I Want To Trust My Cat But We’re All Too Scared..will Things Ever Be The Same Again?

[BellaGen1]

OK this is a pretty long post bc it has multiple events put in one so there is a good understanding of whats going on but please someone read it and reply please I really love my cat and I really want to keep her but I’m scared.

So I have a cat named Bella. I got her as a birthday present from my brother when she was a kitten (about 4 or 5 years ago). Ever since I got her i washed her when she got super dirty and she will get really scared and try and jump out but I would hold her up with one arm I am calm her with my voice while I do it and then hold her when she got out and we took naps together so we had a really strong bond that no one seems to understand she used to follow me around the house when she heard me come home she would run to the door bolt up to my room door and sit in front of the door and wait for me to open it and run inside and jump on the bed and lay in bed with me she will cuddle next to me. She licks my face, hands or whatever she can reach and rubs against me.

I loved every bit of it but my boyfriend cant stand her bc he’s allergic and he says shes mean. She’s been the only cat since I got her she’s actually my first and only cat. I’ve always wanted another cat and I have tried to bring another cat home twice but it didn’t work out. The first time I tried I didn’t know that cats get angry when new cats come around so Iet the new cat out immediately when I got home. Bella looked at the cat and her tail puffed up and she was hissing and growling i kept them in separate rooms for a few days and tried to slowly introduce them again but she bullied the new cat every chance she got even cornered and scared the little guy so bad he sat still and peed on himself several times so i gave him to a friend.

The second time was even worse and a lot of time passed since. I knew not to let the cat out so i took it to my room closed the door and then let him out i was petting and playing with him to loosen him up bc he was in the corner and wouldn’t move. Without thinking i opened my room door and saw bella right in front, i bent down to pet her and she got stiff her light green eyes grew into 2 pitch black eyeballs her tail puffed up and she jumped right in my face she was running at me jumping hissing biting and even left a claw in my eyelid ( ill try to put a pic) i had to beat her off with a trash can and she never stopped coming i had to hit her really hard to make her back up enough for me to get back in my room without her getting to the other cat she charged at my door full force as i slammed it and my heart broke into tiny pieces when i heard her scream in pain bc i caught her paw in the door.

I called my boyfriend crying bc i hurt her even though i had scratches bite marks and a claw in my eye my nephew managed to get her in her cage and we got the other cat out right away and i took a shower and tied up the clothes i had on and after a few hours she was okay and back to her old self.

Some time after i spent the night at a friends house and they have a cat i made sure not to interact with it but ig it rubbed against my clothes bc when i got home and ran into bella her eyes got pitch black and her tail was puffy i slammed the door before she jumped and my nephew got her in the cage and I showered and tied the other clothes up after a while she was cool and i let her out and she was good.

So the problem now is that back in late December i came home from work and found that i locked bella in my room all day (Her food and litter box is in a giant cage in my room and the door closest to the floor is always kept open) i came in my room pet her gave her kisses and everything was fine i went back out and closed the door to do my moms hair. Shortly after she started scratching on the door so my mom said let her out so my uncle did. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table i was behind her doing her hair my nephew was sitting on the floor infront of the fridge and my uncle was watching the tv. Bella came downstairs and started sniffing around she came across my moms bag and stayed there for a minute i had my back towards bella the bag and my nephew so i didnt see her tail get puffy or anything she walked into the corner were me and my mom were and just sat there then out of nowhere i see bella charge past us and i hear my nephew screaming so i ran and jumped infront of him and tried to keep her off him bc she had him in the corner and got bit twice my mom got up and bella ran for her locked onto her leg bitting and scratching her up and knocking her over luckily she fell into a soft surface and not on the floor.

My mom was beating her with said bag and she ran and hid underneath my moms bed my uncle took it and put the bag on the fire escape my nephew ran upstairs to his room while she was hiding and she didn’t come out then a little bit after i tried to run to my room without her noticing but she ran right behind me bc my belt made noise luckily i slammed my door in time catching her paw in it again. She ran back under my moms bed for a while and my nephew and I took that time to take showers and change clothes. Since the bag was gone we tried for hours to catch her and put her in her cage but she just ended up chasing my nephew into his room again and when she couldn’t get in his room she turned towards my door and i slammed it she sat in the hallway growling then went back under my moms bed my moms room is downstairs and doesn’t have a door and she was too scared to move bc bella was under the bed so i searched online for a professional that could get her in her cage to calm her like before but no luck

I ended up having to call the cops to get her it took til almost 1 am for them to catch her when the cops turned to walk away she looked at me from in the cage and meowed softly.. broke my heart in two. We cried uncontrollably for hours thinking she was gone forever while my uncle had the best sleep of his life. Eventually the animal shelter they took her to called and i had hope again. I was told that if i wanted her back i had to claim her within a certain amount of time but i cant have her back til she got fixed and went under observation for rabies so I agreed.

The day that i went for what i thought was a pickup I found out that I couldn’t have her bc they didn’t do the surgery bc she had a kitty cold. I went to visit her in a room full of caged sick cats and she was not my baby bella at all she immediately came to the cage door when i put my hand out but she was still growling and hissing. So i left her alone and cried the whole 2 hour ride home. After days of crying and thinking i came up with the plan to still bring her home but find a new home or no kill shelter.

Earlier this month I finally got to pick her up but I requested to see her im the cage first when i put my hand out she ran to the cage door immediately sniffed my hand and rolled around in the cage and rubbed her face against the cage door and wall but her eyes were still fully dialated and she kept coming to the door and then backing up. I still took her home but i was still scared of her so i put the carrier in the giant cage and her scratching post so she has food water a scratching post toys and her litter box in the cage i put locks on the cage to keep the kids from opening it when im not around. It was only supposed to be until i find her a new home but i cant stand the thought of losing her again especially after everything i went through for a whole month to get her back so I sit and talk/play with her every day she rolls around in the cage and rubs her face on the bars when im next to it she’s eating sleeping and using the litter box normally so i dont think shes uncomfortable in there (she used to go in and sleep on her own before the incident) but i hate seeing her locked up like this but for some reason this time im absolutely terrified of letting her out i can play and put my hand in the cage to pet , feed and clean her litter but the thought of her being out of the cage in the open terrifies me and my mom im trying to build the trust bc i dont want to give her away and ik i cant keep her in that cage for the rest of her life

 

[BellaGen1]

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - I'm so glad you're here, and I'm glad your eye is ok, and that everyone else is ok? The cat isn't limping or anything like that?
Now, the main thing is that she is recovered from her kitty cold and she is spayed.

So, there is hope that you-all can get back on track and she can eventually come out of the cage. Maybe keep her inside one room for a while so that she and you can get used to one another again.
I'm going to attach some articles that might help -
Is Your Cat Stressed Out?
Potential Stressors In Cats - The Ultimate Checklist
Cat Aggression Toward People
Six Surefire Strategies To Reduce Stress In Cats
How To Mix Cats And Kids The Right Way
How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)
First-time Cat Owner's Guide

 

[BellaGen1]

Hi - the main thing is that she recovered from her kitty cold and she is spayed.
So, there is hope that you-all can get back on track and she can eventually come out of the cage, although I'd suggest keeping her inside one room for a while.
I'm going to attach some articles that might help -
Is Your Cat Stressed Out?

Thank you for your help its greatly appreciated

 

[Furballsmom]

We're sending you TONS of good thoughts and love

 

[Furballsmom]

Let us know how things go, we're a bunch of worrypots here
Also, I didn't know for sure if you saw the other articles I'd posted above, as I think you and I were typing at the same time during that first post of mine

 

[Furballsmom]

PS - I just love that bottom photo

 

[BellaGen1]

Let us know how things go, we're a bunch of worrypots here
Also, I didn't know for sure if you saw the other articles I'd posted above, as I think you and I were typing at the same time during that first post of mine

I surely will keep you updated and i didnt see them but i see them now and i do too lol

 

[danteshuman]

I hope every one gets along soon. If none of the above work you can take her or both cats to the vet & ask for anti-anxiety medication as a temporary stop gap. To keep her calm for a couple of months while she gets used to him. Please tell us how it is going?

 

[sabrinah]

Maybe you could try to find a cat behaviorist in your area? S/he may be able to help you identify stressors and triggers as well as help rebuild the relationship.

 

[Kieka]

That is a lot to take in. Let me see if I get it all.

There were some bad incidents. She scratched and went after people a few time. You hit her, slammed her paw and your mom hit her (not judging, just making sure I got it right). In one of her attacks you called the cops and animal control took her. She was spayed and you were able to bring her home again. She is now living in a crate in your room and you are considering rehoming. Is that the just of it?

If I am reading it right, she wasn't spayed before. That could be 90% of your problem right there. A female cat in heat will do anything to get out. Anything. I've heard of females jumping out third story windows to get out. So if she was in heat and saw and escape route she might have been willing to go through the human to get to it.

You might find her behavior completely different as a spayed cat.

However, I have some concerns about the house. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend or your family like her very much. And with everything that has happened she may not be accepted by your family. Here is what I would recommend ...

1) Have a talk with your family and see if they are willing to pretend like she's a new cat. Start over. Don't judge her on the past actions and treat her like a brand new cat in your home. Remember, since she's been spayed she might very well act like a new cat. You also have to agree to believe that she is a new cat. You have to let the past be the old her and the future be the new her.

2) Don't try to add another cat again. She reacted badly twice. While not being spayed could be the reason, it may not. I have a spayed female who hates other cats. I can never add another cat into the household while she is alive. You have to accept that too.

3) Commit to a slow reintroduction to the home with your cat. Start small with your room, door closed. When she is comfortable in your room start expanding the territory.begore she gets into the rest of the house make sure you have cleaned it top to bottom with an enzyme cleaner. The last thing you need to have her trigger on an old scent marker.

4) Start playing with her everyday at least 15 minutes. You and her. Dedicated play time. This will help you guys bond again. At the end of play time feed her or give her treats but be there talking to her while she eats. Fully engrain your bond to each other.

5) If she acts out again, you need to take her to a vet for a full exam. There may be an underlying problem that is causing the behavior. Thyroid problems immediately come to mind.

If you and your family cannot give her a fresh start it might be best to re-home her. I hate saying it but she may have a better chance to start over elsewhere. I know how hard what I am saying is to take. But there is no shame in admitting that your home isn't the right place for her or other cats. I would say if you aren't able to fully commit to starting over and taking the time to rebuild your bond you should take a break from having cats until you do have the time. I say this with love and please know I have been there. We had a cat who stress reacted to changes in the home and we had to re-home. It wasn't fair to her and our home wasn't right for a cat at that time. It broke my heart and it still does, it was 6 years before I got a cat again because I waited until the home was right for a cat. So I really am not advising anything I haven't done myself.

As an aside, behavior problems driven by unspayed or unneutered cats are easily prevented by spaying or neutering. We advise that all cats be spayed or neutered before 1 (personally I think the earlier the better) to get maximum medical and behavioral benefits. In addition to avoiding horomones related problems there is a huge health benefit in lowering cancer risks. In the future, I strongly encourage you to spay or neuter any cats (or dogs) before their first birthday.

 

[Lari]

Are you okay? That claw in your eye looks painful!

I love everything that Kieka wrote. I agree she's probably one of those cats that needs to be an only cat. And I do hope getting her spayed calmed her down.

I don't really have advice of my own. Just wanted to lend a bit of support.

 

[BellaGen1]

That is a lot to take in. Let me see if I get it all.

There were some bad incidents. She scratched and went after people a few time. You hit her, slammed her paw and your mom hit her (not judging, just making sure I got it right). In one of her attacks you called the cops and animal control took her. She was spayed and you were able to bring her home again. She is now living in a crate in your room and you are considering rehoming. Is that the just of it?

If I am reading it right, she wasn't spayed before. That could be 90% of your problem right there. A female cat in heat will do anything to get out. Anything. I've heard of females jumping out third story windows to get out. So if she was in heat and saw and escape route she might have been willing to go through the human to get to it.

You might find her behavior completely different as a spayed cat.

However, I have some concerns about the house. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend or your family like her very much. And with everything that has happened she may not be accepted by your family. Here is what I would recommend ...

1) Have a talk with your family and see if they are willing to pretend like she's a new cat. Start over. Don't judge her on the past actions and treat her like a brand new cat in your home. Remember, since she's been spayed she might very well act like a new cat. You also have to agree to believe that she is a new cat. You have to let the past be the old her and the future be the new her.

2) Don't try to add another cat again. She reacted badly twice. While not being spayed could be the reason, it may not. I have a spayed female who hates other cats. I can never add another cat into the household while she is alive. You have to accept that too.

3) Commit to a slow reintroduction to the home with your cat. Start small with your room, door closed. When she is comfortable in your room start expanding the territory.begore she gets into the rest of the house make sure you have cleaned it top to bottom with an enzyme cleaner. The last thing you need to have her trigger on an old scent marker.

4) Start playing with her everyday at least 15 minutes. You and her. Dedicated play time. This will help you guys bond again. At the end of play time feed her or give her treats but be there talking to her while she eats. Fully engrain your bond to each other.

5) If she acts out again, you need to take her to a vet for a full exam. There may be an underlying problem that is causing the behavior. Thyroid problems immediately come to mind.

If you and your family cannot give her a fresh start it might be best to re-home her. I hate saying it but she may have a better chance to start over elsewhere. I know how hard what I am saying is to take. But there is no shame in admitting that your home isn't the right place for her or other cats. I would say if you aren't able to fully commit to starting over and taking the time to rebuild your bond you should take a break from having cats until you do have the time. I say this with love and please know I have been there. We had a cat who stress reacted to changes in the home and we had to re-home. It wasn't fair to her and our home wasn't right for a cat at that time. It broke my heart and it still does, it was 6 years before I got a cat again because I waited until the home was right for a cat. So I really am not advising anything I haven't done myself.

As an aside, behavior problems driven by unspayed or unneutered cats are easily prevented by spaying or neutering. We advise that all cats be spayed or neutered before 1 (personally I think the earlier the better) to get maximum medical and behavioral benefits. In addition to avoiding horomones related problems there is a huge health benefit in lowering cancer risks. In the future, I strongly encourage you to spay or neuter any cats (or dogs) before their first birthday.

You are correct in your summary of the whole situation and im taking any advice that anyone has. Although everyone thinks shes mean everone in my house grew to love her very much bc they saw how much she meant to me and although my boyfriend doesnt like her he deals with her but from a distance. The rehoming thing is only if i can't do anything else to keep her. I was told when i got her back to start in a small quiet area of the house where she would feel safe which is why i chose her cage in my room. My original plan was to keep her caged until everything in the house is deep cleaned bc we dont know what scent triggered her bc she was fine until she was let out of my room. My mom is absolutely terrified of her now but im trying to slowly introduce everyone again by letting them come in one by one and sit next to the cage and talk to her I put signs on the cage so everyone could see. I love this cat with every piece of my heart i got her after my birth mother passed away which made me attempt suicide and ever since ive had her suicide hasn’t crossed my mind so you can see why its so hard for me to be away from her i cried everyday that she was gone. Her cage is in perfect view of my bed and the door so she can see me and who’s coming in and out i sit and play with her talk to her and give her treats and i try to make her as comfortable as i can for now i filled the bottom of the cage with things with my scent and play soft music or something when i have to go out in attempt to keep her from feeling lonely ive went through so much to get her back I really don’t want to lose her permanently i give her the same amount of love and attention as i did before the incident if not more my feelings towards her did not change except for the fact that im a little scared. I think my fear is not of her but more of knowing that if she acts out again i lose her forever. I will keep posting about whats going on to keep everyone updated and thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and respond I really appreciate all of the advice

 

[BellaGen1]

I hope every one gets along soon. If none of the above work you can take her or both cats to the vet & ask for anti-anxiety medication as a temporary stop gap. To keep her calm for a couple of months while she gets used to him. Please tell us how it is going?

Thank you for the advice everything is okay for now she seems comfortable in her little space now the only problem is that I noticed when she came home she seemed off bc she had no voice to meow she still can barely make noise and also whenever i leave my room and come back no matter what shes doing she will stop immediately or get up from where she’s laying when she hears or sees me walking to the door she will be standing on the top shelf eyes fully dialed when I return and she starts meowing continuously until i come over to the cage so she can sniff and rub her head on my hand even if i only go to the bathroom and back. Ik that trains them to think its okay to meow excessively for attention but i cant bring myself to ignore her meowing especially after what shes just been through with being aggressively snatched from her home and put in a small room full of other caged cats considering the fact that she doesn’t seem to enjoy being around other cats. I dont want her to think i dont love her anymore. If cats even think that way. Also her eyes dialate whenever im near the cage which scares me a little bc her eyes did that when she attacked
(Im in the bathroom rn and i can hear her trying to yowl like as if she was in heat) any advice on what you think this is?

 

[BellaGen1]

Maybe you could try to find a cat behaviorist in your area? S/he may be able to help you identify stressors and triggers as well as help rebuild the relationship.

Thank you i will try that too

 

[Timmer]

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. It sounds not only stressful for everyone in your house but also your cat.
You have to understand cats....You cannot keep a cat (or any animal) in a cage like you have been doing. Part of the problem was the cat was not spayed and second, it sounds like you primarily kept the cat in a cage, slammed doors, ran around. Cats don't like that.
She needs to get out of that room and explore the house.
Not every cat wants a playmate in another cat. Some just want to be the only cat. That sounds like Bella.

 

[BellaGen1]

Are you okay? That claw in your eye looks painful!

I love everything that Kieka wrote. I agree she's probably one of those cats that needs to be an only cat. And I do hope getting her spayed calmed her down.

I don't really have advice of my own. Just wanted to lend a bit of support.

Thank you i am fine now i have a small scar in that spot but its okay and yeah after that claw in my eye I accepted the fact that she’s not here for a sibling and i don’t try anymore im happy with just her anyway

 

[BellaGen1]

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. It sounds not only stressful for everyone in your house but also your cat.
You have to understand cats....You cannot keep a cat (or any animal) in a cage like you have been doing. Part of the problem was the cat was not spayed and second, it sounds like you primarily kept the cat in a cage, slammed doors, ran around. Cats don't like that.
She needs to get out of that room and explore the house.
Not every cat wants a playmate in another cat. Some just want to be the only cat. That sounds like Bella.

Before the incident i never kept her caged the cage was just her area with her things in it bc shes my cat i had it in my room the door was always wide open she went in and out of it on her own. I did not ever harm her purposely those hits and the slammed door was purely self defense bc she kept coming at me and I couldn’t get away same with my mom she locked onto her leg and wouldn’t let go. We all love bella and she has been perfectly conent here for 4 - 5 years except for those few incidents. If she didnt like it here she wouldnt have been as affectionate towards me as she was. She is caged rn bc my mom is too scared of her roaming through the house considering the fact that we dont know what triggered the attack on my nephew and the only time we seen her act that way is when we tried to bring another cat home which we stopped after the second time. We want to deep clean everything before shes let back out I promise i have the best intentions with the caged thing and as soon as i have everything washed down in my bedroom she will be free to roam my room again i give her plenty of love and attention while shes in there and the cage is 2 stories with plenty of space for her to stretch and move around comfortably. If the trust cant be built again i will definitely consider a new home for her because I wouldn’t even think about keeping her caged forever which is why i made an account here and made this post looking for advice

 

[Wenda]

I hope everything works out well for you and lovely Bella!

 

[BellaGen1]

Just for clarification...The cage is 2 stories (height reaches my chin) and very wide previously just a spot where her litter and and food would be she was NOT caged before the incident the only time she was put in the cage and not able to get out was when she showed signs of agression or attacked (3 times in 4-5 years due to another cats scent) once she was calm and the other cat scent was gone she was free to roam where she wanted again. She was never abused those hits were purely self defense and absolutely broke my heart we didnt hit her hard enough to hurt her just enough to make her back up a little to get away any time i caught anyone doing anything that made her seem to be uncomfortable I removed her from the situation by bringing her into my room for a while not in the cage tho. After the second cat incident I accepted the fact that she likes being the only cat and no longer tried to bring other cats home. And lastly my moms bag was in my nephews mothers house and they have lots of cats including bellas brother mittens and a few new strays they found we assume that there was a strange scent on the bag and she attacked him bc he was sitting next to it and she didn’t attack until he tried to stand up but we aren’t completely sure bc we couldn’t get her in the cage like the other times bc she was under the bed and we were all too scared to get too close to her