- Joined
- Mar 1, 2005
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I have been having a crisis of anxiety / panic for well over a week now. I thought it was almost over for a while, but it's not.
I'm going for blood tests in about a week, then meeting with my doctor the following week. Until then, nothing to do but wait, endure and try to get over it on my own.
I just wish I could go outside for a walk, run a little, maybe ride my bike... without risking a panic attack as soon as my heart skips a beat.
I feel trapped.
I also feel very lonely and I have no one to turn to. This whole thing is starting to lead to depression. I can see myself getting worst and I hate it.
I wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't know that I have to look for a job. I've been out of school for almost a month now, I need to stop being lazy. Plus once that problem is solved, that will be one source of stress gone.
So I am trying to stay positive. Somehow. I don't know really what I need... anything but what I'm feeling right now would be a nice change. So I am just trying to find good things about my life right now.
On my fridge is a drawing made by my nephew. A portrait of me and him. It reminds me of all the creatures we saw in his pool that day (fish, whales, monkeys and tigers to name a few
) all of which flew away, somehow. And I remember having to hold him very close to make sure he didn't fall in the pool. I could have stayed like that for hours.
And Joshua has been such a love-bug these days. Almost as much as Kinah.
They seem to be such happy cats. Makes me feel good to think that I can make them happy.
And I have you guys. It's good to be able to come here and vent.
So I don't know really where I'm going with this. I think I just needed to write this down.
Thanks for putting up with me. I think I'm gonna go lie down for a bit.
I'm going for blood tests in about a week, then meeting with my doctor the following week. Until then, nothing to do but wait, endure and try to get over it on my own.
I just wish I could go outside for a walk, run a little, maybe ride my bike... without risking a panic attack as soon as my heart skips a beat.
I feel trapped.
I also feel very lonely and I have no one to turn to. This whole thing is starting to lead to depression. I can see myself getting worst and I hate it.
I wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't know that I have to look for a job. I've been out of school for almost a month now, I need to stop being lazy. Plus once that problem is solved, that will be one source of stress gone.
So I am trying to stay positive. Somehow. I don't know really what I need... anything but what I'm feeling right now would be a nice change. So I am just trying to find good things about my life right now.
On my fridge is a drawing made by my nephew. A portrait of me and him. It reminds me of all the creatures we saw in his pool that day (fish, whales, monkeys and tigers to name a few
And Joshua has been such a love-bug these days. Almost as much as Kinah.
They seem to be such happy cats. Makes me feel good to think that I can make them happy.
And I have you guys. It's good to be able to come here and vent.
So I don't know really where I'm going with this. I think I just needed to write this down.
Thanks for putting up with me. I think I'm gonna go lie down for a bit.