I think this cat might hate me..

[knrg]

Hello, i'm a new member and decided to post for advice on what looks like a pretty active site before doing anything "rash."

I recently adopted a 3 year old long haired dilute tortoiseshell with hints of maine coon in her appearance. It's been six days since I brought Reina home. I'm concerned she really doesn't like me and may never like me.

Personality-wise she's a cross of super-timid and passive aggressive. Tonight she "hit" and tried to bite me - I've never had a cat "hit" me before. So that was a new one. She quite literally whacked me with a paw, no claws.

I'm worried about her coat. She has really fine hair and i'm worried it's going to get mats. I've always owned short haired cats in the past. At first she was happy with the brush, but after like 3 minutes she becomes upset. This is the point where she batted at me and then seemingly after calming down, decided it was time to try biting me and/or the brush.

When I'm not forcibly trying to groom her, she spends most of the time hiding. She has become more social, and even has her own room to "adjust" but any noise sends her in a frenzy to find the smallest spot she can fit herself into. She also does this very sad helpless looking thing where she attempts to flatten herself to the floor and then stares up with big eyes if she doesn't see an escape route.

She also seems to be terrified of me in particular

She has wandered out early morning, mewed and pawed at some other family members who were reading the paper.. but if i go near her she's "flat cat" and then has to be dislodged from the carpet and then just goes limp in my arms and stares at me helplessly.

I had been told by her foster-person that she was being given soft food as a treat. I tried being hospitable and she seemed to quite enjoy the meal. About 15 mins later, after one of the few times she's ever snuggled up to me, she suddenly freaked out, ran to the litter box, decided that wouldn't work, hopped out, and proceeded to puke more then I've ever seen a cat puke before.

No more soft food, no more problems since then.

I'm afraid she now associates me with stomach upset though..

She wont play with any toys, has no interest in string, has entirely shunned the scratching thingy I got her, and refuses to go near any sort of bedding I try to offer her. She'd rather sit on a hard shelf or the floor.

Oh, and if you give her a catnip toy she'll "love" and rub on it but should you go near her once she's in catnip-mood she'll hiss at you.

I've always had cats that started out as kittens and so they grew into their personalities. Right now I really feel like a maid for a critter who despises me.

Other personality quirks - she mewed the first night to not be left alone in the room. So i went in to quiet her down and made myself a human-bed on the floor and she proceeded to then remain 3ft away from me at all times, but if i left the room she mewed.

There's also a good bit of lip-licking for no apparent reason.

No hairballs yet, and she's pretty meticulous when it comes to the litterbox.. though the weird tufted fur thing between her toes seems to track litter everywhere.

So.. advice? Think she'll warm up to me? It's not all bad and i'm certainly venting to just get it all out there - but the thought of this all being a horrible mistake has crossed my mind in the past few days.

 

[strange_wings]

Excessive lip smacking is from nausea or teeth issues. The former is because whenever nauseous a cat (and humans, too) will have the saliva glands produce more saliva. Teeth issues would cause pain, and if she hasn't had them checked by a vet they need to be.

What sort of canned food did you offer? Some cats have problems with certain brands.

Otherwise, give her more time. She's a small animal that doesn't like change and you're expecting a lot out of her in just 6 days time. It can take up to a few months for a cat to fully settle in and bond with everyone in the household. Food will speed up the process. If you can start carrying around treats that she likes and instead of trying to force her into anything, bribe her. Don't go over and try to pick her up, go over and give her a couple treats and walk away. Work up to treats for petting, then treats for her letting you interact with her more.
It really does sound like she's trying to be a friendly cat, but she's just spooked.
When she goes and hides, leave her be. You may try getting a few decent sized boxes to place around the home to serve as hiding spots for her.

If you can approach her when she's up sitting on a table or furniture and pet her without distressing her too much, feel around under her front legs and belly. If the fur feels free she can go a little while without brushing - it's too soon to push that on a cat that doesn't trust you yet.
Talk to the person who fostered her, too. Ask if she was prone to hairballs and if she had mats in the past. Find out what they used to groom her with.

 

[laureen227]

since she didn't want you to leave [even tho she stayed 3 ft away] when you made the bed on the floor, i think she's still just adjusting. you can try talking quietly to her - if you can't think of anything to say, try reading something aloud. don't look at her while you do this - a direct stare is confrontational.
my cats prefer a comb to a brush, btw - i get the cheap plastic ones @ the dollar store, & they're a big hit!
just kinda ignore her for a few days & she'll probably come around.

 

[otto]

Six days is a very short time. It takes many cats a long time to settle in to a new home with new people. Weeks or months.

Just let her call the shots. If she hits you after three minutes of brushing it means she doesn't want you do do it any more. So stop brushing after 2 1/2 minutes. Watch her carefully and learn her signals.

She didn't use claws, she was saying stop. When you didn't stop she bit you, because you weren't listening. The bite was saying "I SAID stop!"

Be there for her when she wants attention, but don't force yourself on her. Play with her, but don't force her to play.

Food changes are rough on a cat's digestion. It's best to give a probiotic daily while making any (gradual) food changes to help her little body cope.

Welcome to TCS! Please keep us posted on Reina's progress.

 

[farleyv]

Hi there and welcome. IMO, 6 days for a cat is probably like 2 or 3 days. It really is no time.

She sounds nervous, and scared. Give time and then more time. Like was said, don't force anything. My cats hit me all the time. Especially my Farley v (rest his little soul). I would just smile.

Please don't give up. This is totally normal. Six days is nothing. It can take a few months to finally reach the point of trust.

 

[howtoholdacat]

I agree with the others. It's too soon for her to have adjusted. You may be trying too hard to win her over if she's flattening herself on the floor. Try ignoring her some and let her come to you. That's probably what happened with the family members who were reading the paper. She felt that their attention was focused elsewhere and was confident enough to check them out if she felt a bit invisible. If you start toward her and she moves away just stop where you are. Cats, especially nervous ones, do best when they get to decide when they're touched and for how long. When I meet new cats I kneel down, hold out my hand and let them come to me. If they rub their head on my hand I don't even pet them then. I let them do all the petting for the first few sessions. That way, they know they don't have to do anything they don't want to. I'd leave off the brushing until she's more comfortable in your presence.

 

[knrg]

Just a little morning update..

Woke up around 6am to her mewing at my bedroom door and trying to pull it open. I got up, opened the door, and she had run off to hide - I think I made a noise by tripping over a laundry basket.

Went back to bed, got up now-ish and came back to read the replies here from last night. She then came up and put her front paws up on my leg and poked her head up in my lap from under the computer desk. She then insisted I psuedo-pet her for a while. The whole rubbing against my hands, letting my scritch/pet a little, but if i made any bigger movements she'd recoil.

She seems to think my hands are her personal property.. even after recoiling she stuck a paw out to stop me from taking my hand away altogether to finish typing up this post.

She confuses me.

Today she is moving about tail-up so that's progress. Haven't seen her in the rest of the house, but she walked normally out the spare bedroom door tail-up instead of the fraidy-cat corner-to-corner sprints she used to be making.

As for her health, she had a UTI at her first foster's home and was on meds for it briefly but has no prior history so they think it was stress from the kids and dogs. So she got treated by a vet and was moved to a different foster when she recovered and did better.

I have her medical records from her previous owners, she's up to date on all her shots and is neg for the feline viruses. She's microchipped and spayed. I'm contractually obligated to get her to the vet in the next 8 days. I'll be making phone calls for the appointment shortly.

 

[farleyv]

Aw, she is slowly coming around. Good you didn't show much interest with her under the computer desk.

My cat, Gel, will pull my hand back if I stop petting her too. I think it is a term of endearment.

Good for you....she is going to be a good friend, just take it slow.

 

[bastetservant]

She sounds like she is doing wonderfully well at getting adjusted - from my perspective. I've adopted 5 long time shelter cats over the last 3 years. Three of them took much longer to get used to me, and the house, than 6 days. My newest one has been living in my guest room for the last 8.5 weeks. She wouldn't come out from under the bed the first week. Then she'd come out and look at me the next week. Now she's all over me, but she's afraid of my other cats and the rest of the house. Now progress is slow - baby steps - but we are making progress week to week.

So, please be patient. Long haired cats are more work than short hairs. But, I bet her long coat is really beautiful, so I hope you think it is worth it. I agree that brushing/combing her as much as she can tolerate at this point is just fine. And I'm so glad you are going to take her into the vet for a check-up soon. Thanks for being an attentive and responsible pet owner.

Progress with scaredy cats takes time. It can take a long time. But progress is made. I had one cat who never got in anyone's lap the first 7 years of her life. Eventually, (and she lived to about 18) she was a very affectionate cat. So your new kitty is doing great. And so are you.


Robin

 

[mbjerkness]

Like the other have said, you need to give her time to adjust. Let her come to you

 

[luvmyparker]

I have a cat with long, fine hair too that isn't overly fond of brushing/combing sessions. A few minutes is all he can handle. He had some nasty mats on his back legs when I got him.. A quick comb as often as she will tolerate will be enough to keep the mats at bay.

I'm happy she is coming around. Our latest addition took a couple weeks to warm up to everyone. Treats definitely help the process along.

Wish you and Reina the best!

 

[ummm]

Not sure if it is applicable to your situation. I have a long hair maine coon (mix?). She is very affectionate and love us scratching her and petting her forehead. Sometimes, when I stop doing it, she'd meow and force her paw on me - my hand, arm, shoulder, face... and then I found out she was scratching herself bald under her chin, so when she demanded that I scratch her, she was actually itchy bad (she has no claws, which is probably a good thing in this situation, as she already scratched herself bloody without claws, so I can't imagine what she'd be like if she did have claws - she was already declawed when we adopted her.)

 

[knrg]

I don't think she's itchy as yesterday was the first time i've ever seen her scratch herself under the chin - or anywhere for that matter.

I'm a little worried since I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know a mat in her fur if i saw it unless it was really obvious. She wont let me touch her tummy or rear haunches at all. She let me brush the very top of her back very briefly once and that's where the most of her loose fur seems to be.

There's a nice animal hospital complex (vet, kennel, grooming, training center, etc.) just down the road and it looks like that will be her vet so I might figure out some kind of grooming schedule there to just make sure there's no problems.

So far so good.. Today i'm contemplating a collar / id tags / bell for her. As well as one of those roll-it-over auto-straining litterboxes. The bell, which i typically associate with kittens, just because I never know where she is - she's a ninja. I could actually hear my previous cats walking on carpet, not this one.

And the rolling-straining litterbox because it has decent reviews, she's a very neat kitty as far as the litterbox is concerned, and she's got no allergies to super absorbent antimicrobial clumping litter (a previous cat lost all her fur on her butt and we had to switch to just basic clay to keep her using the box.)

 

[otto]

Sounds like she's got a good home with you, except:

I dislike bells on cat collars. Cats have very sensitive hearing, and a constant jingling in her ears every time she moves will be very annoying at the least, if not detrimental to her hearing at the worst.

Some may argue that the cat "gets used to it" but why should she have to, you know?

PS Some cats don't like covered boxes, I recommend you give her a choice with at least one uncovered, she should have two boxes anyway.

 

[bellaandme]

Originally Posted by farleyv

Hi there and welcome. IMO, 6 days for a cat is probably like 2 or 3 days. It really is no time.

She sounds nervous, and scared. Give time and then more time. Like was said, don't force anything. My cats hit me all the time. Especially my Farley v (rest his little soul). I would just smile.

Please don't give up. This is totally normal. Six days is nothing. It can take a few months to finally reach the point of trust.

Oh my I an certainly understand this situation!! Everyone's given great advice. She sounds like a beautiful cat. Just give her more time. Let her be the boss. She has to learn to trust you and feel safe. I've had my Emmy 15 days and there are times when she just doesn't want anything to do with me, but I'll wait til she comes around totally. Your baby just needs more time. Since they're not always on our time schedule it could be while. Just be patient--it'll be worth it.

 

[knrg]

Well.. checking in.

New problem: constantly tipping over the water bowl. I have no idea why, when, or how it occurs but daily I have damp carpet and an empty waterbowl. I'm thinking I just need a heavy bowl she can't dump.

Right now she's sleeping inside her carrier. I stuck it in the corner with the door open and she's taken to hiding in it when she feels particularly vulnerable. She likes to explore the house and sleeping on the couch at night, but if a person should discover her (rather then her creeping up on a person) she retreats to the spare room.

She spends a lot of time trying to open closets and any door which happens to be closed in the house. She will tug at it from the underside and if that's doesn't work she'll meow at whoever might open it for her - of course if they walk up she runs off.

She doesn't seem to have come with any major bad habits - she's not on the kitchen counters for example.

I can't figure out a scratching solution she likes, though she's been discouraged from the living room furniture a few times.

She likes rubbing on furniture and legs, so I'm thinking one of those bristle-brush arches on a base might be good for her and help with the hair until she calms down.

 

[otto]

The bristle brush arch is a great idea! I used to have one my then cats loved it.

Yes, heavy non-tippable water bowl, water tipping is a common kitty past time. I like square glass baking pans. they hold a lot, and cannot be tipped.

Cats can't stand closed doors.

Sounds like she is just finding her niche in her own time.

 

[knrg]

More updates..

Thank god for the Bissel Little Green Clean Machine. If not for it, i'd have very wet floors from the water dumping.

And something I think was a hairball/vomit still in my carpet. Eww.

I can't find bowls i'm happy with - lame, I know, but I'll find them. Until then, wet carpet and the Bissel.

And side note, i'm using the Tidy Cats "Breathe Easy" litter and it's amazing. Or maybe Reina simply has no scents in her umm.. stuff.. but it doesn't smell at all.

Today I got a new scratching post. I was debating carpet or sissel or what have you, after my failed dream of the Emery Cat working so I wouldn't have to clip her nails. Got carpet - Target has some stylish scratching posts.

As for that bristle brush comb arch thingy, I was in Petsmart the other day to buy it and then forgot entirely why I was there and went home empty handed (my friend who went with me went crazy and got even more stuff for her Australian Shepard - who can't have this, can't have that, i have never met a pickier dog/owner in my entire life).

Reina is somewhere out and about in the house. I think she might be in the living room hiding behind the big TV (it's kiddy-corner so there's a space behind it). Earlier I found her lounging in the "formal living room" otherwise known as furniture storage atop my turquoise leather chaise and curled up in a nice woven throw from Pier 1. The cat has taste.

 

[knrg]

I think i figured out the water dumping..

She's still skittish, and apparently extremely so when drinking water. She was at a fresh water/food bowl moments ago - I made a noise - and I heard all of her food go flying and she was gone. Now i've got kibble to clean up. Le sigh..