I'm upset. He is now biting me

[maggie101]

He sounds like my cat peaches,queen over me. She used to only want to be touched on her own time and a time limit how long she wants to be touched. If I'm on my couch never reach above her. She is now 10 and much more affectionate. Sometimes she wants something like food or attention. So wish she could. I do have a very affectionate cat that has never hissed or growled In 8 years.

 

[maggie101]

Is he your cat? Only 3x a month is not much time for him to be with you. It's like him having a pet sittter

 

[Kwik]

@zoes thank you.
Excellent question.

I don't pick him up unless I need to move him and he is OK with that. He is free to move as he wishes with no restraints whatsoever.

For example if he is walking past or laying on the chair or bed, if I take my fingers and stroke him on his head or cheek, he just wants to get out of it and moves his head away like he is being restrained when he is not at all.

He does smell my hand and fingers but that's it.
I play with him with his feather or ball or springs or laser pointer but that's it.

Hi Firehawk
I'm new to TCS ,my name is Kwik & it's nice to meet you.
I'm retired now but have been a professional animal trainer for decades( a few species) Did alot of work with service animals,emotional support animals and also therapy animals.....usually when a person comes in for an assessment we would honestly say whether the animal is suited for what the person is looking for- it simply means not every animal can meet an owners unrealistic expectations ,especially with cats- cars sort of march to a different drum....the key to the whole thing really is (imo) that cats seem to pick their people & not the other way around
Do I think every cat can be trained,yes absolutely but more so the owners need the training because you have to be able to read the cats language ....they are a non confontational creature,so they'd rather avoid than be in an uncomfortable position- in that situation they'll give clear indication they do not want to be in any predicament that will cause confrontation
My case & point is be patient,he's uncomfortable for whatever reason- could be the tone of your voice( high pitch) ,could be reaching with your fingers instead of back of your hand,approaching from above his head- but right now he's saying" no"... He's not ready,I'm in agreement with everyone here-
So speak " cat" , avoid,don't make eye contact,leave a treat trail to yourself,cats are curious so they become even more curious when someone is very still and pays them no attention....sadly you can't be there more often,I do wish you the best

 

[downton ali]

'being able to calm me during stress'

Yes, emotional support animal is the correct term for that. So I'm sorry it's frustrating for you but you both went in to this situation with a lack of understanding regarding both emotional support animals and also cats.

Honestly, even in terms of pets in general there seems to be a lack of understanding. The pet can't be "for you", if you are only there a few days a week. That's the reality. No animal is going to bond to you in the way you wish under those circumstances.

Can a pet still bond to you under those circumstances? Yes. But just not as it's primary person. Depending on the personality, very well even. Calcifer LOVES my mother in-law; she only comes periodically, and she had to show a lot of patience in that time. But he doesn't cuddle her or comfort her the way he does with me or my wife.

My late cat Lily LOVED my nieces and would cuddle them, especially at night. She knew they weren't there every day. But it took years to get her to the point of being comfortable with people.

Nobel, same. Loved my sister. Knows she's only here 2 weeks a year and didn't leave her side while she was here. (Even at night, shirking his duties as my support animal )

My big guy loves my son who visits once or twice a month, but it took a while for the bond to happen. I think it's because my cat loves quiet people and he is quiet and calm. I have other loud family members who put their fingers in front of his face or over his head where he can't see them approach. They wonder why my cat growls and hisses at them. (he's a scaredy cat who needs time and patience is all.)

Be patient with the cat and respect his boundaries. Make it rain all the good things (maybe a treat he loves and only gets from you) when you're there and it should improve with time and patience.

One more mentionable. My cat has a reputation for being horrible but let me tell you he is the biggest love to those who give him the time and space to be comfortable. He walks all over the ones he loves purring and making biscuits and laying on our laps. People do not believe me when i tell them that! But I had to give him wayyyy more space than I wanted to at first.

 

[maggie101]

He sounds like my cat peaches,queen over me. She used to only want to be touched on her own time and a time limit how long she wants to be touched. If I'm on my couch never reach above her. She is now 10 and much more affectionate. Sometimes she wants something like food or attention. So wish she could. I do have a very affectionate cat that has never hissed or growled In 8 years.

I meant to type so wish she could talk!

 

[kashmir64]

Quick related tangent: My cat follows me everywhere. BUT, when she's relaxing in certain spots, especially at bedtime and I approach her for a pet, you'd think we never met before. Don't take it personally!)

I hand raised mine from ten days old. There are times when I pet (the one in my avatar) she will not only attack to the point of much blood, but it will leave scars.
There are just times when a cat doesn't want to be messed with.