How Is This Going?

[stonegatewest]

Hi my new girl is 3-4 yo spayed female. In last 10 weeks we are now the 5th landing spot for her. Found as a spayed/chipped stray, brought to a vet for indeterminate length of time, surrendered by owner to vet, new shelter one month, second shelter 1 day, a family for a week and we took because the family was going to return her to the shelter because their child was allergic. We have 2 other cats/2 dogs. Geriatric cat 18 yo and 1 yo neutered male.

Our new cat Sweet Pea has limited tolerance for petting. She has gone from nipping hard to hardly nipping at all as we have learned her cues. She’s been in her own comfortable room, plenty of companionship of us basically being in the room and letting her approach us. Now she’s pretty nice! But if she’s sitting on her perch or on a chair and you offer your hand, she will Out of no where bite. Or hiss like a cobra. Other times she sniffs our hand and offers her head for scratching. Very unpredictable. After 3 weeks of cats sniffing under doors, going from her attacking her side of the door to just sniffing we have opened the door and placed a 6 ft tall gate to separate the cats. We started having the door open for just an hour.

Sometimes Sweet Pea ignores the cats. Other times she attacks the gate. When she ignores the cats and I’m in the room just online and approach her she will either bite me, hiss like a cobra or offer her head. I can never tell. I see no cues. None. Same posture, same point in time where the other cats have been no where in sight for a while. I just don’t know frankly if I can ever truly trust this cat. She has only been told “no” when she attacks the gate - not yelled at or anything and she has been given nothing but kindness since being here. She’s so unpredictable.

I hate the thought of returning her to the shelter system. I know I feel certain that I will not live with an animal I do not trust. My geriatric cat seems uninvolved. However the younger boy is starting to change. He was the most affectionate loving little thing you will ever meet and now periodically he nips at us. I’m sure it’s stress. With the changes I see in him and the question I have if I ever will trust this new cat I really don’t know what to do. I can’t see a time when Sweet Pea will ever be able to be around the geriatric cat as she is declawed. The boy at least has his.

The saying no good deed goes unpunished.....this has been so flipping stressful on the entire household. My husband with dementia is a worry, my little guy’s personality changing, the Betty White of cats .... all of it. I am actually thinking of returning her to a no kill. I need advice to keep going, to keep trying. And yes....every single friend and friend of friend of friend has been reached to see if someone with a good home could take her with no luck.

 

[susanm9006]

She just sounds very very frightened, and conflicted. On one hand she needs human contact and on the other humans have done scary things to her. So you just never know what you are going to get. I would offer her a few pets when she asks for them but being very mindful that she may bite at any moment . And just give her space and ignore the hissy behavior. It should subside over time as she builds more trust in you and your home and relaxes.

 

[rubysmama]

Since she's spayed and chipped, she must have been a pet at one time, but probably spending time as a stray has brought out feral or defensive behaviour. And then being shipped from one place to another, poor thing is probably scared and confused. Not to mention the different sounds and scents in your home, with the cats and dogs, and new humans.

If possible, can you keep her in that one room, and try to work on re-socializing her. Treat her like a feral, and let her come to realize that she's safe. Here's a TCS article that might have some tips for you: Handling Feral Cats – TheCatSite Articles

And maybe hold off on the introductions with the other animals.

About the bites, is she breaking the skin? If so, please keep any eye on the bites, as they can quickly become infected.
Ouch! More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Cat Bites – TheCatSite Articles

Welcome to TCS, btw. And thanks for adopting this kitty. Fingers crossed you're able to work things out with her.

 

[stonegatewest]

We had put up that 6’ fence in front of her room for her and for the other cats to see each other. They ate food out of their respective bowls not far away from each other and it went pretty well. We close the door and let everybody have alone time during the day and overnight. Is it your thoughts that we shouldn’t do the gate thing?? Or proceed doing little bits at a time???

 

[rubysmama]

Honestly, I really don't know. But I'm thinking since she is attacking/biting you without warning, and sometimes attacks the gate where the other cats are, that it might be helpful to keep her in the one room alone, and slowly work on gaining her trust with you. And then proceed to the other cat introductions. She's eating and using the litter box, ok, right. That's really the most important thing right now.

Have you looked into Feliway yet? Some people find Feliway helpful, others not at all, but it might be something to look into. There's also calming treats / collars.

Back to the cat introductions, here's the TCS article on How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide | TheCatSite which might have some tips for you.

Here's also one on Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles

Plus a couple on cat aggression:
Cat Aggression Toward People | TheCatSite
Why Do Cats Attack? | TheCatSite

 

[di and bob]

Don't try to push her into anything. She has been through so much and is VERY frightened. She most likely is very overstimulated and is lashing out at times to cope. introductions with cats are not like with dogs, they are not pack animals and have to learn to be a family and to accept new situations. Seeing the other cats through the gate is fine, good even. This will take MONTHS not days or weeks and is just this way with older cats. Hissing, growling, and swatting are normal behaviors and to be expected. The reason your boy is changing a bit is that he is very nervous too, THAT will pass in time. I think you are expecting too much too soon. Don't approach your cats or the new one at all, let them come to you. Reaching out to them when they are this excited is threatening to them and is asking to be bit. Sit back and relax, everything is fine and normal. Once a month or two have passed it will be much better, you will see, and we are here to help you through this. Just like everything in life, what you earn is more satisfying, and you have to earn a cat's love and trust. Try to see things through her eyes and know she wants to desperately be a part of a family, but is just so scared. Think of this as a challenge, and sit back and make a plan, we will help you. the first thing is to earn everybody's trust again. Be calm, don't approach them, and talk to them all softly and gently. They WILL come around. It takes me about a year to calm down complete ferals, she will come around much more quickly when you are not so stressed. One more thing, do not stare at them directly. This is threatening too. Pretty much ignore them for a week and see how things go, then encourage them to trust you by calling them and see if they want to be stroked. We will help you.....

 

[stonegatewest]

She can be so sweet. Every day I see her wanting to be pet just a tiny bit more. It feels wonderful to see small but steady progress. I’ve had cats for 40 years and never experienced this before. Every new cat I’ve introduced was sorta settled in by a month. I guess her history has been so much more tumultuous than any other cat I’ve had. It’s really eye opening how they can be so damaged from being in a non-loving environment. I’ll hang in there and it’s awesome to have found this website.

 

[rubysmama]

Glad you're seeing tiny bits of progress. Keep us posted.

And do post a pic of this darling girl, if/when you can.
How To Add A Picture To Your Forum Post | TheCatSite

 

[stonegatewest]

Here’s a picture of Sweet Pea

 

[rubysmama]

Awww... she's really pretty.

 

[stonegatewest]

Update Question: Can a cat bond to one family member and become territorial over that person? Sweet Pea loves me and is aggressive toward my husband and adult daughter. They approach her when Sweet Pea is napping with me and she swats and bites and hisses at them. Any ideas??

 

[rubysmama]

I'm going to say "yes", as there's been threads about that type of thing before.

Suddenly territorial
Territorial Kitten Thinks He Owns Me!

As to what to do about it. Not sure. Maybe something is this TCS article will be helpful.
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me – TheCatSite Articles

 

[Jem]

They approach her when Sweet Pea is napping with me and she swats and bites and hisses at them. Any ideas??

YOU, may have gained her trust, but they have not yet, especially if they have not been as involved and present as you, as you have proceeded with the introductions. The key here is "They approach her when...". Tell them to not approach. Perhaps she feels threatened because she is caught off guard when approached while napping...
If they want to try and gain her trust, they could simply offer her a treat then walk away (when not napping with you) - no touching, no eye contact, but make sure she knows they are there. Like by saying her name or making whatever kissy noises you guys use when trying to get your kitties attention and talking to her. If that goes well, then they could offer a relaxed down turned hand and see if she looks go be pet. If not, ignore. If she looks up or reaches her head out for a pet, as hard as it is, only pet her a few times, or maybe only once, then stop.......always try to stop BEFORE she pulls away, hisses or swats. When she realizes that they respect her boundaries, and doesn't even need to warn them that she is scared, she will learn to trust them as well.
She may have bonded with you and is protecting "her territory", but I'm sure with time, as she becomes more comfortable with other humans, she'll calm down.


EDIT TO ADD: Just an FYI, her sticking her head out a bit to sniff a hand is NOT the same as her reaching out to be pet. Let her sniff first......then wait to see her reaction when she's done sniffing. If she pulls away (or hisses or swats...obviously ), that's it.