Helping a 15yo surviving cat deal with the loss of littermate

[feraldad]

Hi,

I sadly had to have my beloved 15yo cat Alyosha put to sleep two days ago after his kidneys began to fail about two weeks ago. I still have his littermate twin brother Vanya, and I am looking for advice on how to help Vanya deal with this loss. I may make another post asking for advice for myself. They were together all their lives. They were orphaned feral street cats living in a residential parking lot with their other siblings when I got them at about 4 months old. In their time with me, they would often cuddle, fight, and groom each other. I am afraid that Alyosha's absence may have a detrimental effect on Vanya's happiness.

Alyosha was in the hospital for about 4 days after I initially noticed a problem and brought him into the emergency room. When I got home from work one day, he was using a new very isolated spot, there was poop on the floor and vomit on the carpet, and when he came out, he went to the litter box but just stood there and didn't do anything. I brought him to the emergency room right away. They actually sent us home that night saying they didn't see anything seriously wrong, but I brought him back the next morning which led to his hospital stay. While Alyosha was in the hospital, Vanya was very happy and rambunctious, moreso than usual, so I think he was enjoying being the only cat. After I brought Alyosha home (having been given the devastating news of Alyosha's prognosis of a couple days to a couple weeks), even though for most of those 10 days or so he seemed very comfortable, and they would still cuddle, I think Vanya could tell he was sick. Alyosha was lethargic and lost his appetite. Vanya would no longer try to start fights with him and would just meow I think realizing that Alyosha wouldn't want to or be able to fight back.

Since Alyosha left us for good, Vanya has exhibited some slightly unusual behavior. He is definitely acting differently than he was while Alyosha was in the hospital. For example, yesterday he seemed to be looking around the apartment for his brother, something I've never seen him do before. A few times he has meowed at me in a way that seems new that I interpreted as him asking me where his brother his, but maybe I am just projecting that onto him. I have of course been giving him extra attention, but is there anything else I can do for him? I have thought about getting a kitten to keep him company, but I am not sure he would like that. How would I know?

Grateful for any advice. Thanks.

(photo is Vanya on left and Alyosha on right, about six months ago)

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. What sweeties! I am so sorry for both you and Vanya. Cats do grieve and the best 'medicine' for that is time and lots of love/attention. Let him go through what he needs to and just be there for hm. This TCS article discusses the process a bit and gives you some tips about what may or may not be helpful.
Do Cats Mourn? Supporting Your Pet through Loss - TheCatSite

 

[di and bob]

although cats do not process grief the way we do, death is a natural end to life for them and they do not fear it, they are creatures programmed in routine and any change does bring them grief and anxious moments. Vanya is feeling stress from the change in his routine and his missing brother is the root of it. It will take him at least a month to get through these changes, distraction in the way of extra attention and love helps. a new kitten may bring him distraction but it may also add to his stress. That is up to you if you feel you need the distraction a new life would bring it does help.You could make it work. It forces you to focus on more immediate needs and not to dwell on your sadness. A pair of kittens, brothers (females are notorius for being standoffish and not wanting to play), would be even better. They could grow up an play together and Vanya could watch them play from a distance if he chooses. I think it is a wonderful tribute to Alyosha's passing to give his love and pass it down to those who so desperately need a home and love. In this way you honor what he gave you, add to his own, and help it to grow even stronger. bless you for loving that boy so much, I will keep you all in my thoughst and prayers......RIP precious Alyosha. you will always be remembered, you will have a secure place in a loving heart for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[catsknowme]

Condolences to Vanya and you during this sad time. I am glad that you are here among a strong group of understanding, empathetic and very experienced cat guardians.
In my own experience, at the suggestion of other members, I took Holy Basil capsules and that helped me ease my grief so that I could function at work.
For Vanya, you could try adding a low wattage heated pet pad and a ticking clock to a sleeping spot, just as you would for a kitten. Cat calming music can help as well as "confidence building" training - I use "circles" and "tail whips" as the tricks once kitty gets up on the pedestal on command. The training offers distraction and extra bonding as well as confidence.
As far as adopting kitten/s, a pair of kittens might be a great distraction for Vanya as long as they are made to respect the senior cat's position as Leader of Clan. They will need their own space and toys and Vanya should get a new "observation post" . Please let us know how it's going!!

 

[feraldad]

Hi. What sweeties! I am so sorry for both you and Vanya. Cats do grieve and the best 'medicine' for that is time and lots of love/attention. Let him go through what he needs to and just be there for hm. This TCS article discusses the process a bit and gives you some tips about what may or may not be helpful.
Do Cats Mourn? Supporting Your Pet through Loss - TheCatSite

Thank you! This looks very helpful!

 

[feraldad]

although cats do not process grief the way we do, death is a natural end to life for them and they do not fear it, they are creatures programmed in routine and any change does bring them grief and anxious moments. Vanya is feeling stress from the change in his routine and his missing brother is the root of it. It will take him at least a month to get through these changes, distraction in the way of extra attention and love helps. a new kitten may bring him distraction but it may also add to his stress. That is up to you if you feel you need the distraction a new life would bring it does help.You could make it work. It forces you to focus on more immediate needs and not to dwell on your sadness. A pair of kittens, brothers (females are notorius for being standoffish and not wanting to play), would be even better. They could grow up an play together and Vanya could watch them play from a distance if he chooses. I think it is a wonderful tribute to Alyosha's passing to give his love and pass it down to those who so desperately need a home and love. In this way you honor what he gave you, add to his own, and help it to grow even stronger. bless you for loving that boy so much, I will keep you all in my thoughst and prayers......RIP precious Alyosha. you will always be remembered, you will have a secure place in a loving heart for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice!

 

[feraldad]

Condolences to Vanya and you during this sad time. I am glad that you are here among a strong group of understanding, empathetic and very experienced cat guardians.
In my own experience, at the suggestion of other members, I took Holy Basil capsules and that helped me ease my grief so that I could function at work.
For Vanya, you could try adding a low wattage heated pet pad and a ticking clock to a sleeping spot, just as you would for a kitten. Cat calming music can help as well as "confidence building" training - I use "circles" and "tail whips" as the tricks once kitty gets up on the pedestal on command. The training offers distraction and extra bonding as well as confidence.
As far as adopting kitten/s, a pair of kittens might be a great distraction for Vanya as long as they are made to respect the senior cat's position as Leader of Clan. They will need their own space and toys and Vanya should get a new "observation post" . Please let us know how it's going!!

Thank you! I will look into those ideas!

 

[DeesCats]

Please accept my condolences for your loss of Alyosha. I can't offer any advice for comforting Vanya but it sounds as if you've gotten some great suggestions from other members.

 

[Morpheus1967]

First, my condolences for your loss.

I had a similar situation. 3 cats. Mozart and Maggie who were 16 and Miller who was 13. All 3 had been together since we brought Miller in as a kitting. So 13 years.

Mozart and Maggie both passed with 4 months of each other the end of 2021/beginning of 2022. So Miller went from being in a group of 3 cats for the last 13 years, to being the lone cat.

It only took him about a month or so to quit looking for Miller and Maggie. Not making light of that at all, because it was hard for him, and it about killed my soul. But after a while, he was fine, and has even taken up some of the habits of the other two (like always sitting on the couch between my wife and I, a spot always commandeered by Mozart. Just hang in there. I promise it gets better.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
I know time eventually helps but in the meanwhile to help with the transition, along with the self warming pad and ticking clock mentioned above there are comfort "toys" available that mimic purring sounds and heartbeats and even warm up.

Also there is Cat Music that can be surprisingly helpful. There is RelaxMyCat, MusicForCats, classical harp music, harp music written for cats, and music with purrs in it as well as videos with purring.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Alyosha, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

All the advice I was marshalling in my head was given, so I'll just say this...let your heart lead. If Vanya is still mopey after a month, or if you want to, start considering growing your family, and I think the idea of a pair of kittens is a good one. If Vanya wants to join in the high jinks, he certainly can, or he can sit back and just enjoy the mayhem from afar.

 

[Alldara]

I am so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to let go of a little being that's been such a big part of your life.

I'm going to agree this article as well that might be of help: Helping Your Grieving Pet | VCA Animal Hospital | VCA Animal Hospitals

we ended up getting a new companion for Nobel as that ended up being what he needed. We thought he would enjoy being a solo cat but he had too much separation anxiety.