I want to adopt my roommate’s cat

[Clem1968]

Hi all, last year my (25M) roommate adopted a cat. She was about 3, and he described her as being extremely shy and skittish during her time living alone with him. He had her for about 4 months until he moved into our apartment. I love cats and took to her very quickly, going out of my way to make her feel comfortable and safe in her new environment. In the year we have lived together she’s become a brand new cat. She’s playful, loves to be scratched, she lets me kiss her on the head, and she sits on my lap whenever I sit on the couch. In addition to her attitude changes, she’s extremely attached to me. I work from home so we spend every moment together. When I’m at my desk, she cries until I lay out a blanket for her to sit next to me. When I’m in my room, she’ll come upstairs and snuggle up to me. When I leave, she cries until I come back. I’m the only one in the house she’s comfortable with. My roommate, her “owner” cannot say the same. The cat runs full speed in the opposite direction whenever he approaches her & recoils from her touch whenever he tries to pet her. He doesn’t understand that because she comes from an abusive household he needs to be gentle with her, and I’ve witnessed him pick her up and “bear hug” her multiple times so she cannot escape his grip (only worsening her fear of being held). He’s of the opinion that cats are “independent” but his definition of independence is borderline neglectful. The cat doesn’t get fed unless I feed her. On the off chance he does feed her, he puts an open (rigid & sharp edged) can of wet food down on the hardwood that she usually slides all around the floor trying to get the food she can’t reach from the corners. He never refills her water (I bought her a fountain bc of this). When we go away for the weekend, I insist on hiring a cat sitter whereas he suggests we just lay out several bowls of food and water. I always end up hiring someone to come spend time with her. He buys her cheap name brand Walmart food even though she has a urinary tract issue and needs special food.

In addition to his failures as a cat parent, he’s also a terrible roommate. He’s volatile, rude, and generally miserable to be around. We don’t get along, but I insisted that we resign our lease so I can get one more year with the cat because I’m concerned for what her life will be without me. This roommate is not the type of person you can approach with any comment that can be even slightly construed as criticism, and would react aggressively if I asked outright if I can adopt her. I’ve never broached the subject with him because I know it’s delicate and he’ll be offended. I know I want to ask him if I can take her when our lease ends this year (I can’t take living with him anymore after that). What should I do??

 

[minish]

The cat is definitely happier with you. But this doesn't mean he is an awful cat parent. Maybe she is skittish of men, some pets develop fear towards all men if they were abused once before. She was already three when adopted. Bear hugs hardly count as abuse, my boyfriend teases minish everyday but she loves and teases him back. For neglecting his duties, maybe he is counting on you, since you take the weight off him. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want her.
Because you have problems living together, he can be touchy and offended if you told him the things you told us. I think the best way to approach this is telling him how much you grew fond of her and want her, instead of drawing his attention to what he fails. And best timing is towards the end of lease and when you are getting along about other stuff.

 

[fionasmom]

I think that you should find a way to adopt the cat. You have a year for this situation to play out in a number of ways, including that he will realize that he doesn't really want to keep the cat. Would he allow you to purchase the cat from him? I have had luck with getting a couple of animals out of bad situations by offering to outright buy them as opposed to being confrontational with the owner. Is there any other ploy that you can use with him? Give this some thought. I don't mean some underhanded or harmful approach, but some way to work around this by bringing up future veterinary care costs down the road that you might be more equipped to handle. You need to try to think of an approach that will work with him in the smoothest way possible.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. If I understand the situation correctly, the odds are when your roommate finally leaves, he likely will not care if you keep the cat. It sounds like you are already pretty much taking care of her needs anyway. Keep track of your expenses relative to this cat, and from now on even offer to take her to the vet (and pay for the bills, as inferred above). Unless you think something like offering to pay him for your right to 'own' her would be an enticement, I wouldn't at this juncture ask if you can take 'ownership' of this cat - just take over her entire care as carefully/casually as you can - with proof if it is needed down the road.

You are to be commended for 'enduring' his presence for another year to spare the cat what might happen if he were to leave and take her with him. If you can prove that you are her primary caretaker, including costs to support her, I think when he goes, he will leave her behind. I think in the long run, she is yours!

 

[Clem1968]

I think that you should find a way to adopt the cat. You have a year for this situation to play out in a number of ways, including that he will realize that he doesn't really want to keep the cat. Would he allow you to purchase the cat from him? I have had luck with getting a couple of animals out of bad situations by offering to outright buy them as opposed to being confrontational with the owner. Is there any other ploy that you can use with him? Give this some thought. I don't mean some underhanded or harmful approach, but some way to work around this by bringing up future veterinary care costs down the road that you might be more equipped to handle. You need to try to think of an approach that will work with him in the smoothest way possible.

I was thinking of trying to offer him money for her, I think he would at least consider it at that point.

 

[Clem1968]

Hi. If I understand the situation correctly, the odds are when your roommate finally leaves, he likely will not care if you keep the cat. It sounds like you are already pretty much taking care of her needs anyway. Keep track of your expenses relative to this cat, and from now on even offer to take her to the vet (and pay for the bills, as inferred above). Unless you think something like offering to pay him for your right to 'own' her would be an enticement, I wouldn't at this juncture ask if you can take 'ownership' of this cat - just take over her entire care as carefully/casually as you can - with proof if it is needed down the road.

You are to be commended for 'enduring' his presence for another year to spare the cat what might happen if he were to leave and take her with him. If you can prove that you are her primary caretaker, including costs to support her, I think when he goes, he will leave her behind. I think in the long run, she is yours!

That’s one of the problems is he does LIKE the cat and tries sometimes to engage with her. I don’t think he’s even considered it an option in his brain that I should have her because I’m the one who takes care of her and the one she’s comfortable with.

 

[Jem]

Here's my question....Does he want to move out? Or are you kicking him out? I think depending on how strained your relationship is now and how strained it could be at the end of this lease will determine how to go about this.

 

[Clem1968]

Here's my question....Does he want to move out? Or are you kicking him out? I think depending on how strained your relationship is now and how strained it could be at the end of this lease will determine how to go about this.

We have another year living together, at the end of that lease my boyfriend and I will likely just tell him we want to do our own thing & get our own place.

 

[Willowy]

I'd say don't worry about it until the year is nearly up, because you don't know what will change. He might take off and leave her with you, he might say he's getting a new apartment that doesn't allow cats and ask if you want her. If nothing changes by then, say something like "we'd want to get a cat for our new place, and I've really fallen in love with _____, can I buy her from you?"

Don't mention that she likes you better or how he doesn't take good care of her or anything like that or he might say no just to be spiteful. And if he says no, keep it light and open, say something like "well if you ever want to get rid of her let me know" and don't insult him, and maybe after a few months he'll decide that taking care of a cat himself isn't really his thing.

 

[Clem1968]

Well my misogynist roommate and I got in a huge, very hostile argument about a month ago that resulted in my partner and I terminating our portion of our upcoming lease. We had planned to be as civil as possible with him until the end of our currently lease so we could eventually offer him a couple hundred dollars to adopt the poor cat that we have grown to love and adore. We thought things were going well until he snapped again about a week ago and said we would “never see the cat again.”

Tonight I came home to find the cat locked in the basement. When we left the house at 5 we made sure to pet her on our way out. We got home at midnight to find her crying from there. I texted him to please be more aware of his surroundings and he replied with a laughing emoji. The first time he locked her in the basement he said it “build character.”

I don’t know what else to do. I emailed the rescue he got her from but I don’t know what they can legally accomplish. Please help. This poor cat is going to suffer because he’s too spiteful to admit he shouldn’t own an animal

 

[Margot Lane]

Wow what a delicate situation…poor kitty! Have you tried calling your chapter of the ASPCA, assuming that isn’t whom you just called? Obviously locking a cat in a basement out of spite speaks to what kind of an owner this person is—- like you I fear for its safety and well being. You must stay strong, as obviously he is doing this to get under your skin as well. There are many animals rights organizations out there—- I would just keep looking & get their advice and help.

 

[Clem1968]

Wow what a delicate situation…poor kitty! Have you tried calling your chapter of the ASPCA, assuming that isn’t whom you just called? Obviously locking a cat in a basement out of spite speaks to what kind of an owner this person is—- like you I fear for its safety and well being. You must stay strong, as obviously he is doing this to get under your skin as well. There are many animals rights organizations out there—- I would just keep looking & get their advice and help.

I haven’t contacted anyone besides the shelter from which she was adopted. Who do you think would be best to get in touch with?

 

[IndyJones]

I'm not sure who you should contact but you need to get out of the situation you are in. People who abuse animals usually don't stop with animals.

It's good you have your boyfriend but he is at risk as well. You both need to get out of there for your own safety.

I flagged this post so hopefully it will get some more attention. Domestic abuse is serious.

 

[fionasmom]

Unless the rescue is very proactive, this may not be enough. Having said that, if an agreement was signed, a contract, when she was adopted from them it might be possible to go an reclaim her because of the living conditions. However, even if there is a contract, the rescue has to take the initiative to enforce it.

Google something like "reporting animal abuse in (your city)". You should have a lot of options including the ASPCA.

Look out for your own safety as well.

 

[Clem1968]

I'm not sure who you should contact but you need to get out of the situation you are in. People who abuse animals usually don't stop with animals.

It's good you have your boyfriend but he is at risk as well. You both need to get out of there for your own safety.

I flagged this post so hopefully it will get some more attention. Domestic abuse is serious.
[/QUOTE

we are being as careful as possible handling this while also being conscious of our own safety. We are waiting to file the spca complains until after we move in 9 days and have been speaking with the shelter he adopted her from and explained the situation in detail. He’s gotten angry and punched a hole in the wall in the past while living with us. He desperately needs therapy lol

 

[Clem1968]

Hi all, thank you so much for the concern. I do want to let everyone know that my partner and I are staying with a friend until we are able to pack our things and move out next week.

Cat update: when we woke up on Sunday morning the cat and the roommate were both gone. A friend of mine told me that his plan was to take her to his parents house to hide him from me because I told him his neglect was worthy of an spca complaint. She’s there without the medicine she’s supposed to receive every morning. The shelter returned my calls yesterday and were very concerned and disturbed by my roommate’s behavior. She said she would contact animal control to go and reclaim the cat, but she has to either be officially surrendered by them (I explained they would never do that in a million years,) or show physical signs of neglect (possible if her wound is going untreated.) either way animal control is aware that my roommate is moving into a new apartment that doesn’t allow pets. We’re staying elsewhere for the time being because we knew once his parents told him animal control came to take the cat he would be livid. I have yet to hear back from them (the officer is supposed to call me for more info.) it seems like they’re really doing everything in their power to help me. My hope is that at the very least, my roommate will never get her back and she will end up with his parents.

 

[fionasmom]

This is certainly another twist, but probably not that unexpected. Hiding an animal who is being sought by AC or others in order to protect it is a common reaction. Is there some proof of the medicine not being administered, such as a refill was never requested at the vet's or the like? While this is not completely under your control, give AC any evidence of neglect you can think of. This can range from the cat does not look too bad, wound or not, and they don't reclaim her to the opposite outcome that you are looking for. Do you know if the parents would keep the cat, or try to, if the roommate still moves to the no pets apartment. Sometimes these situations turn on how much one person or another sees the case or how assertive someone is. I hope that the shelter can throw their weight around on your behalf.

 

[Saikachu]

Hi all, last year my (25M) roommate adopted a cat. She was about 3, and he described her as being extremely shy and skittish during her time living alone with him. He had her for about 4 months until he moved into our apartment. I love cats and took to her very quickly, going out of my way to make her feel comfortable and safe in her new environment. In the year we have lived together she’s become a brand new cat. She’s playful, loves to be scratched, she lets me kiss her on the head, and she sits on my lap whenever I sit on the couch. In addition to her attitude changes, she’s extremely attached to me. I work from home so we spend every moment together. When I’m at my desk, she cries until I lay out a blanket for her to sit next to me. When I’m in my room, she’ll come upstairs and snuggle up to me. When I leave, she cries until I come back. I’m the only one in the house she’s comfortable with. My roommate, her “owner” cannot say the same. The cat runs full speed in the opposite direction whenever he approaches her & recoils from her touch whenever he tries to pet her. He doesn’t understand that because she comes from an abusive household he needs to be gentle with her, and I’ve witnessed him pick her up and “bear hug” her multiple times so she cannot escape his grip (only worsening her fear of being held). He’s of the opinion that cats are “independent” but his definition of independence is borderline neglectful. The cat doesn’t get fed unless I feed her. On the off chance he does feed her, he puts an open (rigid & sharp edged) can of wet food down on the hardwood that she usually slides all around the floor trying to get the food she can’t reach from the corners. He never refills her water (I bought her a fountain bc of this). When we go away for the weekend, I insist on hiring a cat sitter whereas he suggests we just lay out several bowls of food and water. I always end up hiring someone to come spend time with her. He buys her cheap name brand Walmart food even though she has a urinary tract issue and needs special food.

In addition to his failures as a cat parent, he’s also a terrible roommate. He’s volatile, rude, and generally miserable to be around. We don’t get along, but I insisted that we resign our lease so I can get one more year with the cat because I’m concerned for what her life will be without me. This roommate is not the type of person you can approach with any comment that can be even slightly construed as criticism, and would react aggressively if I asked outright if I can adopt her. I’ve never broached the subject with him because I know it’s delicate and he’ll be offended. I know I want to ask him if I can take her when our lease ends this year (I can’t take living with him anymore after that). What should I do??

[,I DIDN'T SEE THE OTHER REPLIES MY APOLOGIES,HE NEEDS SOME SERIOUS HELP]
This is a advice I think you should talk to him teach him what he is doing wrong and he isn't treating his cat right they are animals,living beings with feelings not a toy,he needs to be more responsible and spend more time with the cat since it had a bad history if you find a way to change his behaviour towards animal then it might help him and many animals he might adopt in future which adopting or buying his cat won't do,but it would only work if the owner is mature enough to actually pay attention,if he still does not improve you should try to convince him to give you the cat or buy it from him,but i am sad bout the other animals he might adopt in the future and mistreat them

It he doesn't agree you might wanna collect the proof of mistreatment of the pet and try connecting to some authority which could help with the situation.

 

[Clem1968]

This is certainly another twist, but probably not that unexpected. Hiding an animal who is being sought by AC or others in order to protect it is a common reaction. Is there some proof of the medicine not being administered, such as a refill was never requested at the vet's or the like? While this is not completely under your control, give AC any evidence of neglect you can think of. This can range from the cat does not look too bad, wound or not, and they don't reclaim her to the opposite outcome that you are looking for. Do you know if the parents would keep the cat, or try to, if the roommate still moves to the no pets apartment. Sometimes these situations turn on how much one person or another sees the case or how assertive someone is. I hope that the shelter can throw their weight around on your behalf.

I have her medicine with me so I’m certain she’s not getting it. I expressed to the shelter that the moment he moves into his new apartment he will take the cat back and they said they would make it known to everyone involved (he and the parents) that they’re aware his apartment won’t allow pets and they will closely monitor him to make sure he’s not sneaking her in there. I still haven’t talked to the animal control officer, but it’s promising that she wants to get the full story from me before doing the wellness check.His parents just sold their house and are about to move to Florida to enjoy their retirement. I’m not sure if they would want to adopt her but I’m sure whatever story they heard from their son was one-sided and they won’t willingly surrender her.

 

[Clem1968]

This is a advice I think you should talk to him teach him what he is doing wrong and he isn't treating his cat right they are animals,living beings with feelings not a toy,he needs to be more responsible and spend more time with the cat since it had a bad history if you find a way to change his behaviour towards animal then it might help him and many animals he might adopt in future which adopting or buying his cat won't do,but it would only work if the owner is mature enough to actually pay attention,if he still does not improve you should try to convince him to give you the cat or buy it from him,but i am sad bout the other animals he might adopt in the future and mistreat them

It he doesn't agree you might wanna collect the proof of mistreatment of the pet and try connecting to some authority which could help with the situation.

animal control is involved now, not sure if you saw the updates but he’s beyond reason/unapproachable with criticism ):