I don’t know why I’m feeling this way…

[lallorona]

A few days ago, I posted about how I witnessed a cat get hit by a car. I dont want to go in to details again. This only happened a few days ago. It’s been messing with my mind.
The day after the incident, I drove by and it was still there. I contacted the city, and provided location and description. After I got out of work I drove by and it was gone. I thought ok good. They cleaned him up. Now I don’t have to see it and be reminded every time.
However, it has stayed with me since. Every time I take that route I can still see it running across street and getting run over by a blue car turning left. I can’t get over that image. It haunts me. And it’s almost like I get triggered every time I see an orange cat. It has gotten to the point where every time Im in that particular street I start feeling my heart racing, I get tense, and have that strong sense of fear that while I’m driving another animal will run out from under the parked cars, and this time I will be the one to hit it. I start slowing down. This is only when I’m driving through THAT street. I can’t take another route because it will either take longer for me to get to my destination since some streets lead to other areas that don’t connect home/work. I don’t think I’m traumatized, at least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. I know there are people who have probably witnessed worse, but to me that was a devastating thing to witness, even more that I couldn’t do anything about it. And now it’s like I’m always seeing animals running across the street. This morning after dropping off my daughter at my parents house I saw a cat that looked like it was about to dart through the street. I couldn’t help it. Before pulling out I got out of my car and shoo’ed it away from the sidewalk. I didn’t pull out until I’ve seen it sitting on a bench. People drive super fast down my parents neighborhood, and there’s a lot of roaming cats. This experience has made me nervous to be out driving even though I wasn’t the one that ran over that cat. I know this is probably ridiculous and some may think it’s not a big deal. I have a huge soft spot for animals, especially cats. And I hate seeing suffering. I wished to have never witnessed something so vulnerable lose it’s life in an instant... That ginger kitty deserved better. I will be driving home in a few, I can feel my heart racing.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

It’s only been a few days and it was a shocking, horrible and yes, traumatic thing to witness. Of course you’re distressed, of course it’s still in your mind - it would be for any decent, compassionate person. There’s nothing strange about that at all, it’s a normal reaction, indeed I’d wonder a bit about anyone who could dismiss it from their mind this quickly. Like I said in the previous thread, just give yourself time. It’s a type of grieving and you can only go through it, not “get over” it.

 

[strider rose]

i am sorry that you had to go through that .. we are here for you hun

 

[lallorona]

I didn’t think it would affect me like this though. So much that I subconsciously start to drive slow because I’m just scanning the area making sure no animal pops out of nowhere. I haven’t even talked to my husband about what I experienced. I know He will just brush it off and tell me to get over it. I tried venting to my mom. Her response to that was “well what was the cat doing crossing the street in the first place.” I was like “mom cats are going to be cats! They venture out. They don’t know any better! If anything it would be the owners fault”— that is of course assuming that this precious creature had a name and family. I pretty much have no one to let this out with. I’ve been bottling this up since that day. That’s why I’m turning to the catsite. I know there’s people here who see cats as more than just animals.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

This is the place to let it out! We’re here to hear you. Not the same as speaking, but you do have an audience here who understand and care.

These things can take us totally by surprise - not only the shocking event but our reactions to it. Which is part of the shock, I guess. I have never forgotten the cat (or kitten) I saw that had been run over and that was some fifty years ago, and I didn’t see it happen. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[lallorona]

This is why I am so against letting cats outdoors unsupervised. It also makes me angry. Angry that if it had owners they should’ve kept him indoors.