*sigh* Things haven't gone well with Alex lately; those of you who read my previous thread will have some idea what I'm talking about. Alex said he wants space, since he doesn't know if he wants me in his life anymore, and he doesn't even know if he's still in love with me! He wants us to live apart for a month, so he can "see what his life is like without me." Whenever I try to ask him questions, he just says he doesn't know.
I am a basket case. I'm up at my mom's house. Fortunately, I have today and tomorrow off of work, so I can try to pull myself together. I've never been so miserable in my entire life! I miss him, I miss hugging him, at night I miss curling up with my head on his shoulder. I have one of his T-shirts that I've been sleeping with the past couple nights. At least it smells like him. Poor substitute for him, though. I can't eat, I barely sleep. Nothing holds my attention. Nothing interests me. All my hobbies are boring. Food tastes like ashes to me. And he hasn't even ended the relationship! We're still engaged! And I'm ready to curl up in a ball and die!
It's just torture not knowing. It's almost worse than if he just broke up with me; at least then I could move on with my life. He ignored me the last couple days we were around each other, unless I spoke to him. Wouldn't look me in the eye, wouldn't hug me, wouldn't kiss me . . . acted like I was something the dog brought whenever he had to acknowledge that I was there. Wouldn't say he loved me, even when I said it first . . . that was the worst, I think.
I just don't know what to do guys! I love this guy with all my heart, and we had such a wonderful relationship. I mean, we were terrific together. I just don't understand what happened to make him do this . . . and our wedding in less than 9 months. Well, we probably won't have a wedding in nine months, now, but still . . .
Anyway, that point is, I don't have enough motivation to remove myself from bed in the morning, and I don't know where I'm going to be living the next few weeks, so if I'm not around that's why. Just wanted to let y'all know.
I am a basket case. I'm up at my mom's house. Fortunately, I have today and tomorrow off of work, so I can try to pull myself together. I've never been so miserable in my entire life! I miss him, I miss hugging him, at night I miss curling up with my head on his shoulder. I have one of his T-shirts that I've been sleeping with the past couple nights. At least it smells like him. Poor substitute for him, though. I can't eat, I barely sleep. Nothing holds my attention. Nothing interests me. All my hobbies are boring. Food tastes like ashes to me. And he hasn't even ended the relationship! We're still engaged! And I'm ready to curl up in a ball and die!
It's just torture not knowing. It's almost worse than if he just broke up with me; at least then I could move on with my life. He ignored me the last couple days we were around each other, unless I spoke to him. Wouldn't look me in the eye, wouldn't hug me, wouldn't kiss me . . . acted like I was something the dog brought whenever he had to acknowledge that I was there. Wouldn't say he loved me, even when I said it first . . . that was the worst, I think.
Anyway, that point is, I don't have enough motivation to remove myself from bed in the morning, and I don't know where I'm going to be living the next few weeks, so if I'm not around that's why. Just wanted to let y'all know.