat (HALLELUJAH) and occasionally, even the bathroom or his cat bed. I noticed that the marble counter top was favoured during the warm nights (I don't turn on air conditioning much, I'm a happily tropical person) ... and the cat bed during the cold nights/ when we have air conditioning making the house cooler.

He's learnt that I can get quite annoyed and will yell if disturbed after I'm in bed, which seems to be a good thing ...

Here's some pictures of the boy. mostly asleep in all the spots he likes.


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