I don't like my cat.

[blessedmomma]

I don't know what to do.. I don't want to rehome him but I cannot stand this cat. We have had him for almost a year. He was very sick when we rescued him. We got him medication and everything through the vet and he is healthy now. He still has not been fixed but that will probably happen within the next month at the latest.

I wanted a cat really bad before we got him but he is the first cat I've ever had so I don't know if this means I'm not a cat person after all, or I just don't like this cat. He doesn't play or come out at all during the day, unless its to eat or maybe play with the dog. He completely ignores us and most of the day time I forget he's even here. He will come to you if he knows he's going to be petted... but I don't have a lot of time to sit there and pet a cat I don't really like just to get fur everywhere. The worst part is the meowing.

We don't see him all day and then the SECOND we all go to bed he starts meowing. And he does it ALL. NIGHT. LONG. I have a toddler that I still get up with throughout the night so I'm really hating on this cat for making me lose more sleep and waking my youngest up even more. I'm hoping getting him fixed will help that.. but honestly even if it does, I have no bond with this animal. I mean sure I'd be sad if we did rehome him, and I would feel bad for my kids who say they love him (even though there is barely any interaction between them). I just don't know what to do. My husband can't stand him either.

Even if getting him fixed put an end to the meowing... I still wouldn't really have an affection for him. He would just... exist. Ugh, I don't know what to do. Advice?

 

[irinasak]

I think your mind is already made up.

If his behaviour would change, would you love him and feel he is yours? Because you can change his behaviour, but it takes time and effort from you and your family. He may never be a lap cat, but with constant play and scheduled feeding and a constant routine he can see that daytime equals fun and nightime is for sleep.

He also needs constant grooming if shedding is an issue.

 

[Kat0121]

I was going to say that it seems as though your mind is made up about this cat but if it were, we wouldn't be having this conversation. The cat would have been rehomed or back in a shelter already so there's a part of you that wants this cat. Getting him fixed will definitely help with the meowing and stuff. Kitty wants to go courting. 

You took the time and the effort and expense to nurse him back to health. You did this for a reason. Do you remember what it was about this cat that made you want to bring him into your home to begin with?  Try to look at him like that again. 

Cats are very intelligent, intuitive creatures and he is definitely picking up on the vibes in the house. He knows how everyone feels about him. How would you feel living in a home where there was so much negativity towards you? This is why he ignores you except when he knows he will be petted. He wants attention from you so clearly he does like you. If you are open to making things work with this cat, there are things you can do. This is what I would do:

Before I invested any more time or money, I would sit down with the family to discuss the cat and how everyone really feels about him being there. Tell them that if the cat were fixed, he will be calmer and far less likely to keep people up at night with his "singing".  If this is the biggest problem, it would be eliminated rather easily. If everyone is on board with him staying, I'd do this

1. Get the cat neutered ASAP

2. I know that this is probably the LAST thing you want to hear, but consider getting him a friend. Another cat. They really do better in pairs. It is NOT a myth. This could also encourage your kids to play with him/them too. This will burn up a lot of his energy and he will feel more comfortable in the household. 

3. Talk to your kids about getting them more involved in the cat's care like feeding and such. If they have some responsibility towards him, it will increase the likelihood that they will bond with him. As far as having fur everywhere, that's par for the course. Having regular grooming sessions will help with this. This could also be part of the kids' duties

4. Get his some interactive toys. Wand toys like Da Bird or similar ones are big hits with most cats.This is an activity that you can all share in (hubby too) and will help you all bond with him. The more you bond with him, the more things will improve as the vibe in the house will become more positive and he will pick up on that and relax. This will also cut back on the nighttime serenades if the neutering doesn't eliminate it altogether. he'll be getting the attention he craves. he'll be calmer and happier and so will you. 

Bonding with him will take time but it's worth it. It really is. Cats don't give their love and trust indiscriminately like dogs do. It needs to be earned. Anything you have to earn is more valuable than something that is just handed to you IMO. I have a dog, too so I am not bashing dogs. I promise. I love my dog but the bond I have with my cats is just a touch deeper because it took more time and effort to form. 

I'd use rehoming as a very last resort. There are more cats out there than there are good homes.  You might have a hard time finding someone who will take him. If he goes to a shelter, he may end up being euthanized depending on what kind of place it is. 

Good luck. I hope everything works out for ALL of you. 

 

[servant indeed]

What is the reason you are still keeping the cat? For the sake of your children, because of guilt, or something else? You said you wanted a cat for a long time, what were you hoping it would be like once you did get a cat? If you can clearly picture what you wanted out of your relationship with this cat then maybe you can try taking steps to making that a reality. But sadly, it sounds like you dislike even spending time to pet the cat, so would you want to spend the time cultivating a bond? If you consider the cat a part of your family then you must remember to show him love and patience. Not everyone in a family likes each other all the time, it is love that helps us to forgive and forget. If he is not a part of your family, then I guess there is your answer.

 

[shadowsrescue]

Please get him neutered ASAP.  His hormones are coursing through his body and he is unable to control the urges.  This definitely is causing the all night meowing.  Once neutered he will calm down, but it does take a few weeks for the hormones to rid themselves of the body so do not expect instant results.  Also the longer you allow him to meow/yowl all night,the more it will become a learned behavior and be very difficult to change.   I hope you are not or do not consider allowing him to go outside especially since he is not neutered.  The world is no over run with unwanted cats and kittens.  If he is left to impregnant female cats it will just be adding to the already out of control problem.

I feel very sorry for you cat.  He certainly does not feel loved.  If you cannot find a way to bond with him and give him the love he deserves I hope you can find a loving home for him.  Yet  it is very hard to rehome cats and taking him to a shelter will be just a difficult experience for him. 

There are lots of us here that can help you to learn to bond with your cat, but it takes time and effort or your part.  The first step is to get him neutered ASAP.  Why wait 2 more months?  He needs love and affection that I hope he can dearly find.

 

[artiemom]

This may sound harsh, but if you are not invested, I really mean interested in loving your cat for what he is, then  you should re-home him.

He needs to be neutered right now! Not waiting 2 months. If you cannot afford it, then give him up now and the humane society will hopefully do it. It is the right thing to do. 

You said your kids love this cat; Obviously, you do not. Why keep him. It sounds to me as if you are not treating him as well as he should be. 

Sure, you feed him, take care of his litter box (I hope). That is not enough.  I hope he is an indoor cat...but there is no love. Love is important to cats.. To any animal. To any person. 

It takes time to create a friendship. 

Not all cats are cuddly. Not all cats come when you call. Not all cats ply when You want them to. Just as people are individuals, cats are also.

You have to take time out of your day to really notice and lovingly take care of the cat and ALL his needs. Not just the physical.

I appologize if this is so harsha dn cranky, and if it hurts your feeling. I get so upset at people that expect an animal to do exactly what they want it to, when they want it to. and then get upset when the cat does not perform to their expectations. They are not robots. 

Moderators, if my comments are inappropriate then please delete this. I am just so mad at what this person expects.

 

[blessedmomma]

First off, thank you to everyone that posted helpful, understanding comments. My mind is not already made up, thus the post. I am going back and forth. To address some of the suggestions/comments.. I'll start from the top. I cannot get another cat for him to play with (I have thought about it and wish I could) we are at our pet limit with who we rent from. It's my mom but getting her to agree to the cat after we already had our dog was a miracle in itself. Also, she hates the cat so definitely wouldn't be able to talk her into letting us get another.

Also, I never said we would wait another 2 months. I'm hoping to get him fixed next week, but I said at the most it would be a month. I am a SAHM with two kids.. we live paycheck to paycheck. I do not treat this animal badly. And yes, I clean his litter box. !?? And I do not let him outside at all. I'm not against working on making it better... if I was then I wouldn't be here posting for advice. I've tried making him toys and his own little house. I spent hundreds saving his life at the vet after someone dumped him outside the rescue to die. He doesn't go without anything. I DO pet him (when he comes out of hiding).

As for what I "expect" I have never had a cat before. So I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think I'm being ridiculous by being annoyed at his behavior. I don't want him to do "what I want him to when I want him to.." I'd just like to be able to enjoy him and vice versa...I'd also like to be able to sleep. Anyways, not all of the responses were rude and ridiculous so like I said thank you to those who offered advice and understanding. I will definitely be trying out your suggestions. I want to want this cat. I originally went to the rescue to get a black cat but this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. He came right to us at every visit and even hopped up in my sons stroller the day we went to get him. We visited multiple times to make sure we picked the right kitty.

It helps to know that him being fixed will (hopefully) help the meowing at night.

Sorry if I come across as rude or defensive but I was aggravated by some of the comments.

 

[recomper]

Why did you get an unhealthy cat?

How old is this cat?

Did you expect some form of gratitude?

Do google search on how to pick out a friendly cat. 

If this cat is cute, rehome him, someone will pick him for his cuteness. And make sure that person has the patience for his personality.

You have too many things going on.

You probably are a cat person. Just get a cat that is friendlier and outgoing so you will have a better experience with cats and continue adopting

cats in the future. There's other cats out there that needs home.

 

[misterwhiskers]

To be honest, I think he's meowing out of loneliness, and possibly boredom. The trick here would be to play with him during the day more, so he will be tired come night.

If you have little ones, he might be overwhelmed. Think about it. He was very ill, and went into a busy house. That seriously would affect how any sane cat would bond. My guess is, he learned to hide back when he was still sick, because he needed to feel safe, and now it's become an ingrained habit.

Cats like height. I know you probably don't have a lot of money to spare, but can you invest in a good, tall, sturdy (esp with little ones around) cat condo, so he can escape up high, and yet you can still see and access him?

I know you don't like this cat, but if you can't re home him, then, well, you need to learn to fake it and well. Don't just pet him, find his sweet spot to pet. My cat LOVES it when I rub the area between his ears and eyes. I also head butt him and rub my face in his. This is how cats show affection! If you aren't speaking his language, how is he ever going to feel safe enough to get snuggly with you? My father taught me this little trick, too: pet a cat with only two fingers, starting at the head, petting in short strokes, as a mother cat does. It works. Cats instinctively like this. Not soft pets either, because mama cats don't lick all that gently lol.

Learn to smile at your cat. Smile!!!! With your mouth, and eyes--cats can and DO read facial expressions!!! Slowly close and open your eyes while looking at your cat also--this relaxes cats.

All cats have different personalities. If you truly cannot bond to this cat, please do your best to rehome him with a good home. Down the line, you might do better with a healthy kitten, so your bond is smoother. I've loved all my cats, but there was one I simply had difficulty bonding with, because I was grieving another cat. I was shamed into taking her. I loved her, but will always feel guilty over the fact I couldn't bond with her in the way she deserved. It happens. I did re home her with the family member who picked her out for me, by the way, and though it hurt, it really was for the best. Cats are really a lot more work that people think, and most of that "work" comes from working on the bond there. IMHO.

 

[Willowy]

I'm not sure what you expect a cat to DO . Yes, I can definitely imagine that the meowing at night would make anybody short-tempered, but otherwise he sounds like a typical cat. Neutering will almost certainly put an end to the nighttime serenades (unless it's become a firmly entrenched habit) and may make him more affectionate, but if you don't like petting him I don't know if you want him to be more affectionate. If he still meows after neutering, nighttime playtime can help him tire out so he doesn't feel like meowing. A fishing-pole toy is best for this kind of play, or a laser light. The kids might enjoy waving the fishing pole toy around so that would save you from having to do it.

But definitely neuter him soon. At his age the hormones are raging and that's not a good thing for a housecat.

 

[catanalyst]

Cats like height. I know you probably don't have a lot of money to spare, but can you invest in a good, tall, sturdy (esp with little ones around) cat condo, so he can escape up high, and yet you can still see and access him?

If you can't afford a good cat condo, you could look into building shelves for him to climb. That should just take wood and brackets. Make sure the shelves are sturdy enough though. The important thing is to get him up high to build his confidence.

 

[LotsOfFur]

I think it shows that you are willing to make things work by coming on TCS and putting your feelings out there.

You've established he will be neutered and remain an indoor cat~ that's wonderful [emoji]128515[/emoji]

Cats tend to be nocturnal by nature but as someone already mentioned that can be modified.
Regarding the shedding... Yes, grooming, you can even rub him down with unsented baby wipes- mine groom me back when I do this [emoji]128522[/emoji]. Also I found that my cats shed MUCH less since I started them on a wet food (canned) only diet.
I think that once you can see his personality that you will be able to fall in love with him, even his quirks!
Check out Jackson Galaxy from "My Cat From Hell" series... Great resource for behavior modification and why cats are who they are. Jacksongalaxy.com
In defense of anyone you felt was harsh, we cat lovers, rescuers etc. HATE when we hear someone say they or their family members HATE a cat! We know what they are up against when people have problems with them simply because they are behaving like a cat it's frustrating and hurtful. This site is a wealth of knowledge and supportive people who will be there every step of the way to a better relationship with your cat if you let them. I've never seen anyone turned away or blamed for anything they tried to do for a cat in need. Hope you stick around & welcome [emoji]128515[/emoji]

 

[recomper]

To be honest, I think he's meowing out of loneliness, and possibly boredom. The trick here would be to play with him during the day more, so he will be tired come night.

If you have little ones, he might be overwhelmed. Think about it. He was very ill, and went into a busy house. That seriously would affect how any sane cat would bond. My guess is, he learned to hide back when he was still sick, because he needed to feel safe, and now it's become an ingrained habit.

Cats like height. I know you probably don't have a lot of money to spare, but can you invest in a good, tall, sturdy (esp with little ones around) cat condo, so he can escape up high, and yet you can still see and access him?

I know you don't like this cat, but if you can't re home him, then, well, you need to learn to fake it and well. Don't just pet him, find his sweet spot to pet. My cat LOVES it when I rub the area between his ears and eyes. I also head butt him and rub my face in his. This is how cats show affection! If you aren't speaking his language, how is he ever going to feel safe enough to get snuggly with you? My father taught me this little trick, too: pet a cat with only two fingers, starting at the head, petting in short strokes, as a mother cat does. It works. Cats instinctively like this. Not soft pets either, because mama cats don't lick all that gently lol.

Learn to smile at your cat. Smile!!!! With your mouth, and eyes--cats can and DO read facial expressions!!! Slowly close and open your eyes while looking at your cat also--this relaxes cats.

All cats have different personalities. If you truly cannot bond to this cat, please do your best to rehome him with a good home. Down the line, you might do better with a healthy kitten, so your bond is smoother. I've loved all my cats, but there was one I simply had difficulty bonding with, because I was grieving another cat. I was shamed into taking her. I loved her, but will always feel guilty over the fact I couldn't bond with her in the way she deserved. It happens. I did re home her with the family member who picked her out for me, by the way, and though it hurt, it really was for the best. Cats are really a lot more work that people think, and most of that "work" comes from working on the bond there. IMHO.

I do agree with a lot of stuff said. Especially about hiding as an ingrained habit.

 

[kitcatmeow]

First off, thank you to everyone that posted helpful, understanding comments. My mind is not already made up, thus the post. I am going back and forth. To address some of the suggestions/comments.. I'll start from the top. I cannot get another cat for him to play with (I have thought about it and wish I could) we are at our pet limit with who we rent from. It's my mom but getting her to agree to the cat after we already had our dog was a miracle in itself. Also, she hates the cat so definitely wouldn't be able to talk her into letting us get another.

Also, I never said we would wait another 2 months. I'm hoping to get him fixed next week, but I said at the most it would be a month. I am a SAHM with two kids.. we live paycheck to paycheck. I do not treat this animal badly. And yes, I clean his litter box. !?? And I do not let him outside at all. I'm not against working on making it better... if I was then I wouldn't be here posting for advice. I've tried making him toys and his own little house. I spent hundreds saving his life at the vet after someone dumped him outside the rescue to die. He doesn't go without anything. I DO pet him (when he comes out of hiding).

As for what I "expect" I have never had a cat before. So I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think I'm being ridiculous by being annoyed at his behavior. I don't want him to do "what I want him to when I want him to.." I'd just like to be able to enjoy him and vice versa...I'd also like to be able to sleep. Anyways, not all of the responses were rude and ridiculous so like I said thank you to those who offered advice and understanding. I will definitely be trying out your suggestions. I want to want this cat. I originally went to the rescue to get a black cat but this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. He came right to us at every visit and even hopped up in my sons stroller the day we went to get him. We visited multiple times to make sure we picked the right kitty.

It helps to know that him being fixed will (hopefully) help the meowing at night.

Sorry if I come across as rude or defensive but I was aggravated by some of the comments.

Not to sound mean, but you sound like a tired mom of 2! I only say that because I am a tired sahm mom of 3(3,5 and 8)with 2 cats, a bunny, and a puppy. I'm a new sahm and we are newly living pay check to pay check. Due to my mom/baby sitter passing away it was either spend my whole pay check on daycare or spend time with my kids and cut back some expenses. The kids won! Anyway I have been there, I have hated my cats, and have thought of getting rid of them. But the kids love them, and I really do to after I spend time with them. I spend time brushing my cats (when they let me) it helps with shedding, and makes them feel the love. They also like wand toys which even my 3 yr old can use to play with them. I feed them 4health (tractor supply brad kibble) and canned food (fancy feast, or sometimes friskies) that and the brushing seems to keep the sheadin game down. It seems like your cat is a bit nocturnal, try keeping him up to play in the day, and make his feeding a scheduled time. That and getting him fixed will hopefully make him sleep at night and maybe even that much will make you love him more! My cats also love those cheap crinkle balls, and any toy with cat nip.
Get the kids more involved, take a deep breath, and FYI the magic age in this house is 4....that's when my kids finally stay in their beds and sleep all night(I have 1 year left!) Good luck with the cat, I hope you make the choice that's right for everyone.

 

[mingking]

I agree with everything @Kat0121  said. They have great advice. Try your best to stick it out for the next few weeks after you get your cat neutered and see if there is a change in his behaviour. (He sounds like a loving cat when he does let you pet him!)

And to say the worst, some cats just aren't the most loving or attentive. Some are just very shy, or aloof and like to do their own thing. The fact that he's not aggressive is a huge plus. You'll find a lot of cat owners saying that having a cat is about compromise. So those little moments that he lets you pet him, should be looked at as positive and uplifting moments instead. Kind of like the glass half full and half empty perspective. My cat isn't cuddly, but those moments in the morning where he just SITS beside me, I treasure with all my heart. 

I hope everything works out. If you do decide to rehome or give your cat to the shelter, I hope you do find a great home and great no-kill shelter. And bless you for rescuing your cat and spending so much time, money, and love to bring him back to health!

 

[rubysmama]

@BlessedMomma:  So sad that you rescued a sick cat, spent a lot of money nursing him back to health, and now you don't like him.  

Obviously almost everyone would dislike their cat meowing all night.  Does he meow outside your bedroom door, or roam the house howling.  

Hopefully once he's neutered, that unpleasant habit will go away.

You said you always wanted a cat.  Had you been around cats before?  Was there a specific trait you were hoping your cat would have?

Maybe if you could advise what would make you like him, you will get some more helpful replies.

 

[2bcat]

 
As for what I "expect" I have never had a cat before. So I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think I'm being ridiculous by being annoyed at his behavior. I don't want him to do "what I want him to when I want him to.." I'd just like to be able to enjoy him and vice versa...I'd also like to be able to sleep. Anyways, not all of the responses were rude and ridiculous so like I said thank you to those who offered advice and understanding. I will definitely be trying out your suggestions. I want to want this cat. I originally went to the rescue to get a black cat but this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. He came right to us at every visit and even hopped up in my sons stroller the day we went to get him. We visited multiple times to make sure we picked the right kitty.

Yeah I wish some folks wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you shouldn't have this cat.  This sounds like the cat picked you and you spent a lot of time, energy and money when he was ill at first, and now he has rewarded you with...keeping you up at night!  I really think that is what is clouding your current feelings for him.  It's a little hard to read at the beginning that even if he stopped yowling at night he would just exist, but I'd be willing to bet that him not keeping you awake would go a long way towards reversing this "I can't stand my cat" attitude.

Basically what Kat0121 says above is a good rundown of things.  It isn't going to magically happen on its own, but neither does it have to be a huge amount of work to set things on a better course.  You have a cat, he will likely interact with you and the rest of the family if you choose to make a bit more effort to interact with him.  Being frustrated with his current behavior just leaves you feeling angry towards him rather than feeling like working on this.  Once you get him neutered you should be in a better place to help his behavior, as there's not really that much you can do to overcome those hormones while he's intact.

I hope it works out for you all.

 

[Kat0121]

 
First off, thank you to everyone that posted helpful, understanding comments. My mind is not already made up, thus the post. I am going back and forth. To address some of the suggestions/comments.. I'll start from the top. I cannot get another cat for him to play with (I have thought about it and wish I could) we are at our pet limit with who we rent from. It's my mom but getting her to agree to the cat after we already had our dog was a miracle in itself. Also, she hates the cat so definitely wouldn't be able to talk her into letting us get another.

Also, I never said we would wait another 2 months. I'm hoping to get him fixed next week, but I said at the most it would be a month. I am a SAHM with two kids.. we live paycheck to paycheck. I do not treat this animal badly. And yes, I clean his litter box. !?? And I do not let him outside at all. I'm not against working on making it better... if I was then I wouldn't be here posting for advice. I've tried making him toys and his own little house. I spent hundreds saving his life at the vet after someone dumped him outside the rescue to die. He doesn't go without anything. I DO pet him (when he comes out of hiding).

As for what I "expect" I have never had a cat before. So I didn't have any expectations going into this. I don't think I'm being ridiculous by being annoyed at his behavior. I don't want him to do "what I want him to when I want him to.." I'd just like to be able to enjoy him and vice versa...I'd also like to be able to sleep. Anyways, not all of the responses were rude and ridiculous so like I said thank you to those who offered advice and understanding. I will definitely be trying out your suggestions. I want to want this cat. I originally went to the rescue to get a black cat but this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. He came right to us at every visit and even hopped up in my sons stroller the day we went to get him. We visited multiple times to make sure we picked the right kitty.

It helps to know that him being fixed will (hopefully) help the meowing at night.

Sorry if I come across as rude or defensive but I was aggravated by some of the comments.

So you DO want the cat. That's great news. 

I understand fully about living paycheck to paycheck. if you need assistance in finding a low cost spay/neuter clinic, please tell us where you are located and we will help you try to track one down (unless you already have one in mind). I really believe that once he is fixed and the hormones have had a chance to work their way out that the majority of the issues you have with him will be gone. 

What you need to do is get your family involved in his care. His care should not be 100% on you. You are busy enough as it is.  The kids can help by playing with him with wand toys and other interactive toys. Even a crumbled up ball of tinfoil can be used to play "fetch". The kids will probably do the fetching but cats love things like that. 

 He'll burn up a lot of that energy and you'll all get more sleep. It will help the kids bond with him too and that is never a bad thing. 

What else the kids can do depends on their age so if they too young for brushing or litter box detail, you and your hubby can trade off on those duties at least until they get older. A  supervised child can help with brushing ( for their safety and for the cats' as well). This will also cut back on the amount of hair that is all over the house. We all live with that though. 

This could be the beginning of a wonderful friendship for all of you and I hope that it is. 

 

[rubysmama]

Even a crumbled up ball of tinfoil can be used to play "fetch". The kids will probably do the fetching but cats love things like that. 

 He'll burn up a lot of that energy and you'll all get more sleep. It will help the kids bond with him too and that is never a bad thing. 

Yes, most cats like tinfoil.  My cat, Ruby, also likes it when I cut up a paper towel roll into 1 inch strips and "pitch" them to her like a baseball, so she can "bat" them back to me. 

 

[maureen brad]

I am glad you want to make this work. I agree with others who have said the cat senses your feeling toward him.he needs to be played with in an interactive way, not just leaving toys around for him. Get the kids to help and have them play with wand toys.

 The most important thing you can do is have him fixed ASAP. At one year he has certainly become sexually mature.I had a cat that drove me nuts at night. My vet clued me in that I should play with him more in the evening and have the play sessions end with feeding him. That way he satisfies a cats hunt and eat drive.This won't be effective though until he is fixed. As far as his need to be pet and your aversion to his fur , there is nothing to be done about that. Cat hair is a fact of life for people with cats as is petting.I think that nighttime meowing will improve after he is neutered. He will probably still meow though because it is a habit and he may need more nighttime activity to settle down and sleep when you do.