I’m not liking owning my cat.

[Aspiringbiologist]

I just adopted my first cat yesterday, she’s one year old and honestly the perfect adoptee. After some shyness, she’s already seeking me out for affection and even lets me rub her belly, she’s using the litter box, everything is great. It’s me that’s the problem, I’m not enjoying the experience of having a cat. I care about her and want what’s best for her, but I don’t feel affection or love towards her. I know it’s only been a couple of days and the best advice is to wait it out, but if I’m not a cat person and just don’t like having cats, shouldn’t I give her back sooner rather than later? I’m borederline miserable with anxiety about caring for her and having a stranger here that I don’t care about and possible never will. Advice?

 

[Morpheus1967]

1. You say "it's only been a few days", yet you also say you just got her yesterday.
2. Why on earth would you adopt a cat if you're "not a cat person and just don't like having cats".

Seriously do not understand this post at all.

 

[verna davies]

If you are 100% sure returning her is the right thing for both the cat and yourself then there's no decision to make but having the sole responsibility for any animal is overwhelming and frightening. It's very early days yet and you might feel very differently in a few days or so. Give it more thought so you dont make the wrong division and regret it.

 

[di and bob]

She needs you as much as you need her.......Everyone is not a cat person until one worms it's way into their heart. Cats are clean, are independent to give you as much freedom as you want, are smart and become a member of the family. Love does not happen immediately, you are having doubts and are insecure about an important decision, as every new parent is about a human baby as well as a furry one. Love grows. Sometimes you don't even like the person/animal at first but it is time that lets you see them in a new light. Lets you get to know what really makes them who they are. Most cats are shy and hide for a week or two after getting to a new home. Yours is outgoing then and bound to be affectionate. Get a wand or small act toy and play with her. Give her treats to get to know her. she can become your best friend if you let her. Talk out loud to her and tell her your worries, she will listen and love you anyway. Anxiety is VERY common in many people who are entering into new territory. Get out of the house for a while. Go shopping or visit a friend, or just walk around a park. Do something you enjoy to get your mind off of dwelling on things that are most likely never going to happen. Take having a cat in baby steps, not trying to take in everything at once and micromanaging everything. Research having a cat, and what wonderful creatures they are. You and her will be fine. You don't have to make such an important decision in days. You are NOT alone in your insecurities and we are here to help you with ANY questions you may have. A few days is not enough time to start growing a bond. Believe me, it will happen and you will receive one of this world's greatest rewards, one which you earn, a cat's love......,.

 

[Kflowers]

The cat obviously likes you since she's seeking you out to be with. However, if you feel nothing beyond taking care of her basic needs and are overwhelmed with the prospect of taking care of her then accept that. Don't force yourself to feel what you don't, nothing good comes from that. Realize that taking care of a cat is easier than taking care of any other pet - dog, fish, lizards - everything. You may just not be a pet person. That's okay too.

If you take her back to the shelter, odds are they will tell you 'a week isn't long enough to decide whether or not you want the cat." But only you can make that decision.

It might help to do this when she is off sleeping. Sit in the room where most of her things are. Now look at the things and think about the fact that she's never coming back to them. She's never going to sleep on her blanket again, or eat from her bowls, or play with her toys. No cat will. How do you feel? Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are. Accept that feeling as part of your decision-making process.

But if you do decide to return her, don't get another pet for a year or two. You may not be a pet person, or you may just be in a bad place right now. Don't risk doing this again until you've had more time to get in touch with who you are and what you want.

 

[KittyFriday]

Give it time - at least a month. If after that you're still not happy, ask if you can foster her while they look for a new home.

A new pet coming into our lives shakes things up a ton and it's not at all abnormal to feel regret or anxiety about that. It has happened to me with every new pet I've gotten - I just expect it now. I try to set things up before to make my life as easy as possible after they come home, and just be really kind to myself and the new pet while we both settle in and adjust. Take some long walks if you need to. Watch a comfort movie or show. Heck, even list all of the ways this pet is not going to majorly alter your life - you'll still be able to go to work, socialize with friends, go on trips, etc. Now you just have a buddy waiting for you.

 

[strider rose]

this thread makes me sad ...

 

[denice]

Even though I am a cat person and have had cats for many years it takes a little while for me to bond with a new cat. Cats generally aren't in your face right away the way many dogs are. It takes a while for them to show their personality completely.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

I had doubts about my Mamie when I adopted her in the lat 80s. She was going nuts in the house and I wondered what I’d done (she was far from my first cat). I rang the shelter and they said bluntly if I returned her she’d probably be euthanised. It just took time for her to calm down and for me to fall in love with her - and after that she was with me for fifteen happy years. It happens . Even with my Daisy it took a while, indeed until her health problems arose and I had to pay closer attention to her, to start to really love her.

 

[OopsyDaisy]

Honestly, I read your post a few times and it strikes me as odd. I'm sorry if I'm being unkind but how could you not know this before the adoption? I'm saddened by this post. I really don't understand it.

 

[CatladyJan]

I just adopted my first cat yesterday, she’s one year old and honestly the perfect adoptee. After some shyness, she’s already seeking me out for affection and even lets me rub her belly, she’s using the litter box, everything is great. It’s me that’s the problem, I’m not enjoying the experience of having a cat. I care about her and want what’s best for her, but I don’t feel affection or love towards her. I know it’s only been a couple of days and the best advice is to wait it out, but if I’m not a cat person and just don’t like having cats, shouldn’t I give her back sooner rather than later? I’m borederline miserable with anxiety about caring for her and having a stranger here that I don’t care about and possible never will. Advice?

Why did you adopt if you are not a cat person? That answer will tell a lot.

 

[iPappy]

There's a thing called "puppy/kitten" blues that many people experience when bringing a new pet (be it a baby or adult) home. It's not uncommon and it doesn't last. She sounds like a dream cat who will be affectionate, clean, and give you space if needed. Cats are really chill companions and can really do wonders for anxiety. I'd give it some more time. What about her care makes you anxious?

 

[Margot Lane]

There was another thread just like this some months back…can’t seem to find It. A new cat owner in an apartment who felt her cat was cold and aloof. I wonder how that turned out and if they have any advice.

I would also say give it time.