I didnt euthanise my baby and i feel so guilty

[Celinaa]

My poor baby had a colon tumor found in January, I brought her to the oncologist and she was on prednisolone to hopefully slow tumor growth. At the start of February she was constipated so I brought her to the emergency, she had an enema and was all good sent home, they asked me to consider euthanasia bc they said it would only get worse, but selfishly I never did bc she was acting so normal and eating. Two weeks later I brought her back bc she was trying to pee but couldn't do much and I noticed a bit of blood I suspected she had a uti and was hoping they could help. She stayed overnight on iv and they said she was constipated again. The next day the vet urged me to put her to sleep for her own good. But selfishly again I didn't because I wanted to at least go to the next oncology appt. I took her home and ended up cancelling the oncology appt (which was 4 days later) bc it's rly far away and I thought the trip would be uncomfortable for her since she was still constipated from the emergency. Delusionally I was hoping with some stool softener she would be able to relieve herself and then i could take her to the oncologist. A day from two weeks since I brought her to the emergency, she went to the litter and was trying to poo and slowly fell sideways, she was kind of grunting and I felt so guilty I was thinking maybe I should put her to sleep, but right then and there she put herself to sleep and I feel so bad because she died in pain instead of peacefully because my own selfishness. I have turned this post into a therapy session I'm sorry. But I hope you guys can pray for my baby to have safe travels to the rainbow bridge, here is a photo of her a few days before she passed, exploring the garden <333

 

[catloverfromwayback]

I’m so sorry. It’s always hard to judge when is the right time, especially with cancer. My Katie passed from heart failure fourteen years ago because I wasn’t quick enough to make that final appointment. It was only a fortnight since her diagnosis. She died in my lap on the way to the vet. For what little comfort it maybe, it sounds like your darling passed quite quickly. I am sure they are all over the rainbow bridge, frolicking or sleeping to their hearts’ content.

 

[Celinaa]

I’m so sorry. It’s always hard to judge when is the right time, especially with cancer. My Katie passed from heart failure fourteen years ago because I wasn’t quick enough to make that final appointment. It was only a fortnight since her diagnosis. She died in my lap on the way to the vet. For what little comfort it maybe, it sounds like your darling passed quite quickly. I am sure they are all over the rainbow bridge, frolicking or sleeping to their hearts’ content.

Thank you for your kind words, yes it is very hard to judge when it’s the right time especially when you never want it to be the time. I’m so sorry about your little Katie, even with time it still hurts so bad. Hopefully Katie and my Pansy are meeting each other now 🥹🥹

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Pansy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Oh, Darlin', Pansy lived, breathed and had her being wrapped in your love! I know how much you wish you had done differently, but in her eyes, you were there with her every step of her journey. You were with her as she took her first step through the Gate between This Adventure and her Next Great Adventure, and your love went with her to guide her way. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, she blesses you, and sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

What is left for you to do, is to forgive yourself. You know you will not make this mistake again. Rest assured, Pansy forgives you.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

I’m so sorry about your little Katie, even with time it still hurts so bad. Hopefully Katie and my Pansy are meeting each other now

I wouldn’t be surprised if Katie is giving her the guided tour!

 

[di and bob]

You were not selfish, you just wanted to love her a little longer.......She died quickly and at home, not scared in a strange place. Please try to draw some comfort from that. In order to have guilt there must be intent, and you had no intent except to love her.
No matter which way you would have gone, there would be sorrow. With euthanasia, you would have wondered if it had been too early. She left this earth on her own terms.
She was a lovely little girl, she is a lovely angel now. The love that binds your two hearts together will always be with you, she lives on through you now and wants nothing more than to have you be happy again and go forward into the future to find more love. That is her legacy to you, she showed you how wonderful receiving a cat's love can be. The 'essence' that is her will always be a part of your soul. "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened".
I know how hard this is. There will always be a pang of sorrow when you think of her, but time will bring about peace, and one day you will thank her for choosing you on this earth. For giving you one of this earth's greatest treasures, a cat's love......RIP precious Pansy. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. may the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.

 

[Celinaa]

Rest you gentle, Pansy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Oh, Darlin', Pansy lived, breathed and had her being wrapped in your love! I know how much you wish you had done differently, but in her eyes, you were there with her every step of her journey. You were with her as she took her first step through the Gate between This Adventure and her Next Great Adventure, and your love went with her to guide her way. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, she blesses you, and sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

What is left for you to do, is to forgive yourself. You know you will not make this mistake again. Rest assured, Pansy forgives you.

Rest you gentle, Pansy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Oh, Darlin', Pansy lived, breathed and had her being wrapped in your love! I know how much you wish you had done differently, but in her eyes, you were there with her every step of her journey. You were with her as she took her first step through the Gate between This Adventure and her Next Great Adventure, and your love went with her to guide her way. Now, from her home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, she blesses you, and sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk beside you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

What is left for you to do, is to forgive yourself. You know you will not make this mistake again. Rest assured, Pansy forgives you.

Thank you for your beautiful words, I cried reading this and not in a bad way ♡♡♡

 

[Celinaa]

You were not selfish, you just wanted to love her a little longer.......She died quickly and at home, not scared in a strange place. Please try to draw some comfort from that. In order to have guilt there must be intent, and you had no intent except to love her.
No matter which way you would have gone, there would be sorrow. With euthanasia, you would have wondered if it had been too early. She left this earth on her own terms.
She was a lovely little girl, she is a lovely angel now. The love that binds your two hearts together will always be with you, she lives on through you now and wants nothing more than to have you be happy again and go forward into the future to find more love. That is her legacy to you, she showed you how wonderful receiving a cat's love can be. The 'essence' that is her will always be a part of your soul. "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened".
I know how hard this is. There will always be a pang of sorrow when you think of her, but time will bring about peace, and one day you will thank her for choosing you on this earth. For giving you one of this earth's greatest treasures, a cat's love......RIP precious Pansy. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. may the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.

Thank you so much, you don't know how much your words meant to me, it's so true I would definitely second guess myself if I put her to sleep. She will never be forgotten and she chose to go on her own terms. God bless ♡♡♡

 

[Celinaa]

I wouldn’t be surprised if Katie is giving her the guided tour!

that is the sweetest thing

 

[betsygee]

Deciding when it's the 'right' time is a next to impossible decision, and such a painful one to make. Please try to not be hard on yourself about how things ended. You did the very best you could for your beloved kitty. You loved her and she knew she was loved.

Rest in peace, sweet Pansy.

 

[misty8723]

Don't feel guilty! You did what you thought was the right thing, and that's all any of us can do. Watch for signs. All of my cats that I lost have sent me signs after passing.

My Cindy had cancer, had a tumor removed from her colon, had chemo, had medicine.Despite all that, she seemed to very much enjoy her life for the almost 2 years she lived beyond the first diagnosis. One of the vets we went to for a second opionion told us to just make her comfortable and she would probably only have 3 months. She had a good life until the very end. We did call to see if would could get someone out to euthanize, but it was a weekend, so we just gave her the pain medicine and let her pass on her favorite blanket on our bed with us there beside her. No chance I was taking her anywhere to have it done. Should I have done it sooner? I don't know. We just can't ask them what they would prefer.

 

[catkisses4ever]

What a beautiful wise old kitty, thank you for sharing her picture. She was so lucky to be with you in her final days and hours, in a place where she felt safe and loved. I know she was completely supported, and surrounded by your love in her final moments. It sounds like you carefully considered her quality of life in every aspect of decision making that you possibly could, and when the end came for her it was without suffering. There are a lot of beautiful words to read here on this message board, and I hope you get some comfort from all the people who have been where you’re at and experienced the devastating loss of a cat companion. I know my old man Frank, and many others, will be helping your kitty on her souls journey. Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process, but I hope you don’t get stuck there. You did everything right. Much love from a fellow cat person <3

 

[Serenityinaz12]

Thank you for posting this, it will help me make the decision to do it and unfortunately I think the time may be soon.

 

[CatladyJan]

Fly High, Pansey! She knows you loved her and it is always so hard to know when the time is right. No matter how many times we have to go through it, it doesn't become any easier.

 

[thanatos0042]

There were a couple of my babies I probably have put to sleep, but I could not, I had to hold on and try to get them to hold on too, I had hope that maybe - just maybe - it wouldn't be the end. I know it feels selfish, but I don't believe the hope you can beat things like that is selfish. A couple of times, they did come back from the brink, but more often, they have not. Its a hard place to be and a hard decision to make and all you can do is be there for them and love them and trust, you made the best decision you could.

Some vets are quick to offer that option, but vets also are like doctors and they have have to remain detached. It can make for a disconnect. But she was a beautiful baby and I am so sorry you lost her. Try not to feel too guilty, she would understand how much you loved her and wanted to try everything first. She will always be with you and you'll see her again in time.

 

[Antonio65]

It's never easy to understand when it is the right time to let them go.
One day too early and we might regret it.
One day too late and we might regret it again.

I'm not the right person to judge someone on this, because I dragged my sweet Lola way too far, like a vet or two told me six years ago, but I am sure she wouldn't have liked to go earlier, and do not regret anything of what I did.
Try to do same, Pansy wouldn't like to see you punish yourself on this.
Be strong, stay strong.
RIP beautiful Pansy.

 

[neely]

We had a similar experience as Pansy and you with one of our cats a long time ago. He was only seven years old and I thought with the proper care and treatment he would bounce back. It was before we had the internet and I could research his condition. The vet told me what to do at home and of course I followed her directions but I didn't realize how much he was suffering and swore I would never let that happen again. It was a hard lesson to learn but I kept that promise to this day. Your love for Pansy is what kept her going and she is at peace now. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you. RIP sweet angel.