I lost my cat 4 days ago

[catconcern]

Thanks again for more replies folks. It helps a lot and means a lot. Mnm just for him tho I would have stitched him up not me, I just think he wanted more time and wasn't ready to go. I wouldn't keep him alive just for my benefit. I know where u r coming from tho and again thanks for your replies in here. I needed them. Thanks heaps robin and food Santa and zoney hahaha I had to laugh at that jets fan comment. Rex Ryan should have been sacked by now Sanchez is a bum and u guys had your chance in 2009/10 and I'm a geno smith fan. How did u guys blow that lead to Green Bay last week hahahaha.

Ill keep in touch all. Thank you.

 

[mnm]

I didn't mean to sound insensitive...I know you were only thinking of him

 

[robinathome]

We are all here to help each other...all the best to you! Thanks

 

[catconcern]

No u didn't sound insensitive Mnm haha I just didn't want u to think I didn't have my boys best interests in mind. I know you're coming from the right place and your posts have helped me. You've been very helpful. Thank you.

No worries robin, thank you

 

[catconcern]

I'm watching American pie reunion ATM. The songs from that movie go back to when ones 13 onwards. I can't believe my baby boy was with me from 16 going on 32. The reason why I mention the songs because it was many songs from the movie reminding me of the early years of my life and the transitions that my boy was with me through. Unreal. I'm on holiday ATM and I've been having a good time. I wish my bot was still with me to see me doing so well. Why did he have to depart when my life is back on track. I wish I have him better years while he was still alive instead of me being depressed all the time .

My boy was the greatest gift god could give me. Thank you god . I'm sorry I wasn't there for you better at the end Bruce. I wish I came back to see yo a second time. I wish I isn't out you down. I'm sorry boy and I love you eternally as you do me. You made me into a good, strong, kind caring person. You taught me so much about life and even while you are gone from this earth, you continue to teach me and make me a better person.

I want to be with you again my angel boy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love you boy

 

[catconcern]

I can't get over this. We killed put boy. If it was his time it was his time but it wasn't. To me when someone's number is up and they die of natural causes I can accept that. But my boy did not deserve the death he got. I'm not going to sugar coat it or trick myself into thinking otherwise. This are the facts.

2-3 months before he went downhill. Maybe a tad less. The bet came to give him a vaccine. Now I know why he acted possessed when she was trying to administer it. Because that would be his downfall. I think that's how he developed IMO fibrosarcoma. Or made it 100 times worse. I've never, ever, ever seen him act like that.

No question the 2nd shot of cortisone ruined him. Rapid breathing, hiding, lethargic, not eating , sleeping all day. Not making noise or meowing. It shut down his immune system.

The day we put him to sleep. We shouldn't have. From when the split side happened. He was fine. He was grooming himself. He wasn't yelping in pain. He jumped up and off the window sill effortlessly with a split wound. That's not a cat who is hurt or suffering. My dad " we have to put him to sleep "

I didn't go back and see him after leaving him scared. Ok I didn't because I didn't want to put anymore of my fear into him. But he was angry at the way they got him out of the cage. My cat was grooming, jumping and showing signs of anger and fear. He had life in him. The vet said to put him down. He didn't know jack **** about what transpired. He didn't even know of he had cancer. " I'm almost sure it's cancer " almost? Not good enough. " from reading these charts giving medicine would be difficult because he's difficult to treat " yeah at the vet, because he hated being there and I wonder why. They ruined him. He didn't trust him and with good reason. Is being hard to give medicine a reason to put down a cat? What a load of crap.

I knew they'd tell me to put him to sleep and I said don't and I did. I should have had the op for him. That's better than dying. At least try. I gave up on him. At the time I thought id save him suffering. But I made the situation worse in my mind that what it is. When my dad was getting the cage from the vet , you'd think I was the one wHo had tr gaping wound . I was the one that lost control and lost it. My boy was calm, not scared or in pain at all. He got scared when I did. My thoughts and actions killed him. And I promised him I wouldn't. He deserved for me to stick by his side and try everything for him and I didnt . I deserted him. And I got the situation completely wrong .

I stuffed up and lost it mentally and was dictated by the people around me not really focusing on what was really going on instead I misread things and let my emotions get the better of me. I cost my boy his life and he wasn't ready to die. The thing I loved the most in this world, I killed him.

 

[catconcern]

Mum as well. " we have to put him to sleep " I can't believe what a weak piece of **** I was. In my life ive had other people make decisions for me. Also it's like oh no I can't make a right decision. I'm
Not capable of making right decisions. Even when they're good. I've made some dumb ones in my life and I know I've had this negativity and depression inside of me that had thought in not capable of anything good whether it's thinking or actions. Not enough self belief. The opposite of what I am. I'm actually pretty damn good and smart. My mind has tricked me into thinking in the opposite of what I am. That's a form of depression and low self esteem.

In my mind I've thought I was ugly, fat, dumb, weak, boring when in actual fact I'm the complete opposite of these things. Complete opposite. It's affected my life and decision making and I believe it affected me here. The day before I put my boy to sleep I was telling a friend I wasn't ready to do it. Granted the split side thing happened the next day. But Messed up.

I thought I wasn't capable of anything good in my life at anything and that translated here. No more now. I know I'm capable at everything. Happiness, success, good decisions, good times amongst myself, family members, pets, girl friends and friends.

 

[robinathome]

I will post one more time in hopes that you will understand THERE IS NO PERFECT DEATH.   Franny started losing weight May 30/14 and by the time I figured it out I WAS TOO LATE!!!!  I spent too much time with the first vet thinking I HAD TIME  and then when I got the 2nd opinion...it was to late.  We tried for 7 days to bring her back with a new treatment.  No luck.  I TOO FAILED FRANNY.  IF I had just gotten attention sooner, If I had taken her to a different doctor, If I had paid attention that she was losing weight....IF...IF...IF...Only if is a question so many people are asking tonight about their pets.  Unlike people our pets can not tell us what is happening.  And in the end we try our best....YOU DID JUST THAT.  You did try.  We have to trust people to guide us and we trust our Vets because they are our pets eyes and ears.  They do know.  My Vet told me there was a small mass and Franny had about 1-6 months.  The 2nd Vet said she is in really bad shape but let's try some things.  In the end as much as I wanted Franny to live I had to make a decision, the hardest in my life.  I failed Franny too.  BUT I know I tried just like you.  And in the end I still question my decisions.  And I still think I did things wrong.  But this is life.  No guarantees.  You did not kill your boy.  If it makes things any better, the Vets made the decision by telling you to let your boy pass.  If you could have seen me for the 3 dreadful days before I made the decision you would understand that no matter what death of a pet is awful.  The day I made the decision was one of the worst days of my life.  We are all here with you because we ALL know how hard it is.  Tonight I believe that you are still so conflicted that it my be good to talk to a pet grievance counselor.  If there is a shelter in your area maybe you could volunteer in your boys memory for all those cats that probably will not get a life to live, like the life we gave our cats.  And maybe you could share your grief with them and get some help to move forward and find the joy that your boy would appreciate you having.  The memories of what your life together was.  I rescued my 2 cats 12 years ago.  They would of never had a life I know this.  The time we spent together was not enough but we did get the time and now it has ended.  Be thankful that you had your boy, like I had my girl.  

 

[catconcern]

Thanks robin. It helped me your post.. At least you tried everything though. I didn't. You couldn't possibly blame yourself. You did everything and beyond. I didn't take the extra steps necessary. Again thanks for the post. You're probably right. Not that I should blame but if anything I did go on the vets advice. Credit to him in one thing though, I came to the conclusion after I made these posts. If he was that much of a turkey he would have just put my cat down without even telling me and said he died under the anesthetic . He didn't. My boy was alive when he took a look at him and then called and said he was still alive but it would be best to put him down. Gee just thinking about him on the operating table hurts me because he was unknowing to what was about to happen. It hurts that he had no control or say on what was about to transpire and I think he didn't want that. That's what hurts a lot. I think I made, we all made the decision to out him down and he didn't want that . He wasn't ready to go. That's what hurts me the most. Because I believe my boy not only wasn't ready to go but he didn't want to because he knew he had more time left in him.

My boys thoughts and feelings are the most important thing to me. I know death is not perfect. I reckon I robbed him of more time on this precious earth though.

Thanks for posting.

 

[zoneout]

Look at what you are saying though....  that the vet was on the level with you.   His professional opinion was that the cancer was bad enough that it couldn`t be operated on.   Ok, your boy wasn`t showing to be weak, feeble, and sickly yet - though the bleeding tumors most likely would have gotten worse.   And if they stitched him up and put him on more meds ...  I can`t imagine he would have been enjoying life.  

My cat went downhill VERY quickly.  One day she appeared healthier than I EVER saw her - played like a kitten.   Within a week she was gone.  So it is very hard to judge how much time they have left even when they look OK.

The vet must have thought the most humane thing to do at that time was to let him go.   You can second-guess yourself over and over but it wont change anything other than make you more miserable.    You followed the vets advice as 99% of us would in your shoes.   

Believe me, I understand what you are going through.   I think the hurdle you have is that you made that promise not to put him down - correct?   But that was before you understood the entire situation.   Knowing then what you know now - would you still have made that promise?   

 

[mnm]

This is detailed but it makes my point....My hubby paid me the best compliment today that he didn't even realize how much peace it would give me. The 3 weeks we dealt with Minnie's chylothorax diagnosis and treatment affected me horribly! A leak in her chest wall caused fluid to fill the chest , which in turn makes it so the lungs can't expand. So she was sedated and her chest was drained... not painful but yet sedation made her feel a bit punk for a day or two and she didn't eat her norm so started losing a bit of weight. But she acted normal after that...routine wise...playing... until it would fill up again...so in 10 days we had another sedation...another draining...she took a couple days to bounce back... but within a week...filled up again. In the meantime I had to pill her 3x a day which she hated and it got me so upset as she started shying away from me ..expecting me to pill her all the time! She didn't eat well.. and needed another draining but still played...still was stinkin cute with her routines but she had just bounced back from a draining and needed her 3rd one and it had only been a week. I really prayed ...giving all my anxiety up to God (sorry..hope that doesn't offend anyone) but peace replaced the knot in my stomach.. I barely had eaten in 2 weeks..was a MESS and had to get ahold of myself! The last week I was at peace with her condition and when she needed that last draining I said..no. She was not feeling ill.. but I knew the fight ahead was one I did not want to put her through! I just read a post on another forum where a man did ALL the possible treatments plus surgery for his cat...and the surgery did not work and she died shortly after surgery....that is EXACTLY why I chose to put Min down while she was still feeling pretty much "like Min" instead of forcing her through hell in hopes she would eventually recover. I showed hubby that man's post and he said... Wow...you were so right in your decision. I soooo would rather cherish 10 awesome years with her than have the agony of watching her not be herself.

It sucks, it hurts, but now is when you need to give your kitty a lil bit of credit here and know that he probably wants to THANK you for not forcing him through tough times! It's obvious how much you love him but you cannot measure that love on what happened at the end and assume he "was upset with you" .. he was sick and hurt and of course he will not like a vet dealing with him when he's not 100% or anyone else for that matter .. Him being sedated for surgery is no different than when they sedated Min and then they feel nothing but peace...your boy went in peace and I know the mind can keep turning it over and over in your head... but you must focus on his life...not the last day. Honor him by doing that [emoji]128522[/emoji]

 

[catconcern]

 
Look at what you are saying though....  that the vet was on the level with you.   His professional opinion was that the cancer was bad enough that it couldn`t be operated on.   Ok, your boy wasn`t showing to be weak, feeble, and sickly yet - though the bleeding tumors most likely would have gotten worse.   And if they stitched him up and put him on more meds ...  I can`t imagine he would have been enjoying life.  

My cat went downhill VERY quickly.  One day she appeared healthier than I EVER saw her - played like a kitten.   Within a week she was gone.  So it is very hard to judge how much time they have left even when they look OK.

The vet must have thought the most humane thing to do at that time was to let him go.   You can second-guess yourself over and over but it wont change anything other than make you more miserable.    You followed the vets advice as 99% of us would in your shoes.   

Believe me, I understand what you are going through.   I think the hurdle you have is that you made that promise not to put him down - correct?   But that was before you understood the entire situation.   Knowing then what you know now - would you still have made that promise?   

The thing is zoney, he wasn't on meds in the first place. He just had the cortisone. So it's not like we tried that in the first instance.

I know you understand. Thanks for being by my side every step of the way. Knowing then what I do now? Yes I still would have zoney. That's the thing. I knew the situation then, it wasn't like I was oblivious. It was like my mind was too easy persuaded by first of all my mum when she was listening on the phone, and then the vet. I would have made the promise because that's what I should have done. Tried everything for him, which I said I was going to do. At that point in time I was too weak minded like a child who got dictated from his parents. Remember the vet didn't tell me anything I didn't know. Obviously for it to split open whatever it was inside of him was insidious. To me it sounds like fibrosarcoma. Which I believe was set off by the vaccine and then the cortisone. What I didnt know was it was around his rib cage, again, imo as a result of the vaccine and cortisone it spread viciously and quickly. I knew the vet was going to tell me to put him down before I even got there. Remember I said to myself '' they're going to tell me to put him down. No matter what they say, don't do it '' and I promised my boy I wouldnt and that I'd do everything for him. I broke that promise, and I didn't do everything for him. All that aside. it goes back to what he was doing even with his split wound. Which was grooming and jumping and showing anger and fear. Not of ones which were submission etc. 

That's what I'm saying zoney. It's not just about the promise. I think what I did was wrong. He had more time left. It wasn't his time. And because of me, I made it his time.

Sorry I answered your question with what I've already said a hundred times. I appreciate your help and your posting here. 

 

[catconcern]

This is detailed but it makes my point....My hubby paid me the best compliment today that he didn't even realize how much peace it would give me. The 3 weeks we dealt with Minnie's chylothorax diagnosis and treatment affected me horribly! A leak in her chest wall caused fluid to fill the chest , which in turn makes it so the lungs can't expand. So she was sedated and her chest was drained... not painful but yet sedation made her feel a bit punk for a day or two and she didn't eat her norm so started losing a bit of weight. But she acted normal after that...routine wise...playing... until it would fill up again...so in 10 days we had another sedation...another draining...she took a couple days to bounce back... but within a week...filled up again. In the meantime I had to pill her 3x a day which she hated and it got me so upset as she started shying away from me ..expecting me to pill her all the time! She didn't eat well.. and needed another draining but still played...still was stinkin cute with her routines but she had just bounced back from a draining and needed her 3rd one and it had only been a week. I really prayed ...giving all my anxiety up to God (sorry..hope that doesn't offend anyone) but peace replaced the knot in my stomach.. I barely had eaten in 2 weeks..was a MESS and had to get ahold of myself! The last week I was at peace with her condition and when she needed that last draining I said..no. She was not feeling ill.. but I knew the fight ahead was one I did not want to put her through! I just read a post on another forum where a man did ALL the possible treatments plus surgery for his cat...and the surgery did not work and she died shortly after surgery....that is EXACTLY why I chose to put Min down while she was still feeling pretty much "like Min" instead of forcing her through hell in hopes she would eventually recover. I showed hubby that man's post and he said... Wow...you were so right in your decision. I soooo would rather cherish 10 awesome years with her than have the agony of watching her not be herself.

It sucks, it hurts, but now is when you need to give your kitty a lil bit of credit here and know that he probably wants to THANK you for not forcing him through tough times! It's obvious how much you love him but you cannot measure that love on what happened at the end and assume he "was upset with you" .. he was sick and hurt and of course he will not like a vet dealing with him when he's not 100% or anyone else for that matter .. Him being sedated for surgery is no different than when they sedated Min and then they feel nothing but peace...your boy went in peace and I know the mind can keep turning it over and over in your head... but you must focus on his life...not the last day. Honor him by doing that [emoji]128522[/emoji]

I love details. Thanks mnm. I appreciate your time and words. I was talking to mum before, and I said to her that our boy only got bad the last 4 days of his life and even during those days he had good times. It wasn't like he was suffering for weeks on end. It was just the 4 days 5-7 days after his 2nd shot of cortisone. To me it's like we just saw the bad not the good and put him down first time they mentioned it. We didnt have to act so fast. Even going back and stitching him up would have been fine and see how he went as he wasn't showing any signs of pain. It was like just operate on him or put him down. I'm not going to go back on the stitching him up part because I've been over that one but that also was an option. Of course I wouldn't want him to suffer. But we didn't know if he was or if or when he was about to. Yes he was suffering for times during the 4 days but at times he wasn't and he wasn't on the day that he died bar the wound. I can't go back, but what I would have liked to do different was a lot of things but if just one I would have had the op. As mentioned before if he was suffering after that then yes put him down. But to not try is pathetic. Better to try and find out than never know. Because once you are gone that is it. No coming back. Suffering intolerably is worse and I wouldnt want that of course dying is better but if he had the op he also would have been on pain medication so in my mind I don't think being alive and on pain meds and panning out the situation is better than dying. Again, if we did that, and he wasn't good. We could have put him down afterwards. I just think it was way too rushed and premature and we didn't explore all our options. I lost control and as I mentioned having the operation or being put down were 2 of the 3 options. The other was stitch him up, in my mind that wasn't because I jumped the gun and dismissed but thinking I had to act straight away because we had to get whatever inside of him out because it was eating him up. With good reason, hence go with the op which we never actually did upon the vets advice. Even stitching him up would have been better than death. I think though we definitely had to act. We did in fact. But we never did. That was the stupid part.

I've been over this so many times. My boy was the most amazing person I've ever met and I call him a person because that's what he was. He wasn't an animal or a thing. He was a person. The best of. He just deserved the best and every chance to live. He deserved the faith and unquestionable love and loyalty he showed me and our family. All I can do now is move on and honor him which I have been doing and what you also tell me to do. At the end of the day you guys are right, I went on the vets advice acting in what I thought were the best interests of my boy. Whether they were or weren't is another matter but what I am going to do is be far more trusting and believing in my own thoughts, beliefs, actions and self. I will be patient, take my time with things if I don't like, believe or think something and I will listen to my mind and intuition. and I'm not going to place my hopes or belief in anyone anymore over myself. Even in death my boy continues to teach me and make me a stronger and better person in every avenue.

Believe and trust in myself

 

[zoneout]

I've been over this so many times. My boy was the most amazing person I've ever met and I call him a person because that's what he was. He wasn't an animal or a thing. He was a person. The best of. He just deserved the best and every chance to live. He deserved the faith and unquestionable love and loyalty he showed me and our family. All I can do now is move on and honor him which I have been doing and what you also tell me to do. At the end of the day you guys are right, I went on the vets advice acting in what I thought were the best interests of my boy. Whether they were or weren't is another matter but what I am going to do is be far more trusting and believing in my own thoughts, beliefs, actions and self. I will be patient, take my time with things if I don't like, believe or think something and I will listen to my mind and intuition. and I'm not going to place my hopes or belief in anyone anymore over myself. Even in death my boy continues to teach me and make me a stronger and better person in every avenue.

Believe and trust in myself:nod:

This is one of the most beautiful passages I have ever read. That out of this life altering ordeal you have found new inner strength and knowledge. Your boy inspired you in his life as well as his passing. It is perhaps his greatest gift to you. One that you will carry with you the rest of your life. It is how he ultimately showed you his love for everything you did for him.

 

[catconcern]

Thanks zoneout. I felt a bit down today. But it dawned on me, well, my boy would WANT me to have fun today and have a good time being happy and healthy, not to be down and feel sorry for myself or just be down in general. The sun is shining out there today. He would want me to enjoy it, have some fun in what ever way possible. I'm going to continue to honor him and have a great time in my whole life! I might go play some soccer, whatever. The point is to have fun and be happy everyday because he would want that for me

U2 beautiful day reminds me of him as well as the song by Calvin Harris called Summer. Today sure is a beautiful day

 

[catconcern]

This is one of the most beautiful passages I have ever read. That out of this life altering ordeal you have found new inner strength and knowledge. Your boy inspired you in his life as well as his passing. It is perhaps his greatest gift to you. One that you will carry with you the rest of your life. It is how he ultimately showed you his love for everything you did for him.

And everything he did for me

He's the best. He made me be a great, strong person and into a champion

 

peace to you zoneout. And good prayers.

 

[catconcern]

The verve - lucky man I think it's called. Also reminds me of my boy! Also bittersweet symphony, we weren't born to follow by Bon Jovi, till I collapse by eminem and wherever you will go by by the calling and lifehouse first time hahaha so many songs. He inspired me and made me happy and strong

 

[batgirl2good]

you did what you needed to do.  it would have been cruel NOT to let him go.  he is happy now...and is healed

 

[catconcern]

Dawned on me a few days ago that if the idiot vet just did his ******* job and what was supposed to do I wouldn't be going through this right how. The moron should have just operated on my boy like he was supposed to. Not call up and ask if we wanted the other lumps removed. We knew he had other lumps. And according to the other idiotic mobile vet they weren't cancerous. First of all, we wouldn't want all the lumps removed as it would be too many. Second, why would we if " supposedly " they weren't causing him any pain. We took him to the vet to have the operation. The stupid idiot should have just did that and that would have been that. Calls up and said he's discovered other lumps. Welcome to 4 years ago you tool. That's the problem, too many vets at that particular place that none of them know one thing from the other. All they do is look off a few notes.

 

[catconcern]

Planted seeds of doubt in my head when I was already weak and vulnerable. I took this guys advice and put him on a pedal stool. I still can't believe my companionship with my eternal soul mate ended like that. I should have kept my word and stuck to my guns. I won't be taking other peoples opinions with so much regard ever again.