I just need a bit of a pity party...

[Jem]

I'm so done...
These past couple months have been trying and there seems to be no end in sight.

We had a flood in the beginning of May, then a death in the family. After, I find out that my insurance isn't covering the flood damage, so I've had to do all the remediation and cleanup myself and will have to do all the rebuild myself as well. My house is a figgin' disaster because all the basement stuff is just all over the house until we finish sorting and purging and putting stuff back in the basement...which won't happen until I can finish putting it all back together. I managed to finally get the drywall up last weekend so at least we don't have to fight with stacked baby gates to keep the cats out of the basement anymore.

While our neighborhood was flooded, we got some unwanted guests in our house...stupid carpenter ants! Some of you may know that we've had a carpenter ant nest before, a few years ago. So although it's possible they we're just passing thru due to flooding, as I haven't seen any evidence since that one day. I can't really take a chance, due to our history and will have to bring the exterminator in. But I can't until the basement stuff is out of the way.

Our cable/internet provider is no longer offering the same TV lineup...many of which were the channels we watched. And although it's not a "big deal" in the grand scheme of things...it's just another thing I have to deal with, and because this affects all their customers, their customer service is overwhelmed and I just don't have time to sit on hold for 3-4 hours...what many have said they've had to wait. So I'm just paying full price for services I'm no longer receiving until I can get thru to them.

Our stupid shower/tub started leaking...even though we JUST fixed it last year...and plumbers are hard to come by right now so prices are thru the roof on that too.

Then we had to bring Miss Lily to the vet a couple weeks ago for an anal gland abscess. She's OK now and just finished her anti-biotics, But we still need to continue to work on why her poop is never firm enough.

Then just yesterday, my Husband had to bring the shop cat to the ER vet for a possible blockage...they suspect cystitis, but he has a history of blockage and crystals. He was treated and we brought him back but unfortunately my husband is currently on his way back again because he hasn't peed yet (since yesterday late morning) and we're afraid of a complete blockage.

And thru all this I still work full time and my husband has to run his business and of course there's the regular day to day stuff you have to keep up with. And as much as I hate to include this...but hey, I said I wanted a pity party... my health hasn't been up to par lately.
I'm also dealing with burn out from some previous stuff over the last few years that was starting to get a bit better but...it's tanked now again. The stress has cause my hair to fall out (I'm not bald or anything...but it still bothers and worries me). I've gained weight which plays real havoc on my self esteem. My anxiety levels are consistently on high alert so I'm irritable, forgetful, etc... I'm EXAUSTED all the time and my physical issues (chronic pain and muscle issues) are being stressed. And I don't think I can remember when I didn't have a headache. Even my tongue hurts in the morning from my clenching at night.
There's so much more detail I can give about my physical/metal well being but I'll stop now...

One of the biggest things about all this stuff is it all costs SO MUCH money that we just don't have...and TBH it's pisses me off that I have to spend what savings I have on this crap...and not just crap...but inflated prices crap. And I've not even included some of the more mundane things that, on their own aren't a big deal...but added all together with the rest...it's just too much.
Not to mention some of the stuff my husband is stressed about that doesn't really have anything to do with me...but does affect me by proxy.

UGH!
Can someone please tell the universe to quit picking on me?......please?

 

[cmshap]

And I don't think I can remember when I didn't have a headache. Even my tongue hurts in the morning from my clenching at night.

I have more to say in response to your post overall, but these sentences stood out to me, and I just wanted to offer my two-cent suggestion...

I have a family member who has had teeth grinding/clenching problems in his sleep for years. Probably stress-induced. It was causing him to wake up with chronic headaches.

In his case, a simple $15 mouth guard from Amazon made a world of difference. Of course, not everyone will find a universal one that fits or works as well, and some may need to talk to a dentist (also some may be unable to sleep with a guard in their mouth) but you may never know until you try it.

You may think the core problem is stress causing the physical discomfort -- which may very well be true -- and that the only fix would be to reduce the stress. But if you can do something to alleviate the physical discomfort, even a little, that can go a long way, too.

Take that for what it's worth.

 

[betsygee]

Ugh. Sooooo very sorry. It's no fun when life issues pile up like that. Sending you a big hug and good wishes!

 

[rubysmama]

Jem : sorry things are all hitting you at once.

Sending positive thoughts your way in hopes that thing ease up soon.

 

[Furballsmom]

So I'm hereby petitioning the universe and all the peripheral related entities to Just. Stop. and leave you alone, at the very least for five flippin' minutes, so you can breath.

 

[Margot Lane]

Deep breath. I can maybe help w/ the firming of the poop! Have you tried pumpkin tummy topper? Fantastic stuff! Pretty cheap, too.

 

[Kwik]

I'm so sorry you've gotten it from all sides but life is that way,,isn't it? It's just so overwhelming at times and I'll simply say what my Mom used to say all the time,in the very worst of times" This too shall pass" and by God,surely it will
So if in the meantime you want to scream,shout & let it all out then I'd be more than willing to listen,we all are... sometimes it helps alot to to hear "Awwww,it'll be okay " from people who sincerely care ....
Generally speaking I don't talk to the universe but I do talk to its Creator and He Listens so I'm sending prayers in yput behalf .....with Love & Blessings

 

[cmshap]

I'll simply say what my Mom used to say all the time,in the very worst of times" This too shall pass"

That was one of my grandma's signature phrases, too. And she survived a lot.

She and my grandpa supported their 5 kids by running their own business, which went under more than once, followed by a home foreclosure. And my grandpa suffered multiple heart attacks due to stress and overwork, while going through PTSD from being a WW2 veteran.

But she always maintained that attitude in the later part of her life.

 

[Jem]

You may think the core problem is stress causing the physical discomfort -- which may very well be true -- and that the only fix would be to reduce the stress. But if you can do something to alleviate the physical discomfort, even a little, that can go a long way, too.

I know it's not just the stress...it's just exacerbating my issues. I actually work in physical therapy so I am trying to "practice what I preach"...but the exhaustion sure does make it difficult. I'm not sure if anyone on here has ever felt that way before...exhaustion that just hits you and says "nope...not today". Just last night, I had to go downstairs to grab some laundry, so I mustered up enough whatever I had left in my tank...but when I went to come back up I just stood there completely defeated for a few minutes almost in tears because I just didn't want to walk up those stairs. It's pathetic.

I've thought about trying out a mouth guard...just never got around to it. When I actually do my jaw massages and exercises it does help...but again...I just haven't made the time to do it enough.

I can maybe help w/ the firming of the poop! Have you tried pumpkin tummy topper? Fantastic stuff! Pretty cheap, too.

I'll look it up, but our Lily likes to make things difficult as she will not eat anything other than her kibble. Like NOTHING. No treats, wet food, tuna, deli meat...we've tried everything. So I just keep trying different foods. When I went to the vet they do have fiber supplements for cats in a capsule form so I may try that. Believe it or not, pilling her is a friggin' dream compared to trying to "hide" things on her kibble.
We will be investigating allergies moving forward and the vet did mention a medication we could try...I'm not quite there yet though as it's an immune suppressant and don't quite like the possible side effects. I also want to make sure that the anal abscess is for sure gone before starting something like that.

This too shall pass

I know it will...

.......but in the mean time...




On a positive...sort of....note. Seymour's not blocked by crystals or stones. When hubby got to the vet, she tried to express him but nothing came out and he's pretty feisty so she stopped and wanted to give him sedation before proceeding with a catheter. While out getting everything she needed, he jumped off the table and went to some pad or something that was in the exam room....and peed! It took a bit of pushing but it was a nice full pee.
Hubby still wanted to proceed with the x-ray to make sure and nothing showed up at all. But no cath and flush...yay! He's just very swollen/inflamed. The antibiotic shot he got yesterday will continue to work if it's an infection causing it but he also got a couple days of meds for the swelling and a calming med to help with the stress. There have been renovations going on the past couple weeks at the shop...hubby said the noises have been freaking him out a bit...
He's still going to spend the night at the shop like he did last night but at least we have a game plan. And he ask the landlord about the renovations and luckily he said he's almost done and was nice enough to accommodate as best as he can and said he would do the loud stuff outside (saws and what not). The renovations are happening right above him...so it's pretty loud.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I get it. I so get it. I think sometimes we just need to vent the frustration from having to carry too much. Let off some pressure! I hope you guys get a break soon. And maybe force yourselves to take a weekend off the projects. It may give you some oomph to keep going!

 

[Kwik]

'm not sure if anyone on here has ever felt that way before...exhaustion that just hits you and says "nope...not today".

Sure have,I'm a cancer patient-live by myself (& 5 wonderful little fur babies) things have gotten pretty rough at times -I'm not sure if this will help but it keeps me going to stay focused on everything and anything and everyone except "me".... easier said than done but in spite of physical pain the mind,heart & spirit can overcome alot......Each night I think" tomorrow is going to be a better day".....'being super busy and overloaded can be our worst enemy or our best friend-we do get to choose how to look at things And I DO get it,today I said" nope,can't do it " so you are not alone

Well,I'm going to bed because tomorrow is going to be a better day.... thank God you have a wonderful husband,sounds like a good guy and you are in my prayers.... you're not pathetic,you're human and it's okay to "feel" what we feel ....I (we) do understand

Eat well,take some good supplements and think about what you don't have on your plate( a seeing eye dog,oxygen tank,wheelchair and a cardboard box to call home) I'm Grateful for what I don't have,it helps get my perspective right ....I sure hope this helps to see the glass half full when your running on empty 🫂

 

[Margret]

Jem , my mom was a physical therapist, and she told me that some illnesses cause a state of mind that exacerbates the illness. The specific example she gave was multiple sclerosis, where the more the patient tries to do for herself the better the outcome is for the patient, but M.S. encourages dependency.

I'm not saying (or implying) that I think you have M.S nor that I think you need to try harder. I am saying that you're in a situation that's analogous to an illness that works this way. The situation causes stress and depression; the stress interferes with your sleep and causes pain; the depression makes it hard to look for solutions; and all of this makes the situation worse. It's a vicious cycle.

The first step must be taking care of yourself. You may want to speak with your doctor about an antidepressant; you should probably be taking a good multi B vitamin supplement (helps with stress); and it would be a good idea to investigate a mouth guard. You might also want to consider a good probiotic; there's a growing amount of research connecting gut biome problems to depression.


Margret

 

[susanm9006]

So sorry Jem . I have had those kind of house problem streaks where everything seems to go wrong and it is just hell. Not to mention how enormously irritating it is to redo or re-fI’d past problems. It will get better, you will get thru this and in the end the house will be better for it.

 

[misty8723]

Our cable/internet provider is no longer offering the same TV lineup...many of which were the channels we watched. And although it's not a "big deal" in the grand scheme of things...it's just another thing I have to deal with, and because this affects all their customers, their customer service is overwhelmed and I just don't have time to sit on hold for 3-4 hours...what many have said they've had to wait. So I'm just paying full price for services I'm no longer receiving until I can get thru to them.

I just wanted to suggest looking into a streaming service and ditch the cable part and just keep the internet. You can search for the channels you want to watch and see which service carries those channels. When Google Fiber ditched their TV service, we ended up going with DirectTV Streaming because it was the only one that had the local sports channel we (I) wanted. But there are a lot of different ones, and some have live and local channels. Once you settle on a streaming service, you can cancel the cable part (and probably do it online, that's how I did my sister's when she switched from Spectrum).

Good luck with everything. I understand the exhaustion part, when everybody needs something from you and you just have nothing left in the tank. I really hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Kwik]

I just wanted to suggest looking into a streaming service and ditch the cable part and just keep the internet. You can search for the channels you want to watch and see which service carries those channels. When Google Fiber ditched their TV service, we ended up going with DirectTV Streaming because it was the only one that had the local sports channel we (I) wanted. But there are a lot of different ones, and some have live and local channels. Once you settle on a streaming service, you can cancel the cable part (and probably do it online, that's how I did my sister's when she switched from Spectrum).

Good luck with everything. I understand the exhaustion part, when everybody needs something from you and you just have nothing left in the tank. I really hope things get better for you soon.

I don't want to go off Topic-were all here for Jem
Is there a tech section,I'd love to know more about how you got rid of cable TV etc....
I sympathize with Jem,It's ridiculous how we pay more n more n more for TV and get less n less n less- it's really unfordableble

 

[Jem]

my mom was a physical therapist, and she told me that some illnesses cause a state of mind that exacerbates the illness. The specific example she gave was multiple sclerosis, where the more the patient tries to do for herself the better the outcome is for the patient, but M.S. encourages dependency.

I have a moderate form of EDS/Hypermobility syndrome. I've been dealing with the effects of it since I was a teen, however did not get a proper diagnosis or advice. I was simply told you have really loose joints, there's nothing we can do so wear braces if you decide to play any sports. After studying in my field, that's when I actually found the name of what I have and researched more about it. And with EDS, anxiety is VERY common.

I'm not saying (or implying) that I think you have M.S nor that I think you need to try harder. I am saying that you're in a situation that's analogous to an illness that works this way. The situation causes stress and depression; the stress interferes with your sleep and causes pain; the depression makes it hard to look for solutions; and all of this makes the situation worse. It's a vicious cycle.

When your support muscles have to work 100% of the time to make up for the lack of strength in the tendons and ligaments it's like, your body is in a constant state "on guard" and can lead to the mind being also "on guard". So yeah, you're right, it's a vicious cycle that's hard to break. What also happens is that the support muscles then tend to "take over" almost not allowing the large muscles that are supposed to do the bigger loads of work, leading to improper muscle usage and over time muscle weakness. So basically my small support muscles are hypertonic and over worked and my large muscles are weak and strained. It's really hard to try and re-train your entire body to fire the right muscles especially when some of them "have never worked a day in their life". And I can't really stop the support muscle too much because then It could lead to dislocation and further joint strain.
There are also some visceral implications with EDS as well, mainly the circulatory system/heart and digestive symptoms.
There's also a lot of auto immune disease in my family (mainly Lupus and Fibro), and while I probably have one of them, I'm not interested in getting a diagnosis because that's all people see and that's what gets' blamed for everything by doctors once you "have it"...plus there's no actual treatment other than pain meds, which I refuse to take.

The first step must be taking care of yourself. You may want to speak with your doctor about an antidepressant; you should probably be taking a good multi B vitamin supplement (helps with stress); and it would be a good idea to investigate a mouth guard. You might also want to consider a good probiotic; there's a growing amount of research connecting gut biome problems to depression.

I'm working on it! Or was anyway, before all this happened. I'll get back to my "get my together" plan again. Although probiotics tend to make me feel sick so instead I've started introducing prebiotic/fibers to encourage more good bacteria growth.

I'm not sure if this will help but it keeps me going to stay focused on everything and anything and everyone except "me"

Right now I don't have a choice...
I don't let, or try not to let my issues get in the way. I've always just pushed thru and got 'er done...unfortunately that did lead to burn out a few years back. I was on track and just starting to see improvements...but that all fell to the wayside again.

'being super busy and overloaded can be our worst enemy or our best friend-we do get to choose how to look at things

It's funny...I'm "the strong one" when poop hits the fan. I work so hard convincing everyone around me to stay calm, that it's going to be alright and I've always got a "well at least "blank" didn't "blank"/ look on the bright side type thing to say for perspective. I'm the one who comes up with the plans, that does the research, etc... I'm the sounding board. But inside I'm the worrier, I take in everything and unfortunately have not quite found a consistent outlet...unless potato chips count! LOL!

I just wanted to suggest looking into a streaming service and ditch the cable part and just keep the internet.

It's one of our options I've looked into, I've heard great things about the fire stick...but I may still continue with cable for now and take advantage of all the freebies they're offering to retain their angry customers...and when that runs out, get into streaming.

 

[Winchester]

Aw geez, I'm sorry. You're really being put through the wringer right now.

I looked this up for you with Hulu. You do need a VPN and here are the steps:

How to Get Hulu in Canada? [5 Easy Steps]

1. Download and subscribe to a VPN. ...
2. IPVanish is highly recommended in Canada for US servers. ...
3. On the sign-up screen, enter your credentials to sign in/sign up.
4. Connect a US server from list of servers.
5. Visit the Hulu website and start watching your favorite shows.

I don't know if it will help you Jem , but it might be worth checking into at least. I think you can get Hulu Live that way as well. Maybe somebody here knows more about VPNs and can help you.

I know it doesn't help you everything, but it might be able to help you cross something off your list.

 

[Kwik]

I have a moderate form of EDS/Hypermobility syndrome. I've been dealing with the effects of it since I was a teen, however did not get a proper diagnosis or advice. I was simply told you have really loose joints, there's nothing we can do so wear braces if you decide to play any sports. After studying in my field, that's when I actually found the name of what I have and researched more about it. And with EDS, anxiety is VERY common.

When your support muscles have to work 100% of the time to make up for the lack of strength in the tendons and ligaments it's like, your body is in a constant state "on guard" and can lead to the mind being also "on guard". So yeah, you're right, it's a vicious cycle that's hard to break. What also happens is that the support muscles then tend to "take over" almost not allowing the large muscles that are supposed to do the bigger loads of work, leading to improper muscle usage and over time muscle weakness. So basically my small support muscles are hypertonic and over worked and my large muscles are weak and strained. It's really hard to try and re-train your entire body to fire the right muscles especially when some of them "have never worked a day in their life". And I can't really stop the support muscle too much because then It could lead to dislocation and further joint strain.
There are also some visceral implications with EDS as well, mainly the circulatory system/heart and digestive symptoms.
There's also a lot of auto immune disease in my family (mainly Lupus and Fibro), and while I probably have one of them, I'm not interested in getting a diagnosis because that's all people see and that's what gets' blamed for everything by doctors once you "have it"...plus there's no actual treatment other than pain meds, which I refuse to take.


I'm working on it! Or was anyway, before all this happened. I'll get back to my "get my together" plan again. Although probiotics tend to make me feel sick so instead I've started introducing prebiotic/fibers to encourage more good bacteria growth.


Right now I don't have a choice...
I don't let, or try not to let my issues get in the way. I've always just pushed thru and got 'er done...unfortunately that did lead to burn out a few years back. I was on track and just starting to see improvements...but that all fell to the wayside again.


It's funny...I'm "the strong one" when poop hits the fan. I work so hard convincing everyone around me to stay calm, that it's going to be alright and I've always got a "well at least "blank" didn't "blank"/ look on the bright side type thing to say for perspective. I'm the one who comes up with the plans, that does the research, etc... I'm the sounding board. But inside I'm the worrier, I take in everything and unfortunately have not quite found a consistent outlet...unless potato chips count! LOL!


It's one of our options I've looked into, I've heard great things about the fire stick...but I may still continue with cable for now and take advantage of all the freebies they're offering to retain their angry customers...and when that runs out, get into streaming.

Funny,I got that feeling from reading everything you've shared-that you are everyone else's strong tower,I only know it because that's me.... then when it all finally gets to you because you've got your own s---- to deal with,it's that much more overwhelming and you do reach your limits....I get it Jem,truly I do

But please,do talk about it all here,with people who do "get it" and sincerely do care there's nothing worse than people asking" how are you' .. you barely get out a sentence that begins with "I" and they're telling you all their woes ... why ask?

I'm glad you're sharing,it's important to get "stuff" out-I need to take my own advice in that dept !!!!BTW,it's really nice meeting you and talking with you-I do hope my support and sincere sentiments help a little

 

[artiemom]

All I can say is: ((HUGS))... I wish I could help you.. We are all here for you.
Have you ever tried writing things down~ like a journal; but not. I used to write how I felt about things.. just rambled, thoughts and feelings just came over me as I wrote.. and wrote and wrote. Many pages were tear stained, but I kept writing how I felt.. situations and stuff... many pages were illegible due to writers cramp, but I kept writing. Then I moved on to a self-blog on my laptop.
Somehow, it helped me feel better. I never reread what was written. The fact that I voiced it all n paper made me feel a bit easier.. quieter.

This is just a suggestion..