I Need Help - What's Best For My Little Bear?

[KittyToes]

I am separating from my husband. Where I'm located, rents are ridiculously high. Yesterday I put a deposit down on a 400 square ft studio that has a longer commute to my job than where I am now. It's the only thing I can afford right now.

My husband and I adopted 2 cats when we first started living together, Harley and Joey, when they were 6 and 9 months old. That was about 2006, so they're around 12 years old. They were not brother and sister, but were together at the shelter and have been together ever since. We both share responsibility for both cats, but Harley has always been more my husband's cat and Joey has always been my snuggle buddy.

I know i am not taking Harley with me when I move. She has health problems and medication I won't be able to keep on top of now that I'm paying rent (my husband makes more $ than me). But I am torn on whether or not I should take Joey with me.

Both cats are still pretty active and playful. They both chase each other around and cause havoc and enjoy their toys. There is a cat tree here and room to wander/find solitude/hide away (they are indoor cats).

I am afraid if i take Joey to this tiny apartment he will become depressed without Harley. I am gone most of the time at work, plus I'll be out longer with the new commute. Also, I am thinking I might want to get a part time job weekends or evenings for extra income.

Joey is healthy now, but getting older, and I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to handle extra vet bills or a health crisis now.

But Joey and I have always had a special bond, and it breaks my heart to think he will mourn me or feel abandoned. My husband is OK with cat care and attention (obviously not with me, lol), but i know I am more "present" and attentive with Joey (he likes a lot of one-on-one play time with a human, whereas Harley is happy to sit in a room with you and chill).

What is best for my Joey Bear here? In know even if he pines for me he will adjust and be happy again. I am afraid I can't provide him with a happy cat life right now. But I don't know if I'm looking at things the way a cat would, either.

 

[susanm9006]

I am sorry you are faced with such a dilemma. Given Joey’s age, and the difficulties senior cats have with change, I think leaving him together with his cat sibling is the option I would choose. While he will most certainly miss you, he will be comforted by the familiar routines and smells of his home. And, since you may end up with a second job, I would be concerned about leaving an older cat alone in a strange place for that many hours a week.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry it's a difficult situation that brought you here.

I've never had a pair of bonded cats, so I can't advice from personal experience, but I also think it might be better for Joey to leave him with your ex. If you were concerned that he would be neglected, that would be different. But since you believe your ex is ok with cat care, and also would be able cover any unexpected medical expenses, I think it would be less stressful for Joey to stay where he is.

Again, sorry you are going through all this. Hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! I'm another that's thinking it would be better, because of how tied to routine most cats are, to leave him in his original home.

If need be - depending on whether your ex will communicate with you about Joey as time goes along?, a calming product, whether Feliway or something else might be of help if it appears that Joey or Harley is missing you a lot.

There are collars, treats, diffusers and quite a variety of products with a lot of different ingredients on the market now.

Also, if you don't already have cat trees in place, platter style toys, and there are webcams and dvds of squirrels and birds that are specifically made for cats.

Hang in there and best of luck with everything!!

 

[duckpond]

I think i would not want to break up a bonded pair, i think after all the years together they would miss each other badly.

If your husband is the type you can trust to take good care of the, he is good with the cats then you can leave them with him. it will hurt you, and they will miss you, but if you think its best for them then i would do it.

If he is not the type that will continue to care for them, well then i would take them with me. Cats dont care if your place is fancy, or even if its big. as long as they have some room, each other and you, love and play, then i think they would be fine, no matter where you live. You may need to do some financial wrangling to get them the vet care they need. Maybe your husband will continue to help with that, even if you take the cats? If a divorce happens it might even be written in the divorce agreement? I know some people do this with pets, just like with kids?

 

[KarenKat]

I’m so sorry you are going through this breakup! I just wanted to chime in and say what an amazing cat guardian you are. You obviously care and love your cats so much, and even though you are going through a tough transisiton yourself you are thinking seriously about their well-being even if it isn’t with you.

You are amazing and unselfish.

 

[danteshuman]

If they are bonded and super close I would leave them together. Honestly I think both my cats would be ecstatic to be the only cat. My punk wants all the attention. My BabyBear wants my punk to quit bugging him. So it depends on the pair. They are more the tolerate each other bonded pair then best friends bonded pair. If the cats are not close you could try splitting them up & getting him a kitten if need be.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm divorced, I know it is a loss of the marriage. You loose the spouse you thought you were married to. Change is difficult for humans to. In my case my x-husband abandoned me & his cat (my BabyBear.) The cat (Salem/BabyBear) is fine. Yes he prefers men but he loves me to. He buddies up to my male roommates. I also think whether you keep him or get a new kitten, a cat will help you during this difficult time.

 

[RogueBoi]

I would leave your car there, he could get panic attacks, and get VERY scared