How Do You Know When You Are In Love With Someone?

[terestrife]

im 33 years old, and ive never been the type to attract guys. so ive always been on my own. ive had crushes on guys before, but never had sincere feelings.

i think i might have feelings for someone that are the strongest ive ever felt. He is my boss, and i know he only sees me as a coworker.

But its hard, because its something i have never gone through before. He is going through an awful time right now. He is a single father of a 13 year old boy, and also has to combat with a cancer that he was diagnosed with a few months back.

he has never done anything for me to have feelings, they are just there.



Its painful, because he is the kind of guy i have always looked for. I can be having the worse day, and he knows how to make me laugh. After my mother passed away from cancer. It was such an awful experience that forced me to grow up. I lost the part of me that loved to laugh and make others laugh.

Spending time with him at work has reminded me of who i used to be. im attracted to his personality and his appearance. He is an amazing father who puts his son first in his life.

Even though he is the office manager, he doesnt think highly of himself. He is one of the few people that always offers help when things get overwhelming in the front of the office. He is someone in the office i know i can count on.

I admire that he can laugh when he is going through such a difficult time.

I posted recently that i am trying to find a better paying job, so i can move out on my own. But the thought of never seeing him again makes me very sad.

its stupid, and im starting to realize that maybe im meant to be alone in life. i tend to like men that are unavailable in some way. This is the strongest i have ever felt towards someone. He is the exact kind of man that I have always prayed i would find. I feel so confused, and sometimes think finding another job would be healthiest for me mentally. I have been applying for months and have no had any luck.

thank you all for listening to me complain from time to time. I appreciate you all.

I havent dared mention these feelings to anyone in my real life.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

If you do get a new job, tell him you want to keep in contact and invite him out for drinks or coffee or something. I'm 32 and I've never been in love, so I quite honestly don't know how that feels, but a quote from my favorite TV show describes how you know you're in love as when "all the songs make sense."

 

[1 bruce 1]

You're not stupid. At all. You sound like a very nice young person with a good head on their shoulders who deserves the best life has to offer.
If he puts his son first, that is very admirable in today's world. Most people with a level of maturity see that kind of thing, and admire it, because it means commitment, stability, and devotion. And who doesn't want that long term?
If now isn't the "right" time (for you or him) on all things romantic, there's nothing wrong with building up a solid, trustworthy friendship. It might turn into something more...and maybe not, but who can say for sure?

 

[Lari]

I didn't think I was capable of falling in love for the longest time. I'm also not the type to attract lots of guys. I'd started to believe I was meant to be alone as well, and joining Match was just to help me meet people with a "well...maybe". It ended up working out.

I remember with my ex I was always afraid he would tell me he loved me because I wouldn't be able to say it back. Fortunately he never did. A few months after dating my bf, I was starting to think it and when he told me he loved me it was more a sense of relief and rush of happiness. I've always had commitment issues, but I don't dread spending forever with him if that's where it goes. That's not the most romantic way of describing love, but I think I'm too cynical for birdsongs and sparkles idk.

I'm 35 and fell in love when I was 33 btw. We're not too old to find love at our age. If this guy is the one, I think somehow you'll make it work, even when you get a new job.

 

[Furballsmom]

But the thought of never seeing him again makes me very sad.

As mentioned above, once you have a firm offer, could be the time to find out if by chance he'd be open to going for a coffee....

 

[Furballsmom]

I havent dared mention these feelings to anyone in my real life.

This is one of the many reasons I love this site

 

[maggiedemi]

There might be rules against dating your boss, that might be why he hasn't asked you out. When I was a waitress, we couldn't date our boss or our shift managers. Some people did & they got fired. So I would wait until you find another job and then invite him out for dinner. If he says yes, you'll have your answer. I wouldn't set your heart on it until it happens though. If he says no, that doesn't mean you are unworthy, it just means he wasn't the right one. I hope it works out for you. Guy best friends are the best.

 

[MargoLane]

Freshly single, so I can really empathize with feeling like you're meant to be alone. I think the truth is that many of us find love at different points our life, but there is no guarantee it will be requited or that it will last. I think the best thing we can do is to learn how to be happy and comfortable on our own, while still remaining open to romantic possibility. This might be love, or it might not. It might be requited, or it might not. The best you can do is decide whether you want to find out for sure, and then find out. And whatever the outcome, know that you, on your own, are enough to make a happy life. Easier said than done...as I well know right now. Sorry you're feeling this way - sending good vibes!

 

[cassiopea]

Don't overthink it or put pressure on yourself or anything else - If it is meant to be, it will be!

The beauty is that we do indeed live in a digital world, so there is always a way to connect with him online via social media, email etc And in any case, an above poster was right - mayhaps there is a rule against dating employees and bosses. Perhaps a new job would be more beneficial than a hindrance in the long run.

Take a leap and ask him out someday, for something simple as a coffee. If he says no, then that is totally OK too! It is better to know an answer instead of forever being lost in "What If's" and you will be free again.


Hang in there darling! Lot's of love from all of us! And remember, you are a catch! You deserve a great guy and deserve love!

 

[Kieka]

First of all, we all deserve love and are worth the time, attention and affection of others.

That said, I know how you feel. I am 35 and never had a serious relationship... Sort of in retrospect. I let myself end up in a bad spot and an abusive relationship for four years because I thought I didn't deserve better and wasn't worth more. Looking back, it wasn't serious on his side and he was using me. But it felt serious to me at the time and it felt like love. Painful love that twisted how I saw myself even worse. It's been a long road since then, five years almost with two since he last tried to convince me to go back again, and although I've tried online dating the "once burned, twice shy" applies. And since I was shy to begin with it hasn't helped.... But enough about my sob story.

My stance might be different because of my past, and I fully realize that. But I would focus on you and getting a new job, if that is what is best for you. If once you've gotten that new position you want to see about getting together for coffee or lunch do that. See how things are without work in the middle before making any major moves. I will say, from how you've described him, his priority is probably on his son and not himself right now. Honestly, you deserve a guy whose focus is on you. While I don't have a problem with dating someone with kids; kids and other things going on means you will always be third. His kid first, his health problems second, and then you.

 

[Furballsmom]

Kieka raises a really good point about what his priorities are, and where you'd fit in...

 

[1 bruce 1]

Freshly single, so I can really empathize with feeling like you're meant to be alone. I think the truth is that many of us find love at different points our life, but there is no guarantee it will be requited or that it will last. I think the best thing we can do is to learn how to be happy and comfortable on our own, while still remaining open to romantic possibility. This might be love, or it might not. It might be requited, or it might not. The best you can do is decide whether you want to find out for sure, and then find out. And whatever the outcome, know that you, on your own, are enough to make a happy life. Easier said than done...as I well know right now. Sorry you're feeling this way - sending good vibes!

I'll break out the corny old guy fortune cookie stuff but you can't really be ready to get involved with someone until you're absolutely sure about who you are and what you absolutely will not accept or tolerate. Learn about yourself a little and be honest. There's no shame in saying "you know what? I hate playing cards. I can't stand it. It's boring, it's stupid, and it sucks." If you meet a potential interest that loves to play cards and does it on their own time while you do something YOU enjoy, that can work out. If you meet a potential interest that can't stand not playing cards for 20 hours a day, that might not be so good.
Don't be in a hurry. No rush. Plenty of .
(That was just an excuse to use that cute little fish picture I've never noticed before, ha!)
(I couldn't tolerate being married to someone who thinks animals in the house is disgusting, or that having ranch animals is gross; too much work, too much noise, too much manure, and spend all their time worrying about getting mud on their shoes, etc.) I could be friends with this person but I couldn't live my life with them.

 

[Furballsmom]

couldn't have said it better

 

[terestrife]

thank you everyone, all your comments have helped me out more than you all know.

im not sure yet what will happen. but i am trying daily to find a new job, it just hasnt been easy. just speaking out my feelings on here has been very helpful.

thank you all for sharing your own experiences. =)

 

[RajaNMizu]

The simple answer to "how do you know if you're in love with someone" is you won't even have to ask yourself this question. There won't be any denying it, wondering or questioning.

 

[1 bruce 1]

The simple answer to "how do you know if you're in love with someone" is you won't even have to ask yourself this question. There won't be any denying it, wondering or questioning.

Yep, you'll meet this person, get to know them and what they stand for and who they are, and say to yourself "I don't know why but I think I'd follow them wherever they went." (This isn't a matter of lust, of course. Two very different things. Apple vs. Orange. Forget that. Apple vs. Rose bush. Both look nice, but one will leave you with nothing but bandages and wounds!)

 

[maggiedemi]

thank you everyone, all your comments have helped me out more than you all know.

Good luck! I hope you get everything you want.

 

[Talien]

Just tell him that you're actively looking for a better paying job and that you'd like to keep in touch if it works out, then see what happens from there. It sounds like he's going through a lot right now so I wouldn't suggest even considering anything romantic right now.

If you want to spend time with him you may want to make it a point to tell him that you'd like to take him and his son out for the day. Something like a trip to a zoo, aquarium, or nature center, kids love stuff like that. This way he doesn't feel pressured, which (according to a good friend of mine who is a single dad) is a big turnoff.

Single dads are strange creatures, even moreso than with mothers their children are the center of their universe so you'll want to avoid anything that might seem like you're trying to take any of his attention from his son. Of course, this also means that you need to be ready to be a part of his son's life. More than that you have to WANT to be a part of his son's life or it will never work.

 

[Resigned]

I don't have any answers, but I definitely resonated with this post. I'm 29 and haven't had any serious relationships. Stick in there, and maybe when you leave you should ask him out.