How long 'til NORMAL?

[julia123123]

I have a 10 y.o. female tabby who lost her lifelong friend and companion to cancer in February. I tried to adopt two successive young males for her and it did NOT go well. After a while, they BOTH started jumping on her, biting her, rolling her, attacking her. I talked to the behaviorist at the shelter and apparently both were recent neuters and it might take MONTHS for the testosterone to leave their system...meanwhile, she was hiding upstairs and stress-licking huge bald spots on her body. So we had to return them, paid their fees for the next person and they were both happily adopted within a few days.

I just felt like she would be happy with a companion, though. She was always so distraught if we left the house for a while in a way that she never was when she had her buddy. So we waited a little while and adopted again, this time a same-age female who was smaller than her and declawed by a former owner. Super sweet girl (see pic). For a week, we kept her baby-gated in a separate part of the house. Then we started letting her out - first for a couple of hours, and finally all day (she's baby-gated at night to give our old girl, Tabitha, a break).

So, she's been out all day for...almost 2 weeks, and 1 week of being here but kept separate. Tabitha is still EXTREMELY grumpy about the situation. When she sees new cat, she growls. New cat ignores and stays away. Tabitha has always slept all day upstairs and new cat doesn't bother her. At night, she comes downstairs, and grudgingly sleeps on the opposite end of the couch, with an eye on the new cat the whole time. If they were to pass in the hallway, Tabitha would growl or even scream. We usually have one screaming event per day, although I don't think there's physical contact and new cat seems calm enough about the whole thing (now getting used to our little corgi is another matter! She's still terrified of her, even though corgi is elderly, deaf, and hasn't even noticed that we HAVE another cat). She sits at a distance and watches, or she walks away.

I am assuming that, with time, Tabitha will become used to the new cat. They aren't fighting. It's just Tabitha's aggressive growling whenever she sees new cat. This is probably normal after 3 weeks, right? Tabitha just had a really bad experience with 2 consecutive new cats hurting her, so it's natural that she is wary. Just wondered about timeline...has anyone brought a new cat in with a very grumpy alpha cat, and how long did it take for uneasy co-existence? I hate to see Tabitha unhappy but I so wanted another cat and I think that she needs the company. Thanks so much!

 

[Jem]

Honestly? There is no timeline...all cats are different. Three weeks isn't really long at all in "cat time", but it does sound like things are going well. The growling is just her telling the newbie to leave her alone...and the newbie seems to be listening, so that's great. They sound like they can co-exist in the same room...even if from a distance, so that's great. Whether the new kitty is oblivious to Tabitha's "threats" or just plain ignoring her...eventually Tabitha will realize that kitty is not a threat and she will calm down.
Just try to do things that make being together a good thing. If you see them close together (and behaving), give treats. Start feeding them together. Far apart at first but then slowly move their dishes closer together. Try to engage them in play in the same room with a wand toy. Anything that your girl loves, use that as the association that the new kitty is a good thing. Just don't force it. If one of them seems uneasy, then don't move forward to the next step, ex: putting dishes closer.
Also, try to keep Tabitha feeling secure. Keep to some sort of routine...some predictability in her life will help calm her.
It sounds like everything will be ok...it just takes time. They may not ever be "friends"...only time will tell with that, but co-existing without incident does sound like it will happen...

 

[julia123123]

I'm relieved just to hear, "This is normal." I was a little afraid that Tabitha should've moved past the growling phase by now. I will keep doing what I"m doing and fingers crossed that these two ladies will be happy housemates within a couple of months!

 

[ladytimedramon]

Monday is 4 weeks now with my new kitty Fancy. Delilah (my older cat) still hisses and swats if she gets too close but they are coexisting.

 

[ArtNJ]

I've concerned you've had bad advice from the shelter. The fact is that cats get less adaptable as they age, and many 10 year old cats will NEVER be happy about a newly added cat. The most common path is what I call "the long slow road to toleration" in which if you are lucky there might be relatively quick progress away from constant extreme stress to only being stressed when the new cat is actively bugging them, but further progress from there is very slow and can be painful. If the new cat is young and active, and wants to play, play play, well many of those cats won't take no for an answer, and its a recipe for lasting stress. So when the shelter told you the two failures were for hormones, might immediate thought was that these are very young incredibly playful cats, just being totally normal. Nothing to do with hormones, thats what young cats do, and many older cats react very poorly.

You do need to follow the introduction procedures. What I'm saying is that even ater those procedures are done its totally normal for the older cat to still be stressed, especially if a younger cat won't take no for an answer and insists on trying to physically play with chasing and pouncing.

The older cat giving itself bald spots with the two past tries does indicate a somewhat higher level of stress than normal. Now this time seems to be going somewhat better. Probaby mostly because the new cat isn't doing the jumping, trying to play and not taking no for an answer. Thats great. Gives you a chance. However, it is possible that with increased time together, the new cat will start doing that. Sometimes cats really are just chiller than average, and sometimes it takes them a while to settle in and unleash their playful demon self. If the new cat remains kind of chill about things, you shouldn't do worse than the long slow road to toleration -- ie things will slowly get better, and while they will never be friends, eventually they will go about their lives without much in the way of stressful interactions.

Sorry, just trying to make sure you had the basic info. I wish it was better news, but you CAN do this.

 

[julia123123]

We had hoped that the shelter was wrong. Since my husband and I both work from home, we could interact with the cats quite a bit. Both boys were around 1 1/2 years old and VERY rambunctious! I've had two other male cats and both were pretty relaxed. We tried all sorts of diversionary play tactics - electronic toys, mice, feather wands, etc. The cats would SEEM relaxed after play, but as soon as our older female came downstairs, they went into stealth mode...stalked and pounced, but not just regular play - biting, scratching, even drawing blood once. It was awful.

That's why this time, we adopted an older cat who we'd hoped was less playful. This new cat has the perfect personality for our grumpy girl: she sleeps a lot, has zero interest in play, is smaller (less threatening), and pretty much ignores her. I'm really hoping that this continues. It's been three weeks and the only difference between now and three weeks ago, when we first got her, is that she's eating regularly. She was SO thin when we adopted her and I was worried that she didn't eat at first, not warmed tuna or chicken or canned food or kibble. But now she's happily eating, sleeping between my husband and I at night, and watching the birds from the window sill.

It's encouraging that our older girl is still purring and snuggly when the new cat isn't around, and that she's keeping to her regular routine. I don't mind "the slow road to tolerance" - just glad to hear that just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that it's not GOING to happen!

 

[ArtNJ]

Sounds like you planned well and learned from the past, and thats why its going better. One to one and a half is like the absolute peak of activity x body size x not taking no for an answer. A ten year old plus a 1 1/2 yr old is almost always going to be very hard.

Good luck, and stay optimistic. Given that you've adopted a chill older cat, I think that there is a definite chance you'll do better than the slow path to toleration. I think you are 100% right to be encouraged by what your seeing so far.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Bear in mind that it will generally take longer for two females than a female and a male. Females are more territorial with each other. But it can be, and almost always is, done with lots of patience.