How Do You Get A New Cat After Losing The Most Perfect One?

[kpc1024]

I am grieving the loss of my cat and certainly am not ready for another one now, but I had the coolest cat ever. He is gone now. I cannot get gim back. Do I ever get another cat? I should mention I already have another cat but I never connected with him the way I did with the boy I lost. I got him 2nd bc I wanted Herman (my first boy) to have company. My mind is just all over the place after putting down Herman.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - and all my good thoughts are with you!
I am looking at it this way. Since I will have something of the same thing happen at some point, I am working on myself to keep an open mind and accept that every cat is so different in their personality.
My meezer from my childhood was the most incredibly awesome cat and no other feline could EVER replace him, but along came the Big Guy.

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing, lost my childhood lap cat and didn't get another cat for over 10 years. Well, my two that I have now just showed up, I didn't go looking for them. I wish I hadn't waited so long. When you are feeling up to it, you could visit a shelter and see if any of the cats climb into your lap or connect with you.

 

[Margret]

Different people deal with this question in different ways, and all of them are correct; we each find the way that works for us. I know of one person on the site who went to the shelter and adopted a kitten as soon as she realized that her heart kitty was terminal. I couldn't do that; I'd worry that it would be too hard on the dying cat, and that it would put too large an expectation on the kitten, but it worked for her.

Right now, your most important job is to grieve. I know how much this hurts, and how difficult a job it is, because I've been there too, as have most people on TCS. Please see this thread on that subject: Grieving

The grieving thread does deal somewhat with your question, but in direct answer I would say that, for me, I wait until I feel that I can love a new cat for who he or she is, not for who I wish I still had. "Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else" applies to cats just as much as it does to humans. Each cat has a distinct purrsonality, his or her very own little quirks, and we must love each one for who he or she is.

You'll know when you're ready to adopt again; the urge to do so will become too strong to resist. When that time comes, go to a shelter and look around. Interact with the cats there. Don't let yourself get stampeded into adopting the prettiest cat, or the first one you see; take your time and get to know them. Sooner or later there will be one that grabs you by the heart, and when that happens you'll know.

Margret

 

[duckpond]

I am so sorry for your loss of Herman. Give your self time to Grieve for him. Its hard to loose a loved one!

I read something the other day about love again, after loss. and it was so simple but it made an impact on me. when we let someone else in, and choose to love them we are not sharing the love we had for the one who is gone, we simply grow more love. Its not a betrayal to love again, but rather a testimonial to how much we loved before. Rescuing another cat who need a home and love is the best way to honor the love you had for Herman. Just my thoughts anyway. You will never have Herman back, but you will always love him. And hopefully find love again with another cat, or two, or three

Sending you peaceful thoughts and hope you feel better soon.

 

[Gizmobius]

So sorry about the loss of your friend. We all grieve differently and you can and should take as much time as you need.

When I had to put my previous cat, Willow, to sleep I kept thinking I'd never find another cat and personality like hers. And I haven't. But I did adopt a male kitten who was all of 10 weeks old who has become such a wonderful companion to me because he's his own cat with his own personality and we get along in a way that's our own that is completely separate from the way I got along with Willow.

You won't ever find a personality that meshed with yours in the way that Herman's did because I believe that bond was special between just the two of you. But if and when you're ready to adopt again, you'll find a new bond and a new relationship and a new personality that will be an entirely new and unique experience.

 

[CatloverinFL]

I am grieving the loss of my cat and certainly am not ready for another one now, but I had the coolest cat ever. He is gone now. I cannot get gim back. Do I ever get another cat? I should mention I already have another cat but I never connected with him the way I did with the boy I lost. I got him 2nd bc I wanted Herman (my first boy) to have company. My mind is just all over the place after putting down Herman.

kpc1024; I know exactly what you are going through having just lost my 13.5 year old male 'baby' almost two weeks ago to a cancer that seemed to come out of the blue. By the time he was officially diagnosed with late stage terminal cancer, he was dead two weeks later. Life can be very cruel.

I also have two rescue cats that were abandoned who came to my home looking for handouts, and I took them both of them in, at different various times. I don't have near the bond with either of them that I had with 'D' who just died.

I second what Marget said in her very wise post, in that, you first need to grieve and get through this. Don't have a knee jerk reaction to 'replace' your cat and then run out and get a kitten until you know, for your sake, and a kittens, that you are absolutely ready, and like Margret said, you will* know, absolutely, when, and if, it is time for another addition to your family and home.

For myself, it's certainly not a fun or happy time for me now, and very last thing that I want to do now is to get another kitten, at least this time, in my life. There are new dynamics I have with these two other cats now in my home, cats that I didn't* have when I first got my sweet 'D' 13 years ago as a kitten, that would make bringing a new kitten into my home much more complicated, in addition, to me being gone a lot with my job. It would also seem cruel, IMO, to get a baby kitten and then leave him alone all day until I got home many hours later in the evenings. When I first got 'D', I was between jobs at the time, and had lots of time, at least 3 to 5 months, to be home with him, watch, supervise, and bond with him, and him w/ me.

There is an excellent book that I highly recommend called, "Coping with Sorrow on The Loss Of Your Pet" by Moira Anderson Allen. My sister sent this to me ( thank God for Sisters), and I somewhat reluctantly started to read it several days ago.

Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet

I say somewhat reluctantly only because I thought to myself that it probably wouldn't really help me much, reading a book about coping with loss/ grieving, as I honestly know just about all I want to know about "grieving" and questioned why would I want to read a book about it, picking at the already not healed wound, all the more. I can sometimes be, no doubt, be way too self-sufficient. But I decided to keep an open mind and began reading it.. After reading the first several pages of this book, I am completely hooked. Especially after realizing that I fell into many of the grieving stages mentioned in the book that many, not just me* (I thought I was the only one), go through such as; shock, profound gut wrenching sadness and depression, anger, feeling guilty, anger at the vet for not catching it, etc) after losing their beloved pet. I hope that you will consider buying it, or maybe your local library may have it.

The writer, Ms. Anderson Allen, quotes a beautiful poem in the first pages that is one I had never heard of. Here it is attached.

God bless, and please know it will get better, and you will feel better, with precious time.

 

[kpc1024]

kpc1024; I know exactly what you are going through having just lost my 13.5 year old male 'baby' almost two weeks ago to a cancer that seemed to come out of the blue. By the time he was officially diagnosed with late stage terminal cancer, he was dead two weeks later. Life can be very cruel.

I also have two rescue cats that were abandoned who came to my home looking for handouts, and I took them both of them in, at different various times. I don't have near the bond with either of them that I had with 'D' who just died.

I second what Marget said in her very wise post, in that, you first need to grieve and get through this. Don't have a knee jerk reaction to 'replace' your cat and then run out and get a kitten until you know, for your sake, and a kittens, that you are absolutely ready, and like Margret said, you will* know, absolutely, when, and if, it is time for another addition to your family and home.

For myself, it's certainly not a fun or happy time for me now, and very last thing that I want to do now is to get another kitten, at least this time, in my life. There are new dynamics I have with these two other cats now in my home, cats that I didn't* have when I first got my sweet 'D' 13 years ago as a kitten, that would make bringing a new kitten into my home much more complicated, in addition, to me being gone a lot with my job. It would also seem cruel, IMO, to get a baby kitten and then leave him alone all day until I got home many hours later in the evenings. When I first got 'D', I was between jobs at the time, and had lots of time, at least 3 to 5 months, to be home with him, watch, supervise, and bond with him, and him w/ me.

There is an excellent book that I highly recommend called, "Coping with Sorrow on The Loss Of Your Pet" by Moira Anderson Allen. My sister sent this to me ( thank God for Sisters), and I somewhat reluctantly started to read it several days ago.

Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet

I say somewhat reluctantly only because I thought to myself that it probably wouldn't really help me much, reading a book about coping with loss/ grieving, as I honestly know just about all I want to know about "grieving" and questioned why would I want to read a book about it, picking at the already not healed wound, all the more. I can sometimes be, no doubt, be way too self-sufficient. But I decided to keep an open mind and began reading it.. After reading the first several pages of this book, I am completely hooked. Especially after realizing that I fell into many of the grieving stages mentioned in the book that many, not just me* (I thought I was the only one), go through such as; shock, profound gut wrenching sadness and depression, anger, feeling guilty, anger at the vet for not catching it, etc) after losing their beloved pet. I hope that you will consider buying it, or maybe your local library may have it.

The writer, Ms. Anderson Allen, quotes a beautiful poem in the first pages that is one I had never heard of. Here it is attached.

God bless, and please know it will get better, and you will feel better, with precious time.

Thank you so much for the very thoughtful response. I am foing to get that book. I keep cycling through all these different emotions and questions.
Sad he isn’t here, angey he isn’t here, questioning did I do enough? Your words helped and I do think I need more guidance like the book. I can be like yoh. Self-sufficient, an I can handle this, I don’t need help type of person but this is really messing me up and I need the help. Thank you again.

 

[kpc1024]

So sorry about the loss of your friend. We all grieve differently and you can and should take as much time as you need.

When I had to put my previous cat, Willow, to sleep I kept thinking I'd never find another cat and personality like hers. And I haven't. But I did adopt a male kitten who was all of 10 weeks old who has become such a wonderful companion to me because he's his own cat with his own personality and we get along in a way that's our own that is completely separate from the way I got along with Willow.

You won't ever find a personality that meshed with yours in the way that Herman's did because I believe that bond was special between just the two of you. But if and when you're ready to adopt again, you'll find a new bond and a new relationship and a new personality that will be an entirely new and unique experience.

Thank you. I appreciatw your comforting words and reminding me to “take time to grieve”. I am trying to rush it. I just have to go through it.

 

[kpc1024]

I am so sorry for your loss of Herman. Give your self time to Grieve for him. Its hard to loose a loved one!

I read something the other day about love again, after loss. and it was so simple but it made an impact on me. when we let someone else in, and choose to love them we are not sharing the love we had for the one who is gone, we simply grow more love. Its not a betrayal to love again, but rather a testimonial to how much we loved before. Rescuing another cat who need a home and love is the best way to honor the love you had for Herman. Just my thoughts anyway. You will never have Herman back, but you will always love him. And hopefully find love again with another cat, or two, or three

Sending you peaceful thoughts and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you so much for your words and confort.

 

[kpc1024]

Different people deal with this question in different ways, and all of them are correct; we each find the way that works for us. I know of one person on the site who went to the shelter and adopted a kitten as soon as she realized that her heart kitty was terminal. I couldn't do that; I'd worry that it would be too hard on the dying cat, and that it would put too large an expectation on the kitten, but it worked for her.

Right now, your most important job is to grieve. I know how much this hurts, and how difficult a job it is, because I've been there too, as have most people on TCS. Please see this thread on that subject: Grieving

The grieving thread does deal somewhat with your question, but in direct answer I would say that, for me, I wait until I feel that I can love a new cat for who he or she is, not for who I wish I still had. "Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everybody else" applies to cats just as much as it does to humans. Each cat has a distinct purrsonality, his or her very own little quirks, and we must love each one for who he or she is.

You'll know when you're ready to adopt again; the urge to do so will become too strong to resist. When that time comes, go to a shelter and look around. Interact with the cats there. Don't let yourself get stampeded into adopting the prettiest cat, or the first one you see; take your time and get to know them. Sooner or later there will be one that grabs you by the heart, and when that happens you'll know.

Margret

Yes, taking time is key. You are right. Thank you so much.

 

[catlover73]

Taking time to grieve is very important. Your mind being all over the place is perfectly normal and part of grieving. Herman will always live on in a special place in your heart through the memories of the time you shared together. You will know when and if you are ready to adopt another kitty. I have adopted new babies after losses that kind of found us. I feel that I am honoring the memories of the baby I lost by giving another baby a chance to have love and a secure home. This thought process does not work for everyone though. If you ever do decide to adopt another kitty they will never replace Herman or the bond you shared but will start a new relationship with you in their own way. When our baby's move on they always take a piece of our heart with them. Hugs to you during this difficult time. Herman is now angel watching over you.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I lost my perfect cat, Willow, in August and I knew I wasn't going to be able to just go out and adopt another cat. I didn't adopt my two cats until 6 months later. I still felt like I was betraying her memory by moving on, but I also hated being without cats in my life. I think that you'll know if/when you are ready to adopt again. It may not be for months, it may be even longer or not at all, but allow yourself to grieve.

 

[Candybee]

I buried my beloved cat of 19 years in the morning and the same day went down in the afternoon to the animal shelter to adopt my current kitty. My 19 yr old died the afternoon before. I was heartbroken but worse I had not been without a cat in my home for over 40 years. That's why for me it worked to go ahead and get my new cat.

I buried my old cat in my backyard and found that having her there gave me peace. She was born in my home and died there very peacefully so I literally had her all of her life.

I love my new cat but still visit my last love in the backyard. Just knowing she is there gives me peace.

I think if she could have talked to me she would have wanted me to adopt a new cat knowing how I am a true cat person. Without a cat I am like a fish out of water.

 

[cheeser]

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. It's always hard to lose a beloved animal companion, and even more so when it's one that really connected with your soul.

I've loved every cat I've ever had with every fiber of my being. But several years ago, there was one that just captured my heart in a way that none of the others had. My heart was broken when he developed a very aggressive form of cancer, and there was no hope of a cure. After he died, I didn't believe I could ever bond with another cat like that again. He was the one and only perfect cat.

Well, to make a long story short, one day a stray cat wandered into our lives, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was terribly sick, had the most endearingly obnoxious personality, and was unlike any cat we've ever had. In other words, he's perfect. He's just a different kind of perfect.

Some day when the pain of your loss doesn't weigh so heavily upon your heart, and you feel the time is right for you, I hope your angel kitty sends you a new friend that's perfect in its own way.

 

[kpc1024]

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. It's always hard to lose a beloved animal companion, and even more so when it's one that really connected with your soul.

I've loved every cat I've ever had with every fiber of my being. But several years ago, there was one that just captured my heart in a way that none of the others had. My heart was broken when he developed a very aggressive form of cancer, and there was no hope of a cure. After he died, I didn't believe I could ever bond with another cat like that again. He was the one and only perfect cat.

Well, to make a long story short, one day a stray cat wandered into our lives, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was terribly sick, had the most endearingly obnoxious personality, and was unlike any cat we've ever had. In other words, he's perfect. He's just a different kind of perfect.

Some day when the pain of your loss doesn't weigh so heavily upon your heart, and you feel the time is right for you, I hope your angel kitty sends you a new friend that's perfect in its own way.

Thank you for replying and your empathy. Sounds like you really know what I went through. I hope to find another kitty best friend sometime again. I think it will take a while and like you said, the kitty will find me, just like my boy Herman did when he showed up in the field behind my old job. Thank you again.

 

[misty8723]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Herman, and I know the pain involved when we lose one so close to us.

We lost our beautiful Cynthia in 2014. She was closer to DH, but I loved her so much and it was so hard to lose her. We are still not over it. After she passed, we knew we wanted to get another kitty, partly for Swanie who is a pretty social boy, and it was obvious he was grieving. So we got Darcy, and a more perfect cat we couldn't have asked for. She was sweet, loving, cuddled up to us, cuddled up to Swanie, playful. Then one day she was hiding under the bed. We thought it was a kitty cold, and took her to the vet. Ultimately, it became apparent Darcy had FIP and there is no cure for that. Losing Darcy was almost harder on me than losing Cindy, as we had to have her euthanized, and I can't get over holding her while that happened. To this day the pain in my heart from losing both of them is almost too much to bear.

As hard as it was after that, we knew we needed to get another cat soon, for Swanie's sake. We found Cricket, but had to wait a bit to adopt her because she had to go through the program at the rescue, get spayed, etc. And after bringing her home, I was a little reluctant to get too close to her too soon. Now, however, she is my beautiful little girl and I love her dearly.

I guess my point is, we all have infinite love in our hearts and getting another cat would not mean we would ever forget any other cat who went before. We actually kind of believe that Cindy lead us to Darcy because she knew Darcy was going to need someone to love her and take care of her for the short time she had.

 

[ArchyCat]

I would like to add a quote from a wise woman I knew. Her first. and at the time, only grandchild, on learning that his aunt was pregnant, asked if he would be loved less. She patiently explained to him that every child brought there own package of love into the world when they are born.

May I suggest that having lost a beloved cat, you cannot replace him or her. But a new adoption will bring a different, but still lovable creature into your life.

After your grief subsides, please consider adopting another cat.

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

I am grieving the loss of my cat and certainly am not ready for another one now, but I had the coolest cat ever. He is gone now. I cannot get gim back. Do I ever get another cat? I should mention I already have another cat but I never connected with him the way I did with the boy I lost. I got him 2nd bc I wanted Herman (my first boy) to have company. My mind is just all over the place after putting down Herman.

When I read this, I think anyone of us who has ever lost a cat felt just like you express here. We understand how you feel. Take time for yourself. You will know when the time is right. Cats are so individual, just like people. They are each special in their own way. We have lost four of the most special cats ever. We had made our minds up when we were down to one, that she would be our last. Truly she was for six months. By then my husband said he was doing okay without a cat, but the didn't think I was. He declared he intended to get me a cat for Christmas. I didn't work out for Christmas, but we did get a cat in January of that year. He was a four year old gray sweetheart. He has been here two years and we are madly in love with him. The only way to do this is go ahead, get another cat, and never make comparisons with the ones you have lost. In your case, since you already have a cat, maybe the bonding will come now that it is just the two of you and you won't have to get a new one. Have you tried spending some one on one time with your cat, cuddling, snuggling, just spending time together. I wish you a happy future with a soul mate cat and it just could turn out to be the one already living with you.

 

[kpc1024]

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. It's always hard to lose a beloved animal companion, and even more so when it's one that really connected with your soul.

I've loved every cat I've ever had with every fiber of my being. But several years ago, there was one that just captured my heart in a way that none of the others had. My heart was broken when he developed a very aggressive form of cancer, and there was no hope of a cure. After he died, I didn't believe I could ever bond with another cat like that again. He was the one and only perfect cat.

Well, to make a long story short, one day a stray cat wandered into our lives, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was terribly sick, had the most endearingly obnoxious personality, and was unlike any cat we've ever had. In other words, he's perfect. He's just a different kind of perfect.

Some day when the pain of your loss doesn't weigh so heavily upon your heart, and you feel the time is right for you, I hope your angel kitty sends you a new friend that's perfect in its own way.

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. It's always hard to lose a beloved animal companion, and even more so when it's one that really connected with your soul.
Thank you for your comforting words. You are right, I should spend more time with my cat Rascal, he lost a friend too. I will give him extra pets tonight!
I've loved every cat I've ever had with every fiber of my being. But several years ago, there was one that just captured my heart in a way that none of the others had. My heart was broken when he developed a very aggressive form of cancer, and there was no hope of a cure. After he died, I didn't believe I could ever bond with another cat like that again. He was the one and only perfect cat.

Well, to make a long story short, one day a stray cat wandered into our lives, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was terribly sick, had the most endearingly obnoxious personality, and was unlike any cat we've ever had. In other words, he's perfect. He's just a different kind of perfect.

Some day when the pain of your loss doesn't weigh so heavily upon your heart, and you feel the time is right for you, I hope your angel kitty sends you a new friend that's perfect in its own way.

When I read this, I think anyone of us who has ever lost a cat felt just like you express here. We understand how you feel. Take time for yourself. You will know when the time is right. Cats are so individual, just like people. They are each special in their own way. We have lost four of the most special cats ever. We had made our minds up when we were down to one, that she would be our last. Truly she was for six months. By then my husband said he was doing okay without a cat, but the didn't think I was. He declared he intended to get me a cat for Christmas. I didn't work out for Christmas, but we did get a cat in January of that year. He was a four year old gray sweetheart. He has been here two years and we are madly in love with him. The only way to do this is go ahead, get another cat, and never make comparisons with the ones you have lost. In your case, since you already have a cat, maybe the bonding will come now that it is just the two of you and you won't have to get a new one. Have you tried spending some one on one time with your cat, cuddling, snuggling, just spending time together. I wish you a happy future with a soul mate cat and it just could turn out to be the one already living with you.