I screwed up my cat

[kensyana]

Well the title says it all... I found my cat when he was barely 4 weeks old. We quickly found out that he was a frisky, playful thing. I am fully aware of the inappropriateness of "hard" playing and using your hands/feet as toys. And yet it happened. A lot.

So we've had this human-created jerk for a year. And he's a little hell raiser. He's very dominate. We have two passive, older cats that he always corrals to certain rooms or chairs. If the older cats are not in their assigned areas, he attacks them until they return. This behavior, although annoying, is manageable.

However, he bites us all the time too. Of course he still playfully bites. Which (of course wrongfully) we hadn't corrected. But there are times when he bites meanly. It seems to be out of no where. Occasionally he'll do a "drive by" biting and run by one of us and bite. I'm fairly good at reading his body language, so I know when to quit touching him. But the drive bys are unpredictable.

So obviously, I don't want him to bite. I hate having to tell visitors "he bites. Be careful."

I just ordered two Feliway Diffusers, and I've gotten him a few feather string toys to tire him out. (Although it seems to make him worse when he's all riled up after playing)

I've been begging my family to follow to rules about handling him, but I don't have a lot of compliance.

We have a good number of visitors in our house each week. The other family members are much less tolerate of this behavior.

Any suggestions?

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• kensyana
• Jul 9, 2016

 

[surya]

I was adopted by a cat that someone screwed up and there is hope. But you have to get everyone to do the training, don't take it lightly and let them get away with that. Put down your foot. My cat used to jump up and bite me, it was a game that someone had obviously taught him. He liked to chase after me and attack me. He's not perfect, but he is much better now, he understands that I will not put up with that and I am the boss, most of the time. When he would attack me, I would put a towl over him, to get him to stop. Of course he hated that and it really upset him, Then he would have a chance to calm down and I left him alone. After awhile of doing that, the attacks stopped. He still bites me sometimes when I pet him the wrong way, but not too hard. I think he is just a sensitive guy.

 

[feech]

He's a handsome boy. You've had him a year? Age 1 year is just exactly when one of my cats settled down from being a real hellion, so he may do some of the calming down on his own.

First of all, this is not entirely your fault. Your rough play didn't ruin him by itself. He should have learned some of his bite and claw inhibition and his social appropriateness from littermates, and he didn't have time for that. I hand-raised one abandoned kitten from ten days old, and another I got at ten weeks old from a mom-raised litter of six. The difference is night and day. Your cat has to learn from you and others in the household what he didn't learn when he was several weeks old from other kittens, so it takes longer, and he may be more rebellious. Your calm older cats don't take the place of kittens who will wrestle with him and teach him when he's gone too far.

Get some stuffed toys meant for dogs, the kind with the features embroidered on and no tiny edges so there's no choking hazard. When he bites or bunny-kicks you in play, direct his attention to a toy that he can wrestle with.

Station some spray bottles around the house. Put a little bit of vinegar in the water. When he bites you to be mean or bossy, give him a spritz. When he backs off, quietly praise him and go about your business. When he's just done a drive-by and you didn't get a chance to spritz him, give him the cold shoulder. Don't talk to him or play with him for at least three to five minutes after he's gone ankle-hunting. Give him plenty of chances to come up to you appropriately for attention--sit down with some cat toys and if he plays without bossing you, make a big fuss over him. During this time, have the more sedate cats do something else they enjoy, in a different room, so he can't antagonize them and sabotage his own training.

When company comes, put him in a cat-safe room with a toy that hasn't been in his rotation for a while. Don't let him intimidate guests, so there is less stress on all of you. When you have a guest that really wants to help train him, set them up with some toys and a spray bottle and let him do his thing and they can help train him. But if they're not motivated to interact with a hell-raising cat, make sure they don't have to be involved. This is a temporary solution until he learns that company will also call him on his shenanigans.

Are you dealing with small children whom he terrorizes? I would suggest they use the same tactic that I recommend for small kids when dogs jump up; fold their arms and give him the cold shoulder. And if he's being mean, they can go ahead and "tell on him" and you can give him a three to five minute time-out in a cat-safe area. If he wants to play, he has to play nice.

If people in your family LIKE to play rough with the kitty, think he's funny when he jumps up or bites, that's a different problem. Can you interest them in clicker training him, instead? Teaching him tricks like jumping onto, over or through things, etc. so they can have active play with him that doesn't involve aggression? If he bites them when they're playing or training, remind them not to give him fingers and not to shriek/react. They can make a big fuss over him for chasing toys, etc. instead, and if he likes people to make a lot of noise when he attacks, they should make the noises when he attacks something appropriate.

Being extra wound up after playing reminds me of twelve week old kitten behavior. And for a kitten, what I would do is just hold them a little while, until they calm down, and then give them a toy they haven't seen in a while. If he won't calm down when held, you might try the "kitty burrito" after playtime, with a towel, to let him get past the crazy moment. Then unwrap the towel and give him something new to do.

Wow, that got long.

Good luck!

 

[artiemom]

I honestly do not feel that using a spray bottle with Vinegar, even mixed with water is safe for cats. What if it gets in the eyes??? No, please do not even think of using this.. 

Even a spray bottle, filled with plain water is not teaching appropriate behavior. 

Why not try redirecting his actions, with a toy, or to just walk away.. Say a very firm: NO! and walk away, ignoring him. 

You do need to get the entire family on board with this, otherwise it will be useless. A light, I mean light tap on the the head, with a finger may be ok also. That is what the mom cat would do to teach discipline...

Sorry, @Feech  , I am not even sure about your method of burrito wrapping after a strong session.. It really unnerves me ......

I guess I just do not agree with the ideas you listed. They sound a bit cruel to me...sorry...

@kensyana    Could you try to tired out you cat with at least a couple of very vigorous play session every day?? That may be enough to make a difference.

And each time he does an appropriate reaction, reward him with a treat. If he is bad, tell him NO, and ignore him, walk away. It will take a while, but spraying an animal is never a good thing. It is a way of disciplining with fear. That is never good. 

I know my guy had to been disciplined with a broom, because he is so afraid of a mop or broom. You should see his face and body language, ears go back, his face just shows fear, and he runs to hide from it. All I have to do is put a broom or mop in my hands and he is so scared. 

 

[cat princesses]

DO NOT use a spray bottle with vinegar that is a horrible idea. Why would you mix vinegar in the water at all? Makes zero sense to me. Cats do not respond to being sprayed with water all that Is going to do is create distrust between you and your cat. Use wand toys for playing and don't use hands or fingers as toys. Jackson Galaxy has some great things so day about this in his web site. Strongly encourage you to check that out.

 

[surya]

I did try using a spray bottle with water. It didn't work and it just made the cat afraid of me when he saw me with the spray bottle. So I agree it is not a good method.

 

[feech]

I'd better say right away that if this gets flagged and a moderator thinks it'd be safer to remove both my posts, then that's fine, if that's the official opinion of the site. That would not agree with my opinion, but I am new here (though not at all new to cats). Irl, I've known both sides of the opinion on spray bottles. I am going to end up disagreeing, and I am giving my reasons for that here. If this is too much of a thread hijack, as in, it is of no use to the OP, then perhaps I should remove it later?

I thought about editing my post after reading the above responses. But, a burrito experience as such should not be stressful for a cat. If it doesn't calm the cat, then don't use it. If it makes you more nervous to do it, then don't, or the cat will pick up on the nervousness. Sometimes, being wrapped can help a cat calm down and accept petting. If it doesn't work, no reason to do it. If wrapping a cat is cruel, then we have some trouble when it comes to medicating problem cats. It's not cruel, it's a secure way to help the cat. If they can't handle wrapping when they don't need to be medicated, then it's not going to do them any favors when they do need to be medicated, as they'll only associate it with stress. This isn't to say the owner should wrap the cat, but rather, that if it works for them, it is not cruel, in my opinion.

I realize the spray bottle suggestion is controversial in any case, but: a little spritz of very diluted vinegar (never citrus!!) will NOT hurt the cat. I do NOT suggest this for routine use. I'm only talking about a cat who is biting people to be mean. The biting absolutely must stop. If he's biting in PLAY, I did not suggest using vinegar.

As for plain water in spray bottles, I see that some people think these are not useful nor kind. I think they can be useful, and if used correctly they should not make the cat scared at all. More like briefly disgruntled, if even that. If it doesn't work for your cat, that's one thing, but if you've tried it, even if it didn't work, you did not harm the cat. I have used them rarely. I only used them if the spritz got an immediate response the first time. If the cat doesn't care about the spray, no point in continuing (but my cats with whom I did use it have responded, whereas if I recall correctly my sister had a cat who did not respond). I have had three cats in my household with whom I have used a spray bottle, and it worked to discontinue the behavior within three tries. They are not afraid of spray bottles. I use spray detangler for grooming, and they know the difference. I'd rather use a spray bottle than a rattle can, for instance. (I also do not think rattle cans are cruel, again, if used correctly, but I don't use them, and in the case of a drive-by biting cat who gets easily worked up I think noise would be counterproductive.)

I thought of removing the mention of spray bottles and burrito-ing from my post, but if people are using these things, they should know that they are not cruel, if used judiciously. I don't know where the idea even came from that letting the cat get discouraged by a spray bottle was cruel. I suppose this will get me in for some argument. I see it has not worked for some people, which is fine; then don't do it, it doesn't mean you hurt your cat. I'm not even sure in most cases that the cat feels the spritz--it's just the noise of the sprayer and the droplets in his general area, combined with the owner's disapproval, that has the effect. If a cat is afraid to see you with a spray bottle afterward, in your personal experience, that's very different from my experience. My cats only respond to a spray bottle that is deliberately shaken to slosh the water, and a disapproving-sounding reminder to stop the behavior. They know what it means, even though they haven't been spritzed with water in years. They don't respond the same way at all to using a spray bottle around the kitchen for cleaning. They don't pay any attention to it even if I use water and vinegar (for cleaning ONLY) in a spray bottle nearby where they are eating. I have no fear of getting it in their eyes, but even if such a thing happened, the cat would be okay and safe. He would be briefly uncomfortable, and if he's meanly biting people, then... I don't think that's cruel. If it didn't make a difference very soon, then there would be no point in continuing to use it.

Two of my cats are nervous enough in general that, if spray bottles were going to scare them, they would show some signs of being upset. They continue eating their meals with a spray bottle around, even when they would normally stop for upsetting things, so, in my experience with my cats, spray bottles do not upset them.

In short, if you don't like the idea, then don't do it, but if you have to use a spray bottle, you are not harming your cat, imo.

I've just done a search here on thecatsite now to see what some other opinions on spray bottles with plain water are. I see it's about what I've heard irl--split opinions. I have never known a cat, in many years of experience with cats, to fear *people* because of being sprayed with water. I see this opinion in some other threads, that spray bottles teach cats to fear people. I haven't ever seen that happening. So I will still suggest that if it works, use it kindly, and if it doesn't work, discontinue.

P.S. I just remembered something. For a while, one of my sisters lived with us with her cat. He didn't respond much to spray bottles, but he hated getting wet. I know this, because one time I lifted him off the kitchen counter with wet hands, and he, being a Rex, felt the dampness on his skin, and that *really* put him off (I did it unintentionally, just had to get him to the floor, but he was really piqued at the wetness and groomed himself immediately). So getting wet from a spritz didn't phase him much although he doesn't like moisture on him. Also, this cat has no fear whatsoever of any humans, even though he had been spritzed before.

I hope the OP gets on well with their cat, whatever methods they use, and I hope he becomes a good-citizen cat.

 

[foxxycat]

When Honeybee gets obnoxious I hiss at her and walk away. This drives her crazy. She used to slap us with full claws=now its no claws.

I have used water to keep them off the counters-I only had to do it once or twice years ago when we lived elsewhere in someone else's home. Now I don't care where they go. 

I understand all views. Each cat is individual. I would agree without using loud noises to distract an already over stimulated cat. Just do the best you can.

 

[surya]

 
I'd better say right away that if this gets flagged and a moderator thinks it'd be safer to remove both my posts, then that's fine, if that's the official opinion of the site. That would not agree with my opinion, but I am new here (though not at all new to cats). Irl, I've known both sides of the opinion on spray bottles. I am going to end up disagreeing, and I am giving my reasons for that here. If this is too much of a thread hijack, as in, it is of no use to the OP, then perhaps I should remove it later?

I don't think you should remove your post. Your opinion is just a valid as anyone else's. We all have something to learn. Cats have such different personalities it makes sense that just because it didn't work with my cats, doesn't mean it would not work for someone else.

 

[terestrife]

 
When Honeybee gets obnoxious I hiss at her and walk away. This drives her crazy. She used to slap us with full claws=now its no claws.

I have used water to keep them off the counters-I only had to do it once or twice years ago when we lived elsewhere in someone else's home. Now I don't care where they go. 

I understand all views. Each cat is individual. I would agree without using loud noises to distract an already over stimulated cat. Just do the best you can.

lol i used to do the hissing with my cat kitty, My vet suggested softly tapping her nose (really only touching the nose and hissing or saying no! loudly) when she would do a behavior i didnt like. she said this would mimic the way a mother cat would react. i do understand the loud noises might stimulate him, but she can always try saying no firmly, rather than loudly.

i tried it years ago and it helped stop my cat from grabbing my hand and bitting, and kicking my hand. 

 it was important to me to stop her, because she would accidentally scratch my mom, shes older and her skin scratches easier than mine.i tried the spray bottle with only water to try and get my cat off the kitchen table, but ended up giving up. it was hilarious, she would blink as i sprayed her and stare at me with a bored expression. 

P.S this was 5 years ago, when i knew nothing about cats. lol someone told me that you can use the bottle water trick if you can find a way for the cat to not realize that YOU are the one doing it. Otherwise she/he can end up resenting you for spraying them with water. i like to think that aggression feeds aggression and makes things worse. but being firm and rewarding acceptable behavior tends to help improve behaviors.

To the OP: Kensyana, just remember to give your cat time and patience. my moms cat Elsa, it took her about a year before she stopped running, and hissing when anyone got near her. 6 months to finally give me permission to pet her.

if you find that ANY petting you start ends in aggression, i suggest that you STOP petting the cat for a few weeks. it wasnt until i respected Elsa and stopped petting her that she learned to trust me. you need to rebuild a more positive relationship. all you can do is isolate your cat from people that dont agree with what you are doing. 

a trick i tried with elsa, was that i would put treats in my hand, when she would eat them, every now and then i would try petting her, while she ate the treats. one day, she didnt flinch (i would always back away once any negative reaction occurred and give her a few weeks) and she let me pet her while she ate. she associated gentle petting, with treats, which is something they love. she now LOVES being petted. 

the other day, while i was petting my own cat, she walked away for a second, and i thought she had come back. i tend to pet her while staring at my computer. i thought her fur felt different from normal, i looked down, and Elsa had taken my cats place so i could give her a petting too! she had never done that before! shes gone from aggressive and terrified, to friendly, and doesnt hide anymore when guests are here. it took a long time, but having them be happier cats is worth it.

i know my experience, is not the exact as yours, im just hoping you can find something in my experience to help with yours. good luck!!! =)

 

[feech]

I appreciate your input, surya.

 

[mingsmongols]

When I was much younger my mom had a similar problem with my male cat. I let him get away with everything and he became a real brat. Would destroy the side of the sofa and then when we tried to stop him lash out at us, kicking and biting. My mom was gonna get rid of him and I tried everything to make him stop. One day she just lost it when he was scratching the side of the couch. She just started screaming and hitting the couch with a pillow. Freaked me and the cat out... He never messed with the couch after that though. Years later she told me I used to throw horrible temper tantrums and that she started throwing temper tantrums too to shock me out of them.. lol. Maybe you could try something similar, when he acts out you times ten it.

 

[surya]

I was thinking about this thread because my misbehaving kitty still has issues. When he is misbehaving it usually means he just needs some love and attention. Not when he is behaving badly of course. You don't want to reward bad behavior. But they are just like kids, behaving badly to get attention. Spend some time giving kitty some love and attention and you will be well rewarded with a loving pet.

 

[terestrife]

are things any better?