I need to vent! Depressed living without my cat, he will be alone!

[Dave8014]

Hello everyone. I need to vent. I am feeling both sad and happy at the same time. About five months ago, my fiancé and I found out that we are expecting a child. I can’t wait. It’s the most exciting feeling I have felt. I found the woman of my dreams. However, my fiancé is allergic to cats, and I have been living with my cat, Michael, for five years. The plan is for me to take Michael back once we have a house in one to two years, and he will have his own living space in the basement. Don’t worry, it will be big. Bigger than my old apartment. It will be my man cave so il be spending time there. I’m sure after a year of living there I will sneak him upstairs and eventually ease my way in with him lol. During the pregnancy, my fiancé does not feel comfortable with Michael being around, and she is worried that the baby will be allergic too at the start. Currently, Michael has been living with my parents, who are very loving towards him.

Recently, I have been struggling a lot with not living with Michael for the past three months. I have been crying every night for a week, but I haven't talked about it with anyone out of fear that they will not understand my love for my cat. People usually say “it’s just a cat!” “Worry about your child”. “Make them a priority!” Even though it has nothing to do with each-other. There isn’t anything anyone can do anyway. I feel lucky I can even bring him to love with me when we get a house. When I got Michael, I fell in love with him and promised that I would always bring him along with me in life and keep him by my side. He is five years old now, and I feel guilty and depressed about leaving him with my parents for such a long time. I will be losing a significant amount of time with him, and it hurts me deeply.

To add to my stress, my parents have to go to Italy for one and a half months starting in July, leaving Michael alone in the house. With the pressure of the baby, starting a new job in July, and worrying about Michael being alone, I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed. However, I have a plan in place to make sure Michael is taken care of:

I hope this is enough. It would break my heart to give him to another family over 1 month and half. I will never be the same again. He is my best friend. Someone I can talk to who wouldn’t judge me.

1. I will visit Michael every morning and night to feed him, and spend an hour with him during each visit.
2. My niece, who Michael is comfortable with, will visit him every day from 5 PM to 11 PM to spend time with him.
3. My niece will sleep over for two nights out of the week to keep Michael company. Wish it was more but it’s all I could get. Had to basically bribe her for that lol. I understand though. She will be there everyday for a long time and she is sacrificing her summer for me and michael.
4. I will install cameras in every room of the house to keep an eye on Michael.
5. I have bought an Amazon Echo, which has a special feature that allows me to video call Michael and see and hear him while I am away. He will also be able to see me!!

 

[cmshap]

I understand the "my cat is my best friend" thing, because I am in a similar situation. However, I live alone, and have not been dating or anything since COVID started, because I have a riskier-than-average medical history.

You have a fiancee and are expecting a child. Your life is going to completely change. Consider this one of the complications related to preparing for this change.

Especially because you have a plan for how to care for your cat and give him a comfortable life in this interim period, and after.

I understand you are venting, but from my perspective, I want to say "count your blessings." My cat is the only permanent "person" in my life currently. I envy you.

 

[Dave8014]

I understand the "my cat is my best friend" thing, because I am in a similar situation. However, I live alone, and have not been dating or anything since COVID started, because I have a riskier-than-average medical history.

You have a fiancee and are expecting a child. Your life is going to completely change. Consider this one of the complications related to preparing for this change.

Especially because you have a plan for how to care for your cat and give him a comfortable life in this interim period, and after.

I understand you are venting, but from my perspective, I want to say "count your blessings." My cat is the only permanent "person" in my life currently. I envy you.

I understand. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy with life currently. I can’t wait to see my beautiful child. I love my fiancé. It’s just this one party that kills me

 

[cmshap]

I understand. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy with life currently. I can’t wait to see my beautiful child. I love my fiancé. It’s just this one party that kills me

Try to keep that in perspective, as a helpful way to cope. But I understand as a person who has dealt with depression that words like "just keep that in perspective" aren't always helpful.

I just thought I'd give my perspective in case it was at all helpful. My cat is getting old, and it will be super hard when he leaves me. I hope I have another person in my life before that happens.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Yes, you need to think about your child. But there’s a big difference between being protective and being over protective.

There’s evidence that children raised with cats are less likely to develop allergies. Children growing up with pets are usually better people.

I understand about missing your cat. They’re never “just a cat”. Michael is family.



If I were in your shoes, I’d have my fiancé consult with a doctor to see what can be done about the allergies.

One thing you can do to reduce the allergens is brush your cat everyday.

 

[cmshap]

If I were in your shoes, I’d have my fiancé consult with a doctor to see what can be done about the allergies.

One thing you can do to reduce the allergens is brush your cat everyday.

I second this. At least check out if there is any medical possibility that could help, or also find out if your fiancee's allergy is too dangerous that it completely removes the possibility of any exposure to Michael. Because your fiancee and her child obviously (I don't have to tell you) come first.

Just keep it all in perspective. I have heard that some peoples' allergies can be solved with medication, but then others are just too severe. I'd definitely consult a doctor about it and also see if there is any info that can be gleaned during the pregnancy stage about the possible risk to the child.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Before we got Belle, my wife kept telling me she was allergic to cats. When we’d visit friends and family who had cats in there homes, my wife would sneeze and get itchy eyes.

What’s strange is, the day we rescued Belle from the live trap, my wife completely forgot about her cat allergy.

 

[srpjuly]

I completely understand everything you said. It really resonated with me, I hate when people say "it's just a cat", if I'm completely honest I love my cat more than my boyfriend, is that crazy? Well, just in a different way I guess, but still. And I've been worried about leaving my cat before when I go on trips (I still haven't done this yet because I just got her 6 months ago, but I'm really worried because she's a very anxious cat and always wants to play it's the only thing that calms her down). What I keep telling myself is that cats are really resilient: they have very strong survival instincts, we can see it so obviously in everything they do. Michael will be ok during this temporary period of being alone for parts of the day. It sounds like you have a really solid plan in place for Michael's care, and he will be just fine and understand that you still care. When I was a kid, my dad left my childhood cat outside when we were gone for a month, with the neighbour just coming to fill up his food and water bowl! In my opinion, not a great cat parenting choice lol, but my cat was just fine when we came back. Make sure you leave him with some toys, but he won't have a problem entertaining himself.

I'm sorry that you feel like you are losing time with him. I sometimes have very premature worries about how sad I will be when my Henrietta passes away. But there's no use in worrying about things we can't control, we just have to appreciate the time we do have with them, and you are still being an excellent parent to Michael despite the difficult circumstances you're being faced with. Michael appreciates you fighting for him! Many people forfeit cats over things like this, making them start their life all over with someone new. You are doing great, I hope I can reassure you somewhat!

 

[Alldara]

D Dave8014 both myself and my wife have cat allergies and live completely with our two cats.

At a time when your wife is calm, consider re-opening the discussion. It's normal that she is stressed. Being a new mother comes with a LOT of extra stress and invisible work that becoming a new father doesn't have. You will be applauded for things she is shamed for. (Consider downloading the FairPlay app with her to help share this invisible load of work).

We both found our allergies lessened over time. As in the allergies are more reactive to a "new" cat. We do the following:
- Vacuums with HEPA filters
-HEPA filter air purifiers
- brush cats daily

There are also allergy foods for cats, that lower the allergens that cats give off. I've heard it works well.

You can also shave or partially shave your cat during shedding season and keep them out of bedrooms. Their are allergen covers for pillows etc available on many places like Dymond storage or amazon.

Children who are raised with animals have better immune systems. Pet ownership may be a good way to boost your baby's health | Pediatrics | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ I would try medication and HEPA air filters . Around here our pets are part of our family.

​

 

[Dave8014]

D Dave8014 both myself and my wife have cat allergies and live completely with our two cats.

At a time when your wife is calm, consider re-opening the discussion. It's normal that she is stressed. Being a new mother comes with a LOT of extra stress and invisible work that becoming a new father doesn't have. You will be applauded for things she is shamed for. (Consider downloading the FairPlay app with her to help share this invisible load of work).

We both found our allergies lessened over time. As in the allergies are more reactive to a "new" cat. We do the following:
- Vacuums with HEPA filters
-HEPA filter air purifiers
- brush cats daily

There are also allergy foods for cats, that lower the allergens that cats give off. I've heard it works well.

You can also shave or partially shave your cat during shedding season and keep them out of bedrooms. Their are allergen covers for pillows etc available on many places like Dymond storage or amazon.

Children who are raised with animals have better immune systems. Pet ownership may be a good way to boost your baby's health | Pediatrics | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center

ThNks for all of this info. Well the good news I will be able to get Michael back when we get a house. Right now is just a terrible time to bring it up. She’s going though a lot and I feel like it would do more harm then good. The plan is to ask like 4 months after the baby comes. If not then when we get a house. Then I’ll ease him in other than the basement lol. I hope my plan for Michael during the summer is good. I’m scared it will ruin my relationship with him. I hope the plan I have in place for this summer is enough

 

[Dave8014]

I completely understand everything you said. It really resonated with me, I hate when people say "it's just a cat", if I'm completely honest I love my cat more than my boyfriend, is that crazy? Well, just in a different way I guess, but still. And I've been worried about leaving my cat before when I go on trips (I still haven't done this yet because I just got her 6 months ago, but I'm really worried because she's a very anxious cat and always wants to play it's the only thing that calms her down). What I keep telling myself is that cats are really resilient: they have very strong survival instincts, we can see it so obviously in everything they do. Michael will be ok during this temporary period of being alone for parts of the day. It sounds like you have a really solid plan in place for Michael's care, and he will be just fine and understand that you still care. When I was a kid, my dad left my childhood cat outside when we were gone for a month, with the neighbour just coming to fill up his food and water bowl! In my opinion, not a great cat parenting choice lol, but my cat was just fine when we came back. Make sure you leave him with some toys, but he won't have a problem entertaining himself.

I'm sorry that you feel like you are losing time with him. I sometimes have very premature worries about how sad I will be when my Henrietta passes away. But there's no use in worrying about things we can't control, we just have to appreciate the time we do have with them, and you are still being an excellent parent to Michael despite the difficult circumstances you're being faced with. Michael appreciates you fighting for him! Many people forfeit cats over things like this, making them start their life all over with someone new. You are doing great, I hope I can reassure you somewhat!

Thank you for such a beautiful reply. You definitely reassured me. Thanks!

 

[di and bob]

What you have planned is great. Michael is a part of your family. After the baby comes, I would definitely insist your wife take allergy meds and/or an allergy shot that really helps with situations like these. I know for a scientific fact that children raised with pets have stronger immune systems. I truly think your wife could control her allergies if she tried. PS what are her symptoms when she is around cats? If anything less than hives, she should be able to control it. If she was really bad, she would have a reaction when you were with her after being with Michael, did she?

 

[neely]

During the pregnancy, my fiancé does not feel comfortable with Michael being around, and she is worried that the baby will be allergic too at the start.

If your fiancé is worried about the baby developing allergies, whether cat or other, does she know that breastfeeding lessens a baby's chance of becoming sensitized to an allergen? I am allergic to dogs and cats and nursed both our children along with having pets in the house. Of course I understand this may not be ideal for everyone but it was a personal choice for me. I thought it might be helpful for your fiancé to know this too.

Your thoughtfulness and devotion to Michael comes through in your posts and whatever you decide to do I know he will be well taken care of which is what matters. Wishing you the best of luck and please pop in to let us know how Michael and you are doing after the birth of your child.

 

[Alldara]

ThNks for all of this info. Well the good news I will be able to get Michael back when we get a house. Right now is just a terrible time to bring it up. She’s going though a lot and I feel like it would do more harm then good. The plan is to ask like 4 months after the baby comes. If not then when we get a house. Then I’ll ease him in other than the basement lol. I hope my plan for Michael during the summer is good. I’m scared it will ruin my relationship with him. I hope the plan I have in place for this summer is enough

That's an excellent plan..You're putting a lot of thought into everything and everyone.

Make sure you let her know that when it is time. Some of those things you can start watching for sales for and such. It will ease your wife's stress to know how much care you put in, when it's appropriate.

I don't think it will ruin your relationship. I had to have a friend watch my cats for 6 months while we secured new housing. I visited frequently as my work schedule managed. As long as you're not disappearing from his life it should be fine.

Pro Plan® LiveClear™ Allergen Reducing Cat Food FAQs | Purina® Canada.

 

[Dave8014]

What you have planned is great. Michael is a part of your family. After the baby comes, I would definitely insist your wife take allergy meds and/or an allergy shot that really helps with situations like these. I know for a scientific fact that children raised with pets have stronger immune systems. I truly think your wife could control her allergies if she tried. PS what are her symptoms when she is around cats? If anything less than hives, she should be able to control it. If she was really bad, she would have a reaction when you were with her after being with Michael, did she?

When I kiss her after kissing my cat she gets red in the face. Well the good news maybe not right away after the baby but a few months after I can bring him home. Especially when we have a house! Then I’ll ease him in to the family lol. Once the baby is 1 year and half I’ll i introduce him to the baby. That’s around the time we will have a house

 

[Alldara]

When I kiss her after kissing my cat she gets red in the face. Well the good news maybe not right away after the baby but a few months after I can bring him home. Especially when we have a house! Then I’ll ease him in to the family lol. Once the baby is 1 year and half I’ll i introduce him to the baby. That’s around the time we will have a house

If the baby can be exposed to him beforehand though on a semi-regular basis, the baby is less likely to develop allergies.