How Do You Know When it's Time?

[batiste]

How do you know when it's time to say goodbye? Ive been trying to mentally prepare for the day when I have to euthanize my beloved cat, but I'll never be ready.

Ive been told "he will let you know". I ask him all the time, I lay with him, cradle him, beg him to give me a sign if he is ready to cross the bridge. I just don't know?!

He still fights like crazy when we give him his Leukeran pill (although his fight isn't as strong as it once was -it's still there). He still purrs (when he's not too congested). He still scratches his post... he still eats (but he's lost 2lbs or so from his 15lb playing weight).

He has small cell lymphoma, nasal and orbital area. Ive been giving him Leukeran combined with steroid shots. He does not eat Oral Pred, no matter how deliciously served (trust me, Ive tried everything). It's nearing week 6 of Leukeran/Steroid treatment. We've gone from Leukeran 2x's every 7 days to Leukeran every other day. He gets a Pred Acetate shot now (which is closer to the Oral Pred, and not as taxing as the Depo we originally gave him). He's so darn fussy and hard to medicate... but that's only b/c he likes to "call the shots". He's his own boss! If he only knew we are only trying to help and be cooperative!

I give him pain meds 2x's a day. I don't think he's in much pain, if any. I know he wants to see warm weather, he still loves to cuddle... yes, his behavior is a little different, but I think he still has fight?

His eye looks awful nowadays... it was better last week, but if his eye is better, it seems his respiratory difficulties act up.

Should I keep going? By typing this I think Ive answered my question (yes, keep going), but I was hoping to get some feedback from some of you? Id love to hear a success story where Leukeran/Steroids brought a kitty back to health from a previously grim looking situation.

Im mentally drained, tired, difficult time working, et., but it's not about me. I'll keep fighting as long as he wants to fight his damned lymphoma. He has the hard part! I just don't want to be selfish and overlook what's best for him, you know? Which I guess is why Im here typing tonight.

How long can it take for small cell lymphoma to go into remission? I wish I had a more cooperative patient/pet, but my vet & I have had to be creative with this treatment (which I hope doesn't diminish his chances). The Pred Acetate shots are a newer twist to the longer lasting Depo steroid he had been getting (in hopes the Pred Acetate allows his body more recovery time between steroid influx/doses).

My cat is snoring like a Truck Driver at a Jersey motor-lodge right now. It sounds awful -but he's actually in a sound, deep REM sleep! His eye looks like Horner's Syndrome (without the facial droop, only eye membrane -now covering about 3/4's of his eye). We gave him an antibiotic again early this week which is helping the sinus infection a bit from last week (secondary, colored boogers, et).

I don't know. I'll miss him so much when he's gone. When Ive boarded him for recent health reasons at vet's I think I see him out of the corner of my eye, and remember he's not home. When he's actually gone... man, I'll be Ok I guess?... but I'll let you all know beforehand so you can buy stock in Kleenex.

Thanks for your time. I cant sleep, rambling post... my apologies, but my cat is sawing some serious logs! (I don't have the heart nor desire to move him from my bed... so I guess a sleepless night it shall be!).

* So, how does one know when it's time to say goodbye and that their kitty wants to cross the bridge?

 

[StefanZ]

Its a tough, difficult decision.  I myself fear for the moment when it will at last come to my residents.

Still, Im a believer to let them go in time, not to wait too long.  Let them go with their dignity and honor still intact.

I had seen some of our friends who waited too long.  It was pityful and horrible.

If you think it is time, so it is probably time.

What else can I say??

Warm hugs to you and your  furry baby!

 

[batiste]

Thanks Stefan. I know I rambled-on in my post.

I don't know if it's time, that's my problem.

Believe me, I want my Mountain Puma to go out on a high note. He's too young for Lymphoma (as far as averages go) -and he's a super tough kitty. If I were to have a vet do it now, at this very instant, I think my beloved furrball would be upset bc he wants to stick it out a little longer & fight to get healthy. *Teary* (what a pussy I am! pun, not an expletive)

I dunno. So weird & new to me. Ugggggghhhhh

 

[rlavach]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I do not have experience with lymphoma, but I had to let my sweet kitty Shizu cross the rainbow bridge almost exactly 1 year ago. She had jaw cancer that came out of nowhere and progressed rapidly. She was gone in less than a month. There was nothing we could do, medically, to help her. We just gave her pain meds to deal with it. But it came to the point where it felt like it was hurting her to give her the medicine & that broke my heart. She was still feisty & ate, but she just looked terrible. On that Mon, we decided to let her go that coming Sat. But when I visited on Wed night, we decided we just couldn't let this keep going. So we brought her to an emergency vet that Wed night around 10p.

We could've waited until Sat or even after, but it just came to the point where we had to ask: Would we rather do it a little too soon, or a little too late. We decided that doing it a little too soon may be better than a little too late, so we took her. It tore my heart apart & I still think of her daily. But I know we made the right decision. Like everyone says, you have to allow yourself to know that you are making the right choice. 

 

[di and bob]

This is most likely the hardest decision you'll ever have to make. We don't want our precious ones to suffer, but we are afraid to end a life that may be prolonged just a little bit more. In most of the terminal cases I have seen in my nursing career that have ended badly (pain and suffering), it is the families being selfish that have ended up hurting the one they love. They want the dying to be there for THEM, which I don't blame them, they love them too much to lose them. I know the agony you are going through now, the ONLY question you have to ask is: Is my baby suffering? He may LOOK awful, but if he seems pain free, and if life still gives him an opportunity to stay with and love you for as while longer, let HIM decide when it is time, through his actions and signs of non interest in the daily routines. You have cared for him so much, and have done all that is humanly possible, now it is time for nature's spirit to help you with your baby. Don't think of it, when the time comes, as ending his life. Think of it as the last act of love you can show him, as the greatest gift you can bestow,to end the pain and suffering. It will hurt so bad, it will literally break your heart. But knowing your baby is at peace is priceless. Time will help you heal, and knowing your precious baby would not want you to suffer so, will help in the process. Try to put yourself in his place, how would you want him to go on with his life if you left? That seems to help me at times. My heart goes out to you, I pray that if at all possible the decision will be taken out of your hands and the end will come during his sleep, peacefully and without any pain at all. God bless you for loving so much. Take care, I'll definitely keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[mservant]

I am sad to see this update thread, with you now feeling this question taking over in your mind.  I am no help I am aftraid as I do share that cliche view that he will let you know when it is time, but this has been my experience with the two cats I have lost.  What I saw with one was a loss of her 'self',  gone from one second to the next and that dignity that StefanZ mentions gone as unknown brain tumours pressed on some significant part of her brain.  With the other it was like Di and Bob said, she had a number of health issues as she aged and one day it just got to that point where I looked at her, and when I looked in her face what she was telling me was that everything was too effort for her, she looked tired and the emotional spring in her paws had gone.  I would have loved to keep her with me longer but I knew that day she no longer wanted to he here.  I believe that when you have that strong emotional connection with your cat you can feel what is right for them as long as you can manage your pain enough to hear them.   I think, as you have said, by writing out your question here you have answered it for now, and I hope this is the answer you continue to arrive at for some time to come.  If things change though, you know there are people around who have lived through similar times  (my Kleenex are already out, I am conpletely useless).

Treasure those logs being sawn and being stuck in all those uncomfortable positions in bed when you can hardly bare not to move, we alll know every second is precious.