I just want her to LOVE ME

[dustytiger]

Ok, so I recently got a kitty from a shelter 'n she's super cute buuuut

One moment she's affectionately rubbing her face all over my hand, the next she's biting and hissing at me. Not like, in a super brutal way, she never breaks the skin, but I simply don't get it. She makes this like.... squeak-like meow before she does it, too.

It's really confusing me because she'll come over to be petted and push into my touch especially around her face, shoulders and the back of her hips, but then all of a sudden she's on the offensive. I accidentally brushed against her tail while I was petting her and she swatted my hand.

Is it because she's still new in the house? Or is this just her nature?

She's been with us a week now, appears to have made herself comfortable, established favorite spots, curls beside me when I'm sleeping, eats well.... I dunno what the issue is. I mean, if it's just her personality or she's not especially touchy-feely, I'm ok with it, but if it's something I'm doing wrong or I could do something to make her like me a little more, I'd love to not be mildly terrified whenever she does the squeak-meow and to establish more of a bond with her.

 

[Kieka]

The squeak-meow is either her signal that she is done being pet or she is ready to play.

Do you have any toys nearby that you can grab when she does that to figure out if that is what she wants? I could just be that where she was before she was used to petting transitioning into play and that is her say "ready? go!" for play. If so you want to be careful to stay away from any toys you hold within reach of her claws or hand wrestling. Try wand toys, laser pointers, or toys you toss for her to chase. 

If it is that she is done, she is done so stop petting and you won't get bit. All cats have different tolerance levels for petting and there isn't much to do about it. I have one who gives a light bite as his signal and if you try to continue past that point you will regret it (13 pounds of muscle attacking you, not fun). For him, you need to pull hands out of reach otherwise he seems to be convinced that you didn't understand so I typically do a hands up like surrendering, he looks away and I can lower my hands right next to him without retribution. Sounds silly but its the signal that has developed for him to know I got the message for no more pets. I have another who will take every second of affection he can get and just walks away if he is done (rarely). 

A bond doesn't mean that you can pet her anytime for as long as you want. A bond means that you understand her signals and her moods. My boy who dislikes petting outside of his terms is just as bonded as the one who loves petting. The petting has nothing to do with bonding or loving. The mutual understanding and respect is the more important factor. 

 

[misty8723]

I agree with Kieka, some cats only like to be petted for a little bit then they want their space. It doesn't mean they don't love you, just that they are done being petted.  Also I guess some cats don't like having their tails messed with.  I would say if she curls up next to you when your sleeping, she is bonding with you.

 

[foxden]

dustytiger
A week is not a long time for a kitty to get used to you and your house.

Right now, you need to just let touching be on her terms. If she only wants to be petted twice now, try to do that.

She will warm up to you over the next few weeks. I believe allowing her to set the petting and loving right now will give you a more loving, trusting kitty later on.

She is doing all the things to indicate she will be more loving as time goes on. Just be patient with her, and I believe she will become a loving kitty

 

[lalagimp]

She sounds pretty social as far as flighty new scaredy cats can be.
Both my girls are fussy.
Amalie is a 9 lb tortie, missing over half her teeth, missing her front claws... and she arches her butt up for you to pet her hips but she'll only do it to a point, and then she yells and bites you. Loving it. Loving it. Loving it. OMG STOP I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.
Yue is a 10 lb ragdoll looking mix. Beautiful cat. Loves to be pet. But you have to keep moving your hands over her to different parts on rotation. You can pet her indefinitely as long as you keep migrating. You stay in one spot more than about 10-15 seconds and she yells and tries to grab you and bite. Princess. Do it. Do it. No not like that. Do it. No. Try again. Do it.
This may be your cat's quirk or they can still be getting used to you,  but don't get discouraged if this is her neurosis. The cat can still love you.