Without going into detail: I find myself at a major crossroads right now, and no matter which path I take, I'm going to to have to cope with being misunderstood (wilfully, I think) to the point of being demonized... dismissed as beneath contempt due to issues I've been trying desperately to overcome and am finally making progress on (just not enough progress to justify my existence, apparently)... and punished for my failures by being forcibly estranged from my beloved little nephew and knowing that he is being taught to depise me.
No matter what I do from now on, I will be dealing with intolerable levels of rage, heartbreak, and loneliness for the foreseeable future. Tonight I'm dealing with it by taking an overdose of my mother's Xanax, but I know that's not right. I'd like drive 90mph into a bridge abutment, but thanks to the Xanax, I'm not quite crazy enough for that.
So... if you've been in this place and come through... can you suggest anything? A door was slammed into my hands today and they're stiff and painful right now, so beating something to a pulp with a baseball bat is not an option. Nor can I just walk away into the night, never to be heard from again -- my mom needs me. I'm out of ideas on how to cope with all this hurt and anger in any nonpharmaceutical way.
Suggestions very welcome.
No matter what I do from now on, I will be dealing with intolerable levels of rage, heartbreak, and loneliness for the foreseeable future. Tonight I'm dealing with it by taking an overdose of my mother's Xanax, but I know that's not right. I'd like drive 90mph into a bridge abutment, but thanks to the Xanax, I'm not quite crazy enough for that.
So... if you've been in this place and come through... can you suggest anything? A door was slammed into my hands today and they're stiff and painful right now, so beating something to a pulp with a baseball bat is not an option. Nor can I just walk away into the night, never to be heard from again -- my mom needs me. I'm out of ideas on how to cope with all this hurt and anger in any nonpharmaceutical way.
Suggestions very welcome.