I Am Unable To Show My Cat Who Is The Boss

[graziella]

I adopted Mishka 8 months ago from a shelter. She will be 4 yrs. old this July. At the shelter they mentioned that she had been adopted and returned before. Later I found out that she had been returned three times. She misbehaved from the beginning: biting, scratching. She is also very vocal, her meaowing is sharp and very loud but I thought that once in a loving home (only cat) she would come around. I never spanked or punished her in any way. Friends told me from the beginning that I should return her but I really love her very much and I justified her behavior to the fact that maybe she had bad experiences in the past. I live in a second floor condo, it is very spacious, but she likes the outdoors. I used to let her out in the balconies (in the back) but she prefers to be out in the catwalk (front). Almost from the beginning she has been sleeping on my bed and also under the covers, the first time I melted - I thought it showed affection and any idea of returning her was forever put aside. My neighbor next door is afraid of cats and asked that I keep her inside. Since then she drives me crazy trying to go out (which I allow once it is dark outside so that nobody will see her). Twice she disappeared from the balconies and I found her downstairs (don't know if she fell or jumped) The first time she was very scared and I had a hard time putting her in the carrier to bring her back upstairs (The stairs have doors and need to use the elevator), she would not be able to come back on her own. The second time happened at night, when I found her she seemed to be thriving on the grass (we have huge grounds nicely landscaped) among trees and plants, climbing up trees, digging up holes and chasing lizards and squirrels. I felt sad because I thought that this is what makes her happy. No way to put her in the carrier; finally I picked her up (she doesn't let me pick her up and doesn't get on my lap, although she is always by my side when I am at home) and brought her back home.

I decided to call the shelter and went to talk to them. They said they would take her back if I was totally sure. At that time I was at the end of my rope and felt it was the only option. I am 77 years old and have tried to give her everything to make her happy, a beautiful kiddy condo, toys, free feeding and tons of love. They were waiting for me at the shelter and even though it has always been very difficult to put her in the carrier, this time it was impossible. She seemed to know what I intended. I decided to keep her.

I would very much appreciate any advice that you can give me. She doesn't let me apply the flea medication, needs to have her nails clipped (has all her claws) and I feel I don't know how to be a cat's mom. Can you help? Thank you, for Mishka's happiness and my sanity...

 

[Willowy]

So biting and scratching are the misbehaviors? What seems to cause the biting and scratching? Does she do it kind of randomly or does something set her off? What is her body language when she does it?

Cats don't have "boss" relationships. They do what they want and you have to learn to direct their behavior in a way that makes them think it was their idea .

 

[graziella]

Thank you for answering Willowy. Her biting and scratching are bad, anything that deviates from what she wants causes it, not to mention the two times I had to chase after her for hours downstairs after she fell/jumped. She also hold grudges, i.e. today I tried again to give her the flea medication and she gave me a huge scratch when she sniffed the medication, before I could even get close. Once she bit me and hit a vein, I had a huge hematoma on most of my forearm for around 10 days. She attacks me when she wants to go out the front door during the day and I can't because I don't want my neighbor to complain to the HOA that I let my cat out in the catwalk. After the first attack she usually walks away and 5-10 minutes later she comes back and attacks again.

I am 77 now and retired from my job at the end of last year. I really love her very much and I would like to think that g that she loves in her way because she is always next to me when I am home. In the beginning I thought that once I stayed home she would be happier and things would change. I named this post mentioning the "boss" relationship because everybody I know who have cats tell me that I need to establish rules and that I have allowed her to do whatever she wants. I want to be a good mother for Mishka.
Graziella

 

[fufpaw]

I just want to say that no human is the boss of a cat, that is so funny to me. Any cat is their own boss.

The injuries sound really bad. I can see how trimming claws be a challenge for this particular kitty but you can read online about how trim them while keeping yourself safe such as wrapping the cat's other arms and legs in a towel. Or the vet could do it.

Don't be sad about keeping your cat inside, it's way safer. Yeah you might think she wants to be out there, but she doesn't understand that that lowers the life expectancy of a cat by 1/3, so you have to figure that out for her and ultimately you know what she really wants is to be safe. Believe it or not, cats WILL get used to indoor life.

The only way my cats get to go out is on a leash and harness, maybe consider looking into harness and leash training cats starting inside first. A leashed pet should be fine with your neighbor. I grow cat grass such as oat grass and wheat grass for them to munch on inside too.

Is your cat really lashing out at you because she wants out? Usually cats meow when they want something, or they sit by the door when they want to go out. Sometimes cats attack people because they want to play and well, attacking is one of the ways cats play. Even if she is attacking because she wants out, it is likely that a nice fishingrod-type toy or a laser pointer might make her forget. After all, playing does exercise their hunting instincts, which is an important part of indoor cat enrichment.

When your cat hurts you, the only thing you will be able to do to effectively deter the behavior is say "OW" and remove yourself from her immediately. She likes to be allowed to be by your side so she is likely to figure out something is wrong with the scratching and biting if this is the result every time she does it. I don't know if she will change, but until then I guess all you can do is accept the way she is now and try to anticipate and protect yourself from the attacks

You would think the pain would be obvious, but many cats don't know how much they hurt humans. Don't feel like she wants to hurt you, she is just doing her cat thing. It doesn't necessarily mean she was abused, maybe when she was a kitten she didn't have any siblings to play fight with and therefore never realized how painful cat claws can be.

when you give her the medicine... try wearing a sweater and gloves if possible

I don't want you to be hurt but if you can possibly keep this kitty please try to... I think you're right, she loves you in her own way.

 

[danteshuman]

Is it possible that you are dealing with a more feral than tame/house cat kind of kitty? Ever watch My Cat From Hell with Jackson Galaxy? I have seen him work miracles on those types of cats. Maybe look him up on the web and try his tricks with your kitty. We have an indoor/outdoor semi-feral cat who at around 7 (2 years ago) discovered he liked being petted/on people's lap. However he is not a house cat. No where near as cuddly or a people person. If you accept that your cat may never be a house cat kind of pet and are OK with it; then tame that feral kitty. If not maybe return her and tell the shelter you adopted her from that she is FERAL not a pet. I am kinda concerned about your health when you mention the deep scratches. Please keep us posted.

 

[danteshuman]

Oh and you can bring the indoors in with grass, a water fountain, crickets (in a small plastic cage) and a beta fish or two with lids so your kitty can get up close to the fish. Plus you can attach bird feeders to your windows or by your windows. That way your cat can bird watch safely. Add a window perch bed and it is kitty heaven

 

[KatKnapper]

Hi, Graziella. From what you said about her biting and attacking, I would have to agree with your friends. It sounds like anything you do for her well-being is going to be an overwhelming task at the least, and at the risk of your health. If she is allowed outside, it is imperative that you administer and keep the flea medication current to keep them in check, otherwise you could allow your place to get an infestation.

I'm not saying the situation is hopeless, but you may have a long road ahead and will need to train or have her learn good behaviors and unlearn the unwanted ones. The stronger her food drive the greater you will have her attention for training. I have a neighbor's cat who gets out just to come by and eat with a TNR cat I feed daily. I was about to give the two cats a can of meaty Weruva when my indoor cat turned it down. When the neighbor's cat got a sniff of this fishy food, she was literally hanging by her paws from my waist and wouldn't let go. That is a very strong food drive, given the right food, making her easy to train new behaviors.

I commend you for deciding to tough it out with her. I would strongly recommend that you start training her right way. May I ask what lead you to adopt her in particular?

 

[danteshuman]

Don't forget the play drive! I had one cat that when he was a kitten I used to lure him up onto my lap with feather teasers and sneak snuggles in A kitty that is played out behaves better ... if you notice they are starting to get agitated out comes the toys. Your kitty is a hunter and if you don't give her something to hunt, she will hunt you.

I am not saying to get rid of her. I am saying that I am concerned about your health if she keeps attacking you/ or if she bites you.

 

[graziella]

Thank you all for your responses. I am understanding a lot better now. I had never had a pet before and maybe Mishka is more normal than I thought. I have found out at the shelter that Mishka had been returned three times before I got her and that the shelter received her at 3-4 months as a feral. They said that because she has been in homes since then she should have forgotten her feral behavior, but I believe this is the problem and I will do my best to tame her. Today I finally found a vet that makes house calls so I am very relieved that she will be given her medication, vaccines and everything she needs and I will do my best to be a better mom. Again, thank you all!

 

[sargon]

I once trained a ca to stop wanting to go outside. I would only let her out when it was horrible weather... pouring rain, extreme heat/cold, snow, ice, etc. After a number of months, she decided that outside was a horrible place and stopped trying to get out.

after that cat was let out (against my strenous objections, but she wasn't technically my cat, so...) on a nice day and resumed going outside, so if you do it, you need to really commit.