Ugh... I don't know what to do anymore!
I have a condition called pseudotumor cerebri, and I just feel like lying down and dying. I can't take it anymore! I can't stop crying. Today is unbearable again. I've been dealing with headaches since I was about 7 or so, and since then it's been pure hell. I had a shunt put in in like '06 or something, and since I've had 15+ revisions on it. The last two were back-to-back a little less than a month ago. They tried to take the shunt out, but instead found out that my body is shunt-dependent (which led to them putting it back in) and I will most likely have to put up with this crap for the rest of my life. I have 4 different pain medications for it. I take my oxycodone er regularly, and for the past couple months I've been having to take more and more because the pain is excrutiating. I've tried every type of headache med/treatment available, but nothing worked. All I want right now is go to the ER and have them pump me with painkillers to dull the pain a bit, but as soon as they do that they send me home. So that's no solution. I've switched doctors a couple times already, and now have more doctors than you could count.
I just can't do this anymore! I spend all day lying flat and crying. I feel hopeless and helpless. All the doctors have done everything possible. I can't take it. And if I tell my parents I want to go to the ER again, they will just make me feel guilty again about the co-pay and cost and everything. Then they'll bring up the thousands and thousands they've spent on hospital bills just this year. And I feel guilty about telling them I'm hurting all the time since they can't do anything (I do complain a lot to them). All of this has caused me to be self-harming in the past, and even though I don't feel that way right now, I just feel like laying down and dying. I can't do anything, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I really can't go into the hospital again because my parents are going on vacation up north this weekend. What can I do?! Up my pain meds for the meantime? I can already tell you this- if I call any of my docs, they will tell me to go to the ER. I've done it before.
I have a condition called pseudotumor cerebri, and I just feel like lying down and dying. I can't take it anymore! I can't stop crying. Today is unbearable again. I've been dealing with headaches since I was about 7 or so, and since then it's been pure hell. I had a shunt put in in like '06 or something, and since I've had 15+ revisions on it. The last two were back-to-back a little less than a month ago. They tried to take the shunt out, but instead found out that my body is shunt-dependent (which led to them putting it back in) and I will most likely have to put up with this crap for the rest of my life. I have 4 different pain medications for it. I take my oxycodone er regularly, and for the past couple months I've been having to take more and more because the pain is excrutiating. I've tried every type of headache med/treatment available, but nothing worked. All I want right now is go to the ER and have them pump me with painkillers to dull the pain a bit, but as soon as they do that they send me home. So that's no solution. I've switched doctors a couple times already, and now have more doctors than you could count.
I just can't do this anymore! I spend all day lying flat and crying. I feel hopeless and helpless. All the doctors have done everything possible. I can't take it. And if I tell my parents I want to go to the ER again, they will just make me feel guilty again about the co-pay and cost and everything. Then they'll bring up the thousands and thousands they've spent on hospital bills just this year. And I feel guilty about telling them I'm hurting all the time since they can't do anything (I do complain a lot to them). All of this has caused me to be self-harming in the past, and even though I don't feel that way right now, I just feel like laying down and dying. I can't do anything, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I really can't go into the hospital again because my parents are going on vacation up north this weekend. What can I do?! Up my pain meds for the meantime? I can already tell you this- if I call any of my docs, they will tell me to go to the ER. I've done it before.