- Joined
- Jan 19, 2024
- Messages
- 236
- Purraise
- 585
Hello all, I am currently in a unique and sad situation that I did not expect to be in. I know there are a million introduction threads, and I have read a ton of them, but am hoping to get a little insight/advice into my own situation and just track the progress for myself. This is gonna be a long one so thanks in advance if you strap in and read it all.
Right before the new year I brought home a 7-8 ish month old male kitten/juvenile named Moose. I wasn’t planning on getting a third cat so suddenly but I ended up visiting a cat lounge that works with different rescues and something in me told me I had to get this little guy. He had been up for adoption for at least five months and nobody had given him a chance because he’s extremely shy/cautious of people he does not trust, and all the other cats there were extremely people friendly, so he got overlooked time and time again. He ignored me almost completely at the lounge but I could tell he was a friendly dude who wanted to interact and was just too shy to. A requirement of adopting Moose by himself was that the home had to have other cats, because he is a cat’s cat and LOVES other cats, and they help boost his confidence. I had a bonded pair, 15 year old Bentley and 12 year old Bitsy at home, who had any extremely smooth introduction when I brought Bitsy home as a kitten, but was aware things might be different now that they were seniors meeting a youngster.
I did all the standard introduction process, keeping Moose in his own room with zero interaction while he got comfortable with his new surroundings and me. He hid and acted scared of me for the first day, so I gave him lots of space, and then he came out of his shell. He now trusts me and is an extremely affectionate little cat, who suckles on me relentlessly while cuddling because his mom died when he was very young. After a few days I began scent swapping blankets and beds and feeding the cats on opposite sides of the door, and then with baby gate up, and then after a week or so I started allowing supervised “visits” where Moose can come out into the apartment with the rest of the cats (his base camp was my bedroom). This is still the “step” I am on.
Bentley (15 year old male) took to Moose right away. He wasn’t super interested in him but he was also totally unbothered by his presence, even when Moose when come rub up right against him. They would happily share Churu together and even slept together on the same bed just last week. Bitsy on the other hand (12 year old female), wasn’t as pleased with the new arrival, and will hiss at him, and has very rarely let out a low growl when he gets way too close for her liking. She has never tried to attack him, though, the absolute worst that has happened was she kind of cornered him once when he had gotten right up in her face in an awkward spot, but for the most part she tolerates him until he comes too close. She does not exhibit any signs of stressed body language around him either, nor does she try to get away from him, it’s just the hisses really and she tends to get a little more agitated with his presence when he’s being super playful close to her. Moose is completely unphased by her even when she gets hissy, and is trying his best to make friends. He has shown her his belly and I think he is happy to accept her as the “alpha queen”. The presence of Bentley has also helped Bitsy a lot with feeling confident, as he’s been so accepting of the little guy. Just to be clear, Bitsy seems to be totally fine with Moose’s scent, it’s just when he’s too close for her liking that she can get hissy, but she has also exchanged sniffs with him and had him very close by without a reaction at all, so not all of their encounters are questionable, and they are making progress for sure. She has napped/relaxed for prolonged periods of time just a few feet away from him and stuff too, and they have shared Churu, though that can sometimes trigger a hiss or two because Moose is VERY food motivated and gets a little too excited/greedy. I know overall this is all a good sign, as we are still only just over three weeks in.
Now comes where the situation becomes tough and different from most. I will not go into much detail as I have already done so in another thread, and I really don’t feel like writing it out and bawling my eyes out for the 1000th time. Long story short, on Friday Bentley suddenly started showing signs of respiratory issues, and on Saturday morning he had to be put to rest by an ER vet for advanced heart failure that was too far along to treat. He had seen our regular vet just days before, as well as about 6 months ago, and she didn’t pick up on anything (yes I will be finding a new vet for the remaining two cats). I am heartbroken and have been having a really rough time with it all, and am now left with a senior girl who has lost her bonded best friend of 12 years, and a little dude who desperately wants to be her friend, that she’s not the biggest fan of, mid introduction.
Since Moose was in foster homes and then a cat lounge, I don’t expect him to be affected by Bentley’s absence, as he has seen all his cat friends come and go since he was a baby, so this is normal to him. Bitsy on the other hand has lost her bonded buddy and she doesn’t know a life without him. I am not sure if she 100% realizes he’s not coming back yet, and though she doesn’t seem depressed, she is definitely acting a little different. She was already a vocal and affectionate cat, but now she is even more so. She is being extra clingy and always wants to be in my lap or cradled like a baby. I don’t know if this is because she is sad, or if it’s just because she doesn’t have to share me with Bentley/doesn’t have him to cuddle anymore.
I guess my biggest question for now is, how should I proceed? Moose is getting more and more desperate to have more access to the rest of the apartment, and even full on jumped the baby gate the moment I tried to leave my room this AM. I am just worried about upsetting Bitsy during what is obviously an extremely difficult time for her. The change of bringing in a new cat was already a lot, and now her bestfriend is gone too. I should also mention she has dormant feline chlamydia and calicivirus from when she was a very sick kitten, the only remaining evidence is her often crusty eyes and slightly louder than normal breathing, she has never had a flare up, but I am of course also worried about that possibility. Do I proceed as normal? Do I slow things down? As of right now they are probably only together for an hour or two every day, and I make sure to keep a keen eye on how she is tolerating him. If I suspect she is getting overwhelmed I try to have things end on a good note, and put him back in his room. Now that it’s just Bitsy, and she’s become so clingy, I plan to incorporate more overnight site swapping, so she can sleep with me and Moose has run of the rest of the apartment at night. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance. Attached are some recent pictures of them together/close to each other, for the cat tax.
Right before the new year I brought home a 7-8 ish month old male kitten/juvenile named Moose. I wasn’t planning on getting a third cat so suddenly but I ended up visiting a cat lounge that works with different rescues and something in me told me I had to get this little guy. He had been up for adoption for at least five months and nobody had given him a chance because he’s extremely shy/cautious of people he does not trust, and all the other cats there were extremely people friendly, so he got overlooked time and time again. He ignored me almost completely at the lounge but I could tell he was a friendly dude who wanted to interact and was just too shy to. A requirement of adopting Moose by himself was that the home had to have other cats, because he is a cat’s cat and LOVES other cats, and they help boost his confidence. I had a bonded pair, 15 year old Bentley and 12 year old Bitsy at home, who had any extremely smooth introduction when I brought Bitsy home as a kitten, but was aware things might be different now that they were seniors meeting a youngster.
I did all the standard introduction process, keeping Moose in his own room with zero interaction while he got comfortable with his new surroundings and me. He hid and acted scared of me for the first day, so I gave him lots of space, and then he came out of his shell. He now trusts me and is an extremely affectionate little cat, who suckles on me relentlessly while cuddling because his mom died when he was very young. After a few days I began scent swapping blankets and beds and feeding the cats on opposite sides of the door, and then with baby gate up, and then after a week or so I started allowing supervised “visits” where Moose can come out into the apartment with the rest of the cats (his base camp was my bedroom). This is still the “step” I am on.
Bentley (15 year old male) took to Moose right away. He wasn’t super interested in him but he was also totally unbothered by his presence, even when Moose when come rub up right against him. They would happily share Churu together and even slept together on the same bed just last week. Bitsy on the other hand (12 year old female), wasn’t as pleased with the new arrival, and will hiss at him, and has very rarely let out a low growl when he gets way too close for her liking. She has never tried to attack him, though, the absolute worst that has happened was she kind of cornered him once when he had gotten right up in her face in an awkward spot, but for the most part she tolerates him until he comes too close. She does not exhibit any signs of stressed body language around him either, nor does she try to get away from him, it’s just the hisses really and she tends to get a little more agitated with his presence when he’s being super playful close to her. Moose is completely unphased by her even when she gets hissy, and is trying his best to make friends. He has shown her his belly and I think he is happy to accept her as the “alpha queen”. The presence of Bentley has also helped Bitsy a lot with feeling confident, as he’s been so accepting of the little guy. Just to be clear, Bitsy seems to be totally fine with Moose’s scent, it’s just when he’s too close for her liking that she can get hissy, but she has also exchanged sniffs with him and had him very close by without a reaction at all, so not all of their encounters are questionable, and they are making progress for sure. She has napped/relaxed for prolonged periods of time just a few feet away from him and stuff too, and they have shared Churu, though that can sometimes trigger a hiss or two because Moose is VERY food motivated and gets a little too excited/greedy. I know overall this is all a good sign, as we are still only just over three weeks in.
Now comes where the situation becomes tough and different from most. I will not go into much detail as I have already done so in another thread, and I really don’t feel like writing it out and bawling my eyes out for the 1000th time. Long story short, on Friday Bentley suddenly started showing signs of respiratory issues, and on Saturday morning he had to be put to rest by an ER vet for advanced heart failure that was too far along to treat. He had seen our regular vet just days before, as well as about 6 months ago, and she didn’t pick up on anything (yes I will be finding a new vet for the remaining two cats). I am heartbroken and have been having a really rough time with it all, and am now left with a senior girl who has lost her bonded best friend of 12 years, and a little dude who desperately wants to be her friend, that she’s not the biggest fan of, mid introduction.
Since Moose was in foster homes and then a cat lounge, I don’t expect him to be affected by Bentley’s absence, as he has seen all his cat friends come and go since he was a baby, so this is normal to him. Bitsy on the other hand has lost her bonded buddy and she doesn’t know a life without him. I am not sure if she 100% realizes he’s not coming back yet, and though she doesn’t seem depressed, she is definitely acting a little different. She was already a vocal and affectionate cat, but now she is even more so. She is being extra clingy and always wants to be in my lap or cradled like a baby. I don’t know if this is because she is sad, or if it’s just because she doesn’t have to share me with Bentley/doesn’t have him to cuddle anymore.
I guess my biggest question for now is, how should I proceed? Moose is getting more and more desperate to have more access to the rest of the apartment, and even full on jumped the baby gate the moment I tried to leave my room this AM. I am just worried about upsetting Bitsy during what is obviously an extremely difficult time for her. The change of bringing in a new cat was already a lot, and now her bestfriend is gone too. I should also mention she has dormant feline chlamydia and calicivirus from when she was a very sick kitten, the only remaining evidence is her often crusty eyes and slightly louder than normal breathing, she has never had a flare up, but I am of course also worried about that possibility. Do I proceed as normal? Do I slow things down? As of right now they are probably only together for an hour or two every day, and I make sure to keep a keen eye on how she is tolerating him. If I suspect she is getting overwhelmed I try to have things end on a good note, and put him back in his room. Now that it’s just Bitsy, and she’s become so clingy, I plan to incorporate more overnight site swapping, so she can sleep with me and Moose has run of the rest of the apartment at night. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance. Attached are some recent pictures of them together/close to each other, for the cat tax.
), four litter boxes, and a ton of toys from dingly balls to kickeroos. I am actually also having a cat wall climbing unit installed later today as well, because there was one at the cat lounge and Moose loved it, and I wanted to have some sort of “escape hatch” in the bedroom, which is pretty small and therefore likely to become the place that spats happen because they feel they can’t escape. Might be a bit overboard but I want them to be comfortable and not have any disputes over resources. I could care less what non-cat people think because I never have anyone over anyways LOL. As of right now the only resource they seem to compete for at all is me. Bitsy will follow me into the bathroom, Moose will want to come too, Bitsy gets upset because he’s following her/putting her in a closed off space, that sort of thing.
… he made some sad/scared meow-y noises, and she didn’t back off, so then he actually gave her a little swat to the head lol. She listened and stopped harassing him. I’m actually proud of him, it’s the first time he’s ever “defended himself” and he was very gentle with it so I think overall, all is good for now. There are a lot of nice napping spots around for them but they both seem to prefer the fuzzy bed and corrugated cardboard scratcher lounge closest to the fireplace, so I think that might be triggering a bit of territorial behaviour from her too. On the bright side at least her favourite spots are gonna smell like him, so maybe it’ll work in our favour LOL.
We had a little bit of a similar situation. Lucy is 19. A few years ago, Sally the kitty cat had to be put down due to cancer. Lucy really didn't care to interact with her at all. Lucy is HIGHLY independent. Once in awhile you'd see the two chasing each other in play, but there really was not a whole lot of communication between them. They'd sleep on the same bed at the same time..but Lucy was always there first. She would not sleep on the bed if Sally was already there. Anyway, a couple of weeks after Sally died, Lu started howling. Randomly. Nit a meow...a howl. She was fine otherwise. We determined she missed Sally. How that works. I don't know. I'm guessing just her mere presence is what Lucy wanted....what she liked..and Sally wasn't there. So, we adopted Mandy! No tight bond on that one...much like Sally, though. They'd chase each other every so often and then the bed conditions applied. Mandy was desperate for Lucy's attention. It didn't happen. We went away for a week a number of months later. My mother checked on the cats. She never saw Mandy when she came over. Mandy hid. When we got home, this cat was bat-shit out of her mind! She would NOT come to see us. It wasn't happening. Attitude was high...and this cat did NOT like being left. Yes, Lucy was there, but Lucy isn't one to say, "hey, Mandy..come sleep with me...be with me...I know you don't like being alone". It wasn't happening. So we had a cat ob our hands who needed that other cat companionship. Enter Patti. Patti hung in our hood as a trap and release. She was always at our slider and my sucker-husband always fed her and made a make-shift shelter for her with blankets and the whole 9 yards. Long story short...once Patti was cleared from disease testing...we went through the process of letting her in the house and meeting the other two slowly. Lucy didn't care...as long as she stayed a certain distance from her. Mandy hated her.. Mandy had the big problem. Within like 6 months or so, they became besties. They sleep together...groom each other, play together. You may me surprised at the relationship that Moose develops with the other cat! Cats never cease to amaze me. They always keep me on my toes
