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- Mar 3, 2021
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My gf and I adopted our current cat, Benny, last year as a kitten and she's been our joy. She's always been a little shy/anxious, and when we first met her at a kitten cat cafe she was a bit of a "loner" among the other cats, but wasn't noted to be particularly bad (ie aggressive, skittish) with them or anything - just kept to herself. She's a very vocal tortie and has what my gf calls "tortitude" (lol), where she has maaaany different vocalizations for everything. When we first adopted her I had wanted to keep the bedroom cat free due to allergies (mild but act up every so often...luckily they're non-existent now) and she cried all night to be let in until we caved at like 1 am. She's still fairly clingy, to the extent that if I'm in the home office (I work from home) while my gf is out at her job, she'll cry if she can't be let in and when inside will meow for pets and attention. We try to play with her regularly but she can literally go for hours so long as she gets a short break in between, so it feels hard to really satiate her fully. Otherwise she's fairly independent, not prone to overeating and drinks plenty once we figured out she likes running water and bought her a drinking fountain. She is absolutely the midnight zoomies type of cat and is 100% what I'd call high strung. Whenever company comes over or we get a knock on the door she's instantly up and ready to dash into the hallway, so I'd say she's fairly skittish with strangers. We've had a friend come stay for a bit a few times and it took a while (collectively a few days?) for her to stop staring all night at our friend and to stop running from her. We try to accommodate this as best we can, making sure her favorite hiding spots (behind the couch, under the bed, in the closet, etc) are safe and comfy if she needs to hide.
Recently we had a situation where we might have had to take in a stray, and I realized that I would be really open to another cat, more than I'd thought. My gf had talked with me about it casually and off handedly over the year, but I'd never given it much thought. At any rate, I fell in love with this one cat, Sushi, and he's just this adorable fluff ball that's super chill and super affectionate. Because he was a male and roughly the same age as Benny I thought he might make a good fit for her, and we adopted him 2/21.
We're trying to follow the Jackson Galaxy method and had him separated completely in a safe room with extra food bowls, water bowls, litter boxes, and a cat tree + toys. We also have Feliway going, but it's just run out last night and we are having to go without until the refill gets here.
Benny would hiss at the door constantly and we had to put a towel down to prevent that, and needed to have the bowl placed fairly far to eat. Eventually (maybe a couple days in?) she was able to eat close to the door, and we began feeding them on either side of a covered screen door. We're at the point now where they can eat on opposite sides of the uncovered screen door without issue, though she will sometimes stare or hiss after she's done eating and has moved away to groom.
We've done site swapping and swapping towels and bedding, and Benny has gotten used to being in Sushi's room (at first she cried the whole time, now she can play and not paw at the door...) while Sushi seems to REALLY enjoy his time outside of the office. We've tried letting them meet face to face because they both play footsies (pawsies?) under the door and have really confusing body language to us...Benny will hiss at him when he puts his paws under and sometimes even growl but her ears don't go back, fur doesn't stand up, eyes aren't dilated, etc. and they'll both roll around on the floor while batting at each other's paws. Every so often there will be a loud hiss from Benny and she'll leave, but Sushi doesn't seem particularly bothered.
We thought maybe that meant they were ready to meet and have had them both out in the living room at the same time a couple times now, with Sushi very eager to play and Benny just staring at him and stalking him. She won't play at all if he's out and sometimes won't even eat snacks if we try to distract her with them. The stalking seems to freak Sushi out, as Benny gets really close and sniffs him, even putting her nose on him. He'll make a very small meow, no hissing or growling (I've never heard him do either ever) and if she continues staring or stalking he'll pounce on her and they fight, which we break up immediately and separate them again.
Yesterday we did another "meeting" and it seemed to go really well. Sushi was playing very enthusiastically, Benny was able to walk away from him when he meowed at her (still dunno why he doesn't hiss or anything, just meows), and they both were napping about 3 or 4 ft from each other at some point. But they did fight again and I'm just unsure of what's going wrong. When they fight, it's always after Benny has been staring or stalking and Sushi has issued several meows. He'll leap on her, she'll hiss loudly and throw him off and then run, and he'll chase. I think Benny is technically the "aggressor" here but it's hard to tell if one is bullying the other or if this is abnormal? Sushi is normally so chill, even if he's overstimulated from pets the worst he'll do is just gently put his mouth on your hand. It's so strange to see him be so aggressive to her and I think it's starting to scare both of them, as today I saw them playing pawsies (again through the closed door before I give them the daily snack on each side), and Benny hissed with her ears back and kept growling. Sushi, when I went in to check on him, was acting really strangely, wedging himself into corners and crying a very loud cry I'd never heard before (I would liken it to a baby's cry, very long and sorrowful). They both ate the treat and Benny is now sleeping peacefully next to me.
I have noticed that if Benny sees me petting Sushi through the screen door that she will growl and be very clingy (she's in general been clingier than usual, but after seeing that she'll follow me around and meow loudly if I move towards the office). Benny will also shove her paws under the door unprovoked, making me worried she might be bullying him. Additionally, when she catches sight of Sushi while they're both outside at the same time she's just unshakeable, won't take her eyes off him for anything and won't play (and she normally is super into playing). Is she seeing him as prey or something? Additionally, Sushi hasn't seem to be super scared of her hisses or growling generally but I worry he's starting to be. My gf suggested maybe he doesn't know how to hiss as his only boundary asserting thus far has been plaintive meows, which does strike me as really weird. Maybe Benny isn't understanding the message he's trying to send...?
Lastly both are fixed, both are eating and using the litter box properly, and we're taking Sushi for his checkup this Saturday but he has been sneezing (possible URI? as the shelter had cautioned). Dunno if that factors in at all. Otherwise neither have any known issues.
I'm confused on how our progress is, if we've gone too fast (I'm worried we have because of my misreading their body language) or if we're somehow too slow? Is this normal? I'm terrified of traumatizing one or both of them. Really would appreciate any advice! Thank you!!
Recently we had a situation where we might have had to take in a stray, and I realized that I would be really open to another cat, more than I'd thought. My gf had talked with me about it casually and off handedly over the year, but I'd never given it much thought. At any rate, I fell in love with this one cat, Sushi, and he's just this adorable fluff ball that's super chill and super affectionate. Because he was a male and roughly the same age as Benny I thought he might make a good fit for her, and we adopted him 2/21.
We're trying to follow the Jackson Galaxy method and had him separated completely in a safe room with extra food bowls, water bowls, litter boxes, and a cat tree + toys. We also have Feliway going, but it's just run out last night and we are having to go without until the refill gets here.
Benny would hiss at the door constantly and we had to put a towel down to prevent that, and needed to have the bowl placed fairly far to eat. Eventually (maybe a couple days in?) she was able to eat close to the door, and we began feeding them on either side of a covered screen door. We're at the point now where they can eat on opposite sides of the uncovered screen door without issue, though she will sometimes stare or hiss after she's done eating and has moved away to groom.
We've done site swapping and swapping towels and bedding, and Benny has gotten used to being in Sushi's room (at first she cried the whole time, now she can play and not paw at the door...) while Sushi seems to REALLY enjoy his time outside of the office. We've tried letting them meet face to face because they both play footsies (pawsies?) under the door and have really confusing body language to us...Benny will hiss at him when he puts his paws under and sometimes even growl but her ears don't go back, fur doesn't stand up, eyes aren't dilated, etc. and they'll both roll around on the floor while batting at each other's paws. Every so often there will be a loud hiss from Benny and she'll leave, but Sushi doesn't seem particularly bothered.
We thought maybe that meant they were ready to meet and have had them both out in the living room at the same time a couple times now, with Sushi very eager to play and Benny just staring at him and stalking him. She won't play at all if he's out and sometimes won't even eat snacks if we try to distract her with them. The stalking seems to freak Sushi out, as Benny gets really close and sniffs him, even putting her nose on him. He'll make a very small meow, no hissing or growling (I've never heard him do either ever) and if she continues staring or stalking he'll pounce on her and they fight, which we break up immediately and separate them again.
Yesterday we did another "meeting" and it seemed to go really well. Sushi was playing very enthusiastically, Benny was able to walk away from him when he meowed at her (still dunno why he doesn't hiss or anything, just meows), and they both were napping about 3 or 4 ft from each other at some point. But they did fight again and I'm just unsure of what's going wrong. When they fight, it's always after Benny has been staring or stalking and Sushi has issued several meows. He'll leap on her, she'll hiss loudly and throw him off and then run, and he'll chase. I think Benny is technically the "aggressor" here but it's hard to tell if one is bullying the other or if this is abnormal? Sushi is normally so chill, even if he's overstimulated from pets the worst he'll do is just gently put his mouth on your hand. It's so strange to see him be so aggressive to her and I think it's starting to scare both of them, as today I saw them playing pawsies (again through the closed door before I give them the daily snack on each side), and Benny hissed with her ears back and kept growling. Sushi, when I went in to check on him, was acting really strangely, wedging himself into corners and crying a very loud cry I'd never heard before (I would liken it to a baby's cry, very long and sorrowful). They both ate the treat and Benny is now sleeping peacefully next to me.
I have noticed that if Benny sees me petting Sushi through the screen door that she will growl and be very clingy (she's in general been clingier than usual, but after seeing that she'll follow me around and meow loudly if I move towards the office). Benny will also shove her paws under the door unprovoked, making me worried she might be bullying him. Additionally, when she catches sight of Sushi while they're both outside at the same time she's just unshakeable, won't take her eyes off him for anything and won't play (and she normally is super into playing). Is she seeing him as prey or something? Additionally, Sushi hasn't seem to be super scared of her hisses or growling generally but I worry he's starting to be. My gf suggested maybe he doesn't know how to hiss as his only boundary asserting thus far has been plaintive meows, which does strike me as really weird. Maybe Benny isn't understanding the message he's trying to send...?
Lastly both are fixed, both are eating and using the litter box properly, and we're taking Sushi for his checkup this Saturday but he has been sneezing (possible URI? as the shelter had cautioned). Dunno if that factors in at all. Otherwise neither have any known issues.
I'm confused on how our progress is, if we've gone too fast (I'm worried we have because of my misreading their body language) or if we're somehow too slow? Is this normal? I'm terrified of traumatizing one or both of them. Really would appreciate any advice! Thank you!!