If cats had a diary...

[nebula]

Dear diary,

Today, my slaves mocked me with a feathery stick. It was oddly tempting. They are messing with my mind and must pay. They will not be getting any cuddling tonight. Today I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another because it is fun to make them panic. they have teased me for too long. Late tonight while they are asleep, someone is getting bit.

Sincerely, cat.

 

[katachtig]

Dear Diary,

House plant didn't agree with me.  Had to find white furniture to regurgitate.  Left a lovely green stain on the white couch.  Housekeeping slave made much noise.  I of course ignored her.

Can opener slave keeps throwing the mouse gift I bring him.  He must provide lap in front of computer so that I can comfort myself.

Sincerely, cat

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary:

Can Opener slave decided no more wetz food for me. He said it bad for my tooth. Me very sad now. I will probably stop eating to teach them a lesson.

Housekeeping slave yelled at me about green stain. But Christmas is coming and green and white looks purrty together. I always sleep on bed with my slaves, tonight they pushed me off. it isn't fair. i have been ousted all because of my tummy being upset

Sincerely

cat

 

[speakhandsforme]

Dear diary,

Today the slave drove Kramer and I in the traveling contraption for a long time, just like she did a few days ago. It was horrid, but to mask my displeasure I went to sleep so I wouldn't upset my slave. She needs to be on form for feeding me.

When she put us in the traveling contraption a few days ago, she brought us to a strange place, with new slaves who had a giant black un-cat. I think the other slaves were her slave family, because they kept doing those weird things where slaves wrap their arms around each other. Sometimes the slave does this to me. It's awful.

The un-cat was interesting. I am obviously of much superior intelligence, but he was very friendly, at least. At first I gave him my usual new slave treatment, hisses and pops on the nose, but then I realized his wagging tail makes an excellent toy. He annoys me when he tries to play, but I tolerate him. I have the feeling we'll be coming back to the other slaves' house soon.

Speaking of the new slaves, Kramer, as usual, continues to indiscriminately demand attention from all slaves (although he and the un-cat are NOT friends). The first night we were in the slave family's house, he jumped right up onto the couch and sat on their laps purring, the fool. I simply waited underneath the slave talking box until my main slave returned home.

Must be off, diary. I have to warm up my couch spot.

Sincerely, Boots.

 

[thembcat]

Dear Diary,

I have grown to enjoy tormenting my human servants especially the male which I put an extra effort in whenever he is home. It is so fun when he chases me out of what he calls his "warroom" after knocking his noise box off his desk or if being to scratch the moving picture box he tend spend all night screaming at.  I especially enjoy attacking his feet while they are under the afgan, the noises he makes are amusing.  My female servant seems to be my official giver of nourishments though it seems she sometimes get lazy and gives me only dry pellets. They provides me with the nourishment I need but it is not nearly as tasty without the moist food added into it.  She is also the one who opens the veiwing portals in the morning when she arrives home from her job. I do enjoy staring outside, some day I shall escape and live wild but then again...I do like my warm bed and my consistant supply of food.

The Cat

 

[catkiki]

Dear Diary,

Last night, my female slave cornered me and my sister and used a wet, smelly wipe on my eyes. She said it was to get rid of the tear stains. She also told me that we have not been diligent enough to keep that area clean ourselves, so she had to buy these smelly things. I could have told her that it is hard to keep our eyes clean.

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary:

I got threatened with a bath today. It isn't my fault I wondered what it would be like to roll in the garbage can contents. My brother spilled them, not me. But slave only saw me- and threatened me with a bath. But it was too cold outside, so I have to wait...

Cat

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary:

Slaves are moving today. I don't like it. Too many boxes and my female slaves says I have to be in the bathroom for about an hour with toys food and blankets. Me no like

cat

 

[lawguy]

Dear Diary,

My latest attempts to kill my human have failed.  I removed all of his shoelaces, but he outsmarted me by planning for this attack and had spares.  I will try again tomorrow.  I have debated enlisting the help of this new, young cat he has brought home, but I am unsure if he can be trusted.  He seems to actually like the human.  It's pathetic and disgusting.

On a related note, the black and silver beast that is intent on inhaling me struck again.  I am certain that the human is the true master of this beast.  I will destroy them both; but first I must go dig a trench in the box of earth the human leaves in the bathroom and leave the human something to "deal with" as he puts it.

I will return.

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary

My human female slave is very sad today, she has been crying- alot. I tried to love on her, comfort her, & squeeze her and she told me to go away and leave her alone. Why she so sad?

She laid on bed crying for hours, said somthing about loozing fwiend. What is a fwiend? I dont want one if they make you cryz...

Today, male slave played with me alot and my brother got yelled at for running outside.

Oh well, its been a bad day for everyone i guess.. tuna time bye

 

[sneakymom]

Dear Diary,

The one thing that I would LOVE the most- is if the human slaves sat around all day and let me lay on their laps.  Especially the older one with long hair.  The 2 smaller versions of that human are nice- but they keep moving me from my favorite lap and I don't like it. 

My favorite part of the day is when all of the slaves sit on the big red comfy thing and watch the big box that makes noise.  Then I get all kinds of laps I can lay on.

Jasper

 

[mystik spiral]

Dear Diary,

Well, it's been many naps and many mealtimes, and the one that mommy calls Daymon is still here. How much longer do I have to put up with this other cat in MY house?!? He sleeps in MY bed, he plays with MY toys, he sits on MY condo to watch MY kitty TV... and the worst is when he sits on mommy's lap and purrs while mommy tells him how handsome he is.

What a brown-noser. That's not even the worst of it. All I hear now, all day long is: "Holland, are you being nice to your brother?", "Holland, don't stalk your brother!", "Holland, that's Daymon's food, eat your own." But wait, it gets better... I thought I had a fair understanding of slave language, but maybe not, because she is constantly telling me that she brought this... thing into my house for MY OWN GOOD! I must not have a good understanding of what "my own good" is. Because, I gotta tell ya - NOTHING has been good since this guy got here.

OK, well, maybe I'm exaggerating just a little bit. I mean, mommy tells me that she loves me, and that I'm her princess. And best of all, I know she loves me best because I get my noms first.

I guess I will suffer through this phase of my life. It can't possibly last forever, right?

Sincerely,

Holland

 

[lawguy]

Dear Diary,

Figured out how to open the human's garbage can today.  Decided that its contents were more aesthetically pleasing on the floor.  Awesome.

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary

My female slave threatened to ship me to Africa today. She must not like being bit, it isn't my fault she had bacon taste on her hands, is it really?? Not like I have claws to defend myself

Love Smokie

 

[bootbuckle]

Dear diary,

Today my slaves tried to drown me in the biggest mutiny the cat kingdom has ever seen. But I gave them a good fight (I'm glad I sharpened my paws last week). The'll think twice next time they try bathe me!

 

[nebula]

Dear Diary.

Today, my female slave came up to me and keeps wiping crusties out of my eyes and also clippped my nails and shoved a pill down my throat.

Revenge is coming soon, as soon as I get a rap sheet.

Love cat

 

[lsurova]

Dear DiaryI am going to scare that dog who is acting like a weird jumpy dog. He has been scaring lots of small puppies and cats. Now tonight, I am going to get him wid ma paws..... purrrr.....Me Cat.... with Love