I miss you Runt!

[Tamalama2000]

Yesterday I had to euthanize my beloved cat, Runt. I‘m so sad and I miss her so much and keep asking myself why didn’t I catch this sooner? Runt died from kidney failure. She went to the vet Thursday morning and had bad kidney values so she admitted for a 48 hour stay. She was getting better, we visited her and seemed she was doing ok. Then she had to stay another day to see if her values would improve more, which they did, and I was told that it looked like she had stabilized and I could look at taking her back home and continue at home treatment there.
I got the call Thursday morning. During the night, Runt’s improvements revers d and she was worwe. Much worse. So bad that there was swelling in her brain and twitchiness because her electrolytes were so off. I was told to come there and to think about taking her to an emergency specialist or euthanasia. When we got there, we had kind of resigned ourselves to the fact we were probably going to have to say goodby to Runt.
But, a glimmer of hope! The vet said that there was a 50/50 chance that the specialist could maybe stabilize her and treat her! That’s all I needed to hear and we packed her up and brought her to the specialist.
Sadly, this didn’t work. By the time we got there, the vet said that her condition was so critical and her prognosis poor, that the likelihood of her getting well enough to bring bad home was very slim. We made the horrible decision.
Oh my god. All I can picture now, 18 hours later, is her in my arms when I was saying goodbye and after the procedure. I can’t see anything else. I’m in a fog. I see my family acting like everything’s ok, while I’m just shattered. I want to see her again so bad. I almost wished I could die so I could be with her again, but I could never do that too my children, ever. From the loss of my other pet cats, I can remember with time, it gets better-I start to remember all the good times, the cute things she did, rather than those last moments, but I also know that those images will always be with me.
I love Runt and miss her so bad. The thought of putting any of her stuff away is heartbreaking and I’m sure it will be a while before I can do it.
I can’t imagine going back to work. I know I need to, but I can’t imagine how I would be okay.
Runt, I’m so sorry. I love you so much and miss you more than you know. I’m so sorry I didn’t catch it sooner so you could still be with us. I’m sorry the last week of your life was spent in hospitals instead of at home, in a place you know and it’s all of us together. I thought you would be. If I knew this was the way it was going to end, I would have gotten you out of the hospital so you could be at home with the people who love you. I will see you again, and I’ll be so happy to be with you again.

 

[di and bob]

Please accept my sincere condolences.....

 

[di and bob]

The love you shared with Runt is personal. It is part of your very soul and unique only to you, that is why it seems that everyone else is going through the motions, and in a way they are. Only you can feel the loss as deeply as you do, and we can only empathize because we only have our own loss to compare yours to.
It sounds like you did what you could with what you had, it's horrible, but sometimes doing all you can is still not enough. Horrible things happen to good people. The guilt and all those should haves, could haves are always a part of the grieving process. It is a journey we all have to make alone. Runt was suffering, that horrible decision you had to make was something you had no choice in, you could not let the suffering continue. This is the time to rely on what the experienced vets stated, they know much and have much to compare to. If they said the prognosis was so poor, i'm sure it was.
Something like this hurts so bad it can take your breath away. It can take over your life if you let it, it is all you think about. Try not to dwell on Runt's end, though I know that is impossible right now, try to concentrate instead on what that precious girl brought to your life. She was meant to be in your life, it was to teach you about love. Thank her for that, she is always as close as your thoughts and prayers because love is spiritual so eternal. She did well. She is so thankful to have had you in her life in this world, the care, the home, the wonderful love you gave her. She lives on through you now, her love and the memories you made will always have a secure place in your soul. Any new love you acquire in your life will never replace her love, it will reside right next to hers, helping it to bloom and grow even stronger. Do not be afraid of opening your herat again, she taught you what love is, and may even send you something or someone to help you through this. It would honor her memory.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. It is especially hard to lose someone we love during Christmas time, a season meant to be happy and filled with joy. I lost my own little girl close to Christmas and know how hard it is when this season approaches. Time is the ONLY thing that truly helps. stay busy and gather your friends and family close that can bring you comfort. It is helpful to share your feelings, and if you can't find someone who can empathize, we at this site are aleways here. We are all family when we lose one of these beautiful little ones, joined together by our love for these amazing creatures. Take care of yoruself, it is easy to let grief take over and run your life. We are here to give you strength and to lend you a shoulder to cry on. We do understand, because we have stood where you are standing now. The world will go on, and you will too. One day at a time......RIP dear Runt. You will be dearly missed, you will always haev a secure place in a loving herat. May the good Lord bless you and gather you in his loving arms, until you meet again!

 

[Margot Lane]

Regardless of how the rest of the fam is doing, do reach out to them and tell them you need a hug. Sometimes a little ritual, song or an altar can help. I feel your grief profoundly & just know you did everything you could. If it helps to share photos or “favorite runt stories,” I sure everyone would love to know more about runt. Take care of the emotional you, find a tree to sit under, breathe, have a cup of tea…also know that cats don’t often give off a lot of signs & put up a lot of bravado. You did everything you could have possibly done, and runt knows it.

 

[Tamalama2000]

The love you shared with Runt is personal. It is part of your very soul and unique only to you, that is why it seems that everyone else is going through the motions, and in a way they are. Only you can feel the loss as deeply as you do, and we can only empathize because we only have our own loss to compare yours to.
It sounds like you did what you could with what you had, it's horrible, but sometimes doing all you can is still not enough. Horrible things happen to good people. The guilt and all those should haves, could haves are always a part of the grieving process. It is a journey we all have to make alone. Runt was suffering, that horrible decision you had to make was something you had no choice in, you could not let the suffering continue. This is the time to rely on what the experienced vets stated, they know much and have much to compare to. If they said the prognosis was so poor, i'm sure it was.
Something like this hurts so bad it can take your breath away. It can take over your life if you let it, it is all you think about. Try not to dwell on Runt's end, though I know that is impossible right now, try to concentrate instead on what that precious girl brought to your life. She was meant to be in your life, it was to teach you about love. Thank her for that, she is always as close as your thoughts and prayers because love is spiritual so eternal. She did well. She is so thankful to have had you in her life in this world, the care, the home, the wonderful love you gave her. She lives on through you now, her love and the memories you made will always have a secure place in your soul. Any new love you acquire in your life will never replace her love, it will reside right next to hers, helping it to bloom and grow even stronger. Do not be afraid of opening your herat again, she taught you what love is, and may even send you something or someone to help you through this. It would honor her memory.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. It is especially hard to lose someone we love during Christmas time, a season meant to be happy and filled with joy. I lost my own little girl close to Christmas and know how hard it is when this season approaches. Time is the ONLY thing that truly helps. stay busy and gather your friends and family close that can bring you comfort. It is helpful to share your feelings, and if you can't find someone who can empathize, we at this site are aleways here. We are all family when we lose one of these beautiful little ones, joined together by our love for these amazing creatures. Take care of yoruself, it is easy to let grief take over and run your life. We are here to give you strength and to lend you a shoulder to cry on. We do understand, because we have stood where you are standing now. The world will go on, and you will too. One day at a time......RIP dear Runt. You will be dearly missed, you will always haev a secure place in a loving herat. May the good Lord bless you and gather you in his loving arms, until you meet again!

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding! I so need it, I don’t know who to talk to…it means a lot to see the responses here.

 

[Tamalama2000]

Regardless of how the rest of the fam is doing, do reach out to them and tell them you need a hug. Sometimes a little ritual, song or an altar can help. I feel your grief profoundly & just know you did everything you could. If it helps to share photos or “favorite runt stories,” I sure everyone would love to know more about runt. Take care of the emotional you, find a tree to sit under, breathe, have a cup of tea…also know that cats don’t often give off a lot of signs & put up a lot of bravado. You did everything you could have possibly done, and runt knows it.

Thank you so much for reaching out…it feels good to talk to people who understand the extreme depth of the pain you feel after.

 

[Tamalama2000]

Yesterday I had to euthanize my beloved cat, Runt. I‘m so sad and I miss her so much and keep asking myself why didn’t I catch this sooner? Runt died from kidney failure. She went to the vet Thursday morning and had bad kidney values so she admitted for a 48 hour stay. She was getting better, we visited her and seemed she was doing ok. Then she had to stay another day to see if her values would improve more, which they did, and I was told that it looked like she had stabilized and I could look at taking her back home and continue at home treatment there.
I got the call Thursday morning. During the night, Runt’s improvements revers d and she was worwe. Much worse. So bad that there was swelling in her brain and twitchiness because her electrolytes were so off. I was told to come there and to think about taking her to an emergency specialist or euthanasia. When we got there, we had kind of resigned ourselves to the fact we were probably going to have to say goodby to Runt.
But, a glimmer of hope! The vet said that there was a 50/50 chance that the specialist could maybe stabilize her and treat her! That’s all I needed to hear and we packed her up and brought her to the specialist.
Sadly, this didn’t work. By the time we got there, the vet said that her condition was so critical and her prognosis poor, that the likelihood of her getting well enough to bring bad home was very slim. We made the horrible decision.
Oh my god. All I can picture now, 18 hours later, is her in my arms when I was saying goodbye and after the procedure. I can’t see anything else. I’m in a fog. I see my family acting like everything’s ok, while I’m just shattered. I want to see her again so bad. I almost wished I could die so I could be with her again, but I could never do that too my children, ever. From the loss of my other pet cats, I can remember with time, it gets better-I start to remember all the good times, the cute things she did, rather than those last moments, but I also know that those images will always be with me.
I love Runt and miss her so bad. The thought of putting any of her stuff away is heartbreaking and I’m sure it will be a while before I can do it.
I can’t imagine going back to work. I know I need to, but I can’t imagine how I would be okay.
Runt, I’m so sorry. I love you so much and miss you more than you know. I’m so sorry I didn’t catch it sooner so you could still be with us. I’m sorry the last week of your life was spent in hospitals instead of at home, in a place you know and it’s all of us together. I thought you would be. If I knew this was the way it was going to end, I would have gotten you out of the hospital so you could be at home with the people who love you. I will see you again, and I’ll be so happy to be with you again.

She went to the vet on Sunday morning 26th and stayed until Thursday 30th…. That’s the fog

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Runt, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so very, very sorry. But you did everything possible, as soon as you knew...and you could not have known before. Cats are masters at hiding things like that. And so many people here have had that "I wish I could have known" feeling. This is what I can tell you. Runt lived, breathed, and had her being in your love. That love surrounded her waking and her sleeping, and wrapped her safe against the world. And now, from That Place Where All Things Are Know, Runt sends her love, now translated and purified in to Love, back to you, to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. She is with you still.

 

[Tamalama2000]

Rest you gentle, Runt, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so very, very sorry. But you did everything possible, as soon as you knew...and you could not have known before. Cats are masters at hiding things like that. And so many people here have had that "I wish I could have known" feeling. This is what I can tell you. Runt lived, breathed, and had her being in your love. That love surrounded her waking and her sleeping, and wrapped her safe against the world. And now, from That Place Where All Things Are Know, Runt sends her love, now translated and purified in to Love, back to you, to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. She is with you still.

That’s beautiful.. tears are flowing. Thank you. I just woke up now because I could have sworn I heard her meowing outside my bedroom door.

 

[di and bob]

That will happen....,.it's our minds wanting something so badly.....She may also be sending you a sign she is OK and near, my Chrissy left one distinctive ringed hair on my vanity each morning for months after she died. none of my other cats had her distinctive ringed hair, and it was always ONE, in the exact same place......

 

[Tamalama2000]

I don’t know if I’d rather have some kind of sign, like hearing her meow, or how I still “see” her in places she used to curl up and sleep, which is so painful when I remember the truth or not having any of these kind of shifts of reality. It hurts so bad when I realize it’s just a crumpled up blanket or one of my sons stuffed animals kind of under his blanket on the bed. I can see it so clearly, I’d swear it was true!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Accept them as messages from her, "Not alone, Mama. Never alone." That's all you need to know.

 

[di and bob]

There are many things in this world that are unexplainable. She may be sending you signs, it is her way of comforting you.....

 

[Tamalama2000]

I keep hoping I’ll get a call that’ll say “we made a mistake, Runt’s here and she’s fine! You’ll need to help her a little at home, but it looks like she pulled through,” even though I know that’s not going to happen.
Thank you to all of you for listening and talking with me. Your words are helping me a lot.

 

[di and bob]

It's part of the grieving process. I cried when I first saw snow on my little one's grave. I just knew she was cold.....
Thank God I had my other little ones to get me through this, I resented them at first for just being alive, but it helped me a lot to have distraction and routine.

 

[Margot Lane]

I keep hoping I’ll get a call that’ll say “we made a mistake, Runt’s here and she’s fine! You’ll need to help her a little at home, but it looks like she pulled through,” even though I know that’s not going to happen.
Thank you to all of you for listening and talking with me. Your words are helping me a lot.

Talk all you like…it’s a process and we’re here. And runt will always be in your heart!

 

[Tamalama2000]

I felt so mad yesterday and today… on Wednesday night she had been doing better and I was told that I would me more than likely be able to take her home Thursday. Then on Thursday….I had to kill her! She was supposed to be back! I had bought her all this stuff on Wednesday night! It’s so unfair…even though I realize…life isn’t fair. But she was faultless! It’s not fair to go the opposite way…and such an opposite way on Runt!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

No, it is not fair. And it is perfectly all right to rage against heaven. Any deity who would not understand your pain would not be worth giving lip-service to.

 

[Tamalama2000]

I’m trying to help my ten year old son to understand that Runt is still with us, even though we may not see her. He’s convinced he saw her ghost last night-I told him that I hope so, because that would mean she still loves us and is still with us in a way and looking out for us to help us all through this. Right now only my son and I have had any kind of feeling her “presence” around us and I hope we both start to feel some peace and acceptance from it.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Children have a habit of seeing what we do not, because they have not been taught that most limiting of all words, "impossible." If he thought he saw her, then he may well have. Peace and acceptance, even knowing that she is still near in spirit, will take time. Nothing replaces that sweet, warm, purring weight against you. Only time makes that longing bearable.