- Jul 25, 2017
- Reaction score
- Los Angeles, CA
Here comes Berlioz, the shy Tortie who we fell in love with immediately. Our dogs loved her too. She was so playful and sweet and patient, and very funny. Jackson saw her as his own and loved her so so much. I'm sobbing as I'm typing this because just the other day, after only a few months of love, we didn't check under the car. We always have, and she was never there, but we wanted to be careful. The one day we forgot, it was so bad. My mom was backing out of the driveway and we heard something.
WARNING, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION
Jackson started screaming and crying and asking "who was it who was it what happened" and my mother was in an absolute state of shock, wailing and clutching the convulsing dark kitten. There was so much blood but I was the only one who was able to assess the situation. Berlioz was flying around in the air, spazzing, and I held her down and opened her mouth and stroked her head, then she was gone in a few seconds after I calmed her twitching. It was so bad, she was so little. Thank god Jackson stayed in the car, but he saw the blood and saw her face afterwards. He asked me why eyes looked like that when they die. My mom cried and held Berlioz in her arms sobbing that she was so sorry. I got a towel and her crate, and tucked her in. Jackson was angry and sad, he was screaming and punching things and it was so bad. I couldn't leave them in a mess like this. I helped my mom to the shower and got my brother some water, and I left the crate on the porch, right where she loved to hang out. I got to work cleaning the car and the driveway. Of course, many people slowed down as they were driving by and giving me strange looks, wondering why a teenage girl was cleaning up such an ugly mess. My best friend came over and took me and Berlioz to the vet. We're getting her ashes in two weeks.
My mother and I were never cat people. Berlioz was our first, and we were so lucky to have her. She brought so much joy into the house. She would watch me paint and would bat at my paint brushes. She'd sit on Jackson's shoulders as he played video games. She'd sit patiently next to the dishes, watching my mom clean up. She'd rub up to the dogs. She'd make toys out of everything, and would chirp and meow in excitement at everything. She always put a smile on our faces and was oh so special to us.
We're going to see our therapist tomorrow.
Jackson is sleeping next to me with an old stuffed animal wearing Berlioz's collar. He got mad whenever my mom or I touched it or held it wrong. He'd yell, "don't touch her!"
I just heard him whisper to it "Goodnight, Berlioz" and my heart broke.
I love him so much. I want to help him heal.
I grieve quickly (I've gotten serious about becoming a surgeon someday, yet everyone was still shocked with how I handled the situation) and I've come to terms with the fact that there's nothing I can do to turn back time and bring her back, I also understand that everyone deals with death differently.
Hours after Berlioz died, Jackson was already on the internet looking at cat videos and finding kittens in need of a home. I think it's too soon, but I don't want to anger him. I also don't want to be unfair to the new kitten.
God. I know we're not the only family that has experienced this, but that doesn't make it any less painful. I just want to help my brother. He's devastated and lonely, and my mom and I are traumatized. We can't sleep or eat, my mom refuses to step outside, she tells me she can still feel Berlioz's body in her arms. And she imagines the pain Berlioz felt in her last seconds. I can still smell the blood and the bleach and get flashbacks of her disfigured face. God.
I understand time will heal.
The house is so dark without a playful little kitten. Even the dogs are unusually quiet and reserved. I keep rewatching the videos I have of Berlioz on my phone. She loved the camera.
My dad was also recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. It's just so many bad things happening, one after the other.
How can I help my brother cope? Write a letter to Berlioz and dad? Order a custom plushie kitty for him to snuggle? When would it be too soon to get a new companion for my brother? I know there's a lot of controversy on getting a new pet, but Jackson is a smart kid and understands that loved ones are irreplacable.
Also, considering the circumstances at home, it'd help him so much. He's only 11, his dad has 14 months, and I'm leaving for college in a year.
When we were little, our mom was sick and could barely leave the house. I took care of him. He's so much more than just my baby brother.
I want to surprise him with a new baby, definitely a light colored male so he sees no resemblance to Berlioz. Thoughts?
I don't know.. we're all just very sad. I'm worried for my mom and Jackson. We miss her more than words can describe. I'm not very religious, unlike my family, but I hope she's up there squealing with joy and romping around in the clouds chasing and exploring everything. I hope she visits my brother in his dreams and I hope I see her again.
I'm so so glad Berlioz came into our lives. She helped us so much. I never thought I could love a kitty like this.
Berlioz, our little angel.
We love you so