I Screwed Up Big Time.

[Xeon_vader]

About a week ago I was in the restroom doing the business. Momo, our cat, was in the restroom as well that's where he sleeps at Night. So, I was doing my business and on my phone watching videos. I could feel Momo reaching up my legs as if to climb. However, I pushed him down because I was using the restroom obviously. I lightly flicked him on the nose and kept pushing him down but he kept reaching up. Then suddenly, he jumped all the way up To head level, and hooked his claws deep into my neck. I'm not going to lie I flipped out and was pissed the f*ck off, I beat him and threw him into the corner where his bed was at in the restroom. I finished my business and left. Nothing has really happened since then, however, a few days ago When I approached him he hissed aggressively and ran away and when I triedto approach him again he just kept hissing And growling. I was able to get him and put him in the restroom then went to sleep. Then again today when I went to get him to put him in the restroom for the night he ran from me again hissing and growling aggressively just As before. However this time, when I try to grab him, It only got worse. So I threw a blanket over him as to not get scratched and picked him up and placed him in the restroom. Needless to say he was freaking out the whole time I held him. Is the damage that I caused permanent and can this be fixed or is the relationship ruined forever? He is the family's cat, but I have been the main one feeding and caring for him since we got him as a kitten and only ever really responded to me or my mother. I really love this little furball. I hope that helps.

Thank you.

 

[Margret]

No, I don't think the relationship is ruined forever; cats are astonishingly forgiving people. I do think that it will take a lot of time and hard work to regain his trust, however.

I don't understand why you feel it's so important that he sleep in the bathroom. Right now, putting him there forcefully is counterproductive. The fact that he was insisting on climbing you sounds to me as if something had frightened him; when you reacted violently you not only made him afraid of you but you confirmed that the bathroom is a scary place, a place where bad things happen.

I do understand why you were angry; there are times when a cat insisting on attention is exceedingly annoying, and cat claws in the neck go way beyond annoying. However, I think you may need to get some help dealing with your anger issues. In the situation you describe it's appropriate to yell, to forcibly remove the cat, even to toss (not throw, nothing hard enough to injure) him across the room. It is never appropriate to "beat" the cat. I won't dwell on this because you've obviously already reached the same conclusion, but I will ask: What are you doing to make sure that you never react violently again?

I'd say the first step toward winning back Momo's trust is to find a different place for Momo's bed, a place where he can feel safe. The second step is, of course, getting the help you need to curb your violent streak. And the third step is to stop having power competitions with Momo. No more ordering him to his "bedroom," no more picking him up and forcing him to go someplace he doesn't want to be, and especially no more throwing a blanket over him to force him to a place he doesn't want to be. Yes, I know. This means letting Momo get away with some things he shouldn't get away with, and under normal circumstances you might be right to use force (as opposed to violence), but right now, for Momo, force feels like violence. If you have to let him get away with some things in order to make amends to him, let him get away with some things. And remember, it will take time. Don't expect immediate results.

One last thing. For now, let Momo take the initiative. Don't try to pet him. Do, of course, feed him, but except for food wait for Momo to come to you. When he does, then you pet him, very gently, and speak softly. And when he makes it plain that he's had enough, stop, immediately. Don't try to coax him; he will find it reassuring to be ignored. I know that makes no sense, but to a cat it makes perfect sense.

Margret

 

[Xeon_vader]

I see. Thank you. I will definitely be trying that then. I actually dont have anger issues. failed to mention that this was not the first time he had done this. However, before he had only clawed and hooked my upper thigh. So I just finally had enough. And I also dont think he was scared. It seemed more to me like he wanted attention. I may be wrong though as I don't I'm now much on cat behavior signs. And, like all our other pets, that is his sleeping area. Also keeps them from roaming at night and making messes. Regardless, I will try this. Thank you so much.

 

[di and bob]

I commend you for coming to this site to receive advise. You were concerned enough to do so, and taht is a first big step. I agree with the above, your little one is scared and leery of you now, after all, the one he loves above all else. He didn't mean what he did, he tried climbing you and messed up. He paid for it. I have had angry reactions to something like this, and although I didn't go quite as far as you came close, screaming and slapping. So I know how instant a reaction can be. And how bad you can feel later hitting something so much smaller than yourself. I agree that forcing him into the place he associated with pain is not a good idea. You are reinforcing his fear of you. He is an animal. Instinct is telling him you caused him pain and to lash out, and you can't reason with him or explain things because he is an animal. I would suggest to close your bedroom door at night if you don't want him in there and let him be. You should talk softly to him, never approach him now and leave treats for him to associate good things with you. Call him to you, and let him be the first to approach. Every time you approach him, it will bring fear and memories of pain. He will come around. I have accidentally stepped on my ferals and they hiss and avoid me sometimes for weeks. Cats have good and long memories. He is confused, and doesn't know what to do right now, but he was hurt and is instinctively trying to survive. Just stay calm, offer treats and food, and let them come to you. This will just take time. All the luck!

 

[Xeon_vader]

Thank you so much! I will do this. Yes I feel terrible and it makes me sad. Before he would rub against me after I came home from work. And while I'd lay in bed he'd jump up and rub his face against mine.

 

[CalTech]

Both my kittens get "whapped" in the face when they do something "they shouldnt". By "whapped" I mean something like two cats playing together who may be... tired of playing together? Quick successive gentle slaps to the face.

Hasnt happened in a while now, mostly when they were smaller and didnt understand that their claws werent for climbing humans, tearing up couch pillows, and playing on the bed in the middle of the night.

Ive had the male look very confused a couple times but they both learned REAL quick and it hasnt produced any adverse behavior.

 

[Azazel]

Both my kittens get "whapped" in the face when they do something "they shouldnt". By "whapped" I mean something like two cats playing together who may be... tired of playing together? Quick successive gentle slaps to the face.

Hasnt happened in a while now, mostly when they were smaller and didnt understand that their claws werent for climbing humans, tearing up couch pillows, and playing on the bed in the middle of the night.

Ive had the male look very confused a couple times but they both learned REAL quick and it hasnt produced any adverse behavior.

Cats don’t learn from punishment. You are uselessly hitting your cat. Please stop.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Cats don’t learn from punishment. You are uselessly hitting your cat. Please stop.

Reading the description of the "whap" and IF it is accurate, that is more akin to the cuff a mama cat gives a kitten. The issue is to always be mindful that our "paws" are far, far more powerful than Mama Cat's are! And that can be tricky. I won't fault it, but I will advise caution and care.

As for @xeon-vader, I really think that this might be the time to stop with the bathroom at night. For this reason, although you did not mean to react as you did, in your cat's eyes your are repeatedly forcing him into the place where he was traumatized, and every time you do so, you are reinforcing that trauma. Let him be. Time will heal much of this, but you MUST excercise extreme patience, and allow him to make all of the moves. Encourge him, but NEVER force.

 

[Azazel]

Reading the description of the "whap" and IF it is accurate, that is more akin to the cuff a mama cat gives a kitten. The issue is to always be mindful that our "paws" are far, far more powerful than Mama Cat's are! And that can be tricky. I won't fault it, but I will advise caution and care.

As for @xeon-vader, I really think that this might be the time to stop with the bathroom at night. For this reason, although you did not mean to react as you did, in your cat's eyes your are repeatedly forcing him into the place where he was traumatized, and every time you do so, you are reinforcing that trauma. Let him be. Time will heal much of this, but you MUST excercise extreme patience, and allow him to make all of the moves. Encourge him, but NEVER force.

I would say there are 2 major differences. One you pointed out, that a human is different from a mother cat. And two, cats aren’t disciplined in that way, kittens are— by their mothers.

 

[danteshuman]

You are right you did mess up but I get it. I agree his bed/ homebase need to be in a bedroom not a bathroom (maybe yours?) also try locking him out of the bathroom when you need to use it. You should try to play with him twice a day everyday. Try play then food before bedtime. Lastly why not start binge watching my cat from hell shows?

Our semiferal majorly attacked me. I scruffed him pulling his teeth off my arm and slowly as calmly as I could dug each of his 4 paws out of my arm. Then I lightly tossed him away from me(for which I felt horriable for having to do.) for a month or two we were both giving each other the stink eye. Then I tried the slow blink and we slowly forgave each other. What helped for us was the slow blink, watching his body language very carefully and LIGHTLY tapping/touching his cheek with 2 fingers when he nips. Just yesterday he scratched me a bit because I was moving him into my room onto my cat tree (where he likes to be, away from the little kids that were visiting/making him nervous.) He lightly scratched and I calmly said no, then stuck him on tree where he looked all confused and relieved to be. So the key element is you need to stay calm. Cats are very sensitive to people's emotions. If you are angry, you are a threat to a cat. A calm no stopped him mid attack because I remained calm and had trained him with the light tap.