How can I make my cat more comfortable with our new kitty?

rmm5672

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My fiance and I just adopted a 9 month old male cat, milo. Our resident cat, lily, is 5 years old, lived with a small dog for it's first two years, but has since been an only child.

When we first brought Milo home we set him up in the guest bathroom since lily didn't really go in that bathroom. We did the scent swapping a bunch of times during the first day. Lily would smell it and then proceed to not care there was a new scent I'm the house. She maybe hissed at the bathroom door once the first day but other wise ignored it.

Taking this as a good sign we tried to do a meeting but due to a difficulty in rounding up lily, decided to just let the bathroom door open. Milo didn't really come out until night and was really excited to see another cat but Lily has (understandably) not been happy.

Fast forward a few days we have kept the bathroom door open. Both cats are eating, drinking, and using the letter box. But Lily is clearly stressed by the situation. She tolerates milos presence but growls and occasionally hisses if he gets too close. She rarely bats at him and never with an open claw, she's honestly an oddly "polite" cat.

My fiance is all about the new cat so I have been trying to give lily more attention and play with her to hopefully soothe and thoughts of replacement (which is hard to do since she is not a super physically affectionate cat)

Another thing is that under our bed is usually her home spot, but Milo takes comfort in her scent and has been hiding there. We don't want to drag him out but I'm sure she's upset her spot was taken. Although she has found a new interest in a comfy beanbag chair.

I would just like advice on how to proceed from here. Is it just a waiting game from here? Is there more we could do to help Lily get more comfortable? Milo really wants to be friends with her and I think that would really help with his trust in my fiance and I. We just want a happy home and are wondering if we just need more patience or if there is more that can be done.
 

Furballsmom

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Hi! Welcome!!

I have been trying to give lily more attention and play with her
You're quite right to do this, good for you! See if you can get your fiance to divide his time more evenly, that will help Lily as well. At some point, try having the two of you playing with the two of them, and again divide the time, you with Lily, then your fiance with Lily while you play with Milo...

Also, try some cat music for Lily - it can be quite helpful to get cats to be more relaxed. There's Spotify, youtube, RelaxMyCat and Musicforcats :)

These might have some tips;

How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat – Cat Articles

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles
 

Hannah518

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Sometimes it can take a couple months for them to fully adjust. I’m in the same boat, but not as far as you. My new kitty has worms so we’re waiting until that clears. We’re going to start distance viewing with a baby gate. I say just monitor them. It doesn’t happen over night. But you could try calming spray and diffusers for multi cats. I feel like that’s helping my guy. It doesn’t work for all cats.

I had a cat and dog that were really suspicious of each other for weeks and then fell in love.
Just takes time. Best of luck!
 

di and bob

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Everything sounds completely normal. Of course Lily is upset, but she'll get used to Milo. Swatting, hissing, and growling are all normal and expected, especially for a female who is usually not as 'lovey' as a male. They are doing wonderfully well in that short amount of time. This will take months, but they will form a bond and be a family. Milo has no idea he is taking Lily's spot, she'll teach him what she expects eventually, she's a 'princess' after all and will rule again in time, you'll see...
 

Lillyenn

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Everything is okay don't worry, this is normal. My older cat is a really jealous type when it comes to his food, and my kitten is used to stealing his mom's food, so he thinks he can do that with everyone. My older cat was hissing and growling for a long time, but he never hurt the kitten (because he is all talk). Now when the kitten tries to steal his food he just let's him, and asks for a new meal. I just give him food separately in a room that I can close, so the other cats don't bother him while he eats.
About the hiding spot, if Lily found a new spot that she likes, then there is no problem with Milo using her old one. In my experience, if there is no aggression between them right now besides hissing and some swatting, they either really going to love each other after some time./They will tolerate each other (except for some smaller incidents). /Milo is really going to love Lily, so eventually she will just go " Okay whatever you are alright I guess".
 
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