I lost my baby and I can't stop crying

[mainsoda]

My beloved cat Bernadette had to be put down yesterday and I am inconsolable. She was a tiny adorable cat, the best most loving cat I had ever known. She was 20 and her and I lived a great long life together. She was in pain, but it still killed me to make the appointment to have her put down and it killed me again when it happened.

Now today when I came home from work and she didn't run up to happily welcome me I was killed again. Oh God I miss her so much. Everything reminds me of her. My house feels so empty and I've come to the realization that my house is not a home without her here.

The pain is so sharp I just had to talk about it. Thanks for reading you beautiful cat people.

 

[iPappy]

What a beautiful girl. I am so, so sorry you had to make that decision. It's agonizing to make that call, wait for the appointment, and give the vet the OK to do what you know is coming and has to be done. I've been there so many times. It hurts, very badly. I'm sending you all the hugs I can. People here understand, I promise.
20 is an amazing age. All cats should be so lucky, but I know from experience that is little consolation to you now. In time, it will be.
Rest easy little Bernadette, until we all meet once more, and then we will never face a moments separation again.

 

[mainsoda]

Thanks iPappy that means a lot. She had a bad tooth and mouth cancer and my cat sitter, who is such a wonderful person, recommended a service that comes to your house to put down your cat. A bit more expensive, but so worth it for my little Bee to stay comfortably at home, not having panic and fear driving to the vet. She went so softly without a sound, just drifted off on my couch.

 

[iPappy]

If it had to happen, this is the best way. I'm glad she was able to be at home, and it sounds like she was ready. They are such wonderful little friends. As hard as it is, helping her over in the way you did was such a gift to spare her any further pain.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Bernadette, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What a lovely, long life the two of your shared...but, where there is love, an eternity is not long enough. I can so easily tell from your words that Bernadette lived, breathed and had her being wrapped in your love for her, and she left this world still wrapped in it.

There is nothing I can say that will help you in this moment, but remember this for a bit later. The Deepest Truth I know is this, love never dies. It is translated and purified into Love, and continues on. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, Bernadette bless you for every moment she spent with you, and she sends her Love back to you to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

 

[Mia6]

I am so sorry about your loss.

Love,
Mia

 

[di and bob]

Of course you are devastated, she shared your life for a long time. Your routines are engrained into you, and she was a big part of it. Your heart is broken, it does not know the difference between human and animal, it just knows the love you shared, and now her physical presence is gone, leaving a huge hole. But try to remember, after that long a time, the bond of love built between you both is incredibly strong, it is spiritual, so eternal. NOTHING can take that from you or break that bond. Her love is a permanent part of your soul. It will follow you wherever you go, she will live on through you now, sharing your joys as well as your grieving. So send her thoughts of gratitude and love for having her in your life, she will do the same, and continue to send her love.
For her to live to 20 is a testament to your care and love. And at the end, when the suffering outweighed the living, you gathered your love and concern together and ended that suffering, You took on her pain as your own.....
It is at times like this I use this quote over and over again....."DO not cry because it is over, smile because it happened,"
Time is the only thing that dulls the sharp pangs of grief. A lot of time. This is something you get through, not over. time will bring about finding ways to manage yoru grief, but in the meantime be gentle on yourself, try to distract your broken heart with good memories, with new routines. Go forward into the future and live it as you would want for her to go on, she wants no different, that is love. Not in tears and grief, but using what she taught you, what she left as her legacy, and bring happiness and love back into your heart and letting it reside right beside hers, never replacing what she gave you, that can never be, but helping hers to grow even stronger, even more important. What she taught you is a gift she gave to you, one to be shared and spread. Not hoarded and cried over.
So right now, just take one day at a time, we are here to prove there IS happiness and life after a death. But it takes a long time to heal a broken heart and there will always be a scar. Take that first step into your future and live in the present for now. You can never change the past, you don't know what the future will bring, one day at a time......Bless you for loving her so much....RIP precious Bernadette. you will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure spot in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[DeesCats]

I am so sorry for your loss of Bernadette, please accept my condolences.

 

[mainsoda]

Thanks everyone that posted here. It has made a difference in my broken heart. I don't know any of you people, but I love you.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Oh no, I'm so sorry! I just saw this after seeing Bernadette's picture in the Cow Cats thread.
What a darling she was - and her living twenty years says everything about how well you cared for her.

 

[GranolaLouise]

Oh she was Beautiful! My heart cries along with yours, just having lost my fur baby on Monday. The tears hit you out of the blue it seems. But go with it. Go through the process. I am learning to do that.
Something that I have found helpful is to make a memorial..some flowers, photos, candles, and alongside her the ashes if you had her cremated. I also started writing down in a book the things that come to me about the little things like her not wanting to eat one time because her placemat was not under the bowl..she dove right in when I brought it back. Precious Little things like that that made you chuckle and now make you cry are now worth jotting down in a notebook lest they fade from memory.
I feel, cry and hurt with you .

 

[iPappy]

Oh she was Beautiful! My heart cries along with yours, just having lost my fur baby on Monday. The tears hit you out of the blue it seems. But go with it. Go through the process. I am learning to do that.
Something that I have found helpful is to make a memorial..some flowers, photos, candles, and alongside her the ashes if you had her cremated. I also started writing down in a book the things that come to me about the little things like her not wanting to eat one time because her placemat was not under the bowl..she dove right in when I brought it back. Precious Little things like that that made you chuckle and now make you cry are now worth jotting down in a notebook lest they fade from memory.
I feel, cry and hurt with you .

I lost one on Monday as well. I've done as you've suggested in the past, and I find it really, really does help.

 

[mainsoda]

Sorry about your kitty Louise. The tears do hit you out of the blue. I was at the grocery store tonight picking up some bird seed and I walked by the cat food section and they had my Bee's favorite food in stock. My heart sunk and I tried to hold it in with minimal success.
Stuck at home in the middle of a blizzard, I find myself pouring though pictures of our 20 years together, there are so many. I loved her like crazy, but I never fully realized how good I had it with that kid in my life.

 

[iPappy]

Sorry about your kitty Louise. The tears do hit you out of the blue. I was at the grocery store tonight picking up some bird seed and I walked by the cat food section and they had my Bee's favorite food in stock. My heart sunk and I tried to hold it in with minimal success.
Stuck at home in the middle of a blizzard, I find myself pouring though pictures of our 20 years together, there are so many. I loved her like crazy, but I never fully realized how good I had it with that kid in my life.

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Those little things, like seeing her food, do sting. What an adorable photo. It's tough finding a line between taking them for granted and spending their lives hovering over them, worried something might go wrong.
When I lost Tag back in 2022, I went to the grocery store after a week or so. The cashier I like so well always asks me how my dogs and cats are. And that day, she asked. So I didn't break down, I cheerfully said "Oh, they're fine!" I knew if I started telling her what had happened, I'd lose it. Eventually, I did tell her once the initial grief calmed.
20 years is such a long time. When I lost mine at 15 1/2, I realized how different my life had become since I brought him home as a kitten and how much had changed. And how he just went with the flow along side me. And then I wonder, where did all those years go?

 

[Mighty Orange]

Your going to have things trigger you and make you remember something about Bee. I still have tears years after my Batman passed. Hang in there and hopefully you will eventually be able to bring another into your life. Cats take your heart. Wow 20 years is a super long life.

 

[Margot Lane]

What a soul! What deep eyes! Riding alongside you here…we’ve all been through it, you’re among friends. Through the tears, if you can channel her essence, and hold what was most dear & precious close to your heart, you will find the love carrying you through the present tidal wave of grief. With time, the energy of your cat -so different from everyone else’s- will bouy you and keep you safe and comforted. Their love is their gift to us, and our memory of it always imprinted, forever unfaded, on our hearts. You can count on this.

 

[marshmallow2013]

I am really sorry for your loss. Bernadette was so beautiful. I feel your pain. I lost my cat to mouth cancer as well about a year ago. Mouth cancer is terrible because it is so sneaky and aggressive. You gave her the best gift by not letting her suffer. My deepest condolences to you.

 

[I'm John]

I understand how you feel very well. My boy of 20 years crossed the rainbow bridge a few months ago. Things will get better for you. You did the right thing. Please remember that your girl would not like you to feel bad, as it would be against the principle of the love that is there and will be there forever. Give your feelings time. Be busy with work or a hobby so you can sleep well at night. Love is a miracle!

 

[HUDSONPAT]

My beloved cat Bernadette had to be put down yesterday and I am inconsolable. She was a tiny adorable cat, the best most loving cat I had ever known. She was 20 and her and I lived a great long life together. She was in pain, but it still killed me to make the appointment to have her put down and it killed me again when it happened.

Now today when I came home from work and she didn't run up to happily welcome me I was killed again. Oh God I miss her so much. Everything reminds me of her. My house feels so empty and I've come to the realization that my house is not a home without her here.

The pain is so sharp I just had to talk about it. Thanks for reading you beautiful cat people.

I will be in your shoes on Monday, Jan. 15, to send my Moki over the rainbow bridge. You were lucky to have 20 great years...my Moki is only 7...diagnosed w. lymphoma, which is engulfing his body in less than 3 wks.

 

[GranolaLouise]

Anticipating must be so very difficult. We hold your hand this weekend.