Help with new kitten and other cAt

[js124]

Just looking for ideas

We have a three year old cat who is rather skittish.
She was found abandoned alone and then went to a foster where she was alone until we got her as a kitten.
She never really took to my daughter and has with me
She isn't the type of cat you can pet, she comes to you.
The only person she take to was my other older cat who we had to out to sleep out of nowhere a month ago.
He has been sick for a while but it just creeped up really fast and suddenly after it was managed and just really hard and we were heartbroken

I thought the best thing to do would get another cat for her because she was sad and was going around crying out of no where and I get awful. Also my daughter was heartbroken.

So now we it's been a couple of days they are separated: we have the kitten in one room. Did the smell thing but the older cat just runs away. She is heavy growling st the kitten and hissing which I know is normal and I know it's only been a few days

My question is I cant do treats as suggested having them eat. The older cat doesn't eat them
I can't do the food thing by the door because she won't eat anywhere except one spot. She actually isn't that crazy about food to begin with ( I know weird cat)
Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas how to do this. It seems everything suggested isn't going to work and now I feel I did this too soon even though we adore the kitten that's

 

[simonschuster]

Congrats on your new addition! Have you tried the feliway diffuser? Had great success with them. I have one who is not into food or treats at all either, but he does enjoy play time. Is there something your older kitty is fond of that she would view as a treat? Maybe let her smell/see the kitten and then put the kitten away and really play with the 3 year old giving her her favorite attention? Can you swap scents in her sleeping spot- on a piece of fabric of small blanket? It takes time. You are doing great!

 

[moorspede]

As you noted, It's still really early. I hate to scare you but it can take many months for cats to co-exist with each other. 

Have a look at these articles, they have some really good information regarding scent swapping, and interactive play and (instead of treats you could use affection or verbal encouragement, to get the cats to associate each other with good things. 

[Article] How To Successfully Introduce  Cats: The Ultimate Guide

[Article] Introducing  Cats  to Cats

 

[js124]

I don't want to keep him locked up for months

 

[moorspede]

Every situation is different. Mine took seven months to become completely easy with each other. This didn't mean they either of them were locked up for all that time, they swapped rooms, they went out and were supervised then when I could trust them both not to hurt each other they were out unsupervised. I'm just saying forcing things won't bring about optimal results. The articles explain the process. 

 

[js124]

It has only been a week and 1/2 but my old cat(three) still hates the new kitten.

She is growling and hissing which I think is normal but now she is hissing and swatting at me.

last night she tried to go after me. Is this normal?

I have tried calming products nothing has worked.

She has anxiety to begin with but she got along great with my other cat who was 12 and had to be put to sleep over a month ago.

I thought I was helping her and now I feel I hurt her.

Thanks,

 

[pusheen]

A week and a half is nothing. My 12 year old cat still hisses if my kitten tries to play with him and it's been two months since I adopted the kitten. You need to be patient while your old cat is adjusting. She will hiss and growl at the new kitten and  at you. She's stressed, her territory has been invaded, and she's anxious. She's in protection mode. This is all normal, and it's especially normal if you didn't take their introduction slow. Are the two cats still separated?

 

[tiptopper]

What is the age and sex of the new kitten? Has the 3 year old  cat been neutered? Introductions do take time.

 

[js124]

male and 4 1/2 months.

I understand I need time. My concern is her attacking me.

She is hissing and growling and going after me and my daughter.
I know hissing and growling is normal for the kitten and they need time but I'm terrified of her right now.
My daughter is cut up everywhere.
The cat has always been skittish. She got along fine with my other cat who we over a month ago had to put to sleep because he was really sick.
I don't want to get rid of the kitten who we adore and I also don't want to get attacked by my other cat.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I know she is upset by the new situation and I feel awful.

they are separated

 

[mani]

 She is attacking you as a form of redirected aggression.  [article="32390"]Re Directed Aggression In Cats​[/article]   Your poor old girl is truly not happy about this and, as everyone keeps saying, it will take time.

I know that it's an awful situation.  You will need to keep them separated for quite some time yet.

Did you look through this article?  It really is comprehensive.

 [article="32680"]How To Successfully Introduce Cats The Ultimate Guide​[/article]

 

[talkingpeanut]

Are both of your cats fixed?

 

[js124]

She's three it's not that old?

 

[moorspede]

talkingpeanut is asking you if the cats are spayed because fixing cats can help with behavioural problems, especially aggression. 

The articles give you a lot of suggestions with regard to dealing with introduction problems, feliway is good for stressed cats. 

I'm glad you separated the cats, you can swap them every so often so that one doesn't feel isolated. Don't let them see each other until you feel things are calming down. I'm talking weeks here. You can start to open the door between them a crack when your older cat is back to her normal self and you feel safe to do so. Depending on how that goes you can then move to supervised interactive play and treats for just a small amount of time and gradually increase them. Only when they are not hissing, snarling and attacking each other do you trust them to have the run of the house unsupervised.

Because they weren't introduced slowly first off this will take a long time and you will need to have patience.

Please read the articles, they explain why they need to be introduced slowly and give a lot of tips. Please also read the article on redirected aggression, it will explain why your cat is aggressive with your daughter. 

Personally, I would start by isolating your older cat since she is being aggressive. Keep her quiet, put a feliway difuser in. Isolating her doesn't mean leaving her alone, you could sit with her and give her reassurance, treats and play. 

You mentioned you were terrified of one of the cats. You cannot be terrified, your cat will pick it up, it will confuse her and scare her and she will become aggressive. Try to understand why your cats are acting this way and let go of the fear. 

 

[js124]

I guess no one is understanding. The cats are separated THE KITTEN is staying in my daughter's room.
They have have had limited contact.
My cat does not eat treats, my cat could care less

about food I can't feed them by the door or have playtime with treats the cat is attacking me without the kitten there.

I have tried calming products and they have done nothing.

I never stated they were not separated

 

[js124]

And my older cat is spayed the younger is too young yet

 

[anastasiaalex90]

I kept my two separated for a week, and my older cat just wasn't getting used to the new smell and noises. I followed all the instructions of gradual exposure, and my older cat just was NOT happy. Every time I let them have supervised contact there was hissing and growling, and my older cat was really frightened.

I found it really distressing, as I'd envisioned a happy home, and seeing my older cat so scared and hostile (totally out of character for her) was awful!

The only thing I can advise is to just be patient. I know it's easier said than done, but they will get used to each other. After a week I decided to just put them together and leave them to it (when supervised, I separated them at night and when we weren't home), and things got better surprisingly quickly. My older cat just got used to her being there.

After about another week the hissing and growling had stopped - my older cat was just tolerating the new kitten. I wasn't worried about them hurting each other any more, so I just left them together permanently.

It took about a month before they were happy and started playing nicely and washing each other, and cuddling up. Though I have to admit my older cat's temperament changed slightly towards us. I think she was offended and hurt that we'd brought the new one home!

But after another month or so she was totally happy and normal again, and now a year later she is SO much happier having a friend than she ever was before. Both of them adore each other and wouldn't be without each other. I feel ashamed now that I was so frustrated and upset that I considered giving the new kitten away, because now she's as much a part of the family as her sister.

Just stick with it and trust that it will turn out OK!

 

[js124]

Thanks. It's so frustrating. I'm just afraid of her attacking him

 

[moorspede]

I guess no one is understanding. The cats are separated THE KITTEN is staying in my daughter's room.
They have have had limited contact.
My cat does not eat treats, my cat could care less

about food I can't feed them by the door or have playtime with treats the cat is attacking me without the kitten there.

I have tried calming products and they have done nothing.

I never stated they were not separated

Yes, we understand that your cats are separated. They need to stay separated until they can bear to be near each other without attacking each other. You need to start swapping rooms but not until the older one's issues are dealt with and it's back to normal. 

Do not allow them any more contact until they are no longer being aggressive. 

 
male and 4 1/2 months.

I understand I need time. My concern is her attacking me.

She is hissing and growling and going after me and my daughter.
I know hissing and growling is normal for the kitten and they need time but I'm terrified of her right now.
My daughter is cut up everywhere.
The cat has always been skittish. She got along fine with my other cat who we over a month ago had to put to sleep because he was really sick.
I don't want to get rid of the kitten who we adore and I also don't want to get attacked by my other cat.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I know she is upset by the new situation and I feel awful.

they are separated

You did state they were separated. 

 

[moorspede]

Oops sorry my phone is misbehaving, if your cats don't eat treats give them positive reinforcement in other ways like talking softly to it and petting. Redirected aggression is when a cat is when a cat is unhappy, they lash out. If feliway doesn't work I understand you could get some calming chews. I don't know what they are called because they don't sell them where I live or perhaps as a last resort you could get something from the vet.

Can I repeat that you need to isolate the cat which is showing aggression? It can't be attacking your child. And please be calm with the cat. If you are not calm the cat won't be.

 

[js124]

A calming chew will not help as mycst doesn't eat treats

My kitten isn't attacking my older cat, hasn't even hissed.

The kitten is in his own separate room. I don't know when my cat is going to be aggressive so I'm not really sure how isolating her is going to help or stop it.
I'm certainly not going to try and pick her up when she is attacking me.
And again it's. It happening when the kitten is not around.