I Accidentally Killed The Sweetest Baby Ever And My Whole World Has Gone Dark....

[Kitty0619]

So very sorry for your loss. Bad things happen to good people, and good cats/kittens.

My wife and I along with our two daughters have probably saved 400 or more cats and kittens in the past 45 years. We have also lost several during those same years. It used to really, really hurt and upset me to lose one until one bright and shining morning I finally realized there are thousands and thousands more that so desperately need our help. There is always one more, and one more and one more...

Now don't get the wrong idea. It still hurts me terribly to lose one. Sometimes it seems almost as bad as losing a family member. The best thing a person can do is move forward .

You are a wonderful person with a great love for a women and a mans "VERY BEST" friend. When the pain of your loss eases up a bit, go find one more to save and love. After that, go find another one. There are so many more kittens and cats that need your love.

You are completely right, and thank you for the encouragement. If it wasn't for my other cats and my two dogs then I would be handling this way worse. I have 5 other kittens that I have rescued from this past summer to love but there was just something spectacular about Pinky and I will miss her deeply. But you are right, the best thing I can do is move forward and concentrate on my other babies..... I just hope that moving forward feeling will kick in soon

 

[les26]

Thank so much for your kindness. That is a wonderful thought that maybe a little child in heaven needed her. You have given me a wonderful picture in my head of a little girl or boy playing with Pinky in heaven and I thank you for that. It is a lot better then me picturing her choking and how bad that must have been for her so I am very grateful to you.

When our first cat Smoke died of a sudden heart attack at about age 5 my wife Debbie read at the same time of a little girl who passed in a tragic way, and the thought came to her that maybe this little girl needed Smoke so that she wouldn't be afraid and I thought it was a wonderful thought and hoped that it is true.

I am glad it helped you, I can only imagine how this is tormenting you and understand fully and would feel the same way, but with time and love and prayers things will settle down and one day you will come to acceptance of this event.

God Bless.....

 

[surya]

I believe Pinky is still here in spirit. She loved you and she would not want you to feel bad. Your other babies need your love. You can not give them all your love if you are so sad. Of course it is natural to mourn our lost family members and it takes time to get over. But forgive yourself.

 

[Kitty0619]

I believe Pinky is still here in spirit. She loved you and she would not want you to feel bad. Your other babies need your love. You can not give them all your love if you are so sad. Of course it is natural to mourn our lost family members and it takes time to get over. But forgive yourself.

Sorta, you are completely right, and if it wasn't for my other babies I would 10 times worse right now. The pain isn't as severe today but it's still pretty bad. What's amazing to me is how much I came to love that little baby in only 5 weeks. Actually, only three weeks because their little personalities dont start showing until about 3 weeks old.

My other kitties are chasing my American bulldog mix around my living room right now, and they are doing a great job of making me laugh. It seems like they always know when something is wrong with me and they do something to cheer me up.

 

[Kitty0619]

When our first cat Smoke died of a sudden heart attack at about age 5 my wife Debbie read at the same time of a little girl who passed in a tragic way, and the thought came to her that maybe this little girl needed Smoke so that she wouldn't be afraid and I thought it was a wonderful thought and hoped that it is true.

I am glad it helped you, I can only imagine how this is tormenting you and understand fully and would feel the same way, but with time and love and prayers things will settle down and one day you will come to acceptance of this event.

God Bless.....

That is a wonderful thought, and my husband is sure glad you put it in my head because he said instead of me always talking about what her last moments was like, I am instead talking about some child in heaven that needed her. So I'm sure hes thankful to you too.
God bless you as well and thanks again.

 

[Catpaws]

You and Pinky clearly had a special bond, right from the beginning, and that love is eternal. It's so painful to lose a pet. They are unconditional love. I once lost a kitten and the pain was excruciating. I cried for days. I had another cat that I lost after a short time. A friend told me, sometimes you just love hard. It's intense and deep, and it's quickly gone. I like to think their souls came to be with us, teach us about love, life and giving, and then they know when it is their time to move on. I hope you will keep coming back to what brings you comfort. Sometimes I find it comforting just to say to myself that it is what it is and I can't change it now. Please know it's normal to feel a range of intense emotions. Perhaps they will keep alternating between pain and comfort, perhaps resistance and acceptance, anger and love. This is all very normal.
Of course we would never hurt our beloved cats on purpose, and I think we still agonize over what we could have done differently. I know how torturous it is to feel that we caused it and could have done things differently. It's so hard but I promise it gets easier. Now is the time to grieve.
You can also honor her memory by cherishing the times you had and the lessons Pinky taught you. She is always with you now. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs .

 

[DaphnesMommy]

My Fellow Cat Lovers,
I am really struggling today, and I need to air this out to people who understand what I am going through. This past Saturday night, I accidentally killed the sweetest and most loving kitty I've ever had, and I am so depressed I can hardly function today. The kittens name was Pinky, because her nose was such a bright pink color, and I thought the name matched her loving and sweet personality. Six weeks ago today, Pinky's mom (Baby) ran into my house in obvious distress, and to my utter astonishment she started doing into labor right by my front door. Baby is one of the strays that I have been taking care of, and I have been able to spay/neuter all of them but Baby and one other female.
After 5 hours of labor, Baby delivered two beautiful babies, one boy and one girl. After about three weeks old, their little personalities was beginning to show, and I was head over heals in love with them both, but it was Pinky who I was drawn to the most. Have you ever been around a cat or kitten and just knew this cat or kitten was like your animal soul mate? That was the way it was with Pinky, and I couldn't wait to watch this little baby grow up. Unlike most cats, she loved being held and cuddled, and she would climb up into my arms, then work her way all the way up to right in front of my face, and she would literally rub her little face all over my cheeks and rub her paws on my chin. As you can guess, she had me wrapped around her little paw.
This past Saturday, my husband and I needed to run to Walmart to do some shopping, and I was in a big rush trying to get out the door before my husband started fussing about how long it was taking me to get ready. In my haste, I forgot to put Pinky and Oreo (her brother) in their pen, because I always lock the babies up so they cant get into anything bad while I'm gone. Three hours later I have my hands full of groceries and as I step into my front door, I see Pinky laying on the floor to my right and I automatically know something's wrong just by looking at her stiff little body. I drop everything in my hands and scream for my husband who runs in trying to figure out what's going on, but I'm already crying so bad I cant tell him what's wrong so I point to her. He goes to Pinky and touches her and his face tells me all I needed to know... she was dead. I am hysterical at this point, and I honestly dont think I have ever cried that hard before.
After my husband does an examination of her body, we find out she had choked on piece of plastic from a Belk's bag. So yes, I killed Pinky as surely as if I had put that piece of plastic in her throat myself. Why in the hell didnt I lock her up in her the SAFETY of her pen before I left? Was going to freaking Walmart that important to me? Just the thought of what her last moments must have been like eats at my mind and wont go away.
Now, I'm sitting in my truck in the parking lot of my college needing to go to class but I look like a clown with mascara running all down my face so I cant do that. I really dont have the motivation to do much of anything, because I realize that when I get home, Pinky wont be there to make me feel better or aggravate me when I'm trying to do my homework and that is like a punch in the gut. I have caused myself to miss out on what would have been such a great friendship. I dont even have a recent pic of her to remember her by....
Anyways, thanks for reading this rant of mine, and I just want to say to Pinky that I am so so sorry I didnt lock you up where you would be safe, and I hope your trip over the rainbow was beautiful and so very very colorful.... goodbye my sweet baby girl.

I honestly have not thought that anything else could have happened to her but I wish/hope your right. Even my husband and I thought it was odd because we have never had any of our other animals to choke before. But we thought what else could it be? She has never had any health problems that I was aware of before and she was completely healthy when we left. It took my husband 20 mins of examining her before he seen the ripped up shopping bag and thought to look down her throat. I myself didnt look because I couldn't handle it but he said it looked lodged in her throat pretty good. I hope she didnt choke because that would be an awful way for anyone/animal to go. Thank you for giving me this very possible other scenario because the guilt that I caused her to choke is practically killing me.

My Fellow Cat Lovers,
I am really struggling today, and I need to air this out to people who understand what I am going through. This past Saturday night, I accidentally killed the sweetest and most loving kitty I've ever had, and I am so depressed I can hardly function today. The kittens name was Pinky, because her nose was such a bright pink color, and I thought the name matched her loving and sweet personality. Six weeks ago today, Pinky's mom (Baby) ran into my house in obvious distress, and to my utter astonishment she started doing into labor right by my front door. Baby is one of the strays that I have been taking care of, and I have been able to spay/neuter all of them but Baby and one other female.
After 5 hours of labor, Baby delivered two beautiful babies, one boy and one girl. After about three weeks old, their little personalities was beginning to show, and I was head over heals in love with them both, but it was Pinky who I was drawn to the most. Have you ever been around a cat or kitten and just knew this cat or kitten was like your animal soul mate? That was the way it was with Pinky, and I couldn't wait to watch this little baby grow up. Unlike most cats, she loved being held and cuddled, and she would climb up into my arms, then work her way all the way up to right in front of my face, and she would literally rub her little face all over my cheeks and rub her paws on my chin. As you can guess, she had me wrapped around her little paw.
This past Saturday, my husband and I needed to run to Walmart to do some shopping, and I was in a big rush trying to get out the door before my husband started fussing about how long it was taking me to get ready. In my haste, I forgot to put Pinky and Oreo (her brother) in their pen, because I always lock the babies up so they cant get into anything bad while I'm gone. Three hours later I have my hands full of groceries and as I step into my front door, I see Pinky laying on the floor to my right and I automatically know something's wrong just by looking at her stiff little body. I drop everything in my hands and scream for my husband who runs in trying to figure out what's going on, but I'm already crying so bad I cant tell him what's wrong so I point to her. He goes to Pinky and touches her and his face tells me all I needed to know... she was dead. I am hysterical at this point, and I honestly dont think I have ever cried that hard before.
After my husband does an examination of her body, we find out she had choked on piece of plastic from a Belk's bag. So yes, I killed Pinky as surely as if I had put that piece of plastic in her throat myself. Why in the hell didnt I lock her up in her the SAFETY of her pen before I left? Was going to freaking Walmart that important to me? Just the thought of what her last moments must have been like eats at my mind and wont go away.
Now, I'm sitting in my truck in the parking lot of my college needing to go to class but I look like a clown with mascara running all down my face so I cant do that. I really dont have the motivation to do much of anything, because I realize that when I get home, Pinky wont be there to make me feel better or aggravate me when I'm trying to do my homework and that is like a punch in the gut. I have caused myself to miss out on what would have been such a great friendship. I dont even have a recent pic of her to remember her by....
Anyways, thanks for reading this rant of mine, and I just want to say to Pinky that I am so so sorry I didnt lock you up where you would be safe, and I hope your trip over the rainbow was beautiful and so very very colorful.... goodbye my sweet baby girl.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had some words of comfort to offer, but I do understand how you feel. You are obviously a very compassionate person, and what happened to you could happen to anyone. I would trust you to take care of our kitties any time. God bless.

 

[Kitty0619]

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had some words of comfort to offer, but I do understand how you feel. You are obviously a very compassionate person, and what happened to you could happen to anyone. I would trust you to take care of our kitties any time. God bless.

Awww, thanks so much! I do care very deeply for all my babies, and when something bad happens to anyone of them, I can never handle it but this time I took it really bad. I think it was because it happened so sudden and she was so very young. When I left home she was completely fine, and when I got back home she was dead. It was just completely unexpected, and I felt I was the cause of her death for not locking her up.
Thank you for your kind words, and God bless you too!

 

[DaphnesMommy]

Hi, Kitty. I understand, and my heart breaks for you and your husband. I am glad you shared your situation on the site. I only joined the site last Friday, but I am already finding that people on this site are very supportive and kind. When we lost our sweet cat Daphne (we had her put down because she was very sick), I read some of the posts in this Crossing the Bridge forum. I cried a lot when I read the posts, but I was also comforted knowing there were so many people who love their babies as much as my husband and I love our furr babies. Pinky knows how much you love her. I am going to ask Daphne to take care of Pinky until you see her again.

 

[MeekosMom]

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet little Pinky. Please don’t blame yourself. There was nothing you did wrong to cause this tragic event.

I understand how you feel though. Years ago, I went through the same thing. I had just move to a different house in town and I was making trips back and forth to move over the last of the small stuff. I had already brought my cat, Nikita, to the new house and, although she was an indoor/outdoor cat, I was keeping her inside until she got used to being in her new home. It was morning and I was moving stuff from my car and Nikita slipped outside. We had been in the new house for several days, so I didn’t worry too much. I put her food dish outside the door and got in the car to get another load from the old house. I got about a mile away and I heard the sickening thump under my car. She had climbed into the engine compartment and fell or jumped when the engine started to get hot. I looked in the rear-View mirror and she was flopping on the road. By the time I got turned around she was still. I couldn’t even look at her. I was knelt down on the side of the road wailing and the kindest lady, whose name I never knew, gently lifted her into the trunk of my car. I could hardly speak to thank her and I don’t think she realized that it was my own car that went over her. I think she thought I had just found her that way. I agonized over her death for years and blamed myself for not taking better care of her safety. But, I realize it was an accident. The memory of that is still painful, but my memories of the joy she brought me are stronger.

Forgive yourself.

 

[DaphnesMommy]

My Fellow Cat Lovers,
I am really struggling today, and I need to air this out to people who understand what I am going through. This past Saturday night, I accidentally killed the sweetest and most loving kitty I've ever had, and I am so depressed I can hardly function today. The kittens name was Pinky, because her nose was such a bright pink color, and I thought the name matched her loving and sweet personality. Six weeks ago today, Pinky's mom (Baby) ran into my house in obvious distress, and to my utter astonishment she started doing into labor right by my front door. Baby is one of the strays that I have been taking care of, and I have been able to spay/neuter all of them but Baby and one other female.
After 5 hours of labor, Baby delivered two beautiful babies, one boy and one girl. After about three weeks old, their little personalities was beginning to show, and I was head over heals in love with them both, but it was Pinky who I was drawn to the most. Have you ever been around a cat or kitten and just knew this cat or kitten was like your animal soul mate? That was the way it was with Pinky, and I couldn't wait to watch this little baby grow up. Unlike most cats, she loved being held and cuddled, and she would climb up into my arms, then work her way all the way up to right in front of my face, and she would literally rub her little face all over my cheeks and rub her paws on my chin. As you can guess, she had me wrapped around her little paw.
This past Saturday, my husband and I needed to run to Walmart to do some shopping, and I was in a big rush trying to get out the door before my husband started fussing about how long it was taking me to get ready. In my haste, I forgot to put Pinky and Oreo (her brother) in their pen, because I always lock the babies up so they cant get into anything bad while I'm gone. Three hours later I have my hands full of groceries and as I step into my front door, I see Pinky laying on the floor to my right and I automatically know something's wrong just by looking at her stiff little body. I drop everything in my hands and scream for my husband who runs in trying to figure out what's going on, but I'm already crying so bad I cant tell him what's wrong so I point to her. He goes to Pinky and touches her and his face tells me all I needed to know... she was dead. I am hysterical at this point, and I honestly dont think I have ever cried that hard before.
After my husband does an examination of her body, we find out she had choked on piece of plastic from a Belk's bag. So yes, I killed Pinky as surely as if I had put that piece of plastic in her throat myself. Why in the hell didnt I lock her up in her the SAFETY of her pen before I left? Was going to freaking Walmart that important to me? Just the thought of what her last moments must have been like eats at my mind and wont go away.
Now, I'm sitting in my truck in the parking lot of my college needing to go to class but I look like a clown with mascara running all down my face so I cant do that. I really dont have the motivation to do much of anything, because I realize that when I get home, Pinky wont be there to make me feel better or aggravate me when I'm trying to do my homework and that is like a punch in the gut. I have caused myself to miss out on what would have been such a great friendship. I dont even have a recent pic of her to remember her by....
Anyways, thanks for reading this rant of mine, and I just want to say to Pinky that I am so so sorry I didnt lock you up where you would be safe, and I hope your trip over the rainbow was beautiful and so very very colorful.... goodbye my sweet baby girl.

I hope you are feeling better. I am praying for you.

 

[DaphnesMommy]

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet little Pinky. Please don’t blame yourself. There was nothing you did wrong to cause this tragic event.

I understand how you feel though. Years ago, I went through the same thing. I had just move to a different house in town and I was making trips back and forth to move over the last of the small stuff. I had already brought my cat, Nikita, to the new house and, although she was an indoor/outdoor cat, I was keeping her inside until she got used to being in her new home. It was morning and I was moving stuff from my car and Nikita slipped outside. We had been in the new house for several days, so I didn’t worry too much. I put her food dish outside the door and got in the car to get another load from the old house. I got about a mile away and I heard the sickening thump under my car. She had climbed into the engine compartment and fell or jumped when the engine started to get hot. I looked in the rear-View mirror and she was flopping on the road. By the time I got turned around she was still. I couldn’t even look at her. I was knelt down on the side of the road wailing and the kindest lady, whose name I never knew, gently lifted her into the trunk of my car. I could hardly speak to thank her and I don’t think she realized that it was my own car that went over her. I think she thought I had just found her that way. I agonized over her death for years and blamed myself for not taking better care of her safety. But, I realize it was an accident. The memory of that is still painful, but my memories of the joy she brought me are stronger.

Forgive yourself.

I am sorry for your loss, but is wonderful that you are sharing your experience with others so they know they're not alone. God bless!

 

[Kitty0619]

I hope you are feeling better. I am praying for you.

DaphnesMommy, thank you so much for checking in with me! It really means a lot! I am not saying that I am 100% ok, but I am doing better. Thank God I have my other furbabies who have helped me get through this. I took in another kitten 3 Sundays ago and he was on death's door, but he is 10 times better now! He was severely malnourished and infested with fleas so bad that when I bathed him the water was tinted red! I didn't know what to do for him so I started a thread on here asking for advice, and thankfully, I got back great advice that saved his life!

He (or my others ones) has not took Pinky's place but they have helped me heal and yall have helped me also so thank you! And thanks for the prayers because they have helped me too!